I Am A Killjoy
by Raven05GDMCR
Summary: Killjoy 'verse. The Killjoys have been running with a new member for years now, but when someone from her past shows up, things get VERY complicated, not Least for Party Poison. Warnings: Slash, Language, slight violence and abuse of various kinds
1. You Can Run Away With Me

**Still very nervous about this, but a few of my friends have read it now, and they seem to like it so... Here goes... **

**Once again, this is set in the Killjoy 'verse. This was actually the first Killjoy story I started writing sometime last year... And it's still going! There's also an added character from another 'verse, that of the American Idiot world created by the amazing Green Day.**

**Again, I do not own the Killjoys, anything to do with Danger Days or My Chemical Romance. **

**I also do not own Saint Jimmy or anything to do with American Idiot or Green Day **

**The only thing that's mine is the idea and my one OC: Rave.**

**The title, by the way is from Green Day's Peacemaker, from the album 21st Centuary Breakdown, I found it too perfect to resist. And each chapter title is either from Danger Days or American Idiot. This first chapter is from the Danger Days song 'Summertime'**

**Ok, once again, enjoy... Feel free to review. I'll be updating with the chapters I've already written pretty soon :)**

**Chapter 1 - You Can Run Away With Me**

Running with The Killjoys has ended up being one of the greatest things to happen to me. Terrifying, dangerous at times, but an absolute thrill, and I get to be around the four most awesome guys. Jet Star, Fun Ghoul, Kobra Kid and, of course, Party Poison. That last one, he's the one who brought me into all this, saved my life (first time of many…). Love of my fucking life.

Well… Almost. I try not to think too much about _him_, though. Hurts. Another reason I love these guys, love Poison especially, I don't have to think about him.

He was out, with Jet Star for back up, checking the area was safe. They'd been gone a while, and her head was starting to play tricks on her. Like every damn time one of them isn't back in five minutes or less. "Hey, Rave, you alright?" Rave nodded, but her hunched up, curled up position on the arm of a couch, finger tips to her mouth and vacant eyes staring fixedly at the door went completely against this. And Fun Ghoul knew her too well not to know that. He came over and sat down next to her. "You know they'll be back soon, right?" Rave nodded, again, eyes still not leaving the door. Silence, a very, very, too long silence. Then, "How's the tattoo healing, Rave?" She looked up and smiled. "Pretty good. I think it's pretty much healed now.""Have you shown Poison yet?" Rave shook her head. "I wanted to wait, want him to see it when it's perfect." Shifting over slightly, Fun Ghoul said, "Well, let's get a look at it then, see if it's perfect yet." Grinning more, Rave got up, and lifted the hem of her t-shirt slightly. A small amount of frowning and inspecting, then Fun Ghoul smiled. "Look's pretty perfect to me." Rave rolled her eyes and sat back down. "You would say that. It's your work." Then, thinking about it a bit more. "How come you finally agreed?" She couldn't believe she hadn't asked the question at the time, actually. Looking at her, incredulously, "You really don't know?" She frowned. "It's been five years, Rave." Oh fuck. So it had. She'd first brought up this tattoo three months after she'd started running with The Killjoys, Fun Ghoul had said he'd tattoo her, but not that. When Rave'd asked why he'd said, "wait five years, see how you feel." The 'five years' thing, he'd just made up. But remembered. Turns out she still felt the same as she had back then. Rave smiled. "Fucking told you." Fun Ghoul laughed. That's when Kobra Kid came over, clearly bored (doesn't take much). "Hey guys what's going on?"

"Not much." Rave told him, as he sat on the arm of the chair, next to her. Fun Ghoul added, "Rave's finally gonna show Poison her tattoo." Kobra Kid frowned, "What tattoo? I don't know about this one." With a nod of encouragement, Fun Ghoul said, "Show him." Rave did. And Kobra Kid grinned, "Getting my brother's name? That's… Cute." Rave faked a scowl, "Shut it, Kid." He returned the scowl. "Who you callin' kid? Kid." They're the same age, a running joke.

The guys came back just a little later, by then Rave had retreated into her room. Partly because the boys said her impatience was annoying, (which wasn't true) and partly so she could get a look at the tattoo herself. She heard the doors slam shut, locks being fastened, and then the usual commotion that follows the return of any of their number. From what she could tell, it'd been an uneventful night. "Where's Rave?" she heard Party Poison ask. "Back there." Fun Ghoul, the one to tell him. "She's got something to show you." Kobra Kid told him, gleefully. Rave let her shirt fall down before he got into the room. This time, they'd been lucky enough to find a place where they all had rooms each (not always the case) and one which had of course lead to various comments from the guys about what Rave and Party Poison might be up to that night. He'd blushed, until Fun Ghoul pointed out he was in danger of turning the same shade as his hair. "Hey." He said, from the doorway. She turned around, "Hey yourself. Patrol go alright?" Trying to sound off hand, but what she was really asking was 'you're not hurt at all are you? Please tell me you're not hurt' he knew that's what Rave meant. He smiled, coming closer. "It was fine. Boring. But fine." She nodded. "Good." _I love the sweet shyness to us sometimes, so different to- no, this has nothing to do with __**him**__. _Anyway, right now it was in full force, and Rave had a feeling she knew why. "Mi- Kobra Kid said you had something to show me?" He'd nearly called his brother by his 'real' name. Rave knew all of theirs, of course, and they knew hers. Makes it easier though, going by their Killjoy names all the time. Means they're less likely to slip up when it's important not to. Rave smiled, it'd been a long time since Party Poison slipped up. He was usually the one scolding others for doing so. Deciding against reminding him of this and instead pulling up her shirt just enough for him to see her new tattoo. On her left side, a little way up above her hip, in Fun Ghoul's simple but nice script:

Party

Poison

At first he just stared. Then he shook his head. "Idiot." Coming closer, down on his knees, at first looking closely, then he leant in and kissed it, lightly. "Hey!" Rave protested, pushing him, and causing him to fall back so he had to brace himself with his hands behind him. He looked up at her and grinned. "Sorry." Then he stood up, and as gently as he had a second ago, kissed her. Pretending to still be mad with him, Rave pushed him back, but he came right back for her, kissing her again.

And it turned out that at just that moment, Kobra Kid decided to appear in the doorway. "Impressed then, were we?" His announcement for his arrival. Party Poison attempted a glare, but his smile refused to disappear. "We're pushing on tomorrow, tell the others." It was obvious Kobra Kid was going to say something else, but Party Poison closed the door on his younger brother. End of conversation. He turned back to Rave. "Missed you." she told him. "I was only gone a couple of hours." Rave shrugged. "Still…" His smile told her he knew. His lips on hers again, and her fingers tangled up in his crimson hair.

The next morning, the guys giving them knowing looks, but keeping their thoughts to themselves. They got in the car and headed… Somewhere. Nowhere.

About two hours down the long, hot, seemingly never ending road, there was something they'd not seen for a while. Other people. And something they wished they never saw. Dracs. It was a fight. The Dracs appeared to be winning. Party Poison slowed the car. "Come on, Poison, what're you stopping for. It's not our fight." Surprising to hear these words from Fun Ghoul, he was ignored anyway. "Since when was that ever an issue?" Kobra Kid argued. "There's people, there's Dracs. The people are losing. I'd say that's our fight." Party Poison's words were the last before the car came to a full, screeching stop, right in the middle of the conflict (successfully catching one Drac unaware) and they were out, masks on, weapons drawn and fighting before either side could figure out what was going on. Fun Ghoul (having quickly come around to the idea) was the first to take down a Drac, fully clarifying whose side they were on. Just as Rave was about to jump in, Party Poison grabbed her hand, pulled her back to him. "Take care of yourself." She nodded. "You too." A brief, sweet, hot kiss (thank God for the easy access of eye masks) and he let her go.

After successfully assisting one person take down a Drac, and helping Kobra Kid with another, a quick high five, and he dashed off again, Rave took a second to survey her surroundings, the Dracs were losing, fast now. She watched as Jet Star and Fun Ghoul easily fought off a Drac a piece. Smiled as Party Poison took down one then, immediately after, another. A third came, and just as he was dealing with that, a fourth appeared behind him. She was too far away, but saw his brother no more than a few paces from him, having just saved one of the 'civilians'. "KID!" He looked up at her, and she pointed towards Party Poison and his twin attackers. Kobra Kid nodded, and was on it immediately. Just then, someone walked back into her, fell backwards, and she was almost face to face with the Drac that'd been pursuing them. Instinct kicking in Rave soon dealt with him. "Close one." She said, turning back to the person she'd just saved. He was still on the ground, so she offered him her hand, and just as he took it, Rave suddenly felt a jolt of the strangest mix of emotions she'd ever known. Recognition, rage, pain, love, relief, surprise, hope, guilt and a thousand others beside. Pushing her mask up, she stared. In a tone of utter disbelief, "Jimmy?"

When Party Poison called out, "Everyone alright?" it was clear the battle was not only done, it was won. Without really waiting for a response, he continued, "I suggest you all find someplace to stay, and hide, quickly. They'll send more." Rave was last to get to the car, with her newly re-found past in tow. The other three already in the car, Party Poison eyed them suspiciously, "We've got someone coming with us." Oh God. Why did she suddenly find it so difficult to meet his eyes? He just nodded though, and got into the drivers seat, Fun Ghoul was up front, so they squeezed into the back, Rave shifting in first, practically sitting on Kobra Kid. "Who the fuck is this?" He demanded in a way his brother had wanted to. Before Rave could reply though, Fun Ghoul twisted around in his seat, stared at our new 'addition', then looked at her. "It's him, isn't it?" Staring right back, she nodded. "What the fuck do you mean 'h-" But then Party Poison got it. He was thinking the same thing Fun Ghoul was, and Jet Star and Kobra Kid were fast catching up too. And then, there it was, in his so familiar self assured tone, "So you've talked about me?"

"Not exactly." Party Poison said, tightly. He caught Raves eye in the rear view mirror, and she knew he was hurt, knew he was angry. He knew who this was and what that was likely to mean. Fuck, it was the same thing she was worried about. Beside her, _he_ spoke up again. "Running with the Killjoys? Gotta say, I'm impressed, babe." Rave winced, already expecting what was coming. "Babe?" Party Poison challenged. Saint Jimmy just grinned. "Getting possessive?"

"Hey!" Jet Star piped in, things had to be serious if he was getting involved. "If Party Poison wants you to back off, you back off."

"It's fine, Jet." Party Poison insisted. They all knew it wasn't. Rave sighed. "I'll explain everything when we get… Where we're going."

And, though she knew she shouldn't, and a part of her still felt as guilty as hell for Party Poison, there was a part of her she just couldn't help and she was, just a little bit, excited. Somehow, through some sort of miracle, she had him back. And he was right here, next to her. Her first, truest and most painful love.

Saint Jimmy.

_He didn't look any different, I swear it. His hair still black and sticking up wildly. Same kind of clothes, if looking a touch more worn, same slight frame underneath, were there a few more tattoos visible? Perhaps, but then, he'd always had a lot. And God those same pretty green eyes, still circled in smudgy black. _


	2. My Name Is Jimmy

**So I decided to upload chapter 2 pretty much straight away... **

**This chapter basically sees Saint Jimmy tagging along with the Killjoys and making himself comfortable, at the same time making everyone else very uncomfortable. **

**The chapter title comes, fittingly, from the song 'Saint Jimmy'**

**Same disclaimers apply, I own none of these boys, or their worlds. **

**Chapter 2 - My Name Is Jimmy**

Finally getting to where they were going, and Party Poison barely waited for the doors to be closed behind them, didn't wait for Fun Ghoul and Kobra Kid to lock up the door and certainly didn't wait to take in their new surroundings and get comfortable. "Alright. We're here." Rave hadn't taken her eyes off him all the way here, but now she could barely force herself to look his way. "Poison…" She didn't want things to get ugly. But, of course, Saint Jimmy was involved. And any time he could cause trouble, he would. Immediately locating the nearest surface that could pass for a seat (a metal box shoved against a wall) Saint Jimmy settled on to it, taking up the whole thing in typical 'I rule the world so fuck you' fashion. Making sure he had everyone's attention he introduced himself to no one in particular, and everyone at once, "My name is Saint Jimmy." Then, leaning forward, the sentence Rave already knew would follow, "And don't you fucking wear it out." Leaning back again, and there was his trademark smirk perfectly in place. She had to fight the urge to slap him. She had to fight the urge to kiss him. Rave tore her eyes away from him (they went to Saint Jimmy so easily, an old habit that'd clearly never died) fixed on Party Poison, moved closer. He wasn't looking at her now though, glaring right at Saint Jimmy. Fun Ghoul was shaking his head. "I knew it. Just knew it. It's really him, isn't it Rave?" She nodded. "So, Killjoys," Saint Jimmy announced, getting everyone's attention. Not Rave's. She refused to look away from Party Poison. "what's 'Rave' told you about me?"

"Nothing!" Party Poison snapped. "Barely anything. Just that you were the love of her fucking life, you broke her heart and she fucking misses you every fucking day." Rave closed her eyes, every word hurt, felt like a punch, a stab. When she opened my eyes again, Party Poison had turned away and was walking deeper into the apparent warehouse they were in. She reached out to him, "Poison-" He shrugged her off, not forcefully or anything, but more than enough for her to get the hint. A hand on her shoulder, Fun Ghouls, "Leave him a minute, Rave, ok? None of us were expecting this."

"I didn't- Surely he knows-" Fun Ghoul nodded, but she wasn't sure if he believed that, or was just trying to make her feel better. "What the fuck was that about?" Saint Jimmy really shouldn't have been laughing when he said that. Kobra Kid, who, until then, had stayed off to the side, watching to see what would happen, turned and glared at Saint Jimmy. "Who the fuck-"

"Kid." Fun Ghoul said, a careful hint of warning in his voice. Party Poison is always their assumed leader, it's never been spoken, but always accepted. Occasionally, though, like right now, he's not there. Then it all pretty much depends on the situation on who temporarily takes on the role. Sometimes it's Kobra Kid, sometimes it's Jet Star, it's even, once or twice, been Rave, but right now it was Fun Ghoul, and he was clearly looking to keep the situation from getting out of hand. But Kobra Kid was pissed, and… Well, then there was Saint Jimmy. He was still grinning, smugly. Kobra Kid was, thankfully, not looking at Saint Jimmy now though. "You're just gonna let him get away with that?" He demanded of Fun Ghoul, and then, "and you!" Onto Rave now. "You're not even stopping him! You're the one who fucking brought him here and now you're just gonna let-""Just so you know." Saint Jimmy cut in. "I have no fucking idea what you're getting so worked up about, I've barely said a word against… Whatever his fucking name is"

"Party Poison." Kobra Kid snapped. Saint Jimmy laughed. "Whatever. I could easily say a lot worse." That didn't help matters. "And what the fuck is that supposed-""KID!" Fun Ghoul, more forcefully this time. "Fine!" Kobra Kid snapped back, though it clearly wasn't. And especially not now, Saint Jimmy was laughing. "Jimmy." Rave said, finding her voice at last. "I think we need to talk." He shrugged. "Sure." He didn't move, so, reluctantly, Rave held out her hand to him. He smiled, knowingly, and stood up to take it. Holding it a little too tight, possessively. She made a show of trying to get her hand back, didn't want the boys to think she wanted to betray Poison like this. But it was just a show. Really, she didn't want him to let go at all. And he didn't. "Come on, I'm sure we can find someplace for us to… Get some privacy." Saint Jimmy said. And somehow, like it always was, Saint Jimmy was leading her. "Rave." Fun Ghoul called out, she stopped to look back. He was trying not to show it, but he was clearly worried. "Do you want me to come with you?" Rave smiled back, more confident than she really was. "I'm a big girl, Ghoul. I'll be fine."

"I just-" Fun Ghoul began. Somehow she knew it wasn't just her safety they were worried about and that was… Awkward. "Nothing means more to me than you guys. OK?" She was pretty sure they got the coded message in that, 'no one is more important to me than Poison.' Kobra Kid was still glaring at her. "You forget what you've told us, Rave." It was his own code. 'You forget what you told us about Saint Jimmy.' It was exactly what she was trying to forget as her and that very Saint walked away.

"This'll do." Saint Jimmy announced, stepping and leading her into one of the many, many rooms that lead off from the main corridor. All the rooms were small, and she tried not to think about what this place had been, once, so long ago. She also tried not to think about the one door we'd passed that'd been closed. She knew that that was where Party Poison was, shut away with his thoughts. What must he be thinking? What would he think if he knew she was in here, alone with Saint Jimmy? Especially now Saint Jimmy was closing the door. Rave stepped forward and grabbed it before it closed, staring at Saint Jimmy pointedly. "No." Saint Jimmy grinned. "What? Don't trust yourself around me with the doors closed?"

"I barely trust myself around you with them open." She muttered, but Saint Jimmy just about caught it and laughed. "You know, I like the hair, Rave." He seemed to enjoy using her Killjoy name, though he clearly saw it as a joke. Saint Jimmy stepped closer, briefly looking over the black majority of her hair, then he focused on the one bit that's different. A streak of bright red. He gathered it up in his fingers, and smiled. "Statement to say you're Cherry Tops girl or something?" Rave ignored the question entirely, batting his hand away like it wasn't a big deal, she stepped back. "Jimmy." She said, forcing herself to focus on the questions buzzing in her head. "What- How did-" They all tried to come out at once. Taking a slow, steadying breath she started again. "What happened?" The grin turned down a notch then. Didn't disappear though. "Getting straight to the serious stuff?" Then he shrugged. "Fine. Depends when you mean." Now he mentioned it, she didn't know exactly when she meant. With a sigh, Rave sat down, onto the bed. She could feel Saint Jimmy watching her. Couldn't decide if it made her feel uncomfortable or very, very pleased. Finally, "I guess… How come you're… Here. All the way out here, thought you'd never leave the city." Saint Jimmy shrugged. "Yeah, well, that was before the city changed on me. Wasn't my place anymore. So I left." He made it sound so simple, Rave knew it wasn't, it can't have been. She tried out a small grin of my own. "What happened to Johnny? And… Whatsername?" The hesitation wasn't her trying to remember Whatsername's actual name, hell, didn't think she could've if she'd tried, it was because she remembered the reaction it would get from Saint Jimmy. She saw a flicker of it. Hidden well. "Johnny came with me." Of course he did, Johnny would follow Saint Jimmy right over a fucking cliff. Figurative or literal. "And Whatsername?" Same flicker. "She came along too." Right, great why couldn't he have just said that right off? Of course now the question was, "Where are they now?" Raising his eyes to the ceiling, Saint Jimmy sighed. "That's… Kind of a long story."

"We've got time." Rave insisted. "You know, maybe I've got some questions for you." She ignored the fact that Saint Jimmy had completely dodged the subject, deciding instead to take the easy road on this one. "Fine, what'd you want to know?" Saint Jimmy grinned at her, and she knew that grin, and she should've known it was coming, really, she should've. "What's Cherry Top like in bed?" Rave closed my eyes and slowly, slowly opened them again, trying to remain calm. "Alright. First. I think you mean Party Poison. And second, who the hell said we were-"

"Aww, come on, Rave. It's as obvious as fuck. If you two weren't screwing, why would he get so pissed at me? Huh?" Upset, annoyed and embarrassed as she was then, she still saw a chance. "Actually, I think you'll find it was Kid who got pissed at you. So maybe your logic is just a touch flawed." Good Lord, she'd hardly ever talked back to Saint Jimmy like this. She kinda enjoyed it, and, by the look on Saint Jimmy's face, so did he. Not exactly the response she was hoping for. Or was it? "So maybe you're fucking him too." Rave grimaced. "Don't be gross, Jimmy. They're brothers." Raising his eyebrows, "Kinky."

"Fuck off, Jimmy." She sighed. "At this rate you'll be suggesting I'm fucking all of them."

"Well… Now you mention it. That other one… Ghoul? He did seem pretty protective of you." Then he laughed. "But, no. You're only fucking Cherry Top. He's the one who you went to, to say I was coming with you""Poison's our leader, it was natural for me to tell him." She argued. Saint Jimmy ignored her. "He was the one who said nothing, let you have your way."

"It was a split second decision, he couldn't-"

"He was the one who got all fucking over protective when I called you babe."

"He just doesn't approve of-"

"He's the one who can hardly look at me."

"That's not true, he-""He's the one who's voice gets all strained and tight and nasty just talking about me. He's the one who told me just what you said about me."

"Someone was going to. You were the one who asked!"

"He's the one who walked off."

"He was upset! You were acting like you don't even fucking care and-"

"And, most importantly. He's the one you keep trying to look at when you're too busy trying to avoid me." Rave stopped, realising she didn't have a response for that. "I rest my case." Saint Jimmy said, smugly. Then, walking over to the bed now, he sat down next to her. This was a little too much now, she wouldn't look at him. She. Would. Not. Look at him. She felt his hand take hers. "I missed you, you know?" He said, quietly. Rave shook her head. Tried to tug her hand away, for real this time. None of the boys were there, there was no one here to keep her in check. Why hadn't she taken Fun Ghoul up on his offer to come with her? She thought she could be trusted. Thought she was in control. You're never in control, not if Saint Jimmy's involved. She'd forgotten that. "What?" Saint Jimmy asked, acting confused, he wasn't really. "I just-" All she got out before Saint Jimmy kissed her. She'd forgotten so much. All her strength, all her strength and all her love she had for Party Poison it took to get her to push Saint Jimmy away. Rave had no choice but to look at him now. Pretty eyes blazing with fire. "Fine." Saint Jimmy snapped. Then he got up, left before she knew what was happening. She just wished she knew what the fuck he was going to do next. Not like he had a big wide city to disappear into. Not like he had a crowd of adoring followers. Not like he had Johnny to go to. Fuck.

Party Poison had hid himself away in one of the first rooms. After his first encounter with the legendary 'Saint' Jimmy, this is where he'd gone, and this is where he'd stayed, worrying the rest of the Killjoys. None of them came looking for him though. Knew better than that. Except, perhaps one of them didn't. Party Poison pretended he hadn't heard the footsteps stopping outside the door, the door opening, he didn't look up. "So. You're the Killjoy who's fucking my girl." Startled by the already too familiar voice, Party Poison did look up then, and straight at the smirking figure propping himself up against the doorway. Saint Jimmy. Party Poison had to remind himself that he was the one in control here. This was his world that Saint Jimmy had walked so fucking confidently into. "She's not 'yours', Saint." Saint Jimmy raised an eyebrow. "Sure about that?" Then, stepping into the room. "You know, I'm actually kinda impressed." As Saint Jimmy moved closer, Party Poison quickly stood, not wanting the 'saint' standing over him, getting the idea he over powered him. "About her being a Killjoy? Yeah, you mentioned." Saint Jimmy grinned. "Well, yeah, but that's not what I meant." And Saint Jimmy was still coming closer. Party Poison resisted the overwhelming urge to step back. "You're pretty impressive yourself, Cherry Top."

"It's Party Poison." He snapped. Saint Jimmy widened his eyes slightly. "How about your real name?"

"How about yours, 'Saint'?" Party Poison returned. Saint Jimmy grinned, he was enjoying this, clearly. "Jimmy. Or weren't you paying attention?" Party Poison tried out a laugh, it sounded false and forced, but it made him feel a little better. "What do you want, 'Jimmy'?" Trying to sound confident, he couldn't hide the fact he'd had to step back finally. He was practically against the wall, and Saint Jimmy wasn't stopping. Not until he was so close Party Poison felt like he couldn't breathe. "When I decide what I want." Saint Jimmy said, gently, carefully, leaning in to whisper, hotly in his ear, "I promise, you'll know." Party Poison closed his eyes, somehow, those words felt like a threat. He heard Saint Jimmy laugh, softly. And he kissed him on the cheek. Even within the split second that Party Poison took to open his eyes, Saint Jimmy had gone from the room.

"Hey Killjoys!" Saint Jimmy gleefully announced as he walked back into the main area, where the other three Killjoys still remained. Jet Star and Fun Ghoul were sitting, though clearly not exactly calmly, Kobra Kid, however, had been constantly pacing and threatening to go after Rave and Saint Jimmy. The other two had had to argue him out of it and, a couple of times, physically stop him. "What will it look like you're saying about Rave if you go after them?" Fun Ghoul had reasoned. "You were the one who offered to go with them, remember." Kobra Kid had retorted. But he stayed. Now they saw Saint Jimmy return, alone. Kobra Kid practically pounced on him. "Where the fuck is Rave?" Saint Jimmy grinned. "Recovering." Just as Kobra Kid looked as if he was about to hit Saint Jimmy, Fun Ghoul stood up. "Don't fucking listen to him, Kid. No way anything happened."

"Well, I wouldn't want to sell myself short. But maybe I got a little something outta her." Saint Jimmy said, with a wink. That time Fun Ghoul had to act fast to restrain Kobra Kid, whose arm had raised on instinct alone. Saint Jimmy laughed. "Why the fuck do you care so much anyway?" Then, "Oh, of course. Cherry Top's your brother. Well, maybe you'd like to hear about the little run in I had with _him_ instead?" Fun Ghoul had to quickly grab back hold of Kobra Kid, taking both arms this time. Kobra Kid struggled, of course, but didn't get loose. "What the fuck did you do? Stay the fuck away from my brother!" Saint Jimmy laughed, obviously very pleased with the reaction he was getting. "Kid! Kid." Fun Ghoul was attempting to calm him. "Come on, you know he didn't do anything, he's just trying to cause trouble. Don't listen to him. What could he have done to Poison, huh?" Saint Jimmy raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Look. 'Saint'. Shut the fuck up, alright? I'm trying to make sure he doesn't do something he'll regret, but I'm starting to think maybe he wouldn't regret it at all." Fun Ghoul told him, still keeping a firm hold on Kobra Kid. And then, to him, "Just calm down. Think about who this is. Think about what Rave would say if she knew what you were thinking about doing." Kobra Kid tried to shake him off again. "Figure she'd be happy I was defending her, and Poison."

"Really?" And, finally, Kobra Kid relaxed. "No." And Fun Ghoul finally thought it safe to loosen his hold. "But if he says one more thing about Poison, I'll-"

"Submissive ain't he? Your brother." Fun Ghoul wasn't quick enough that time, and, truth be told, he didn't try very hard anyway. At this point, he figured Saint Jimmy pretty much deserved it. Saint Jimmy took the blow well, seeming to recover almost immediately. A hand going to the cut on his lip just starting to well up. And he was still grinning. "I'm not telling you again." Kobra Kid said, voice as threatening as his eyes, as his whole posture. "You stay away from Rave. And you stay away from Poison." And then, before he did something he'd actually regret, Kobra Kid stalked off, to find his own little sanctuary in the madness. But not before Saint Jimmy informed him. "Can't guarantee they'll stay away from me."


	3. I'm Shooting Out of This Room

**Hey, thanks everyone who's checked out this story so far, hope you're enjoying it! **

**The title from this chapter comes from the Danger Days song 'Bulletproof Heart'**

**Right... On with the next chapter! Saint Jimmy's still causing trouble ;) **

**Disclaimer still stands: I do not own The Killjoys or Saint Jimmy :)**

**Chapter 3 - I'm Shootin' Out Of This Room… **

Poison still hadn't left the room. And now he had something else running though his mind. What did Saint Jimmy want from him? And, _had_ he just been threatened? It'd certainly felt like it. And, he was very busy trying to dismiss the kiss on the cheek Saint Jimmy had given him, but couldn't quite. His back was to the still open door (how Saint Jimmy had left it) when Kobra Kid came storming past, quickly stopping as he caught sight of his brother. "There you are." It nearly made Party Poison jump, but he turned round and, casual as he could replied, "yeah, just needed some time."

"Not alone though, according to Saint Jimmy." Party Poison tried not to react to this, but Kobra Kid caught it. "So it's true?" Party Poison frowned, "What?" Coming further into the room, Kobra Kid was noticeably checking for any obvious signs of… Something, in his brother, not, he figured, that there might necessarily be any. "Poison, what'd he do to you? Are you ok?"

"What the fuck?" Party Poison demanded. "Saint Jimmy didn't say what he did exactly but…" Feeling uncomfortable now, not least by the fact that Saint Jimmy was going around apparently implying something that was making his younger brother look at him like a victim of some crime. The worst thing was, he suspected he knew _which_ crime too. Shaking his head and trying his very best to sound calm, Party Poison insisted, "Saint Jimmy didn't do anything, alright? Yeah, he was in here, we talked-""About?"

"What do you think?" Kobra Kid just nodded, it didn't need to be said. After a long and equally uncomfortable silence, Kobra Kid persisted, "There was an 'and' at the end of that sentence, Poison." Party Poison shrugged, "Yeah, _and_ then he left." Kobra Kid kept staring at him, all the accusation of his disbelief in his eyes. Party Poison sighed, "Kid, seriously. I don't know what Saint Jimmy said-""It's not what he said, it's what he implied." Kobra Kid interrupted, still looking at Party Poison with steady attention. "Fine. Then I don't know what he implied, but-""He basically said he'd made you his fucking bitch." Kobra Kid told him, sharply. "So I'm sorry if I seem a little over protective, but I'm gonna worry if I think my brother's been-""Don't!" Party Poison snapped. "Don't even… Don't even fucking say that. Seriously, what the fuck? You really think I'd just let him-"

"It's only 'letting' if you had a choice." Kobra Kid pointed out. "Now what the fuck are you saying?" Party Poison demanded, really not happy with the way this was going. "I'm saying I wish my brother would be fucking honest with me and tell me what the fuck happened to him!" Party Poison closed his eyes briefly, opened them again, and, making sure he had full eye contact with Kobra Kid, told him, "I already did. Nothing. Nothing happened." Kobra Kid was shaking his head, and was about to set about a new round of accusations and coaxing when, from the doorway, a small voice, "Um, guys? Poison? Kid? Everything ok?" And Kobra Kid spun round to face Rave, "No! It's not ok, thanks to you!" This hadn't been how Kobra Kid had wanted to greet Rave, he'd wanted to be just as worried about her as he was about Poison. Too late now. And as Rave walked into the room, she held her hands up, in surrender. "Whoa, Kid. Hold on, what the fuck?" She asked, her eyes darting between him and Party Poison. She didn't like the way Party Poison wasn't meeting her eyes, how he looked away as soon as he noticed her looking at him. Was he really that mad at her? Or was it something else? Kobra Kid, on the other hand, was all focused on her now, not that she thought she wanted the attention. "What the fuck have you and your 'saint' done? And don't fucking lie to me, I know something happened." Eyes widening, Rave wondered how he'd come to that conclusion, "Kid, I-""Why won't anyone tell me anything?" Kobra Kid demanded, clearly frustrated, he was only trying to help, but no one was letting him. "He's clearly done something to Poison too, but he's not fucking talking either." And now Rave knew it was the 'something else' option. Oh God. Ignoring Kobra Kid completely now, she went over to Party Poison, him finding himself being inspected like a poor victim once again. "Poison." Rave said, gently, but highly anxiously, "Is this true? Poison, what'd he do?" Looking at Rave finally, Party Poison snapped, "Fucking hell!" Rave winced, but didn't back away. "Both of you stop asking me that! Nothing! The great Saint fucking Jimmy didn't do a damn thing." Rave was shaking her head though, "Poison, please. Whatever it was, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I know what Jimmy's like, he's manipulative, I've watched him do it to too many people." Glaring at Rave, Party Poison shot back, "I think the question is back on you then. What happened with _you_ and Saint?" Shocked, hurt, and feeling very guilty, Rave attempted, "Poison, I-"

"See. That's how I know something happened." Party Poison accused, "You can't even deny it." The guilt turning to indignation, Rave came right back with, "Well you're denying it so hard _I _know something happened to _you_! Why can't you just-""Is this argument really all for me? I'm… Touched." And everyone looked to the doorway, perfectly framing the smirking, clearly amused figure of Saint Jimmy. Rave took the matter into her own hands, "Jimmy!" She snapped, "Not now!" Saint Jimmy laughed, lightly and stepped into the room, taking careful note of the people and the placing and the tension. Ignoring Kobra Kid for now, he focused on Rave and Party Poison. "Have I set the lovers quarrelling?" He asked, in feigned distress. "Sorry, but don't worry, there's enough of me to share." Now glancing at Kobra Kid, "For you too, if you want." He clearly hadn't learnt his lesson, only the fact that Rave put out her arm to hold him back stopped Kobra Kid from getting at Saint Jimmy. "Leave him, Kid." She said, evenly. "You're still defending him?" He demanded, glancing at his brother, "In front of Poison, you're still defending him?" Ignoring the question, Rave sighed, "Ever think maybe I'm trying to protect you?"

"I don't need protecting from _him_." Saint Jimmy's laugh drew their attention back, and he was gently nudging the cut on his lip with his tongue. "Don't underestimate me, Kid." He said. "Lived and worked in the city. Had to learn a few tricks to survive in my line of work."

"It's Kobra Kid to you. And I think I know what kind of 'tricks' too." Grin widening, Saint Jimmy stated, quickly picking up on the vein Kobra Kid was going for, "No one paid me for the pleasure, I promise you."

"Maybe you just weren't very good." Kobra Kid shot back. Not even a flicker of doubt in his self confidence, Saint Jimmy looked pointedly at Kobra Kid, Party Poison, Rave, and then finally back to Party Poison before answering, "Maybe you should consult Rave on that one." Rave felt the instant switch in focus onto her. And she didn't like the feeling she got from it. "Oh for fuck's sake guys! You know mine and Saint Jimmy's history." Still glaring. "You know what?" She snapped, looking to Kobra Kid and Party Poison in turn, "Fuck this!" Then she left, forced to push past Saint Jimmy as she went. He tried to catch her hand, but she wouldn't be caught. Hurrying down the corridor, she was already slamming the back door behind her by the time Party Poison got to the doorway, calling after her.

Fuck the dark. Rave thought. Fuck the Dracs. Fuck it fucking all! Throwing herself against the outside wall, she slid down, staring unseeingly into seemingly unending darkness. She was crying before she was on the ground. Fuck Saint Jimmy. Fuck Poison. Fuck Poison for accusing her like that. Fuck Saint Jimmy for giving her a reason to be accused. "Fuck!" She screamed into the night. And the tears came faster. "Uh, Rave?" A familiar, and un-accusing voice. Rave looked up at Jet Star. Realised he must be out checking the area, oh shit, and by himself. Clearly he and Ghoul had decided between them that one of them had to stay in the warehouse, especially with three Killjoys otherwise distracted. Great, a new wave of guilt. "Are you alright?" Jet Star didn't seem annoyed about it though. And that, amazingly, just made her cry harder. "I'll get Ghoul." He said, making the decision that he'd be best suited to the task. She couldn't argue with the logic, in fact, the only person she wanted to see right now was Fun Ghoul. And soon he was precisely the one standing in the open doorway, keeping the heavy door held open as he leaned out. "Hey Rave." He said, gently. "You think it's such a great idea to be out here, in the dark?" Having regained some of her power of speech, Rave returned, "Rather be out here than in there with people lying to me and accusing me." Fun Ghoul sighed, stepping out, he crouched beside her. "OK. I have a feeling this isn't going to be a quick conversation. Why don't we go in before we get spotted?" He suggested in that same gentle voice. Rave laughed, but not nicely. "Figure Kid and Poison wouldn't care much if I got ghosted." That made Fun Ghoul pause, at least he was getting a better idea of what was going on. "Well, even if that is true, I'm sure they'd miss me, and I don't have a death wish just yet so…" Rave sighed. "We're Killjoys, Ghoul. We've all got death wishes." But, none the less, she stood up, and let Fun Ghoul lead her back inside.

Another room, or the same one? Rave couldn't tell at this point, just let Fun Ghoul open the door for her, she stepped inside, soon followed by him, after he closed the door. It was safe to let him close the door. That was fine. But just for a second she panicked. _I barely trust myself around you with them open_. Fuck. But this was Ghoul, she was safe with him. Rave hadn't realised she'd closed her eyes until she felt Fun Ghoul's hand rest gently on her arms, which she'd crossed in front of her. "This is about what he said, to Kid, isn't it?" Rave's eyes widened in horror. "You were there too?" Fun Ghoul nodded, almost apologetically. "Yeah, we all were. Me, Kid and Jet." Rave shook her head. "Great, so now I'll bet you think I'm a slut too."

"No. And neither does anyone else." Fun Ghoul insisted. "Oh yeah? Well Kid and Poison were doing a pretty good impression of it then." Rave snapped, annoyed all over again as she remembered the way they'd both looked at her. "And Jimmy wasn't exactly helping." Settling down on the bed, Fun Ghoul watched her, carefully. "Doesn't seem to be his style, no." He admitted. "And. And! He's done or said or… Something! Something to Poison. But of course Poison couldn't possibly just tell us-""Wait." Fun Ghoul interrupted, confused, and if he was honest, a little shocked. "He actually did something? I thought Saint Jimmy was just saying that to piss Kid off." Rave laughed. "Well, if he was, Poison sure was playing along nicely." She could feel the tears coming again, over everything. The fact that Party Poison was keeping so silent just one of the many things. A thousand images of what could've happened flashing through her mind. Not thinking anything quite as drastic as Kobra Kid was, but certainly something. "Why can't he just tell me?" So frustrated with herself for crying, she hid her face in her hands, started to turn away from Fun Ghoul. His hands on her shoulders guided her back around to him, guided her down onto the bed beside him, leaning against the wall, he let her lean against him. She cried harder, his arms never let her go. A few sentences made their way out, "How could he think I-" "can't blame him though, can't can't can't" "I don't trust me either" "wish I could stop seeing him looking at me like _that_" Fun Ghoul didn't interrupt, didn't ask questions, didn't comment. Not until Rave finally looked up from where she'd buried her face in his chest and asked, "When did it all get so complicated?" Fun Ghoul laughed, now that was a question. "I don't know Rave." Burying her head again, Rave sighed, "Maybe it should've been you that I hooked up with, Ghoul. You're not accusing me of anything." Another laugh. "No, but think about this from Poison's point of view. Come on, you know it can't be easy on him, with all he knows about you and Saint. Don't judge him too hard." Then, not forgetting the first part of the comment Rave had made, "And I'm pretty sure Poison would've handed me over to the Dracs by now if I'd ended up with you." Rave shook her head, they both knew that wasn't even remotely true. "And anyway, you were in love with Poison that first day, you never had eyes for anyone else." And, just then, just when she was starting to feel safe, the door was flung open and in walked… Well who the fuck do you think? "Ain't this cute?" Rave jumped up. She stayed sitting, but further away from Fun Ghoul than she'd previously been. Ghoul himself was glaring at Saint Jimmy, who, of course, took no notice. "Maybe I was wrong, Rave. Maybe you're not just fucking Cherry Top. Guess I underestimated you."

"Fuck off Jimmy!" Rave snapped, she'd just about had it with him already today, Fun Ghoul placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Easy, Rave." He said, gently. Then, a very different tone for the Saint. "I don't know what you think you're seeing here, but all that's going on is Rave's upset, thanks to you, and I'm helping her out." Quirking an eyebrow, Saint Jimmy said, "Sure your 'leader' would see it that way?" Fun Ghoul rolled his eyes. "Yes. Of course he would, Poison's my friend, he knows full well I would never-"

"Cute. You're all pretty close then, huh?" Saint Jimmy interrupted, and Fun Ghoul nodded. Saint Jimmy leaned forward slightly, conspiratorially, "Sure he's never let you borrow his girl?" He grinned, wickedly. "Fuck off Jimmy!" Rave snapped, "Just because you have such a loose idea of the word 'commitment' doesn't mean everyone does. Not once has Poison 'shared' me, and not once have I had to share him. But I guess that's a pretty radical idea in your book." Still grinning, Saint Jimmy shrugged. And then, without a word, he left. Desperately Rave wanted to follow him. She told herself it was just to make sure he didn't do anything. To anyone. To Poison.

That's what she told herself.


	4. Just Don't Let Go

**A/N: Hey, again! Thanks, (again), to everyone who's read this so far, hope you're still enjoying it.**

**So here's chapter four, this one's title is from the Danger Days song Planetary (Go!) **

**Same disclaimers apply... I own nothing to do with Green Day and MCR**

**Chapter 4 - Just Don't Let Go**

The brothers were left in uncomfortable silence again. Until, finally, "Are you gonna tell me?" Kobra Kid asked, looking very pointedly at Party Poison, who'd gone back to sitting on the bed. Staring at the floor. He didn't answer. "Poison!" Kobra Kid snapped. No response. "You're scaring me now, come on, please, tell me what happened." Party Poison shook his head. This was all so stupid, nothing had happened (not really, he told himself) but everyone was talking about it so much it'd blown up to this huge thing. And the thing was, no matter what anyone said, yes, he was ashamed. Not of what'd happened (because it was nothing, nothing, nothing!) but of the reaction, the stupid, overreaction there'd been over it. He'd let Saint Jimmy get under his skin, mess with his head. And that was something to be ashamed of. So much more than a few words that probably meant nothing and a stupid little kiss on the cheek, (nothing, see, nothing!). He could admit to that, but now he figured Kobra Kid wouldn't fucking believe him anyway. "Just leave me alone." Finally, a response from Poison, but not one Kid was willing to accept. "Poison-" But he was interrupted, and, surprisingly, not by his brother. "Poison." Fun Ghoul was standing in the doorway. "Could we have a minute?" Party Poison finally looked up, to Fun Ghoul, then to his brother. At first Kobra Kid gave no indication he was going to move. Fun Ghoul was staring at him too. "Fine!" Kobra Kid snapped, "Don't fucking talk to me then." Fun Ghoul stepped out of the way to let Kobra Kid pass. "Ghoul." Party Poison sighed, "I don't need _you_ asking me-"

"You need to apologise to Rave." Fun Ghoul interrupted. Party Poison stared at him, he hadn't been expecting this. "What?"

"Do you have any idea how upset she is? Jet found her, outside, alone. She seemed to be under the impression that you and your brother wouldn't give a damn if she got herself killed." Party Poison's eyes widened. "Is she alright? Did-"

"I managed to convince her to come back in, so yeah, she's alright. Physically. Poison, what the fuck did you and Kid say to her?" And now he was frowning, "What? Nothing, we didn't-"

"I've not seen Rave cry like that, not for years. Not since…" Fun Ghoul trailed off, and the Killjoys looked at each other, steadily. They both knew the event Fun Ghoul was talking about, but neither were willing to say it out loud. "So, again, Poison. What did you say?" Party Poison shook his head, he couldn't think, couldn't remember which words had been his, which had been Kid's. Knew they all boiled down to the same thing though. "We accused her." He said, quietly. Fun Ghoul nodded, he knew this, he just wanted it to be admitted. "Why?" He pushed. "Because of what Saint Jimmy… Oh shit." And now it dawned on him. "Exactly." Fun Ghoul said. "And Saint Jimmy was talking shit about you too. Which obviously wasn't true, right?" Party Poison knew what he was doing, Ghoul was giving him a slight, gentle nudge to talk, if he wanted to. He didn't. Party Poison shook his head. "I don't think it was right for you to jump to conclusions with her, either, was it?" So glad Fun Ghoul hadn't pushed the point, Party Poison sighed, pushing his hand back through his hair, "Yeah. You're right. You're right Ghoul it's just…""Saint Jimmy." Party Poison nodded, smiling ever so slightly. "Have a feeling he's gonna be messing with all our minds. Naturally it's gonna be worse for you." Smile quickly disappeared. "What'd you mean?" Fun Ghoul frowned at him, "You're the leader, he's gonna try and get to you." He stated, asking in his look, Party Poison still ignored it. But this time Fun Ghoul didn't let up so easily. "Poison, just so you know. If there's anything you… Need to talk about…" Party Poison nodded, but didn't say anything. Fun Ghoul knew he wasn't getting anything out of him, at least, certainly not now. "So, you gonna go talk to Rave?" He prompted instead. Party Poison grimaced, he knew this conversation was going to be awkward. "Poison. The longer you leave it…"

"I know! I know." Party Poison agreed, standing up now. "Shouldn't Kid be a part of this too?" Fun Ghoul looked at him, just as steady as he had all conversation. "Sure, later. It's not exactly the same though, is it?" Of course it wasn't. But Party Poison had hoped that, with someone else there, it might be easier. "She's not gonna hurt you, Poison. Just go talk to her." And though Party Poison did in fact go to find her then, he wasn't exactly convinced on the 'not hurting' part.

She was still in the room Fun Ghoul had left her in. He'd told her he was going to talk to Party Poison, she'd tried to tell him not to. She was so scared that Fun Ghoul would come back, alone, telling her Party Poison wouldn't listen, that he didn't care. She didn't know if she could take that, not on top of everything else. She was surprised by the voice she heard. "Rave." Gentle and soft and… She thought her heart was about to break. Rave couldn't even bring herself to look up at him. Party Poison took it that she was ignoring him. "I'm sorry. Alright? I'm sorry." Rave looked up just as he was walking into the room. He came and sat down, the other end of the bed. Close, but still so far away. Her and Fun Ghoul had been closer after Saint Jimmy had caused her to move back. That wasn't right. She was looking at him now, his turn to be looking away, sitting on the very edge, hands clasped between his knees. "I'm sorry." He said, again. "I never should've accused you like that. I… I didn't mean to, I wasn't thinking. You know I trust you, it's just…"

"Saint Jimmy." It was the second time someone had had to fill in that name for him. Party Poison was already getting sick of it. Sick of the name, sick of the man, sick of the sound of his voice, sick of his presence, sick of all the horrid, messed up feelings, sick of what he was doing, to everyone. Sick of not even being able to say his fucking name without feeling sick. Party Poison closed his eyes, forcing all that back. He nodded. "Yeah." Now he glanced at Rave. "It's just…" Away again. "I know what he meant- Means to you. You were right I _do_ know your history with him and it's…" Time to be honest. "Difficult." Rave edged closer. Not sure if he wanted her closer, only knowing that was what she wanted. Hesitantly, she reached out her hand, going for one of his, resting on his knee instead. It was the most intimate they'd been since Saint Jimmy had arrived. "I'll tell you the truth, tell you what happened…" Rave offered, quietly, carefully. "If you tell me." Party Poison looked at her, finally. "Do I want to know?" The question was also 'do _you_ want to know?' Rave shrugged. "I don't know." She said, honestly. "But it's important, isn't it?" He knew it was. The distrust would only get worse. And besides, as much as he didn't want to, a small part of Party Poison really, really wanted someone else to hear what'd happened. Just so they could tell him it was nothing. Which he already knew, of course. Rave made another attempt to take Party Poisons' hand then, succeeding this time. Felt like she was holding on to… Something she never wanted to loose. Closed her eyes and, finally. "Jimmy… No. I'm gonna be honest. I have to. We… kissed." squeezed his hand tighter _please don't let go._ "And I am _so_ sorry for it. But, Poison, I promise you that's it. Anything else Jimmy is saying isn't true. I would never…" Party Poison nodded. He knew, of course he knew. "It's my turn, isn't it?" Didn't wait for a reply, wasn't sure he'd get it out if he didn't say it now. "Nothing happened… Yet." Because that was it, wasn't it? That was the fucking thing that had Party Poison so messed up. It wasn't what had happened. I was what had been…

"He threatened you?" The shock and worry apparent in her voice. And now Party Poison wished he could back track. "I guess that was what it was but-""Be careful, Poison." Rave told him, very seriously, too seriously. And for Rave it was all starting to make a little too much sense. "He's not got Johnny around anymore and… Oh God."

"Johnny?" Party Poison had to try and remind himself of Saint Jimmy's history, remember who the hell Johnny was. "You mean-?" But Rave wasn't listening. "Oh, no one'll ever truly replace Johnny. I actually think Jimmy loved him." Small hint of venomous jealousy. "But…"

"Rave." Party Poison interrupted, he didn't like the way she was taking this, it was starting to sound exactly like he'd feared, exactly what he didn't want to think about. Because, what if it ever happened, ever came to that, how would he deal with it? Could he do anything about it? Could he stop it? Could he tell anyone if he didn't? Could he explain? Would anyone listen? Fuck! He didn't want to think about it! So, slipping into fearless leader mode, he pretended everything was fine. "Honestly, I'm fine, I'm ok, I think I can handle it, think I can handle _him_." Rave saw through it of course, shaking her head. "Don't be too cocky, Poison. I told you, Saint Jimmy's clever, and very, very manipulative."

Yeah. That was what he was afraid of.

Fun Ghoul had got everyone back to the main room, mostly so none of them would wander into the wrong room and interrupt the very important conversation Party Poison and Rave were meant to be having. It was also partly so there were three people keeping an eye on Saint Jimmy, and though he'd stayed in content, smirking silence, Fun Ghoul was all too aware that he could easily kick off a situation again at will. He looked up just in time to see Party Poison and Rave walking down the corridor, together. Fun Ghoul smiled, _as it should be_. He glanced at Jet Star and Kobra Kid in turn, they'd seen it too, and though Kobra Kid's smile was slightly smaller (Fun Ghoul had had a similar conversation with him as he had with Party Poison) there was no doubt that the Killjoys felt like a small realignment had occurred.

As they got near, Party Poison smiled shyly at Fun Ghoul, the 'thanks' evident, and Rave's hand slipped from his as she headed straight for the other side of the room. To Saint Jimmy. Worried something had gone horribly wrong, the Killjoys watched as Rave got to Saint Jimmy, and it was with joyous amazement that they watched her slap him. The sound of it actually rang out through the room. Hand going to his cheek, Saint Jimmy still grinned. "So much violence in one day." Rave grabbed him by the arm and dragged him far enough away so the Killjoys couldn't hear what she was going to say. "You keep your hands off Poison, you got that?" She hissed. The grin changed a little then. "Oh… But it seemed like we'd have so much fun." He said, making sure Rave saw him looking over at Party Poison. Rave shook her head. "Stop it, Jimmy." She sighed. "Just stop it. He's not Johnny, alright?" Smile gone, replaced with a hard look, a hard voice. "Who the fuck said he was?" Rave ignored him. "Just back off, Jimmy. Stop acting like your in charge around here. You're not." A small grin. "Wanna bet?" She was trying to be understanding, trying to remind herself that he was in a new situation, maybe not dealing with it well. But… He was threatening Party Poison. She couldn't let that go. "For fucks sake, Jimmy! Poison is not one of your little followers. You cannot treat him however the fuck you want!" Fire in his eyes as Saint Jimmy stood. "That's where you're wrong. You know me, sweetheart. If I want to insult him, I will. If I want to scare him, I will. If I want to hurt him, I will." A pause, that nasty grin again. "And if I want to-" Saint Jimmy was cut off as Rave slapped him again. "No. You won't," He barely reacted. Just looked across the room again. This time pointedly taking in all the Killjoys. Rave knew what he was implying. "Please, Jimmy. Just leave them alone."

"I'll tell you just what I told the baby brother, can't guarantee they'll stay away from me."

"Well, I can." Rave said, turning to head back over to the Killjoys. "Please." Saint Jimmy laughed. "You can't even keep _yourself_ away." She had to stop herself from running to Party Poison then.

It was meant to be Party Poison's turn to stay up, keep watch that night. But after everything that'd happened so far, and that was likely to come (everyone knew the saga of Saint Jimmy was far from over) Fun Ghoul offered to take his turn. Party Poison had tried to protest, "No way Ghoul. You were up last night. You can't-"

"So what? I'm fine. You've had a harder day than me, and anyway" a quick glance behind Party Poison, to the girl who'd started all this, who currently looked nervous and alone and every bit as vulnerable as she had the day Party Poison had first saved her life. _The effect Saint Jimmy has on people_. "I think Rave kinda needs you tonight." Party Poison just looked at him, a little surprised, then also glanced back at Rave. "Ghoul. It's really nice you're thinking about her, and it's not as if I'm not but… I'm not gonna let you run yourself down just so me and Rave can-"

"Whoa! Stop. Don't wanna hear it. And I don't mean that. I mean she needs _you_, Poison. She just needs _you_." _Just like always. _And, finally, Party Poison smiled. "Ok, I guess. Thanks. But if you need anything just wake me and-""I'll wake your brother or Jet. No fucking way I'm going in your room tonight." Fun Ghoul told him, with a grin. Party Poison rolled his eyes.

"And he's sure he's alright?" Rave asked again as Party Poison closed the door behind his back. "It's Ghoul. Of course he's sure." Party Poison told her again. She nodded, settling herself awkwardly on the bed, unsurprised but still slightly sad to see Party Poison hadn't moved away from the door. "Poison." She said, quietly, unsurely. "I'm coming." He replied, gently pushing himself off the door and sitting beside her. "Poison." Rave said, again, exactly the same. "I don't want… Just because Saint Jimmy… We can't…" Party Poison silenced her with a kiss. "Enough about him." He told her. And for the, what was it, fourth? Time that day, Rave felt like crying. But this time because she knew, at least temporarily, she and Party Poison were right back where they had been, this morning, before they'd stopped the car, before they'd headed into the fight, before Saint-

Party Poison was right. No more about him. Just about them. For a while at least. It'd been a while since Rave had clung to him so tight. _Don't let go. _


	5. I'll Keep You Safe Tonight

**A/N Hello again everyone! Once again, thanks to everyone reading this :)**

**So, this chapter is interesting... Dreams, flashbacks and general interaction between the Killjoys. Plenty of Party Poison, plenty of Fun Ghoul, and a fair amount from Rave too. Not much Saint Jimmy, but considering what's coming, I think you'll be glad for the break...**

**The title of this chapter is, once again from Danger Days, from the gorgeous S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W**

**Still don't own the Killjoys/Saint Jimmy or the world they're living in.**

**Chapter 5 - I'll Keep You Safe Tonight**

_It took a while for him to gain full sense of the situation, and when he did, he wished he could go back. He didn't want to know what was happening, but then, an awfully familiar voice, right in his ear. "Hey, Cherry Top, wakey wakey, you're missing all the fun." Party Poison groaned, yes, it was every bit as bad as he thought it was. Tied (strapped? Chained?) to a wall, arms stretched out, crucified. Saint Jimmy in his fucking ear. Slowly feeling everything, wishing he couldn't hear anything, refusing to open his eyes so he would see nothing. Saint Jimmy laughed, and Party Poison cringed as he kissed the spot just beside Party Poison's ear. "Now he's finally with us, what do you suggest, baby?" _

"_Oh, I don't know…" Party Poison's eyes snapped open as he heard Rave's voice. She was sitting on a box, chin resting on her hand as she surveyed him, an evil grin, an evil glint in the eyes. "What ever you have in mind, it's sure to be fun." Now staring directly at Party Poison, "For you, at least, Jimmy." And Saint Jimmy was so close to him, and laughing "No fucking shit. Too much fun to be had with this one." Saint Jimmy's hand on his cheek, gentle. Then commanding, as he forced Party Poison towards him. A kiss he struggled against, could do nothing about. Another laugh from Saint Jimmy. "So much more fun when you're awake, Cherry Top. Everything's too fucking easy when you're unconscious." Oh God, what'd he mean by that? What'd happened? What'd Saint Jimmy done? "Don't worry, Cherry Top, I saved all the good stuff for when you were with us." Then, turning his body slightly, addressing behind him, "Isn't that right, boys?" And finally Party Poison took in the rest of the room. And the rest of the Killjoys. All standing there, perfectly free, all of them watching him (except Jet Star, he had his back turned), none of them helping, none of them stopping Saint Jimmy. He couldn't decide which was worst. Jet Star, ignoring the situation. Kobra Kid (his brother, his own fucking brother!) standing there, watching, not doing a fucking thing. Or Rave, who was clearly encouraging Saint Jimmy. All awful, all heartbreaking, soul tearing, but the worst hadn't been revealed yet. As Saint Jimmy turned back, grinning, "I think it's time to get to the good stuff, huh, Cherry Top?" His hand on Party Poison, sliding down, Party Poison closed his eyes, a silent plea to those present (please, don't watch, if you're not going to help me, if you're not going to stop him, please, just don't watch!). And then, "Hey!" Eyes snapping open again, Party Poison couldn't believe he'd overlooked Fun Ghoul. Stalking towards them, glaring at Saint Jimmy. Party Poison couldn't think of a time he'd felt more grateful _

_to his friend. Finally, someone was- "I thought you said I got a turn?" It turned sour in a second. This wasn't a rescue it was… Party Poison felt sick. No, this was the worst. Jet was going to pretend it wasn't happening, and Kid was going to see, and Rave was going to be offering encouragement, but it was Ghoul who… "Come on, pretend you don't fucking want it." Hair snatched up by a familiar hand, a friends hand. "Gentle with him, Ghoul." Rave giggled. "Gotta leave something for Jimmy." A grin, nasty grin as he turned his attention back to Party Poison._

Somehow he managed to wake up without screaming. Took him a few seconds to realise where he was. Safe, not

chained, not…

He had to get the fuck out of the room. Pulling on jeans and t-shirt, he was out in the corridor and headed towards the main doors. He needed to get outside, needed that false feeling of freedom (what about the Dracs? What about…? Fuck it. He'd deal with them if he had to) Stopped by a familiar voice that nearly scared him half to death. "Hey, Poison." Sitting just in the doorway, exactly where Party Poison should've expected him to be, Fun Ghoul was smiling up at him. _Just his normal, friendly smile, don't fucking see what's not there, _Party Poison had to tell himself, before the wave of panic crashed over him. But Fun Ghoul must've seen a trace of it anyway. "You alright?" He asked, smile dissolving, concern taking it's place. Party Poison nodded. "Liar." Fun Ghoul accused. Party Poison certainly didn't look alright. Pale, a look of anxiety he was desperately trying to hide, and just why the fuck couldn't Party Poison look his way? A hand pushed back through his hair, Party Poison sighed, then sat down beside Fun Ghoul. Still not looking at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Since when do you have questions?" Truth was, of course, Party Poison tried not to have questions, but, "All the fucking time." Another sigh. And, finally, the question he didn't want to ask, but needed an answer to. "If… If I was" faint, disbelieving laugh "I can't believe I'm asking this… If I was in trouble… You would… Help me, right?" And oh God, now the question was out there, and Party Poison had never felt so fucking stupid, so fucking scared and he could _feel_ Fun Ghoul looking at him. And yes, Fun Ghoul was staring, and he was watching, closer than he had been, and he noticed how Party Poison was shaking, actually shaking, despite the heat of the night, a light sweat on his face also clearly nothing to do with heat. Party Poison was scared, terrified of something. None of this, however, stopped Fun Ghoul from hitting him. Not hard, but more than enough to get the point across. Caught so off guard, Party Poison nearly ended up sprawled on the floor, only just catching himself in time. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Fun Ghoul demanded. Party Poison winced, not just because of the light pain in his jaw, hand going to it instinctively, he shook his head, dismissively. "I know! I know! I'm sorry! I don't-"

"This has got something to do with Saint Jimmy, hasn't it?" Party Poison nodded. "Yeah, but, sorry Ghoul, ignore me, I-"

"Gonna tell me what prompted your stupid question?" A sideways glance at Fun Ghoul. Oh great, now he was gonna sound like a whiney kid scared of his own dreams. "It's nothing. Just a, just a dream, nothing."

"So what did I have to do with it?" The question of Saint Jimmy was not needed. Somehow, Party Poison found himself answering, "You were…" if not completely "There. Everyone was, you, Jet, Kid, Rave. And…"

"None of us were helping you." Statement, Fun Ghoul knew that was the only explanation. Party Poison was back to simple nodding. And Fun Ghoul knew better than to ask him any more. As much as Party Poison tried to force himself to say something he was too damn worried, sure the words that would find their way out of his mouth would be: _NO, NO ONE WAS HELPING ME. BUT IT WAS YOU THAT SCARED ME THE FUCKING MOST. YOU WEREN'T JUST WATCHING. YOU WERE JOINING IN. YOU STOPPED SAINT JIMMY BUT ONLY SO YOU COULD HAVE YOUR TURN WITH ME. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO FUCKING DO TO ME BUT I'M TERRIFIED YOU WERE GOING TO-_

He couldn't even think that last bit. And there was no fucking way he was going to tell Fun Ghoul any of that. Finally, trusting himself enough, "I'm sorry…" Fun Ghoul nodded. "Yeah, look, Poison. Stop doubting everyone."

"I don't-" Fun Ghoul interrupted his protest. "What, or rather, who did we have to have a conversation about earlier? And now you're asking _me_ if I'd help you or not? And I'm fucking sure that you'd have asked anyone you'd stumbled across the same question. You'd have asked Kid the same thing, and he's your fucking brother. Now tell me that's not fucked up?" Not a word from Party Poison, exactly the answer Fun Ghoul was expecting. "Right. Now I don't know what it is about Saint Jimmy that's got you all messed up and doubting us-""Yes you do." Party Poison said, quietly. Looking at him carefully, Fun Ghoul tried to get everything that Party Poison meant by that. Part of it was because of Rave, part of it was probably something to do with whatever had happened with Saint Jimmy earlier, still knew that wasn't everything. "Maybe. But, Poison, we're your… Family. You risk your life damn near every day for us. And we do the same thing for you. And now, I don't know if this is lack of sleep making me say this, but it's fucking true so I'm gonna tell you anyway. We all fucking love you, Gee." Party Poison couldn't completely hold back the smile. "No real names." He said, simply. Fun Ghoul punched him on the arm for that one. Party Poison laughed, and God that felt nice, finally, he felt relaxed. He'd known all that stuff Fun Ghoul had told him, but… "Anyway, thanks. I guess, sometimes… I kinda forget." It was then that he realised Fun Ghoul was leant slightly against him, eyes closed. He laughed, "And you are fucking beat, Ghoul. Go get some sleep, I'll take over for the rest of the night." Lifting himself up ever so slightly, only to fall back against Party Poison again, never once opening his eyes, Fun Ghoul managed, "You sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure." Party Poison told him, nudging him up slightly. "You're falling all over me. Go." With a little effort, Fun Ghoul got himself to his feet and heading toward the many rooms.

He made one stop first though. Third door down on the left, the room in which Rave was still asleep, the door was open from when Party Poison had hurried outside. Fun Ghoul stepped in, looked over to the bed, Rave seemed fine, still asleep, still not noticing that Party Poison had left. (Although perhaps the way she'd curled in on herself spoke otherwise?) Fun Ghoul almost felt bad, he knew how Rave would worry, would miss Party Poison when she woke up. Not that she was anywhere near as bad as she had been in the early days. Just as he went to back out of the room, Rave turned, eyes slowly opening, eventually focusing on him. She smiled as she sat up slightly. "Hey Ghoul. Where's Poison?" He was a little amazed that the question hadn't bypassed the greeting entirely. Fun Ghoul smiled back as he walked further in, sitting on the bed, beside Rave. "I wussed out." Fun Ghoul told her. "Can't stay awake much longer, Poison's taking over for me." Well, it was true. "Oh." He didn't think he missed the hint of disappointment. "Ok."

"You can always go and join him, sure he'd appreciate the company." Fun Ghoul offered, before noticing Rave's eyes closing slightly. Then he laughed, "Then again, he could probably do without someone else falling asleep on him." Eyes open again, a quizzical look. "You fell asleep on him? Actually… _On _him?"

"Pretty much." Fun Ghoul admitted. And Rave grinned. "Who knew you had such a snugly side?" Another laugh. "Anyway. Better go find someplace to crash." As Fun Ghoul got up, Rave watched him, biting her lip slightly from indecision. "You could… Always…" She eventually managed. Fun Ghoul grinned, "Now, Miss Rave, what are you suggesting?" Rave rolled her eyes and told him, "Just wanna take advantage of your snugly side while it's here." No comment from Fun Ghoul, just looking at her very sceptically. Eventually, Rave gave in, "Alright. And… I don't exactly feel… Safe. Alone." she admitted, half hoping he wouldn't get what she meant. "Saint Jimmy's fucking with everyone, isn't he?" Of course he did though. Rave looked away, so she didn't see Fun Ghoul sit back down. "Sure, I'll spend the night with you." Heard him though, and she looked up again, and smiled.

She watched, almost absently, as Fun Ghoul shrugged off his jacket, along with gun and holster, placed on the floor beside the bed. Ever cautious. As a Killjoy you have to be. Kicked off his boots. Couldn't help thinking how it had been only hours ago she'd watched Party Poison go through the same routine. Hands going to his belt. Pausing. Looking at Rave. The question in his eyes before it was on his lips, "You don't…"

"Ghoul." A slight smile. "How many times have we shared a bed?" That was a good enough answer it appeared. Though it was then that Rave looked away, eyes dropping to the bedcovers. Not because she was embarrassed, but because again she'd been thinking about Party Poison.

_She sat on the edge of the bed, watching him. He was doing this on purpose now, she was sure of it. "Poison. Just get over here." He looked up, and smiled. Then he was on her, pushing her down onto the bed. A small curtain of red hair brushing against her cheek as Poison kissed her. Hands pushing and finding ways in and under clothes. Rave's hand finding trouble with his belt. "Poison, I-" He sat up, undoing it for her, unbuttoning, unzipping, back down almost immediately. She found her way in nicely then, and-_

Those thoughts just weren't appropriate when one of her closest friends was about to get in bed with her.

Rave shuffled over to the other side of the bed, letting Fun Ghoul get in and comfortable, turning on his side, he smiled slightly at her. "What's the matter? Not good enough for you anymore?" Moving closer again, "shut up, sexy." Fun Ghoul laughed as Rave snuggled up close to him. "Knew it was always me you wanted."

"Mmhmm." Rave said in agreement. "Only with Poison for the power." Added, "And, of course, the sex." Another laugh, "You don't know, I could be better."

"Not now, Poison wore me out."

"This is really not an appropriate conversation for us to be having." Fun Ghoul pointed out, trying to be serious. "It's three in the fucking morning, what conversation is appropriate?" Rave challenged. "Good point." He agreed, putting his arm around her. "Sleep, I think." A nod from Rave. A short stretch of silence. "I hope Poison's ok."

"You always do, and he always is." Fun Ghoul said, kissing her lightly on her forehead.

It was kinda like old times. Back in the first couple of years when Rave had joined them. She'd still been so scared back then, so vulnerable, especially without Party Poison.

"_Rave, I promise, it'll only be one night. You won't even miss me." Party Poison assured her. "Won't miss you? Poison, I-"_

"_Rave. Please. It's been a month since I last took a night watch, it's starting to take a toll on the guys, they can't keep covering for me. Sooner or later one of them is gonna burn out or something. I can't let that happen." _

_Eventually Rave had had to give in. Out of the two rooms in the place that were available, Rave was allowed one to herself, the three remaining Killjoys putting up with sharing (not like they weren't used to it). _

_None of them knew who heard it first. They all seemed to wake at the same time, not that it was loud, just persistent. "I guess we should've seen this coming." Jet Star commented. Kobra Kid nodded, falling back on his makeshift bed and simply pulling his covers up over his head. Fun Ghoul didn't reply, stayed sat up, staring at the doorway, in the direction of the soft sound of crying. "We all know how attached she is to Poison." Jet Star continued. "We knew this was gonna be hard for her." Without an answer still, "Not that I'm saying Poison took the decision lightly. Or that he shouldn't have done it. We all- Ghoul. Are you even hearing me?" Finally, throwing his covers off, Fun Ghoul got up, heading to the door. "I'm gonna make sure she's ok." _

_Standing just inside the doorway, Fun Ghoul looked in, saw the bundle of sheets and pillows that made up the bed, Rave caught up somewhere in between. Hesitantly, "Rave?" No answer, but he could still hear her. He came in closer. "Rave, I… Came to see… If you're ok?" God it was a stupid question. Of course she wasn't. Her back to him, she was curled up tight. It was almost scary to see how much she was shaking. Tentatively, Fun Ghoul reached out, lightly touching her shoulder. Rave jumped so violently Fun Ghoul stepped back, though not too far, hands held out in a calming gesture. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Rave. I just…" She was sat up, staring at him now. Eyes red and sore looking, cheeks wet, Rave blinked, trying too blink back more tears it seemed. Not quite managing it. Fun Ghoul couldn't think what else to say to her, if there was anything else he could say. "I came by to check on you." And, finally, Rave replied. "I woke you up, didn't I?" With a small smile, Fun Ghoul nodded, "Yeah, but it's ok." He assured. Rave bowed her head, fresh wave of tears, held back. Just. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake anyone. I just…""Missing Poison?" Fun Ghoul supplied, helpfully. Rave nodded. "He's only just outside, you know?" Fun Ghoul told her, gently, crouching down beside the mattress. "You can always go out and see him if you need to." again, Rave nodded. "I know but… I'd just get in the way." Fun Ghoul grinned, "More likely you'd be a distraction." He told her. "We'd be busy fighting off a load of Dracs and you and Poison would be busy making out." Eyes widening, and cheeks turning red, Rave looked away, shyly. "What? Think no one saw the two of you in the car yesterday?" If at all possible, Rave looked even more embarrassed. "Hey, don't worry. I happen to think you're really good for him." Looking up again, frowning. But Fun Ghoul shook his head, now was not to time to be getting into this. "So, what're the chances of you getting some sleep, huh?" Rave shrugged, then shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'll keep quiet, I promise. But I can't… Not without…" She felt so stupid, realising (but already knowing) how dependant she'd become on Party Poison. Fun Ghoul nodded, he'd kinda expected that. Then, "Well… I'm not Poison, that's for sure. But… Maybe you'd accept a poor substitute?" Rave just stared at him, trying to figure out what he was offering. "I'll stay the night with you, if you want." He clarified. "Why?" Rave asked, suspiciously. "What do you-?"_

"_Nothing!" Fun Ghoul interrupted, slightly surprised by what she'd thought he'd been suggesting. "Nothing. Just… To help you feel a little safer." Still frowning, Rave looked him up and down. Taking in his limited clothing of t-shirt and shorts. Fun Ghoul noticed. "I can go and put more clothes on if it'll-""No." Rave cut in. "No. That's… Ok." Somehow, she was finding herself trusting him easily. Probably down to how she'd watched Party Poison around him. He trusted Fun Ghoul, so why wouldn't that be good enough for Rave? She was slowly learning to trust all the Killjoys. She pushed back the covers, allowing him to get in. He wasn't exactly surprised that Rave stayed right on the other side to start with. Then, tentatively, she moved closer. Not wanting to scare her off, but still wanting to let her know he didn't mind, Fun Ghoul put an arm around her. She moved in close then. "I hope Poison's ok." She said. "He always is." Fun Ghoul assured her. He was only a little surprised to find she'd fallen asleep within only a few seconds after that._

_Of course, eventually, when the sun finally came up, Party Poison came back inside. Hoping to get a few hours sleep before they moved on. He stopped at the first room, seeing Jet Star asleep in the 'bed' nearest the door, a bundle of sheets he could only identify as having Kobra Kid underneath because of one arm being exposed. A third spot, with covers thrown back, marking out the space that had been Fun Ghoul's. Relieved that this meant he wouldn't have to pick someone to wake up, but wondering why he hadn't seen Fun Ghoul already, Party Poison none the less headed to the next room, he needed to check on Rave. _

_He wasn't expecting what he walked in on. Immediately aware that there was more than one person in the bed, Party Poison had to admit he was a little slow on the uptake, it began to sink in though. And he realised it was Fun Ghoul he was seeing, asleep, in bed with Rave curled up close to him. Before too many wild thoughts could race through his mind, Fun Ghoul opened his eyes, clearly having sensed someone else in the room. Only half awake, he smiled slightly when he saw Party Poison, "Hey, Poison, is it morning already?" Keeping himself calm, Poison said, "Ghoul. Tell me this isn't what it looks like." Frowning slightly, Fun Ghoul then glanced beside him, to Rave. He rolled his eyes and sat up. "Poison. This isn't what it looks like."_

"_Good, because it looks like my friend waited until I was gone for the night to-""Poison!" Fun Ghoul snapped. "I told you. That's not what this is." Party Poison waited. Impatiently. "Look, Poison, she…" He decided not to hold back on him. "She was crying, Poison. Really badly. She woke us all up. So I came by to check on her." A slight pause. "She was missing you, Poison. She couldn't sleep she was missing you so much. I just offered to stay with her until you got back." Party Poison continued staring at him, but perhaps he was listening, taking this in. Finally, with a sigh, "I really thought she'd be ok." Glancing at Rave, back to Fun Ghoul as he got up. Trying not to react to seeing the (lack of) clothing he was wearing. "I'm sorry… I just wasn't expecting-" Fun Ghoul shook his head. "I know it looked suspicious." Raising an eyebrow, "Ya think? But… Thanks Ghoul, for looking after her." _

"_Don't worry about it." Party Poison nodded. Then Fun Ghoul grinned at him, "Now, I'm sure she'd rather wake up to find __**you **__next to her." _

It seemed like forever ago. Since Rave had gotten stronger, in every sense of the word, she'd stopped asking to have Fun Ghoul with her, and since the first time it hadn't seemed right for him to offer anyway. Fun Ghoul was right, Saint Jimmy was fucking with everyone.

He just kinda hoped Saint Jimmy didn't have any plans for him.

(but he'd never admit he was worried).

"Should've known it wouldn't take long for you to make your move again." Fun Ghoul opened his eyes to see Party Poison standing over him, arms folded, a smirk in place. Fun Ghoul laughed, softly, closing his eyes again and stretching. "Yeah, well, you know, not my fault if you can't satisfy the lady." Party Poison hit him for that one, and Fun Ghoul made a half hearted attempt to hit back. Finally sitting up, "Anyway, guess if you're back, means it's time for me to take over?" Party Poison shook his head, "Kicked Kid outta bed already."

"Then what the hell are you doing waking me up?" Fun Ghoul asked, as if he didn't know. "Well, apparently, reclaiming my girlfriend for one thing." A small, smiling silence. The words 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' were hardly ever used. Then, a little more seriously, "It's been a while, Ghoul." Fun Ghoul nodded. "One guess why."

"Saint." It wasn't even a question. "Uh huh."

"Fuck. I saw him… Wandering around." Party Poison admitted. "What the fuck? Doesn't he sleep?" Fun Ghoul asked. Sure, they all took it in turns to stay up all night, but that was because they had to. "Are you ok?" Party Poison nodded, "Yeah. He didn't come anywhere near me. Guess he's decided not to-" He stopped himself then, glancing at Fun Ghoul, who was watching him, waiting for him to continue. Party Poison shook his head, and didn't. Eventually, Fun Ghoul gave up, starting to re-dress. "Might as well go join Kid, sure it'll help soothe the pain of being kicked out of bed if he's got someone to share the experience with." Party Poison laughed, "Oh yeah, one big 'we hate Poison' party, huh?" Grinning, Fun Ghoul replied as he stood up, "Exactly." Looking a little concerned now, Party Poison said, "Don't you think it might be a good idea if you got a little more sleep, Ghoul?" Fun Ghoul raised an eyebrow at him, "Says the man waking me up and forcing me out of bed."

"Forcing you out of _my_ bed." Party Poison corrected. "Seriously, Ghoul. Find someplace to crash. You've had, what? Fours hours? Tops?" Fun Ghoul shrugged, "I feel fine now. And anyway, you say Saint Jimmy's wandering around?" Party Poison nodded. "Well, it may have slipped your attention, Poison, but Saint Jimmy's not exactly Kid's favourite person.""Is he anyone's?" Fun Ghoul stopped himself from pointing out Rave, that wasn't going to help. Any of them. "I'd just rather avoid blood before breakfast, that's all." Party Poison nodded. "My brother would kick his ass, you know?" He added, proudly. "Always kicks yours, doesn't he?"

"Fuck you, Ghoul." Pausing at the door, Fun Ghoul looked back, grinning, "Right back at ya, bitch."

Rave opened her eyes, and smiled when the first thing she saw was Party Poison, eyes perfectly closed, his hair covering half his face. She leant forward slightly, and kissed him, lightly, on the lips. A perfect, small smile as he slowly opened his eyes. The smile broadened as Party Poison pushed back the hair from his face. "One of these days I'm gonna wake up and Ghoul _won't_ have mysteriously transformed into you." Rave said, quietly. "Not if I can help it." Party Poison told her, leaning in to kiss her again. "We should really get up." Rave didn't argue, though she wanted to, and anyway, Party Poison was already up and getting dressed again. "Something wrong, Poison?" She asked, sitting up. Party Poison shook his head, "No, but come on, the guys'll be awake now." Rave grinned, yeah, that sounded about right. Another kiss, "I'll tell them you're on your way."


	6. I Am The Son of Bitch

**A/N: Once again everyone, hey and thank you for reading so far!**

**Ok. Chapter six... This is where things get kinda... Messy. A few warnings here... Obviously, for bad language (though I'm sure your probably used to that by now...) some violence, verbal abuse and abuse of a more... Intimate nature.**

**The title from this chapter comes from the American Idiot song, 'Saint Jimmy' (yes, again) And you'll soon see why it has that title.**

**As ever, I do not own the Killjoys or Saint Jimmy. **

**I'll let you get on with reading now... Hope you enjoy this chapter! (um, as much as you can...)**

**Chapter 6 - I Am The Son of Bitch**

Everyone had been ready for a difficult and uncomfortable day, but, surprisingly, Saint Jimmy stayed perfectly out of everyone's way. Only the fact that every now and then, one of them saw him in one of the rooms disproved the theory that he'd just left. No fights, no arguments, no… Anything, from Saint Jimmy.

Unfortunately, it was far too good to last.

Round the back of the building, and Fun Ghoul and Kobra Kid were enjoying some fighting practice.

Well, one of them was enjoying it at least.

As he was slammed to the ground again, Fun Ghoul was able to appreciate the small mercy that this time at least he wasn't face down in the sand, like the previous times. "I still don't see why you can't be beating your brother up right now." Fun Ghoul grumbled. Kobra Kid grinned down at him, "You need the practice Ghoul. C'mon, I know I'm good, but you're just making it too easy."

"Yeah, that, and this is pay back for what you said this morning." Fun Ghoul turned his head to where Party Poison was sitting on the ground, leant up against the wall of the building, Rave sat beside him, head resting gently on his shoulder. Fun Ghoul glared at Party Poison, then looked up to the hand Kobra Kid was offering him. Taking it, Fun Ghoul allowed himself to be helped to his feet. "Alright, Kid, but this time, I'm not holding back."

Kobra Kid smirked. "That's what you said last time."

"Maybe Kid could go a little easier on him." Rave said, quietly. "If he can't beat Kid, how's he gonna do against a bunch of Dracs?" Rave laughed. "Pretty sure no Drac is as good as Kid. And, Poison, come on, you know Ghoul's been up pretty much two days straight. Won't do him much good if he's too worn out from practice, either." Party Poison couldn't argue with that. "Yeah, you're right. I'll step in in a minute."

"And I'll lock Ghoul in a room if that's what it takes to force him to sleep." Rave added, pleased she was being listened to on this one. More for Fun Ghoul's sake than her own. "I'll be right back." Party Poison told her, pushing her gently up and off his shoulder. Taking his sunglasses off, he carefully placed them on Rave, then kissed her. "Make sure my brother doesn't kill Ghoul." Just as he said that, Fun Ghoul managed, for the first time, to send Kobra Kid down. Victory was short lived, however, when Kobra Kid very precisely kicked out, sending Fun Ghoul to the ground once more. Rave couldn't help laughing at the two of them in a messy, sand covered heap. Shaking her head, Rave went over to help them both up.

He'd gone looking for Jet Star, to find out how he was getting on with fixing the radio. They'd not heard from Dr Death for a few weeks now, and Party Poison was sure something must be up. Unfortunately, their stereo had gotten smashed to pieces, and the one they'd found in this place, though mostly together, clearly hadn't been used in a very long time. So, yeah, that was where he'd been heading.

He didn't even fucking know why he walked into the room he and Rave had shared last night. As soon as he stepped in however, he knew something was wrong. The door slammed closed behind him. Party Poison didn't

even need to turn around to know who he'd find standing there. Saint Jimmy, leant against the door, grinning smugly at him. Party Poison sighed. "What'd you want, Saint?" If possible, the grin widened. "Oh now, Cherry Top, don't you remember what I told you yesterday?" Pushing himself off the door now. "When I decide what I want…"

"Yeah. I remember. Why don't you tell me already, Saint, so I can tell you to fuck off sooner?" Raising an eyebrow at him, "Well, Cherry Top. You've certainly gained some fucking confidence since yesterday.""You're not as intimidating as you seem to think." Party Poison told him. Saint Jimmy shrugged. He was looking at the bed in a way that made Party Poison very nervous. Then Saint Jimmy looked back up at him. "Never guess what I saw last night. Looked like your girl was having a little fun with one of your gang." Party Poison rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to reply, Saint Jimmy got in again first. "How long do you think they've been screwing behind your back?"

"Fuck off Saint." Party Poison snapped. "Rave and Ghoul were in bed together last night because she didn't feel safe alone. I wonder why?"

"Never said who it was, Cherry Top. Common occurrence then?" Saint Jimmy goaded. Party Poison, again, rolled his eyes. "I'm not discussing my family with you." He stated. This was more than enough already, he decided, heading towards the door. Saint Jimmy got in his way. "Just fuck off, Saint." There was that fucking grin again. "Planning on making me?" Party Poison pushed Saint Jimmy out the way, he continued for the door. Somehow, he never quite got there.

He found himself shoved against the wall, arm jerked up and held behind his back. Saint Jimmy laughing in his ear. "You made that too fucking easy, Cherry Top." Party Poison struggled, ashamed to find he couldn't shake Saint Jimmy off. "Get the fuck off me!" He snapped. More laughter, and Saint Jimmy yanked his arm higher. Party Poison gave a small yelp of pain. "Just remember, next time you're up there doing your big bad Killjoy leader bullshit, I'm fucking stronger than you." So that was what this was about? Again, Party Poison struggled. "You really think I've never been threatened before? I'm a fucking Killjoy, I-" Another sharp tug cut off Party Poison's sentence. "Yeah? I was more of a goddamn Killjoy back when you were still living the good life." And, oddly, Party Poison relaxed slightly. "What? Thought you were the only ones rebelling against the system? I was doing it half my fucking life." No, Party Poison didn't think that, he knew they weren't the only rebels, he knew there were other groups out there. He'd just never stopped to consider that Saint Jimmy might be one of them. "Just let me go, Saint." He said, quietly. Remarkably, he felt Saint Jimmy's hold on his wrist loosen. "Well, Cherry Top. The thing is…" And then it returned, tighter than before. "I've decided what I want." Party Poison closed his eyes, tight. Feeling, knowing what it was that Saint Jimmy was going to say next. He could feel Saint Jimmy's lips on his ear as he told him, "You."

Saint Jimmy kissed his ear, and Party Poison cringed. A soft laugh. As he felt the hand that wasn't holding him attempting to get in under his shirt, Party Poison panicked. _Oh fuck. He's got me and he's stronger than me and he's going to…_

Party Poison forced himself to snap out of it. "Don't you fucking touch me!" Another laugh, hot against his skin. That hand had found it's way under his shirt now, Saint Jimmy's warm, soft touch, gliding up then down his side. Snaking round and then, suddenly, not touching him at all. Party Poison hadn't realised he'd been holding his breath, Saint Jimmy certainly did though. "What Cherry Top? Like that?" Attempting to push Saint Jimmy off him again, "Fuck off, Saint! Get the fuck off me! Don't-" Saint Jimmy shoved him, painfully. "Oh, come on, Cherry Top." He purred. "Don't expect me to believe you're fucking inexperienced here." Hand on his ass, briefly, letting him in on what Saint Jimmy meant. As if he didn't already know. "Shut the fuck up! Of course I'm-""I mean, four guys, only one girl." Saint Jimmy interrupted. "And I know for a fact she's not been here the whole time. Don't expect me to believe you never… Experimented." The last word said softly. A flick of the tongue just grazing Party Poison's jaw line. Yes. He shivered. Saint Jimmy's hand on the side of his leg, caressing in a very seductive _(no, fuck, no, stop this) _way. "I guess, as leader, you get the pick, huh? Any you can recommend? What about Rave's little shoulder to cry on, huh? Ghoul, is it?" Party Poison stayed silent, he wouldn't give in, wouldn't let him get to him like this, he- "Or, how about your brother?" That fucking did it. And, finally, there was that strength he needed. Shoving Saint Jimmy off him, Party Poison turned, pushing him to the floor. Now it was Saint Jimmy's turn to be pinned, Party Poison's arm across his chest. Infuriatingly, Saint Jimmy was laughing. "Shut the fuck up!" Party Poison snarled. "You stay the fuck away from my brother." That fucking grin! "Funny. He said the same about you." Raised eyebrow, and Party Poison knew he wasn't going to like what was coming next, but he just couldn't think how to shut Saint Jimmy up! "Really that fucking good together, are you? Tell me then, what's it like? Does the fact that you shouldn't, that it's wrong make it better? Go on, what's it's like when it's the two of you, and you've got him and-" Eventually Party Poison settled for punching Saint Jimmy, successfully re-opening the wound from when Kobra Kid had hit him. Fitting. And yet, still, louder and dirtier, Saint Jimmy laughed. Noticeably having to get his breath back before continuing. "Oh. I'm sorry. Of course, it's the other way around, isn't it? Even with all your macho leader bullshit, I knew I got the submissive vibe off you."

"You're fucking sick, you know that, Saint?" Party Poison spat. And oh fucking God he _felt_ sick. Just hearing Saint Jimmy talk… "I'm not the one screwing my little brother." Party Poison raised his arm again, and even he wasn't sure if it was just a warning, or if he was getting ready to keep hitting until Saint Jimmy _shut up_. "So, not Kiddie?" Saint Jimmy cut in. Oh great, so now he had a 'pet' name for Kobra Kid too? "What about Rave's little sympathiser? Now him, he seems like he'd be an obedient fuck. That right, Cherry Top? Lay down all nice and easy for you, did he?" That time Party Poison did hit him again. "You fucking leave Ghoul out of this!" Saint Jimmy's eyes widened with gleeful realisation. "Oh. Hold on. I've touched a nerve with that one, haven't I? Have I stumbled across your dirty little secret?" His taunting voice was driving Party Poison crazy. "Shut the fuck up!" He snapped. "I don't blame you, Cherry Top." Saint Jimmy said, almost sweetly. "It does get lonely, out here in the desert, doesn't it?" Tone changing, to match his smile, wicked. "And after all, he is fucking cute." Party Poison wasn't sure what did it, all he knew was, for just a second, he wasn't paying attention. And then he was on his back, pinned by Saint Jimmy again. "Of course, not quite as fucking cute as you." Before he could do a thing, Saint Jimmy's lips were on his and he was powerless to stop him. "Let's have a little fun, shall we, Cherry Top?" Saint Jimmy purred. Kissing his ear, down his jaw, his neck. He shivered, again, and Saint Jimmy looked so fucking proud of himself. "What's the matter, Cherry Top?" He teased. "Get off me." Party Poison tried for another snarl, it came out more hushed, husky than he'd wanted. Saint Jimmy chuckled, and then slipped his hand between them. "Saint! No! Fuck!" Party Poison's attempts to buck Saint Jimmy off seemed to only encourage him. Hand at his belt. "Saint!" And suddenly, mouth covered by Saint Jimmy's again. "Hush, Cherry Top, there'll be plenty of time for you to scream my name." His belt undone, Saint Jimmy paused to place his hand between Party Poison's legs, lightly, slowly rubbing him through his jeans. "Find me fucking sexy?" He asked, tauntingly. Party Poison shook his head. Still trying to push him off. Saint Jimmy ignored him, continued with his task. Top button of his jeans undone. Another try at pushing Saint Jimmy off, or at least pushing him away. Found his hands caught up by Saint Jimmy's. Forced, held down either side of him, Saint Jimmy trapped one hand under his knee, his now free hand placed gently on Party Poison's cheek. "I can and will knock you out if you make me. I'd rather not, though. So stop _fucking _fighting me." But the idea of not fighting this? Of not fighting back? Party Poison couldn't even consider it. He hated that though he struggled, he couldn't get free. "Now, now. Cherry Top. What did I just tell you?" Party Poison didn't even have time to register what Saint Jimmy was doing before he felt the back of his head smack against the floor. Not hard enough to knock him out (but only because that's how Saint Jimmy planned it) but enough to leave him feeling dazed, detached. Party Poison closed his eyes. "No, no. Cherry Top." Saint Jimmy whispered. Party Poison felt Saint Jimmy's hand at his jeans again. Undone, pushed down. Somehow his brain wasn't working fast enough to stop it now. "Want you with me for this." He was completely unable to stop Saint Jimmy, who now had exactly what he wanted. Control over Party Poison, in the most intimate of ways. As he felt Saint Jimmy's hand slip under, inside his underwear, taking hold of him, moving surprisingly carefully, Party Poison bit back a gasp. "Why are you-?"

"Because, Cherry Top, this way you'll never be able to look at me the same again. Never look me in the eye without thinking: He made me fucking scream." _Make him stop! _"Stop." Party Poison managed. Saint Jimmy's mouth at his ear again, "Oh now, Cherry Top, stop fucking fighting this, you know you don't want to." His hand moving slowly. Party Poison closed his eyes, tight, turned his face away. But there was no escaping that, no escaping that touch, and the fact his own body was betraying him. _As if I actually want this. _He opened his mouth, scared of what might leave it. _Please let it be a curse. _

And then, completely without warning. Party Poison was aware that Saint Jimmy had stopped. His hand sliding back away, but the other did not let go of his wrist. "Want more?" Saint Jimmy taunted. "Fucking sucks to be left half way, huh? To be left so… Unsatisfied." Party Poison stayed silent. Mainly because he was worried that his words might betray him like his body had. As Saint Jimmy's hand stroked along his hip, though, a small, wanting sound escaped him. "Aw… You fucking do, don't you? Fucking want my hand on you again, huh? Want it touching and stroking and rubbing your pretty cock until you come, huh?" Still, Party Poison stayed silent, or tried to. Little sounds he couldn't help. _For fucks sake, shut up! _"Want it? Gonna beg me for it?" Saint Jimmy's hand, finding it's way once more. Leaning down, close to his ear again, Saint Jimmy said, "Tough luck, slut." And took that hand away again. Then he got up. Left Party Poison. But still, Party Poison couldn't move. Feeling hot, sticky with sweat, and shame. _Oh God, how could I let that happen? _He knew Saint Jimmy had only stopped because he wanted to, because he felt like it. Because he was bored of Party Poison. Panting slightly, and Party Poison was trying, desperately to hold back tears. He couldn't pretend Saint Jimmy had stopped because he'd made him. "Don't feel bad, Cherry Top." Saint Jimmy said, casually, Party Poison could _feel _his smug smile. "You held out longer than some. Everyone gives in to Saint Jimmy eventually. So, who do you think I should go for next huh?" He was smoking, Party Poison didn't even have to open his eyes to know it, he could smell it. "Stay the fuck away from them." He managed, with as much fire and venom as he could muster. Saint Jimmy laughed. "I'm sorry, you're just not very commanding with your pants down like that." Somehow, he'd forgotten about that. Snapping his eyes open, Party Poison hurriedly got up, desperately trying to regain some dignity. Unfortunately, all his standing up did was give Saint Jimmy another chance to get hold of him, pulling him down again. Face down on the bed this time. "Did I say I was done with you, Cherry Top?" So maybe Saint Jimmy wasn't bored of him just yet. One hand on his back, holding him, and Saint Jimmy on top of him also keeping him down. And now, now Party Poison panicked, really panicked this time. "No, Saint-""You said no last time Cherry Top, and you seemed to enjoy that. So how the fuck am I supposed to know that 'no' doesn't really mean 'yes' with you?" And then he heard, he knew Saint Jimmy was undoing his own belt, and Party Poison's was still undone and… "Saint! No! I mean 'no', Please!" Then, a whisper in his ear. "Maybe I won't" He said. "Maybe I'll stop…" Far too long pause. "If you tell me your real name, Cherry Top."

What? Why did he want to know that? One thing was sure though, Party Poison had the answer for him. "Fuck off Saint, I'm not telling you." "Suit yourself." Jeans tugged down again, exposed, vulnerable again. "Get the fuck off me!" "You know my price, Cherry Top. C'mon, what's a name for your dignity? What's left of it, anyway."

"Just get the fuck off me! Don't fucking touch me!" Saint Jimmy chuckled. "Gonna have to find a new curse, Cherry Top, that one's kinda… Provocative. Now, quick question. You and, uh… What's his name? Ghoul, right? You guys ever get this far? Or has it all just been fumbling and sucking each other off?" And that was the point that he knew, really knew what Saint Jimmy was thinking of. "I told you to fucking leave him out of this! Leave them all out of this! Just-" His own yelp of pain cut him off. _Stop, please, it hurts_. "I'm going to go with… No." Saint Jimmy proclaimed. Party Poison hated himself for it, but he whimpered. "Please, Saint. Don't." Hot breath against his ear again. "One last chance, Cherry Top. You can stop this. Just tell me your real name. Come on, just a fucking name, that's all I want, not much to ask, considering what I'm giving up, I mean-""Gerard." Party Poison was stunned to hear his voice, even if so small. But to hear his voice, saying his name. Oh God. "What was that?" Saint Jimmy asked. Party Poison whimpered again. _Please don't make me say it again_. "Gerard. My name is Gerard Way." And now his second name too. Fantastic. What was he thinking? Now he knew Mi- _Kobra Kid's _real last name too. An eternal couple of seconds, and then Saint Jimmy leant down, kissing his neck. "Thanks. Gerard." He whispered. Party Poison cringed. But then Saint Jimmy was off him, and he heard the door open, slam shut, then slowly creak open of it's own accord. Party Poison scrambled to his knees, fixing his jeans and then huddling up in the corner of the bed. Burying his face just as the tears finally came.

Fun Ghoul, after finally putting a stop to 'let's beat up Fun Gho-' sorry, he meant 'fighting practice' himself, decided to go find Party Poison. Rave said he'd told her he'd only be gone a minute. It was definitely longer than that by now. On his way down the corridor, he passed Saint Jimmy, who grinned in a scarily 'knowing' way. Whatever, he didn't have time for him right now. A few doors down, the room he recognised as the one Rave and Party Poison had shared the previous night, and he heard something rare and utterly terrifying. And as he got to the door, he found it was just as bad, and possibly worse (not that he was sure of that yet) as he thought.

Fun Ghoul stepped, tentatively into the room. "Poison. What's wrong? What happened?" He reached the bed, carefully sat beside Party Poison, watching, waiting for an answer. Without raising it in the slightest, Party Poison shook his head. Fun Ghoul tentatively reached out, placing his hand on Party Poison's arm, a silent gesture asking to be let in. Then, quietly, mostly incoherently, something that may have been a sentence. "I'm sorry, Poison, what was that?" Head finally raising from the cocoon of arms and knees he'd made of himself, Party Poison repeated, louder, but brokenly. "He fucking won!" His face was a mess of tears, his red hair sticking randomly to it. And Fun Ghoul knew he didn't want to ask, didn't want to know. But, at the same time, had to. "Poison… What…?"

"I didn't… I wasn't expecting… Oh… Fuck. He had me fucking held down, Ghoul. And he was talking shit about… About Kid, and about you and… And… Fuck! It's all my fucking fault! He…" Party Poison was talking so fast, only pausing when he was having trouble saying the next bit. He seemed so scared. Fun Ghoul reached out again, trying to prise one of his hands away from his knees. When that didn't work, he shuffled closer, reaching out to touch his face, calm him down. That only succeeded in making Party Poison shrink away from him. That's the first hint Fun Ghoul got of what Saint Jimmy might have done. He tried to look, to see if there was anything else that might tell him what Saint Jimmy had done. He couldn't see any obvious signs of anything in particular. Then he saw the bruise on Party Poison's wrist. That wouldn't necessarily tell him much. Except… If it'd just been a fight, Party Poison would've told him. He would've been angry, probably annoyed with himself. Not… Like this. It was all adding up to something much worse. "Oh God, Poison, did he…?" Fun Ghoul couldn't say it. Closed his eyes, _come on. It's not you it's happened to. If you can't say it how the hell can you help? _

Opened his eyes again. Tried again. "Poison. Was it… Did he…" Party Poison shook his head. And Fun Ghoul couldn't help but feel slightly relieved. He sighed, a little gratefully. He wasn't even thinking as he said "For a second there I thought maybe he'd done something really bad. This is gonna sound crazy, but I thought maybe he'd raped…" Fun Ghoul trailed off when he saw the look on Party Poison's face. "Oh God." Fun Ghoul breathed. "But Poison, you… I thought you were saying 'no'. I thought-"

"He didn't… Exactly. He said he'd stop…" Party Poison interrupted. "As long as I told him one thing." Fun Ghoul waited, patiently watching. "He knows my real name, Ghoul. I told him. Not just first, either, so now he knows Kid's too. How… How could..?" Face buried again. And Fun Ghoul didn't care how much Party Poison might try to shy away, trying again to separate those arms, succeeding finally, and, perhaps unsurprisingly, Party Poison allowed himself to collapse into Fun Ghoul's waiting embrace. He held his friend tight, quietly plotting every possible way he could hurt Saint Jimmy for this. He didn't care what Saint Jimmy might have meant to Rave anymore, he was certain any feelings she had would be erased upon hearing what he'd done to Party Poison. "That wasn't all." He eventually continued. Fun Ghoul didn't interrupt, but then he realised Party Poison wasn't actually saying anything. But he'd sat up slightly. Trying to say something. "Please, Poison." Fun Ghoul said, "If you don't want to say, you don't have to." But still, Party Poison was trying, "I… I let him…" Fun Ghoul pulled him in tighter again. "Poison, it's ok." And then, completely innocently, without even thinking, merely a comforting gesture, he bent his head to kiss Party Poison on the cheek. He realised his mistake immediately. Party Poison pushed him away, eyes flashing with hurt and anger. "You really think that's what I need right now? Really, Ghoul?" He demanded. Holding his hands up in defence, Fun Ghoul told him, soothingly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Poison, I… I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean it like…" Party Poison shook his head. He knew that, but everything was still so… Fresh. He didn't go back over to Fun Ghoul, but he was relieved when Fun Ghoul came to him.

The knock on the door was only a light one, but it took them both by surprise. Party Poison pulled away from Fun Ghoul, who didn't attempt to protest. Looking up, they saw Jet Star standing in the doorway. "I got the radio working, Poison." He said, so calmly, so matter of factly. Just like he hadn't walked in on one of his best friends quite clearly being comforted by another of his best friends. Just like he hadn't noticed Party Poison, looking at him, steadily, eyes shining slightly. He wasn't ignoring all this to be cold. He was doing it to be kind. "And?" Party Poison said, simply. "Message came through, Dr D's trying to get hold of you." Party Poison nodded. "I'll be right there." And, just like that, he'd slipped, seemingly effortlessly, into fearless leader mode. Fun Ghoul just stared at him, a little amazed. "Poison, I can-""It's fine, Ghoul, I'm fine." Then, to Jet Star, "Just give me a second?" Knowing better than to ask, if not entirely happy about it, Jet Star nodded. Pausing before following, Party Poison went back to Fun Ghoul, whispered, "Tell no one." He'd half turned to the door when he stopped, adding an unnecessary "Please."


	7. Where Will You Stand

**A/N: Alright, here we go again... Once more, thank you everyone who's reading! **

**Right... Well. After the events of last chapter... A slightly less nasty chapter. **

**Not that I'm saying it's exactly a happy one...**

**The title for this chapter is from the Danger Days song "The Only Hope For Me Is You" **

**Nothing's changed, I still don't own them! ;)**

**Chapter 7 - Where Will You Stand?**

It was dark by now, and Party Poison still hadn't returned. Jet Star got everyone back to the main room, by the entrance, knowing that when Party Poison did return, it'd be with news for all of them. Saint Jimmy had found his way there too, obviously sensing something was happening, and if something was happening, he sure as hell was gonna be there. It was taking every bit of strength Fun Ghoul had not to beat the hell out of him right there. Of course, he did have one distraction. "He had me so worried, Ghoul. You promise he's alright?" Fun Ghoul smiled, as best he could. And lied completely. "Rave, I've told you, he's fine." God it was killing him to lie to her, to all of them. But like hell was he betraying Party Poison.

Finally, Party Poison returned. There were so many slight shifts in the room, it was impossible not to notice. Jet Star stood, Kobra Kid stepped forward, Fun Ghoul sat forward and Rave. Rave jumped out of her seat and practically ran at Party Poison. She stopped just before getting to him though, just as Party Poison looked up. The look in his eyes, it told her so much, but still so little. Whatever it was, it was serious. He was looking directly at Rave, but addressing everyone. "We're heading back to base."

"When?" Jet Star asked. "Tonight." Party Poison replied, simply. Taking his turn to stand, Fun Ghoul was beside him, asking, quietly, "Poison. Are you sure you-""This is important." He said, flatly. "Take a few minutes to make sure we've got everything packed up, then we're leaving." Everyone had (somehow) forgotten about Saint Jimmy, right up until, "Could use a change of scenery." Everyone (except, it could be noted, Fun Ghoul, who was keeping careful watch on Party Poison. And, truthfully, was avoiding Saint Jimmy at all costs) turned to look at Saint Jimmy. Funny how he can command so much attention. A gift, a curse to those around him. The look, the meaning in Party Poison's eyes was unmistakable now. "You're not coming." Saint Jimmy raised his eyebrows, but before he could utter a protest, another voice cut through. "Poison! What the hell?" Rave looked shocked, and upset, almost… Disappointed. "He's more trouble than he's worth. We don't need the drain on our resources, or our patience." Party Poison told her. Well, at least, it was meant for Rave, he wasn't looking at her though. "I'll second that." Kobra Kid added. Rave spun her head to Kobra Kid now, "Kid! We can't just-" She didn't bother finishing the sentence, she knew there was no point. Of everyone, Kobra Kid had been the one to hate Saint Jimmy on sight anyway. So she looked to Jet Star, "Jet, what do you-"

"Come on, Rave. You gotta admit, the last couple of days…" One last chance. And she was pinning all her hopes on him to be the one to speak some sort of sense into everyone. As she looked to Fun Ghoul, miraculously gaining the eye contact from him that she hadn't from anyone else, Rave already knew. "Ghoul. Please. I- _We_ can't-" More than ever, Fun Ghoul wanted to tell her, tell her what'd happened. Tell her what Saint Jimmy had done. Wanted to scream it, knew he wouldn't have to, to make an impact. He could whisper the words and they'd still have the same effect. Then Rave wouldn't be asking to keep Saint Jimmy close. She'd never want to see him again. He could replace that pleading look with one of shock, one of anger, one of sympathy for Party Poison. But… He couldn't. He'd promised. And hell, he knew how much Party Poison would hate him for it if he did. Especially like this, especially in front of everyone. All he did was drop his gaze, and Rave had her answer. Back to Party Poison again then. "Poison, please-"

"Why the hell do you still want him around anyway, Rave?" Party Poison snapped. "After what he did, to you. After _everything_." Stepping closer again, Fun Ghoul placed a hand on Party Poison's shoulder, squeezed gently. He was the only one who knew what that 'everything' really meant, after all. Rave opened her mouth, but no words came out. "You'd really forgive him anything. Wouldn't you?" Party Poison challenged. A tighter squeeze. _Come on Poison. You know she wouldn't forgive __**that**__. _Fire creeping into her eyes now. "That is not what this is about, Poison! It's about-""You know what?" Party Poison cut in. "You care so fucking much? Stay here then."

"Poison!" Fun Ghoul protested, but at the exact same time, Rave replied, "Fine!" Eyes going wide, then settling into a hard glare, Party Poison echoed, "Fine." An eternal few seconds as the two of them stared at each other. Both furious. Both hurt. Both desperately wishing the other would back down. Eventually, Party Poison looked away, to the rest of the Killjoys (though not Fun Ghoul, he'd seen the look on his face, knew what he'd have to say) "Five minutes. Then we're gone." He turned away then, heading out the door. Fun Ghoul watched, looking from Party Poison to Rave. Waiting, wanting, desperately for one of them to say something, anything. "Poison!" He called out. He was ignored. So then he looked to Rave. "Rave, come on, please. You know you-" Rave shook her head. Looked down. "Rave. Think about this. You know what this looks like, don't you? It looks like you're saying you're choosing _him_, choosing Saint over Poison. You can't-" Rave looked up again then, furious again. "No, Ghoul. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying no one gets left behind. Something Poison used to believe in too." A pause. "Something I thought you believed in." Ok, wow. That hurt. Fun Ghoul shook his head. "Rave… If only you knew." He said, quietly. Rave ignored him, and, really, Fun Ghoul was glad. "I know what a fucking pain Saint Jimmy is, hell, I think I probably know it best." Fun Ghoul winced at Rave's words. "But we took him in. And until he decides he doesn't want to be here anymore, we stick with him. And if none of you are willing to uphold that, fine. I will!" She stormed off before Fun Ghoul could say anything.

"Poison." Party Poison was at the trunk of the car, pretending to be checking it. Fun Ghoul tentatively walked closer. "Ghoul. Whatever it is. Not now." Party Poison told him, wearily. "We can't leave her." Fun Ghoul continued anyway. "She made her decision." Said with a lack of emotion Fun Ghoul knew was untrue. "It wasn't the decision you think it was." Now finally, Party Poison looked up, and there was all that emotion. "So you're saying she didn't just choose _him_? Didn't just-" He stopped himself, closed his eyes, calming. Continued. "It's fine. I've been expecting this since I found out who he was." What the hell? "Poison! You're really just giving up on this? Giving up on _her_?" Just briefly, all that anger and fire slipped away as Party Poison replied, "What else can I do?" Fun Ghoul seriously felt like screaming then.

"Please, Rave, c'mon." Kobra Kid was trying to talk her into coming now too. She shook her head. "No. Kid. Not without Jimmy."

"Rave!" Kobra Kid exclaimed. "You're really doing this? Really sticking your neck out for that worthless-"

"Hey! You know just as well as anyone what Saint Jimmy means to me!" Rave snapped. "Yeah? Well, I thought my brother meant something to you too. Guess I was wrong." As he turned to leave, Rave called after him, "It was your brother that suggested I stay here!" Kobra Kid spun back around, alarmingly close to Rave, she would never admit it, but she was just a little scared of him then. "He didn't expect you to take him up on that offer! None of us did. How could you betray him like that, Rave? After everything he's done for you?" And he was right, of course. And she didn't want to betray Party Poison, didn't want to hurt him. But he had to have known it would hurt her when he said Saint Jimmy was being left behind. As much as she still hated Saint Jimmy, feared him, the thought of loosing him, again, was unbearable.

Just like the thought of loosing Party Poison. Her eyes to the ground, she didn't like being seen this upset, and really only two of the Killjoys were used to seeing it. Kobra Kid was not one of them. Fire gone from his voice now, and unexpected hands on her arms. "Please, Rave, c'mon." She shook her head again. Not really knowing what exactly she was saying no to.

Five minutes later, and the four Killjoys out by the car. "Poison. Please. At least go tell her goodbye." Fun Ghoul was pleading. Party Poison had taken to steadfastly ignoring him. "At least let her know when we're coming back!"

"We might not _be_ coming back." Party Poison muttered, but Fun Ghoul caught it. "Poison!" Looking up at him again, Party Poison snapped, "And even if we do get back here, who's to say she won't have run off someplace to live with the love of her fucking life, huh? Saint _fucking_ Jimmy." The last part said with such venom, such hatred, and yes, Fun Ghoul understood all of it, but Party Poison wasn't stopping, wasn't thinking. Possibly worried what'd happen if he did. Well, Fun Ghoul would make him stop, just for a second. Shoving Party Poison against the side of the car, pinning him there. Party Poison winced, not because it hurt, because it made him think of something else. Had to remind himself, quickly, who it was. Fun Ghoul would never hurt him. _Hair snatched up by a familiar hand, a friends hand. _"_Come on, pretend you don't fucking want it." _Stupid fucking dream. "Poison! Stop, just stop for a second, would you? Now I know you two are fucking hopeless when it comes to saying it, but it's obvious, to all of us." Fun Ghoul looked to the other two quickly, but they looked awkwardly away. They didn't know what the hell to do either. "And I know you know it, and she knows it too." Fun Ghoul pushed on. "Rave loves you, Poison. And I know you love-""Yeah? Well, that all means shit now _he's_ here doesn't it?" Party Poison snapped. Fun Ghoul shook his head. "Poison. Who did she want to spend the night with last night? You. Who was she propped up against, out in the sun earlier? You. Who was she asking, anxiously after all afternoon? You. For fucks sake Poison! She. Loves. You." Party Poison closed his eyes. Fun Ghoul was right. And he thought about all the times Fun Ghoul didn't, couldn't know about, all within the last day. When he'd gone to apologise to Rave, and she'd apologised back. Last night, this morning. And the last kiss they'd shared. Just like Fun Ghoul described, out in the sun. Hot, sweet, everything as it should be. But. Then… "_Please_, Poison." He'd never heard such desperation in Fun Ghoul's voice, and he was whispering, close to Party Poison's ear. "Please. Just let me tell her what he did." He felt Party Poison tense up, carried on in a hurried whisper. "I don't expect you to do it, but, please, _please_. I can get her out here in a couple of minutes, she'll never want to _think_ about Saint again let alone-"

"No." Party Poison snapped, pushing Fun Ghoul off him finally. "You promised." And Fun Ghoul nodded. Indicating he would keep that promise, of course he would.


	8. Rage and Love, Story of My Life

**A/N: Hello all again! And thank you, as always!**

**AshtrayTragedyM.D. aww, don't be too hard on Rave (though I have a feeling you might be calling her stupid again this chapter...) And no, Ghoul would never break his promise. Also, I caught the lyric ref in your review ;) Nicely done. **

**Alright, new chapter, very Saint Jimmy focused this one. He might even surprise you...**

**The title for this chapter comes from the American Idiot song "We Are The Waiting" (beautiful song...)**

**As ever, I do not own the Killjoys, Saint Jimmy or anything/anyone else from the worlds of Danger Days/American Idiot**

**Chapter 8 - Rage and Love, Story of My Life**

She was so sick of crying. Rave didn't see the Killjoys go. Though she'd heard Fun Ghoul calling to her. She didn't want the tearful goodbye. No, what she'd wanted was Party Poison. Coming back to her, telling her he'd been wrong. But that wouldn't happen. And she didn't want to see them leaving. The image of Party Poison turning away, turning his back was more than enough. So, here she was, again, curled up on a bed, crying her heart, her soul out. And no one was coming to save her this time. She wasn't going to hear Fun Ghoul's gentle words. Wasn't going to feel Party Poison's arms around her. Wasn't even going to hear, to see the embarrassed panic that was the common reaction of Jet Star or Kobra Kid whenever they found her upset. "I'll get Poison." When he wasn't around, "I'll get Ghoul."

It'd been five years since Rave had felt so alone. Five years since Party Poison found her, saved her. Five years since she'd found the best and closest family she'd ever known. Five years since she'd gone on the run from her old life, a bad life, a life starting to feel like it wasn't her own. And, though that part wasn't entirely his fault, it had to be noted, as that was probably the (other) most significant thing.

Five years since she'd been forced to tear herself away from Saint Jimmy.

Of course. She wasn't entirely alone.

Rave heard his footsteps coming in through the door she hadn't bothered to close. Her words were muffled in the pillow, but she knew he'd hear them. "Leave me alone, Jimmy!" A silence that almost led her to believe that he

really had. This was soon disproved. "You should've gone with them." She looked up at him then, glaring. How could he say that? Now? "I know." Saint Jimmy said. "I know you want to kill me right now for saying that when… I'm the reason you've been left behind." Saint Jimmy's words were just making Rave more and more furious. "Don't flatter yourself Jimmy. I stayed because I thought it was wrong to leave someone alone. And they didn't leave me. I stayed. I stayed! It was my decision and I-" She choked on her own words, her own tears. As she realised what Fun Ghoul had said to her was true. She had chosen Saint Jimmy over Party Poison, not just that, but over all of them. And she regretted it. And yes, it had been her decision, hadn't it? No one had forced her to stay. But they had forced her to choose. Curling back in on herself, she somehow cried harder. Good God, in all the time she'd been with Saint Jimmy, he'd never once seen her cry, right now though, she just couldn't care. Wasn't even surprised when he sat down next to her. "I know. I know this hurts." Again, she looked up, angrily. "What the fuck do you know about hurting? You've never cared about anyone but yourself." Saint Jimmy smiled, just a little. "Seems that way, huh?" Small pause, smile dissolving, though not disappearing. "But you know that's not true." A hand on her shoulder, which she flinched away from. "Don't you dare say you care about me, Jimmy."

"It's true, though." Rave let out a strangled, frustrated scream and buried her head again. "I know I have a pretty shitty way of showing it, if I do at all. But it's true." Rave just shook her head, she didn't want to hear this. "You think it didn't hurt me when you left?" Saint Jimmy demanded. "I meant what I said, when I said you should've gone with them. Because I _know_, I know what it's like to loose the people you lo- care about." Rave marvelled slightly over his almost choice of words. "And, you haven't lost them, babe. I saw those two trying to talk you into coming. I saw the look on _his_ face as they drove off. Angry, hurt but fuck if leaving you here wasn't killing him. They'll take you in again quicker than a heartbeat. There's still a choice." Rave didn't want to think about that though, there was nothing she could do about that right now. And anyway. "Jimmy. What happened to Johnny and Whatsername?" At first Saint Jimmy looked away, and Rave was certain he wasn't going to answer. "When I finally left the city, I took Johnny with me. So naturally _she_ came too." Rave sat, quiet as she could, listening. These had been her friends too, after all. "We lost her in only our second run in with the Dracs. Johnny never forgave himself. Sure as fuck he never forgave me." Oh God. Whatsername was dead. A small slideshow of flashbacks. They'd had their differences at times, but when it came right down to it, the two girls had understood each other. "So then it was just Johnny and me. For three years we got by out here. We heard about your Killjoys, y'know?" Then he laughed. "Swear to fuck Johnny idolised them. But, fucking idiot. He never was much of a fighter. Only survived as long as he did because of me." Rave could believe that, despite appearances, Saint Jimmy was good in a fight. He was quick, and he knew more than a few tricks. But now Saint Jimmy had gone quiet. "Jimmy." Rave prompted. Surprising herself with how steady her voice was. Just for a little while, she wasn't crying. "We were cornered."

And oh God, Rave knew where this was heading. And though it was clearly difficult, Saint Jimmy carried on. "No way we could get out. At least, not both of us." a pause, as Saint Jimmy closed his eyes. Opened them again. "Johnny told me I'd saved his life enough times. It was his turn now. I told him not to be so fucking stupid."

"_No, Saint, it'd be fucking stupid if we both got killed here." It was all quiet in the old gas station, but both of them knew the group of Dracs and BL/Ind agents were just the other side of that door. They'd only just made it in here after all. Saint Jimmy glared at him. "I'm not fucking running, Jesus." And it was with a small smile that Jesus told him, "Yes. You fucking are. C'mon. It's about time I saw Whatsername again. She's gonna be pissed I kept her waiting so long." And Saint Jimmy grinned back. "She always was an impatient bitch." _

"_**My **__impatient bitch." Jesus corrected. Saint Jimmy nodded his agreement. Pushing himself up, just so he could see _

_out the window at the top of the door. Fuck. They were so screwed. They'd be lucky if one of them got out. Sitting back down again, Saint Jimmy said, forcing his grin to stay in place, "Tell her 'fuck you' from me." Jesus smiled. "Will do." Even in the dim light, Saint Jimmy could see his eyes were shining. But his voice was entirely steady. "See you on the flipside. Jimmy." So long since he'd called him that. Even when they'd fucked, ever since they left the city, it'd always been 'Saint'. It took him by surprise. Nice surprise. "That's my name, and don't you fucking wear it out." Decided to repay the favour, "Johnny." And, though the smile Johnny gave him was a sad one, there was a look of determination on his face. As he knelt, one hand on the door handle, the other gripping his gun, confidently, making sure he had full eye contact with Saint Jimmy, he said, still with that small smile, "Rage and love." Their motto, their mantra, their life. Darting forward, and snatching his hair, Saint Jimmy kissed him, roughly, urgently, and with a passion that he hoped summed up everything. As he broke away, with bothof them gasping, barely apart, Saint Jimmy replied, "Rage and love." And then Johnny yanked the door handle, and Saint Jimmy ran._

"Johnny distracted them while I got out the back. Last I saw him, gun blazing, he finally looked like a fucking fighter." And, oh my God. Saint Jimmy was crying. Not much, only silently, but it was more than Rave had ever seen. And she couldn't help it, she moved closer to him, put her arms around him. Didn't take long for him to look up. And they were so close. Saint Jimmy leaned closer, kissed her. Rave knew she should push him away again. Couldn't though. This was it now, she was lost to him.

Slowly, and with a gentleness she'd forgotten he possessed, Rave found herself pushed down onto the bed, Saint Jimmy following her down. Her shirt pushed up. "I like your tattoos, babe. Suit you." He said, sitting back to get a better look at them. That's when he saw it. The tattoo above her left hip, the same one Rave had immediately thought of as soon as Saint Jimmy had mentioned them. Gently, Saint Jimmy ran his finger over the words. Saying them, quietly as he did. "Party Poison." He continued to stare at it. "You really love him, don't you?" Rave nodded. "Then I'm sorry." Saint Jimmy told her. "For everything."

"This isn't right, Poison." They were far down the road now, and Party Poison was focused on the road ahead. At least, that was the excuse he was telling himself for ignoring Fun Ghoul. Still. "Poison!"

"Give it a rest, Ghoul." Kobra Kid sighed, turning around in his seat to look back at him. "I'm sorry Rave's not here too, I tried to talk to her just like you did. She didn't want to come. That's not Poison's fault." Scowling, but sitting back again, Fun Ghoul muttered, "That's debatable." A second later and they had to brace themselves as the car came to an abrupt, screeching stop. "Fucking hell Poison!" Kobra Kid snapped, he'd still been turned around when they stopped and had very nearly found himself through the windshield. Only the fact he'd grabbed the dash and sat back quickly had prevented it. Party Poison, however, ignored his brother. Practically kicking the door open, he then went to Fun Ghoul's door, wrenched that open and dragged Fun Ghoul out. Keeping a tight hold, the two of them found their earlier roles reversed, Fun Ghoul now the one pinned. And despite the hard look Party Poison was giving him, Fun Ghoul did not back down. "I'm not taking it back." He stated. Without a word, Party Poison punched him. "Poison!" And, within seconds, both Kobra Kid and Jet Star were out the car too, shocked and just slightly worried about both of their friends. Fun Ghoul had barely flinched. "If you'd just gone and spoken to her-"

"It wouldn't have made any difference!" Party Poison yelled, finally breaking his silence. "You don't know that! You didn't even try!" Fun Ghoul matched him in both volume and feeling. And with that, he pushed Party Poison off and started walking, back the way they'd come. "Ghoul!" Kobra Kid exclaimed, "Where the fuck are you going?" Turning around but still walking, backwards, Fun Ghoul shrugged, "If I have to go get Rave myself, fine."

"Don't be stupid, Ghoul." Jet Star said, "It's dark and we're really far from-"

"I've got my gun, I'll be fine." Fun Ghoul insisted, still walking. "You're being crazy!" Kobra Kid told him, "Poison, say something." Barely taking his eyes off the ground, he still saw that Fun Ghoul had stopped, just for a second. Couldn't think of a thing to say to him, but he could think of too many. _"see if I fucking care!" "please, I'm sorry…" "let him go." "please, get back in the car" "good luck". _In the end he just turned and got back in the car. "Poison." Kobra Kid went to his brother, trying to talk sense into him, while Jet Star tried the same with Fun Ghoul. "C'mon, Ghoul. We don't need to be down another number." Fun Ghoul nodded his agreement, but not to stay. "And we won't be, not for long. I'll catch up to you guys by tomorrow morning, alright? And. I'll have Rave with me. I promise that."

"But, Ghoul, what if you-""I'll be fine." Fun Ghoul insisted once more. Then, with a look toward the car, where Kobra Kid was crouched beside the drivers side window, clearly in desperate talks with Party Poison. And yes, Fun Ghoul did feel _awful_ for pushing him on this, knew he didn't need the added stress, didn't need the guilt. Knew he shouldn't be shouting at him, blaming him. But Fun Ghoul was so fucking mad they'd allowed themselves to leave Rave behind. "And anyway, he needs Rave just as much as she needs him." Jet Star looked behind him, sighing as he admitted, "I guess so. But, Ghoul-" But he was already walking again.

Only a couple of minutes later, Fun Ghoul heard the engine start up.


	9. I Started Fucking Running

**A/N: Hey, and thank you all for reading :)**

**AshtrayTragedyM.D: Oh, no, definately not crocodile tears... I know it _really_ doesn't seem like it right now, but Rave really does love the Killjoys, Poison especially, she feels awful about... _Everything_. Although, yeah, very, very difficult to feel any kind of sympathy for her at this point. Perhaps bear in mind how manipulative Saint Jimmy is, though... **

**Alright... Next chapter, it all takes a bit of a turn here, but not a good one I'm afraid... **

**Hope you all like it!**

**The title for this chapter is from the American Idiot song "Homecoming"**

**Yeah... I still don't own any of the boys :P**

**Chapter 9 - I Started Fucking Running**

It'd been awkward at first. Saint Jimmy sat back on the end of the bed as Rave sat up, pulling her shirt back down as she did. Not daring to look at Saint Jimmy at all. She was shaking, feeling weak and scared of what she'd nearly done. _I'm so sorry, Poison. _

Eventually though, the tension faded. Saint Jimmy didn't leave the room, like Rave had expected, and he didn't say anything either. He did, however, start smoking. And Rave was almost immediately transported back in time. Back when she'd lived with Saint Jimmy. He could very easily have just got in from making a deal, from partying. It could easily be any night back in Saint Jimmy's apartment. And Rave found herself relaxing, even smiling a little. Things had been simple then (but they'd been so very complicated).

Hearing the main doors open snapped Rave quickly out of it. She glanced at Saint Jimmy, who looked mildly surprised. Rave was up and out the room in seconds, heading straight for the main doors.

She practically ran right into him. Taking a second to recover, she then threw her arms around him, more than glad to have him do the same. "Ghoul!" He hugged her tight. "I'm so glad to see you." She whispered. Then, pulling away, "Where're the others?" Roughly translated: Where's Poison? Fun Ghoul shook his head. "It's just me, Rave. The others…" Fun Ghoul paused, wondering how much to tell her. "We decided it'd be best if they went on ahead." Then, frowning slightly, he leaned in to look at Rave more carefully, a hand going gently to her cheek. "Hey, have you been crying?" He asked. Before she could reply, "Did _he_ do something?" Rave shook her head, "No, Ghoul. I was just… Missing you guys." Pulling her back into a hug, Fun Ghoul chastised, "When you mean Poison, Rave, _say_ Poison." And Rave nodded. "Ok. I mean, I was missing Poison _most_. But missing all of you too." Fun Ghoul smiled, now _that_ he believed. "I am so sorry, Ghoul. I should've listened to you, and to Kid. I made a huge mistake, staying here."

"I was kinda hoping you'd say that." Fun Ghoul admitted. "I'm here to take you back." He stopped, making sure Rave was really listening, "It's not the same without you."

Somewhere along the line, Saint Jimmy had emerged, and as Fun Ghoul caught sight of him he said, more to Rave than Saint Jimmy, "I'm sorry, but I still can't-" That's when the cell phone rang, cutting him off. Fun Ghoul was one of the few to actually get his hands on a cell phone that worked. In fact, he'd found two. Party Poison had the other one. And they were only ever used in absolute emergencies. Stepping away from Rave, he answered it. He was a little surprised by the voice that he actually heard. "Kid? Kid is that-?" His eyes grew wide. "What? Is everyone ok? Is-?" Another silence on Fun Ghoul's end, but filled with panicked sounds from the other end, not clear enough to make out words, but certainly clear enough to know something was wrong. Rave came closer, trying to listen in. "Oh my God they… Kid! Slow down! Where's Poison?" Eyes even wider. "Oh my… Fuck." Eyes closed completely now. "But is he…? But did they…? Kid! Calm the fuck down and talk to me!" Rave was yanking on Fun Ghoul's arm now. "What's he saying? What's going on, Ghoul?"

"One second, Kid. I _said_, one second!" Then he looked to Rave, both sadness and worry worn plainly. "There's been an accident. The car crashed." Panic quickly worked its way into Rave's eyes, Fun Ghoul carried on, hurriedly, "Everyone got out fine, I think. But…" Quick sigh. Carried on. "There just _happened_ to be a bunch of Dracs lurking nearby." He didn't know how to break the next part to her. "They've taken Poison." Rave clamped a hand to her mouth to stop herself screaming. Now Fun Ghoul was back to Kobra Kid. "Are you and Jet ok? Good. What about the car, can you-" Rave only just managed to register that apparently Kobra Kid and Jet Star were alright. But really, all her head was filled with was _Oh God, Poison. They've got him. They've taken him and they're gonna take him back to Better Living and they're going to lock him up and try to 'reprogram' him and make him one of them and what if they do and what if they can't and what if they don't even try and they hurt him and torture him and what if they- _Rave didn't realise that she'd collapsed against the wall until she heard Fun Ghoul call out to her. Phone still to his ear, he crouched down beside her, a hand on her shoulder, then to her cheek, then taking her hand, holding it tight. His eyes filled with understanding (and almost hidden fear) _I know. _But he was still talking to Kobra Kid too, "Kid! Stop it! Panicking is not going to help anyone!" And, the first sentence from that end of the phone that was clear _"Easy for you to say! You didn't just see your brother get dragged away by the fucking enemy!" _Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, despairingly. No, he hadn't, but now Kobra Kid had put it like that, he sure could see it. When he opened his eyes again, he saw, he knew Rave could too. "Alright." He said, gently. "Kid, sit tight and keep yourselves safe, we'll be right there, how far out are you? Kid! Please!" Getting close to panic himself now. How the hell could he keep Kobra Kid and Rave calm and still get where they were needed? It was too much. _Poison would be able to do it. _That wasn't helpful! Looking briefly behind him, Fun Ghoul saw Saint Jimmy, and, without even thinking about it asked, "Can you drive?" Without so much as a smirk or a smart comment, Saint Jimmy nodded. Standing up, Fun Ghoul helped Rave up with him. As they headed out to the car (one that Fun Ghoul had 'acquired' en route) Fun Ghoul asked, carefully of Kobra Kid, "Could you put Jet on, please?" Amazingly, there was no protest. "Jet. How are you holding up?" A quick nod. "Good. Can you tell us where you are?"

The drive was a silent one. Rave and Fun Ghoul were in the back, Rave holding tight to his hand. Saint Jimmy driving, only having to be told the route once, he drove fast, and not always carefully, but that hardly mattered. Kobra Kid had eventually got the phone back off Jet Star, but apparently had only managed a few words before dropping it. That had worried Fun Ghoul until he heard Jet Star again. "He's just a bit… I'm gonna make sure he's ok. Get here fast, ok?" Fun Ghoul promised he would.

They hadn't got all that far, it seemed, but the car had gone off the road completely. Fun Ghoul swore when he saw it. As they got close, they saw Jet Star, a little way off, getting up from the rocks the car had crashed into. Fun Ghoul and Rave barely waited for Saint Jimmy to stop the car before they'd jumped out and headed towards him. "Thanks for getting back so quick." Jet Star said, Fun Ghoul nodded. "Oh course, where's…?" And then, from a couple more paces away, behind the rocks, Kobra Kid emerged. "I'm here, Ghoul." He looked awful, drawn and spent. The blood trickling down his face from a cut hidden somewhere in his hairline didn't help, and neither did the sore looking redness around his eyes. "Kid, I'm sorry I yelled on the phone I-" Kobra Kid shook his head. Then he looked up, and saw Rave standing beside Fun Ghoul, clinging to his hand and arm like her life depended on it. He actually managed a small smile. "Rave." And suddenly it was him Rave was clinging to, arms tight around each other. "You came back." Kobra Kid said softly. Then, a little suspiciously, "You didn't just come back because…?" Rave shook her head violently, "I was already coming back when you made the call." There was that smile again. "Knew you would. I knew you wouldn't stay away. I knew you loved-" He stopped. And they fell into silence together. Because, of course, everyone knew the name at the end of that sentence. Fun Ghoul and Jet Star, though still scared and worried out of their minds about Party Poison, could only watch as these two shared what they were feeling and tried to take comfort in not being alone.

The moment was shattered as soon as Saint Jimmy came into view.

"What the _fuck _is he doing here?" Kobra Kid snarled, slowly letting go and stepping away from Rave. It was quite clear he was more than ready for a fight. Fun Ghoul stepped in, quickly. "He's helping." Kobra Kid shot a glance at Fun Ghoul, who continued to explain, "I had Rave falling apart, you freaking out down the phone, I couldn't help both of you _and_ drive!" Kobra Kid glared back, indignantly, "But Poison-""Isn't here right now!" Fun Ghoul snapped. "And I for one would like to work on getting him back, and you know what? If Saint suddenly decides he wants to be helpful, great! We'll take all the help we can get. _When_ we get Poison back we can get back to hating Saint. Right now, it's a waste of fucking energy!" No one missed the emphasis on the 'when' part. There was no 'if'. Getting Party Poison back wasn't optional, it was mandatory.

It was generally agreed that though the car probably was salvageable, it'd currently just be a hindrance. So they carried on in the newly acquired car. Kobra Kid drove, despite slightly doubtful looks from both Jet Star and Fun Ghoul. "You sure you're ok to drive?" Kobra Kid nodded. "Give me something to concentrate on." Then, with a glance at Saint Jimmy, "Just keep _him_ away from me." So Saint Jimmy was in the back, and somehow Fun Ghoul found himself between him and Rave, who had gone back to refusing to leave his side. Fun Ghoul spent the drive ignoring Saint Jimmy (and trying to forget what he'd done), and concentrating on Rave. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean… I know I wasn't exactly helpful when we… When Kid called and…""Hey, hey." Fun Ghoul interrupted, soothingly. "It was understandable. I'm sorry if I made it sound like it wasn't." Then, leaning forward, "You too, Kid." Kobra Kid just nodded.

Eventually, they were there. Home, technically. But there was no time wasted on nostalgia or even settling in. Fun Ghoul headed straight for the already ringing phone inside. He knew who it was, someone checking in to make sure they'd got this far, ready to carry out whatever the next part of the 'plan' that'd apparently been so important. The rest of the Killjoys (but not Saint Jimmy) followed to hear what they could of the conversation. "Yeah, this is Fun Ghoul. No… Poison's not… Look. He's… He's been taken… Of course by Better Living! Who the fuck else? Sorry. Of course. Anyway, we're going to get him back… No. I don't give a fuck what the original plan was! We are getting Poison back. And until we do, nothing else matters! Good… Glad you see it that way." After slamming the phone back, Fun Ghoul turned to see the shocked looks on everyone's faces. "What?" Fun Ghoul shrugged. No one answered, mainly because they were all so pleased they hadn't had to have that conversation. Flicking on the nearby light, Fun Ghoul stated, "Alright. Let's get some sleep, yes! I know it's not going to be easy, but at least if we try we might be in better shape for tomorrow. When we plan and carry out our plan to save Poison. Trust me, I would love nothing more than to head out right now, but we need to be smart about this or…" He trailed off. Everyone knew what that 'or' was. But no one was willing to say it.

Kobra Kid was the hardest to convince on the whole 'sleeping' part. He eventually came around to the idea when both Fun Ghoul and Jet Star told him they would knock him out themselves if they had to. And Saint Jimmy had surprised everyone (again) by telling them he'd keep watch tonight. "Might as well put the insomnia to good use…" The room, the beds were familiar, but no one took much comfort in that. Least of all Rave.

This had been the first place the Killjoys had taken her after Party Poison rescued her. This was the first place she'd felt safe since… Since leaving Saint Jimmy. Party Poison had offered her his bed for the night, but she hadn't let him leave her. So, even before there was any sort of romance between them, 'his' bed had become 'their' bed.

Rave wasn't crying. But she was shaking, badly, because the bed was cold, in every sense of the word. Because she shouldn't be in this bed without Party Poison, or at least knowing he was going to be there when she woke up. Thankfully, Kobra Kid was dead to the world by then, and Jet Star was dutifully ignoring her, knowing she'd be embarrassed. Fun Ghoul noticed of course, though. Barely awake, he climbed out of bed, and went over to Rave. A gentle hand on her shoulder, "Hey, come on." She uncurled herself and got up, letting Fun Ghoul take her by the hand and lead her back to his bed. As soon as Fun Ghoul laid the covers over them both, Rave huddled up as close as she could. "It's gonna be alright." Fun Ghoul whispered. "We're going to get him back, I promise."

Meanwhile, far too far away:

"_Get the fuck away from me!" Party Poison screamed, though his throat felt like he'd screamed it raw. He was tied up again. A nasty little chuckle in his ear, hot breath on his neck. "Now, now Cherry Top. You almost sound like you don't want me. And we both know that's not fucking true." Saint fucking Jimmy. "Fuck off Saint! Leave me alone!" Another chuckle, and a flick of the tongue to his neck. "No." He was told, as Saint Jimmy's hand started fiddling with his belt. "Please, Saint. Leave me alone." _

"_Oh dear, Cherry Top, you're not very quick on the uptake, are you?" Silence in return. Saint Jimmy at his ear again. "This isn't real, baby. This is just a dream. You don't wanna know what's really fucking happening to you right now." He didn't think it possible, but Party Poison was even more terrified than before. "Trust me, Cherry Top. You're better off in here with me than you are out there."_

Party Poison didn't exactly wake up then, just came to slightly. Became more aware than he'd wanted to.

Screamed again.

"_Told you so, Cherry Top…"_


	10. I Won't Apologise

**A/N: As always everyone... Thank you :)**

**ThisRomanceIsChemical: First of all, thank you for your review :) Also, since you asked so nicely, here's your update. Though I'm afraid it's possibly not the update you were hoping for... If you wanna know what's happening to Poison, you've got a few chapters to wait... Sorry!**

**AshtrayTragedyM.D: Well... I guess we'll see how things play out, though it may not be the way you think... **

**Alright! New chapter. Focusing on two characters... Fans of either Saint Jimmy or Fun Ghoul will probably like this chapter ;)**

**The title of this chapter comes from the American Idiot masterpiece "Jesus of Suburbia"**

**As ever, I do not own these boys :) **

**C****hapter 10 - I Won't Apologise**

Early the next morning, Fun Ghoul was the first to wake. Perhaps some temporary leader instinct kicking in. He looked down at Rave still curled up against him. Carefully he untangled himself and got up. A quick look to the other two Killjoys, both still asleep. Fine, good. Leave them that way. It wasn't going to be an easy day (or possibly couple of days) for any of them.

It was only a matter of time before he ran into Saint Jimmy.

"Hey Saint, all quiet last night then?" Saint Jimmy grinned. "Nah. Had about twenty Dracs show up, but I dealt with them. Figured you guys wanted your beauty sleep." Fun Ghoul rolled his eyes. "Good." He replied, simply. "You the first up?" Saint Jimmy asked. "Looks that way." He was trying his best to be nice to Saint Jimmy, knew it would be easier, for everyone, that way. But then images of yesterday, of Party Poison, curled up, looking vulnerable and scared and all the things Party Poison was _not_. Knowing Saint Jimmy had done that to him.

He fucking hated him for that. But he had to deal with that, ignore that, be strong, he was in charge now, until they got Party Poison back. He'd actually almost forgotten Saint Jimmy was still there. "You kinda like playing leader, don't you, Ghoul?" With a small, un-amused laugh, "Oh, finally. A Killjoy name you can get right." Saint Jimmy ignored him. "Stepped right into Cherry Top's boots. You seem to kinda enjoy it." Fun Ghoul ignored him, carried on collecting maps and equipment and weapons and throwing them onto the table, ready to be gone through when the others woke up. Of course, Saint Jimmy persisted, "Baby brother's noticed too, you know? Figure maybe he's not so happy about you moving in on his brothers territory so easily." Fun Ghoul sighed, coming to the realisation that Saint Jimmy wasn't just going to leave him alone, he turned to face him, "Oh, shut _up_ Saint. Don't you ever stop trying to cause trouble? Poison is our leader. When he's not here, one of us steps in. _Temporarily_. Jet's done it before, Kid's done it plenty of times before.""Sure." Saint Jimmy said. "But you're the one _I've _seen do it. Every time. When Cherry Top sulked off? You stepped in. When he was still recovering from his first little run in with me? You stepped in. While he and Rave had their little heart to heart? You stepped in. And now, after he's let himself get taken by the big bad company. Here you are again. You seem pretty comfortable in the role. What is it? Fancy yourself in Cherry Tops place?" Not only did Fun Ghoul hate what he was suggesting, he hated the way he was putting everything. Making Party Poison sound so weak and pathetic. He had no fucking idea. "Fuck off, Saint." He said, as calmly as possible. Saint Jimmy was smirking, and looking Fun Ghoul carefully up and down. "Gotta say, I think I misjudged you. Maybe you wouldn't be the obedient fuck I thought." Fun Ghoul cringed, but stood his ground. "Makes sense." Saint Jimmy continued, "What with Cherry Tops submissive streak." That did it. "Alright Saint." He snapped. "That's enough, shut the fuck up now." But Saint Jimmy's eyes widened as he stepped closer, getting too close now. "Well, fuck." He said, in pleased wonder. "When I'm right, I really am fucking right, aren't I?" Another, too long and too obvious look over Fun Ghoul. "So. Tell me. Cherry Top was no fucking fun, he wouldn't tell me anything. What was it like, Ghoul? Having that sort of control, that sort of power over your esteemed leader? Did he scream for you, huh? Tell you, ask you, _beg_ you to-"

This was so much more than enough now. Saint Jimmy found himself cut off as Fun Ghoul, with all the swift motions of his Killjoy training, shoved him against the wall, and, with the same quickness, un-holstered his gun, pressing it under Saint Jimmy's chin. "I told you to shut the _fuck _up." Fun Ghoul snarled. Saint Jimmy's smirk never wavered. "What happened to not wasting energy on me?" Fun Ghoul told him, "Kid needed to hear that. But he doesn't know what you did." If possible, Saint Jimmy grinned more. Apparently he liked the fact someone knew. "Aw, that's cute. Did your fuck buddy tell you all about it?" Ignoring the rest of the sentence, "I found him. He was upset, he-""Fucking over reacted!" Saint Jimmy cut in, rolling his eyes. "You'd think I'd done so much worse."

"You did enough you sick fuck." Saint Jimmy laughed, not even really flinching when Fun Ghoul shoved him again. "I am curious though." Saint Jimmy told him, "If you know… How come you haven't told the others? Unless… Oh. You actually think you're protecting him? Or…" Damn filthy smirk on his face. "Perhaps you're worried if they find out about that… They'll find out about _you_."

"Shut the _fuck_ up!" Fun Ghoul knew he was repeating himself, knew it wasn't getting him anywhere. "I never fucking did what you did! I never forced him! I never fucking hurt him! I never-" And then he stopped, slow horror creeping over him as he realised what he'd said, watched the look of satisfaction on Saint Jimmy's face. Fun Ghoul felt the hand that held his gun fall to his side. "Fuck." What'd he done? "Come on then, Ghoul." Saint Jimmy said, gleefully. "If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine. Open up to me, c'mon, I know you never have to anyone else." Fun Ghoul stayed silent. "Me first then?" Saint Jimmy continued, unperturbed. "Fine. Wanna hear-""Shut up!" Fun Ghoul snapped. No. No he didn't want to hear, not any of it. Party Poison had let on enough. And Party Poison didn't _want_ anyone knowing what'd happened. "Stop-" "how I pinned him down." Saint Jimmy continued, like Fun Ghoul hadn't said anything. Fun Ghoul pushed himself away from Saint Jimmy, trying to get away from him, from what he was saying. "How he tried to push me off,

how I touched him, my hand working nice and sweet for him, how he whimpered and whined and fucking wanted more!" Fun Ghoul knew it was childish, but he covered his ears. He couldn't get far enough away, and wherever he went, Saint Jimmy would follow, he couldn't risk leaving the room and leading Saint Jimmy right to one of the others. He couldn't let them hear any of this. Saint Jimmy grabbed him and turned him back around, tore one of Fun Ghoul's hands away from his ear and whispered, hotly, "Wanna know what I did to make him tell me his real name? I didn't even have to fuck him, all I did-" Fun Ghoul shoved him off, catching Saint Jimmy off guard, he fell. "Stop fucking talking about him like that!" Saint Jimmy got back up again, smoothly. "Why?" He asked. "Jealous?" For a simple response to that, Fun Ghoul settled on punching him. And then, "This has nothing to do with whatever might have happened with Poison and me, which is none of your fucking business! But that is my leader, and, more importantly, my friend you are talking about. I'm already worried out of my fucking mind over him, and now you're gloating about the fucked up stuff you've done? I'm trying very hard to think of a reason not to beat the hell out of you right now." A small amount of his confidence failing, Saint Jimmy still retorted, "You wouldn't upset Rave like that."

"If she knew what you did, she wouldn't even care." Fun Ghoul told him, carefully, so much more of a threat in that sentence. Now that small chink in Saint Jimmy's armour was closed again though, and he grinned as he said, "Really think she'd choose Cherry Top over me? Funny. Seems she picked me once already."

"That was out of loyalty. Something Poison gave her, something we all gave her. I don't think you even know the meaning of the word." Saint Jimmy looked away, like he didn't care. "Right now, though." Fun Ghoul continued, wanting to let Saint Jimmy know he wasn't walking away because he wasn't strong enough. "You're useful." Then, getting up close to Saint Jimmy, "And anyway. I wouldn't want to deny Poison the pleasure of beating you to hell himself." Saint Jimmy's confident stare locked in with Fun Ghoul's furious one. That nasty smirk again. "He wouldn't touch me now." Fun Ghoul hated every single thing that Saint Jimmy meant by that. "Then I won't deny him the pleasure of watching _me_ beat the hell out of you!"

Fun Ghoul forced himself to leave the room before he ended up keeping that promise a little early.

He knew he should get back. The others would be awake now, waiting for him. Expecting him to take control. _I can't. I'm not Poison. _He'd got as far as the next room, the one filled with their back up equipment, and then everything had hit him. Now he knew more than he wanted to about what had happened. He was glad he'd stopped Saint Jimmy before he'd said what he was sure would've been the worst of it. Fun Ghoul closed his eyes and tried to forget what he'd heard. And, oh God. Saint Jimmy knew about... About them. How had he been so stupid? It'd been years ago, it'd been nothing. Just… Just something to make a hard life a little easier. Neither of them had mentioned it for years, and certainly since Rave had joined them, it'd all been forgotten. Now Fun Ghoul remembered it. All of it.

"_Kid, are you sure you guys are gonna be alright?" Kobra Kid rolled his eyes. "Yes. We'll be fine, for fuck's sake, Gee-" Kobra Kid stopped upon seeing the stern look he was getting from his brother. Another eye roll. "Party Poison." He corrected. Then, "I promise, we'll be fine." _

_Party Poison watched as Kobra Kid and Jet Star drove off. They'd been running low on supplies and they all knew there was only one place they'd get anything. The city. A dangerous place for a Killjoy. That's why there were two of them going. Why weren't they all going? "For one Killjoy it's dangerous, for two it's easier, but for three or four? That's suicidal." They'd be running the risk of being caught anyway, but if it was all four of them, they were more likely to get noticed. Still, Party Poison wished he hadn't let himself get talked into staying behind, and letting his younger brother go instead. "Rest, for once Poison. An exhausted and run down leader is no good to any of us." Jet Star's words. And he was right, he was exhausted. But he didn't see how a night of worrying would help in the slightest. "C'mon, Poison." Fun Ghoul said, standing just behind him. "They'll be ok. In and out, back in the morning." Party Poison nodded. He walked past Fun Ghoul to get back inside. Threw himself down on one of the diners benches, almost totally prone. Fun Ghoul followed him. "What if they don't get to the city alright?" Party Poison said, a hand rubbed across his face. "What if they don't get out alright? What if they don't get to the other safe house? What if-"_

"_What if everything goes perfectly smoothly and they get back tomorrow, just like we planned." Fun Ghoul cut in, as he sat down on the end of the table. "Poison. Am I gonna have to knock you out just to get you to shut up worrying?" From behind hands still over his face, Party Poison said, "Maybe." Fun Ghoul rolled his eyes and kicked at Party Poison's leg, in response to that Party Poison pushed himself up into a sitting position. "No. You're right. They know what they're doing." "Exactly." Fun Ghoul nodded, though not convinced that Party Poison had really stopped worrying. _

_Deciding to give Party Poison some space, Fun Ghoul headed out, quick check of the surrounding area. Ended up staying out longer, figured Party Poison would be more likely to rest if left alone. _

_It was never gonna be that easy._


	11. Kiss Me

**A/N: Hey all, and thank you, as always :)**

**Ok, these next two chapters are basically a set, so rather than make you wait for the next one, I'm going to give you both right now. They are both flashbacks, leading on straight from the flashback at the end of chapter 10.**

**Bit of a warning... Smut and slashy-ness in these two chapters, though it's possible you knew that's where this was going ;)**

**The title for this chapter (and the next) is from the amazing Danger Days song 'Na Na Na'**

**Once again, I do not own any of the Killjoys, nor do I own any member of My Chemical Romance! **

**Chapter 11 - Kiss Me… **

_It was getting dark by the time Fun Ghoul came back inside. Party Poison had left his original spot on the bench, and so Fun Ghoul assumed (hoped) he'd headed to the back room, where they'd set up their beds. Heading there himself, Fun Ghoul was momentarily pleased to see Party Poison was there, laying on his bed. "Hey Ghoul. Took a while." He was not so pleased to hear that. "Poison…"_

"_Don't tell me to sleep, Ghoul. I'm not going to." Fun Ghoul sighed, he certainly could be a stubborn bastard, couldn't he? Sitting on the edge of the next bed along, Fun Ghoul looked at Party Poison. Laying on his back, hands behind his head, eyes open and gazing straight up. Then, abruptly, he turned on his side, facing away from Fun Ghoul, "For fucks sake. Stop staring at me!" Fun Ghoul stayed silent. Waited for the inevitable sigh from Party Poison as he turned back over, facing Fun Ghoul now. "How long's it been?" Party Poison's question was quiet, though no less demanding of an answer. "Since we got out here." He clarified, when he didn't get an answer right away. Fun Ghoul answered. "Little over a year." Party Poison groaned, rolling onto his back again. "Feels like a fucking lifetime." Fun Ghoul had to agree. He barely remembered his old life now. Or, actually, he'd tried to forget. So much easier that way. "I fucking miss them." At Party Poison's words, Fun Ghoul looked up again. Didn't dare ask who he meant. Party Poison opened his eyes, turning his face towards Fun Ghoul again. "The fans, Ghoul. Remember? We had a whole army out there." Fun Ghoul allowed himself to smile, to relax. "Yeah. I remember. But I'm pretty sure it was your army. Nobody gave a fuck about the rest of us." Party Poison sat up. "Oh, really? Like you never had any fans!" Fun Ghoul shrugged, grinning. "Sure. But you were the big draw. Front man, lead singer, a God in their eyes. Me? I was the little guitarist you fucked about with on stage." Party Poison laughed. "They loved that, didn't they?" Then, grinning mischievously, "And __**you**__ fucking loved it." Fun Ghoul's eyes widened in surprise, a choked back laugh of disbelief, "Oh, __**I **__was the one who loved it? You were the one pouncing on me all the time!" _

"_That's not true! You did plenty of pouncing yourself." Party Poison corrected. "Yeah, well you were the one always shoving your tongue down my throat." Fun Ghoul countered. Party Poison leaned forward and said, quietly, teasingly, "Now say that like you __**don't**__ miss it." Blinking, innocently, Fun Ghoul said, "Miss what? This?" Then, darting forward, Fun Ghoul kissed him. _

_The still silence after that seemed to surround them. Fun Ghoul drew back slightly, but they were still barely apart. Neither opened their eyes. "Ghoul." Party Poison said, quietly, carefully. "Yeah?" _

"_What…?" He couldn't think how to finish the sentence. And he opened his eyes, somehow, Fun Ghoul sensed it, and he opened his. Then, shifting over so he was next to Party Poison, on his bed. Party Poison watched him, and tried the question again, "Ghoul, what…?" _

"_If you say stop, fine, I'll stop. This isn't like the shows, nothing forceful about it." Party Poison nodded, and let him come closer. Carefully, tentatively, Fun Ghoul kissed him again. Just a couple of light kisses at first, then longer, deeper. A flick of tongue against Party Poison's lips. Both of them slowly relaxing, letting it happen. Lips parting slightly, allowing access both ways. Fun Ghoul broke away to whisper in Party Poison's ear, "You still taste the same." Kissed his ear, then Party Poison turned his head to meet his lips again. A little bolder now, Party Poison's hand on Fun Ghoul's leg, just resting there. That is, until, "Unless you're gonna do something useful with that hand, could you please not leave it there?" Trailing his hand slowly up Fun Ghoul's leg, Party Poison asked, "Useful? You mean like…" nearing his crotch, Party Poison slipped his hand round slightly, to Fun Ghoul's inner thigh, maddeningly close. Fun Ghoul groaned impatiently, and grabbed Party Poison's hand. "What happened to not being forceful?" Party Poison asked. "Don't fucking tease me." Fun Ghoul told him. Party Poison grinned, wickedly, as Fun Ghoul released him again. That time he didn't tease. As soon as his hand touched Fun Ghoul he was rewarded with a gasp. "Doesn't take much, huh?" "Shut up." It was meant to come out snappish, sounded more like a groan. Then, unable to stop himself, Fun Ghoul reached for his belt, started undoing it. Party Poison stopped, almost at once, and Fun Ghoul got worried. "Too much?" Party Poison shook his head, "Just waiting for you to stop doing my job for me." Fun Ghoul grinned. "You wanna undress me?" Party Poison came closer, kissed him, a light hand on his chest, a silent command, and Fun Ghoul laid down beneath him. Hands on his belt, hand on the zip. A hand pushing up his shirt a little, then, as if he'd suddenly gotten bolder, Party Poison pulled the shirt off him completely. Jeans and underwear tugged down. Fun Ghoul waited for what was next. He kept on waiting. And waiting. Eventually he opened his eyes, saw Party Poison leaning over him, face to face and close. "I…""I told you, no pressure." Party Poison shook his head. "I just… I don't…" Fun Ghoul knew how to finish those sentences, even if he didn't want to. Unwillingly thought back to their one and only other time vaguely like this one. Both fucking wrecked, neither quite sure how far they'd gone, and only he'd really remembered it in the morning…_

_No. This was nothing like then. That had been something stupid, meaningless, forgotten. This was… He didn't know how, but this was different. Almost… Needed. Fun Ghoul took Party Poison's hand again, though not forcefully this time, and guided him. "Please, Poison. Only do this if you want to." Got his answer as he felt Party Poison's hand wrap around him. "Fuck!" He gasped. "Don't come just yet." Party Poison teased. "Fuck you. And, slower, please Poison. Slower." Adjusting the speed accordingly, Party Poison started getting used to the situation again, wondering about his previous hesitation. "I'm feeling a little left out here, you know?" He said. Fun Ghoul, who'd closed his eyes, opened them again to look at Party Poison. "I was just thinking how unfair it is that I'm practically naked and you're fully dressed." _

"_I think we can solve both pretty easily." Party Poison sat up, and Fun Ghoul tried not to complain about his lack of contact. Then saw Party Poison taking his shirt off, getting to work on his belt, jeans. Oh God, he couldn't help himself, Fun Ghoul reached down, touching himself as he watched Party Poison undress. He forgot to stop before Party Poison saw him. Embarrassed, he moved his hand away, only to find it taken up in Party Poison's. Pulled up to join him in a sitting position once again. "You have no idea how fucking hot that was." Fun Ghoul wasn't sure how to answer. Settled for actions, not words, kissing Party Poison. And, again, allowing himself to be lead by Party Poison, was pulled down on top of him. Felt Party Poison's hot skin beneath his. Shifting himself accordingly, Fun Ghoul reached his hand down, even just the lightest brush of his fingers gained him a gasp from Party Poison. Fun Ghoul grinned, repeated the light, frustrating touch. "Please. Don't just-" Party Poison cut off his pleading when Fun Ghoul pre-empted his request, finally taking a proper grasp of him. Party Poison gasped, louder than Fun Ghoul had. "Don't come just yet." Fun Ghoul repeated his words back to him. "Fuck off. And move up a little, I want you in my hand again." Fun Ghoul did as asked, trying to concentrate on still pleasing Party Poison as he in turn surrendered to Party Poison's touch. Kissing his lips, his neck, his chest whenever he could. Then, amongst the gasps, moans and pleasant swear words, something unexpected. "Oh fuck! Frank!" They both stopped immediately, and Fun Ghoul lifted himself up, slowly, looking down at Party Poison, wide eyed. _

_Frank was Fun Ghoul's real name. He hadn't heard it out loud since… Little over a year ago. And certainly never from Party Poison, who insisted on Killjoy names at all times, and never slipped up on it. Until now. Eyes also wide, like he couldn't believe what'd just passed his lips. "What just… What was that?" Fun Ghoul asked, now he was the one unsure. "It was your name, Frank." Still Fun Ghoul said nothing, still stared down at him. Then, suddenly, and with more passion than he'd had all night, Fun Ghoul kissed him again. "Do you know how long I've waited to hear my name again, Gerard?" Party Poison's hand curled round the back of Fun Ghoul's head, getting caught up in his hair, pushing him back down to kiss him. Oh God this felt good. He felt stripped and naked in every possible way and it felt amazing, free. Fun Ghoul's hand had found him again, stroking gently, slowly, maddeningly. "Frank." He got a small answering moan in reply. "I… I want…" Then, lifting himself up so he could whisper in Fun Ghoul's ear. "Fuck me." And, again, Fun Ghoul stopped. Looked at Party Poison. "Yes." Party Poison said, before Fun Ghoul could get a word out. "I'm sure." Fun Ghoul nodded, knowing he wouldn't just be saying that. "But, Gee… I'm… Maybe you should…" Party Poison smiled, and shook his head. Then he took Fun Ghoul's hand, bringing it up to his mouth. Fun Ghoul figured out what he was doing just before he did it. Sliding two fingers into his mouth, he sucked gently on them, guiding in then out, all the while licking them as they went. Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, imagining something else being seen to by that tongue. A few more times, and Party Poison released his hand, two fingers of which were slick with his saliva. "Know what you're doing yet?" Party Poison asked. Fun Ghoul was less in the mood to be teased than he had been earlier. "Just turn the fuck over, bitch." He said, grinning. A returned grin from Party Poison as he did as told. Tempted as he was to just go for it, there was no way he could. No way he could stand to hurt Party Poison like that. So, easy does it. One finger first. "Fuck." "Gee, you ok?" A nod in reply. Not entirely believing him, he none the less continued. Second one now. "Fuck!" Louder. "You sure you're ok?" _

"_I'm fine." Well, if he was gonna say shit like that… "Oh my God! You bastard!" He hadn't been expecting the third one. Fun Ghoul chuckled. Then, "Sure you're ready?" A moments silence, a small hesitation. Fun Ghoul took the seemingly endless second to truly take Party Poison in, really look at him, at every part of him. The more he did, the more he wanted him, now! And the more he couldn't carry on without Party Poison's consent. It finally came, only a second later, in the form of a nod of the head. Fun Ghoul leant forward, brushing Party Poison' hair back slightly to kiss his neck. Then, gentle as he could, Fun Ghoul moved into him. "Oh fuck!" Fun Ghoul moaned. He stayed, just briefly. Trying to make sure Party Poison got used to the feel of him. Eventually, "Frank, please…" Then he began, carefully, to find a good pace. Pleased to hear a gasp from Party Poison, though it was mostly one of pain, just a touch of enjoyment. A hand finding one of Party Poison's clenched ones, holding it, letting it get snatched up, held tight. "Give it a minute, it'll be ok soon." And, of course, it was. That hand being gripped out of pleasure. The gasps were just the same. _

"_Oh, shit, Gee, I'm sorry, I'm gonna…" Fun Ghoul tried to hold out, but it was all too damn much. "It's ok, go for it." He barely needed telling. _

_Moving carefully out and off, Fun Ghoul lay, panting, beside Party Poison, who rolled back onto his back to smile at him. Party Poison opened his mouth to say something, but Fun Ghoul interrupted, "Let me take care of you now." Not until he'd slid down the other end of the bed did Party Poison know what he was up to. First fingers gently touching, caressing him. He moaned, loudly. Then, an unexpected, but welcome tongue flicked, then, again, dragged slowly along. Finally, taken completely into Fun Ghoul's mouth. Didn't take long. He grabbed Fun Ghoul's hand again. "Frank! I…" He came before he could finish the warning. Fun Ghoul had got the warning anyway, and didn't mind. Swallowed quickly, sticking out his tongue in exaggerated disgust. "You don't like the way I taste?" Party Poison asked, with a grin. Before he knew it he had Fun Ghoul's tongue in his mouth. Moving back slightly, Fun Ghoul had a grin of his own. "What do you think?" Party Poison's hand on the back of his head again, "Frank, get back here." And he was lowered to Party Poison's lips again._

_The next morning was… Interesting. _

_Fun Ghoul was the first to wake up. Took him a little while to figure out why something didn't feel right. Then he realised he wasn't in his usual bed, which he could see next to him, he was in Party Poison's. Carefully, he turned over. There, laid beside him, was Party Poison, eyes closed, still perfectly asleep. _

_He looks so-_

_Fun Ghoul stopped himself, mid thought, and paused his hand that had moved to brush away a couple of strands of bright red hair. _

_Fun Ghoul slipped carefully out of bed and got dressed. Headed outside. He'd better check the area._

_All the while images of last night flickered though his mind. _

_By the time he got back inside, Party Poison had woken up. But clearly only just, walking into the diner just as Fun Ghoul came in through the main doors. Fun Ghoul smiled, was slightly disappointed to see only a very half hearted smile back. "Ghoul." And he pretended he wasn't upset to realise they were back to Killjoy names again now. "I think we…" Party Poison carried on, pointedly avoiding eye contact with Fun Ghoul, "Need to talk." Fun Ghoul nodded, forcing Party Poison to look at him to get his reply. An uneasy hand pushed back through his hair, "Last night…" Fun Ghoul sighed, loudly, and settled himself down on the end of one of the benches. "Gee-" He caught the look. The unflinching, commanding look that told him, completely, 'no real names'. "Poison." He corrected, with another sigh. "If we're gonna have the whole 'last night never happened' talk, can we not?" Party Poison frowned. "I don't think there's any point denying that it happened." Fun Ghoul looked up at him then, hopefully. Hopeful for what, though? A relationship? Or just hopeful that they hadn't just screwed everything up? He watched as Party Poison sat down opposite him, saw a wince that was meant to be hidden. Fun Ghoul reached out a hand, amazed to find one of Party Poison's, glad to be allowed to take it. "Sorry." He said, quietly. Party Poison looked at him, glaring daggers, a grin on his lips declaring them false. "Got your mind off worrying for a while though, didn't it?" Fun Ghoul realised his mistake immediately. Party Poison's eyes went wide, horror creeping into them. He snatched his hand back just as Fun Ghoul tried to tighten his grip. Party Poison was up and pacing before Fun Ghoul could stop him. "Oh shit! Kid! Jet!"_

"_Poison-" A failed attempt. "They're not back yet. We haven't heard from them…" _

"_It's still early, Poison." Fun Ghoul tried again, getting up now, getting in Party Poison's way. "And we wouldn't have heard from them, they've got no way of contacting us." Shaking his head, Party Poison argued, "What about the safe house? They'd have a radio, right? Why wouldn't they try to let us know they're alright?" Fun Ghoul knew Party Poison had sent himself straight into panic overload with this one, desperately tried to calm him down. Somehow managed to stop Party Poison, holding him still, hands on his arms. "Maybe it was late when they got there, maybe the safe house __**doesn't **__have a radio. There are plenty of explanations as to why we haven't heard from them. Now, please, Poison, calm down and stop worrying!" _

"_No!" Party Poison snapped, pushing Fun Ghoul away. "I will __**not**__ calm down. Not when there's every possibility that something has happened to my brother while I was too busy letting myself get fucked!" Now that. That really hurt. Hands balled into fists (not that he'd use them, not against Party Poison, never) and eyes shut tight. "Don't!" Fun Ghoul forced out. He looked up again, finally. Eyes shining, defiant. He wasn't crying. "Poison… You don't even realise, do you? You needed that, last night. You've been so fucking wound up and uptight, and I know it's because of the stress you've given yourself, leading us, and don't think I'm not fucking grateful, because I am, for everything, but I- we're worried about you, Poison. It's like you don't have an 'off' switch or something. You just keep marching on and on and on. And, last night? It was like you finally found a release, an 'off' switch. I wasn't expecting it to happen, and I'm sure as fuck you weren't expecting it. But I am glad it happened, and I am __**not **__sorry!" Party Poison watched, and listened, blank faced as Fun Ghoul practically screamed this at him. When it was clear he was done, Party Poison stepped closer. His voice was cutting, painful, "If anything's happened to my brother, or Jet., you'd fucking better be." Then he pushed past Fun Ghoul, who turned, tried calling out to him, was ignored. _

Even now, Fun Ghoul could remember the horrible feeling he'd had after that conversation. The way Party Poison had said it. Like there was no… Connection. No meaning. Made him feel dirty, wrong. Like he'd forced Party Poison into something.

_But Jet Star and Kobra Kid did come back, safely. After a lecture from Party Poison and various "sorry's" from the two of them, things settled back to normal. Almost. _

_Fun Ghoul and Party Poison had avoided each other the whole day. Now Party Poison tracked him down, didn't have to try too hard, Fun Ghoul was sitting outside, round the back, staring out into the nothingness that is their world. And still, little gasped moments of last night invaded his thoughts. It was getting dark now, and he knew he should be thinking about heading back in. That's when Party Poison turned up. "Ghoul?" Said gently. Fun Ghoul looked up, "Yeah?" Party Poison sighed, crouched down beside him. "I just… I'm sorry. About-""It's fine." Fun Ghoul interrupted, even though it only was now because Party Poison was talking to him again. "I know you were worried." "Yeah" Party Poison agreed, "But I shouldn't… Last night… I…" Then, making sure he had Fun Ghoul's full eye contact, "Thank you." And that completely erased all the nasty feelings Fun Ghoul had been having._

_It was agreed that it had been a good thing, but they also agreed it would never happen again. _

_For a while they actually believed that. _


	12. You Animal

**A/N: Hey! And thank you once again for reading :)**

**Right, as promised, next chapter immediately. **

**More of the same, flashback, slash etc... **

**And, again, and still, I own none of these boys :)**

**Chapter 12 - … You Animal**

_To say he'd thought about that night would be an understatement. To say he couldn't get that night out of his head would be a lot closer to the truth. Fun Ghoul knew Party Poison had caught him staring a few times. He'd ignored it. Fun Ghoul didn't know if he hated him or loved him for that. _

_Eventually, there was no ignoring it anymore. _

_Fun Ghoul was outside, with Jet Star. They'd gone out to practice their shooting. Jet Star had been the slowest to pick it up, at first, but now his accuracy was damn near as good as Party Poison's or Kobra Kid's (both of whom made perfect shots pretty much every time) And Fun Ghoul had been better than him. Today though, Fun Ghoul was missing every target. "Fuck." He muttered, after yet another shot went way off. "Ghoul." Jet Star said, gently. "Yeah?" Fun Ghoul's voice was a weary one. "Something's up. What is it?" Fun Ghoul just shook his head in response. "Don't tell me 'nothing' Ghoul. We get that from Poison enough." Fun Ghoul inwardly winced. So, he hadn't been the only one to notice? Party Poison was getting distant, again. Too focused on being their leader, again. No 'off' switch. A brief invasion of Fun Ghoul's thoughts: Skin on skin, touching, caressing, pleasing, lips to his ear, a quiet, but certain command. Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, tried to push the thoughts away. They'd agreed it'd never happen again. That was it, one time thing. Then he thought of the past month, how Party Poison seemed to be getting further and further away, again. Thought of the times he'd seen Party Poison's fists clenched so tight it looked painful. Thought of the hard look he seemed to have permanently in his eyes. His eyes should never look like that. They should be open, kind, like they always were. When was the last time he'd seen Party Poison smile? Then Fun Ghoul thought about his own personal hell. It'd been getting worse. Now every time he even looked at Party Poison, even thought about him… Fucking hell, he was a teenage girl with a fucking crush… Fuck. He had to do something about this. Jet Star was still looking at him, waiting for an answer, clearly concerned. Had he noticed that there'd been some correlation with Fun Ghoul's lack of concentration and Party Poison's distantness? Fun Ghoul hoped not. "Poison's inside, right?" Fun Ghoul asked. "Yeah. With Kid, but Ghoul-""I've just gotta speak to him." Fun Ghoul had disappeared inside before Jet Star could stop him.  
_

_Inside, and he found Kobra Kid and Party Poison together in the diner area, sitting on opposite sides of the table, clearly in a fairly deep discussion. Fun Ghoul wasn't quite sure why he felt so nervous. "Poison." He waited for Party Poison to look up, and then continued, quickly, "Can I talk to you a second?" Party Poison nodded, and, seemingly getting the hint this was meant to be a private conversation, stood up. "Oh. Right. And what am I meant to do?" Kobra Kid asked. Party Poison shrugged, "I dunno. Go practice your shooting with Jet." Kobra Kid frowned. "But I'm already good." Then, with a ghost of a smile, Party Poison told him, "Never hurts to get better, little brother." Kobra Kid rolled his eyes, and headed outside. Then Party Poison followed Fun Ghoul into the bedrooms. "Ok, Ghoul. What is it?" Party Poison had barely closed the door when Fun Ghoul, suddenly alarmingly close, pinned him to the door and kissed him. Shocked, and on pure instinct, Party Poison pushed him away. "What the fuck?" He demanded. Fuck, that'd hurt, Party Poison pushing him away like that. But he didn't care, he wasn't backing down now. "This past month?" Fun Ghoul started, refusing to step back any further than the couple of paces he'd been forced to stagger. "It's been driving me crazy. Please, Poison-" But Party Poison was shaking his head, not listening. "No." He said, determinedly "No! We talked about this. What happened…" Brief pause, Fun Ghoul knew he was thinking about it. "Happened. But that was it. We forget it, we move on." Party Poison was trying to get past Fun Ghoul. "What happened to not denying it?" Fun Ghoul asked. "I'm not!" Party Poison protested, still trying to get away. But Fun Ghoul was having none of it, hands on his arms, holding him still. "Poison, stop. Just… Stop for a second!" A pause, and Fun Ghoul frowned, absently licked his lips, thinking. "Alright. Tell me. Really tell me 'no'. Tell me… You haven't thought about it. Haven't thought about-" He'd been about to say 'me', but he was interrupted, when Party Poison kissed him. "Fuck." Party Poison breathed. Fun Ghoul couldn't help but smile, he'd finally come to the realisation Fun Ghoul had weeks ago. "Yeah. Fuck." Fun Ghoul replied. "What… What should we…?" Fun Ghoul rolled his eyes, "Shut the fuck up, would you?" And then he kissed him again, no backing away this time. Heat and passion intensifying quickly. Found themselves on one of the beds, Party Poison on top of Fun Ghoul, until abruptly, he stopped. "Ghoul?" Fun Ghoul didn't answer, just tried to pull Party Poison back down, who struggled against it. "No. Ghoul. Wait. This is…" He seemed embarrassed, and Fun Ghoul had a horrible feeling about what might follow. He needn't have worried. "We're on Kid's bed." Fun Ghoul smiled, pleased to find that was what was worrying him. "Whatever's… About to happen, I'd rather not do it on my brothers bed." Fun Ghoul laughed, pushing Party Poison off him. Then he went and stood beside his own bed, shrugged his jacket off, let it fall to the floor, then pulled his shirt off, letting it join the jacket. "What makes you think something's going to happen?" He asked, with an innocent smile. Party Poison clambered from the bed he was on to Fun Ghoul's, knelt on it in front of were Fun Ghoul stood. Looked up slightly, told him, quietly, "Keep going." Fun Ghoul's hands went for his belt, slowly unbuckling it, undid the top button of his jeans. Stopped. Party Poison's eyes were transfixed on Fun Ghoul's hands. But now they were still. "Keep going." It was almost a moan. "Oh, no, Poison. I'm not gonna be the naked one, with you fully clothed, again." One of Fun Ghoul's hands under Party Poison's chin, forcing his gaze up, "your turn." Moving away so Party Poison didn't try to take matters into his own hands, Fun Ghoul headed to the foot of the bed, stood there, waited to see what Party Poison would do. He turned, facing Fun Ghoul again, and, finally, after a very long time, it seemed, he took off his jacket, threw it on the floor, his shirt following seconds later. "Now do I get more?" Fun Ghoul smiled, as if he could deny him? Slowly unzipping his jeans, then, instead of taking the jeans off like Party Poison had expected, he instead put his hand down inside them, and started gently rubbing himself. Party Poison could only stare, his eyes once again transfixed. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore, moved up even closer, took Fun Ghoul's hand away, then pulled him down on to the bed, on top of him. Kissing him, touching him, Party Poison not only finishing undressing himself, but Fun Ghoul too. Fun Ghoul laughed, "Do it for you, did it?" Party Poison nodded. "Oh, God, Ghoul, I-""Don't call me that." Party Poison stopped, surprised, and looked at Fun Ghoul, who looked completely serious. "Not here. Not now. Don't call me by my fake name." And Party Poison understood, completely. "Frank." He said, carefully. "I want you, Frank, I need you." Fun Ghoul grinned, "I know you do, Gee." Party Poison frowned, just slightly, until Fun Ghoul whispered in his ear, "I need you too." Then he managed to shift so he was beneath Party Poison. When Party Poison started to move down, Fun Ghoul sighed, frustrated. "Gee. When the fuck will you get the hint I'm trying to be submissive?" Party Poison paused, and grinned. "So be submissive and shut the fuck up." Again, Fun Ghoul made a vaguely frustrated noise, but this time a little more whimpered. "Oh." Party Poison said, grin widening. "I see. Want me to fuck you, huh?" Party Poison's hand just barely touching Fun Ghoul, fingertip touching and dancing delicately, making him whimper more. "Am I right, Frank?" Party Poison teased. "Oh… God, Gee." Party Poison chuckled, lightly. "Yes. Yes I… Please, Gee." A sweet smile, and a passionate kiss, then Party Poison lifted himself up enough to allow Fun Ghoul to shift onto his front. Following a similar pattern as Fun Ghoul had, last time, Party Poison was, if anything, more careful. And Fun Ghoul knew it, that's why he bit back any and all exclamations that tried to force their way out of him. Now he was just waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting for Party Poison to really get started. Party Poison took his hand, fingers entwined, and gripped tight. Then, finally, Party Poison moved, gentle and careful as he could, into him. Fun Ghoul couldn't quite hold back his outcry. Fuck. He'd known it'd hurt, but still. "I'm sorry." Party Poison told him. "I promise, it get's better." Fun Ghoul knew that too. And soon he was able to join in with Party Poison's gasps and moans._

_After, both beautifully and blissfully spent, they laid, side by side. Out of breath, beaded with sweat, eyes closed and smiles on their lips. "Thank you, again." Party Poison eventually said. "I would tell you to shut up your sentimental nonsense, but I'm too worn out." Party Poison laughed at that. A few more seconds of contented silence and then… "Oh __**fuck**__!" And Party Poison sat bolt upright. Lifting himself up on his elbows, Fun Ghoul asked, "What?" Party Poison looked at him, wide eyed, "Did you forget, as I clearly did, that this time we're not the only ones here?" Realisation and horror quickly taking hold, Fun Ghoul said, "Oh fuck. You don't think? They can't have heard us?" Already getting up and practically throwing his clothes back on, Party Poison replied, "Well I'm certainly not waiting for them to find us here like this." Fun Ghoul agreed with this, and hurried back into his clothes too, paused briefly to watch as Party Poison pulled his shirt back on. Soon, fully dressed, Party Poison just zipping up his jacket. Quick look over one another, did they look right? Normal? Like they hadn't just been fucking? They guessed so, went out. _

_Kobra Kid and Jet Star were still outside, despite the dimming light. "Where the fuck you two been?" Kobra Kid asked. Party Poison shrugged. "We had some things to talk about, that's all. Why the fuck are you two still out here?" Jet Star came in for this one, "Someone thought it would be a good idea to try shooting in the dark." The way his eyes narrowed at Kobra Kid quite clearly indicated whose idea it had been. "I'm pretty good too." Kobra Kid announced, proudly. He then proceeded to show off said new talent. Party Poison smiled (a genuine, actual smile, they all noticed it) "Not bad, Kid." He said. No one noticed the slightly suspicious look Jet Star gave Party Poison and Fun Ghoul._

_A little later, and a brief moment as Party Poison and Fun Ghoul marvelled at what they'd got away with. "Fuck, I was certain that…" Party Poison trailed off, a slightly shaky smile on his lips. "Anyway. That's it now. We can't risk it again." Fun Ghoul nodded. "Sure." _

_It was a lie, of course it was. And they both knew it, even as the words left their mouths. _

_So it became… Not exactly a relationship, exactly, more of a… (Though that was exactly what it was) It was a way to make things a little… Easier. Better. _

_One thing they agreed on. And stuck to. Neither Jet Star or Kobra Kid could know. Not that they wanted to keep secrets but… It would only complicate things. They liked how simple, how free it was. _

"_Poison, can you just check on this?" "Ghoul, can I have a word?" Easy excuses to be alone. _

_A door shut, locked. Cramped cupboards and empty rooms. _

_A fake errand. "No, Jet, you guys stay here, we'll be back before nightfall."_

_Party Poison drove, of course. Fun Ghoul in the passenger seat next to him. They'd barely left the safe house when Fun Ghoul placed his hand on Party Poison's leg. And, very slowly, started moving his hand up and down. Party Poison tried tell him to 'fucking stop it' but he didn't. Kept on smirking, kept on teasing. _

_Finally, at a reasonable distance, Party Poison stopped the car. He snatched up Fun Ghoul's hand, turning to him. "You are gonna fucking pay for that." He promised, then kissed him, fiercely. _

_Then there was the time they couldn't get away easily, but needed it so badly. A different safe house, no place to disappear to. A restless night spent waiting for the other two to fall asleep. Then Fun Ghoul had slipped under Party Poison's covers, hidden beneath them, while Party Poison laid there, still as he could. Bleeding at the lip as he physically bit back his gasps. _

_One thing needs to be clear. This was not an every day thing. Or even an every week thing. Random intervals would elapse between each time. When one of them needed it, the other was always more than willing to oblige. _

_Of course, secrets never remain that way forever.  
_

_It'd been a particularly long time since the last… Encounter, and Fun Ghoul was starting to worry. That is, until Party Poison practically dragged him to the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind them. "Not worried about Jet and Kid hearing that?" Fun Ghoul asked, with a smirk. "They're messing with the car. They won't hear a thing." Party Poison assured, kissing him. "It's been a while, Poison. Starting to think you didn't want me anymore." Fun Ghoul teased. "Shut the fuck up and kiss me." Party Poison told him, shoving him against the wall, holding him there. But then Fun Ghoul turned his head to the side. "Maybe I've decided I don't want __**you**__ anymore." He said. Party Poison's hand, firm grip on his chin, forcing Fun Ghoul to face him. "Don't make me take control." Then, whispered in Fun Ghoul's ear, "That's not what I want today." Smirk turning a little more wicked, Fun Ghoul said, "Oh. I see…" His hand moving slowly but deliberately between them. Party Poison shifted slightly to allow him access. "I guess I got the wrong idea…" Now working on Party Poison's belt, jeans. Paused. "I mean, You are the one pinning __**me**__ to the wall." Party Poison's eyes were closed, anticipation building. "Ghoul…" He moaned. "What?" Fun Ghoul asked, innocently. "I'm just…" And finally, with a loud gasp from Party Poison, Fun Ghoul slid his hand inside Party Poison's underwear "Taking control." He finished, with a kiss to Party Poison's neck. And then his lips, where he found an overwhelming amount of passion and lust. Everything started moving quickly then. Fun Ghoul reclaimed his hand to push Party Poison's jacket off, who in turn did the same for him. Then, with a little difficulty, Fun Ghoul tugged down Party Poison's jeans. "Fucking hell. I wish you didn't wear such tight jeans all the damn time." Fun Ghoul complained. "Yes you do." Party Poison told him. "Means you get a good view of my ass." Fun Ghoul's hand going to previously mentioned body part. "Maybe I take what I said back." Then, "Let's move this along. We don't know how much time we have." And, moving his hands to Party Poison's shoulders, Fun Ghoul, not quite gently, pushed him down on to his knees. Party Poison didn't need telling. He was undoing his jeans, while Fun Ghoul leant back, as comfortable as he could against the wall, one hand resting on Party Poison's shoulder, the other held flat against the wall. He felt Party Poison kiss him, through the fabric of his underwear, he shivered. "For fucks sake, Poison get on with it." He didn't. Instead he felt Party Poison's tongue, pressed against him then slowly trailed up. Again, all still through the highly unwanted barrier of fabric. Fun Ghoul groaned, then chuckled. "Fucking hell, Poison. You fucking slut." Fun Ghoul's hand moved to the back of Party Poison's head, his fingers caught up in his hair. "C'mon, Poison, please, I want-" _

_That was when they heard the door bang open. _

_Party Poison instantly fell back, and Fun Ghoul's eyes opened and turned to the door. Both were scrambling to fix their clothes as soon as they saw who was standing in the door way._

"_I __**knew **__something was going on with you two!" Jet Star said, staring at them both, frowning slightly. Fun Ghoul, as the first one presentable, opened his mouth to attempt to explain. "Jet! We…"_

"_I don't think 'this isn't what it looks like' is gonna cut it, do you, Ghoul?" Jet Star interrupted, gently. Party Poison, finally standing, finally sorted asked, "How long have you known?" Disappointed to see Party Poison was practically on the other side of the room now, Fun Ghoul had kinda hoped they'd stand together on this one. Jet Star shrugged, "A while." Then, before Party Poison could ask the next question, Jet Star cut in, "Kid doesn't suspect anything. Or. If he does, it's by himself." Then, with an obvious look of regret, "Guys. This needs to end. Now." Indignation immediately flaring up, Fun Ghoul argued, "You can't-""Ghoul." Party Poison cut in, gently. "But Poison-""That's enough." Fun Ghoul didn't like this, he didn't like how Party Poison wasn't looking his way, no matter how hard he was staring back. Jet Star was talking again, still sadly, gently. "Guys, honestly, under… Normal circumstances, this wouldn't be a problem. But, Poison. You're my leader, and I trust and respect you. But I need to know you're focused and not-" Again, that anger flared up. "What are you worried about happening, Jet?" Fun Ghoul demanded. "That Poison would do something, or not do something that might put you, put any of us in danger? He would never do that! And neither would I." A sigh from Jet Star. "I'm not saying it'd be intentional. But…" It was obvious he was getting to the bit he most didn't want to bring up. "I've seen the way your moods swing lately, both of you. Tell me that's not got something to do with this." Fun Ghoul felt his face turn hot. Oh God, had they been that obvious? He thought only he and Party Poison had been able to read the signs in each other. Deeply embarrassed, but also annoyed, "It's not-""It gets better." Party Poison said, quietly. He was finally getting involved, it seemed. Though… This was strange to watch, his head was slightly bowed, his hair hiding most of his face. "After…" He glanced at Fun Ghoul, looked quickly away again. "After __**this. **__That's when it, when we get better." Jet Star tried for a smile at them both. "That doesn't sound too healthy to me." He said. Then, "Alright. Guys, it's your decision, but…" He shrugged and turned to leave. Fun Ghoul knew what had been at the end of that sentence. But… This needs to end. As soon as Jet Star was out the door, Fun Ghoul started up, "He can't do that. It's bullshit. He can't tell us, he certainly can't tell you-" mid rant, he turned to Party Poison, hoping to see at least a spark of the same indignation as he had. Party Poison hadn't moved, his head still bowed, he was silent. "Poison!" He prompted. Then, stepping closer, oh God, all he'd wanted to do since Jet Star had started, get closer to Party Poison. Not even in that way. He'd just wanted to be close. Somehow he sensed he shouldn't get any closer. Fun Ghoul tried again, quieter, "Poison?" And, finally, again quietly, Party Poison said, "What if it'd been Kid?" Fun Ghoul frowned at him, he wasn't getting it. "What if it'd been Kid who… Found out." Oh God… Fun Ghoul shook his head. "He's your brother. Sure, he'd be… Surprised but, he'd be happy for you." Party Poison looked up then, eyes meeting perfectly with Fun Ghoul's, who had the sudden urge to look away. "Is that why we've been hiding it?" No, please, don't be suggesting what I think you are… Fun Ghoul scurrying for words that would fix everything. "We hid it so we don't complicate things. But, Poison, if-""I'm not so sure." Party Poison said, shaking his head, looking away again. That scared Fun Ghoul so damn much. "Poison…?" Somehow, Party Poison knew it was a question, and he knew which one it was too. Again, Party Poison shook his head. "I don't know." He said, simply. But he did know, and so did Fun Ghoul. Just neither wanted to admit it. Not now. Finally, in a decisive, easy movement, Party Poison stepped closer, breaking the strange barrier that'd gone up between them, closing the gap between them finally. A possessive hand curling around the back of Fun Ghoul's neck as he kissed him. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right, Party Poison shouldn't be using this like he was, it shouldn't be… Fun Ghoul tried to shut his mind up for a second. Just appreciate what was happening. Just feel Party Poison's hand on his neck, commanding, but gentle. Feel their bodies close. Feel Party Poison's lips on his, soft, gentle right now. Just letting himself relax into it, just raising a hand to draw Party Poison closer, when he suddenly broke away. Then, in Fun Ghoul's ear, "I'm sorry. Frank. But I don't know." Fun Ghoul closed his eyes again. Let Party Poison leave. _

_Why the hell had that all felt so much like a goodbye?_

It's felt like that because that was exactly what it was. A beautiful, horrible, kind, cruel goodbye. After that, nothing like that had ever happened between them again. They still cared about each other, obviously, but in the same way that they cared about all the Killjoys. And every now and then… Just looks. That was all. Just looks. It'd taken them both a little while to get comfortable with each other again, but eventually…

Fun Ghoul thought about the day before. Thought about finding Party Poison, seeing him so scared. How Party Poison had let him comfort him. How natural, how easy it'd been to do so. That was how it'd been, for a long time now. Easy.

Fun Ghoul buried his face in his hands. What the fuck was he gonna do if they didn't get Party Poison back?


	13. Brother, Protect Me Now

**A/N: Hey again, and, as ever, thank you :)**

**N1ghtAngel: Thanks for the review! Ha, yeah, I'm pretty sure you heard about every single rewrite of chapter 6 that I did! And, yes, yes, more chapters very soon (still catching up putting them up here!)**

**Right... Next chapter! The title for this comes from the amazing Danger Days track, Destroya (fucking love that song)**

**I don't own the boys, just the girl.**

**Chapter 13 - Brother, Protect Me Now**

Rave woke up with a start. She couldn't remember what she's been dreaming about, but she had a feeling it was better than way. "Hey, shh, it's ok." Rave looked and saw Kobra Kid sitting near the end of the bed, he'd leant forward, a hand on her shoulder, comforting, the look in his eyes a slightly worried one. She frowned, "Kid, what-"

Sitting back, and Kobra Kid's eyes dropped to the bed. "You… You've been calling out Poison's name for the past ten minutes…" Guess she knew what she'd been dreaming about. And now she felt horrible, Kobra Kid shouldn't have had to hear that. "Oh, God, Kid, I'm so sorry." He shook his head. "No. It's ok. I'm… I'm scared for him too." Seeing any of the Killjoys scared was always, well, scary. Hearing them admit it was just as bad. And right now, they were all terrified. Oh, of course, Jet Star and Fun Ghoul wouldn't show it, and even Kobra Kid had been hiding it pretty well (since the phone call, of course), but Rave had seen it in them all. A certain look in their eyes, a hesitation to everything. An uncertainty. _We can't loose Poison, we all need him so much_.

"Kid." Rave said, carefully. He looked up slightly, waiting for her to continue. And, once again, Rave wasn't sure if she wanted the answer, but she had to know. "What happened, last night? When…" Kobra Kid looked away again. "Rave. Don't." He didn't want to re-live it, didn't want to think about it. But of course it wouldn't leave him alone. _A gun pointed in his face, but that wasn't the one that scared him. _"Kid. Please." Rave interrupted his memory. But she was asking him to go through it, all of it, again. "Please." She said, again. "I need to know." Kobra Kid looked up at her. She had a right to know, didn't she? A heavy sigh, "Ghoul had just left." He began. "I could tell how worked up Poison was, worse than before. You know he drives fast anyway, but… This felt… More reckless. It didn't feel like he was in control. Not of the car, not of himself, anything. Everything about him felt… Wrong. Me and Jet… We both kept quiet. We both knew something was wrong, but… After the fight with Ghoul…" There'd been a fight? Fun Ghoul had told Rave they'd 'decided' that he'd come back to get her. He'd lied. Rave slowly realised that the bruise on Fun Ghoul's face that she'd been ignoring must've happened then. She couldn't blame him for lying though, he'd only done it so she wouldn't worry. Ha! Nice job…

Kobra Kid was still talking. "I just wanted to tell him to slow down. Or let one of us drive for a while. I didn't dare. Wish I had…" Kobra Kid paused, closed his eyes, continued, "None of us even saw it coming."

_What it was that they'd hit, none of them knew, and then everything was a blur. Somehow, at that point, in those few precious seconds in time, Party Poison got control back over the car and stopped them from crashing head on into the rocks roadside. He couldn't, however, avoid slamming into them sideways on. The only one of them on that side was Kobra Kid. Without a seconds thought for himself, Party Poison was on the other side of the car, checking his brother._

"We all got out OK. I was in the worst shape, and, well, I'm alright." Completely without thinking about it, Kobra Kid rubbed his arm, winced. Of course Rave noticed. "Kid?" She said, carefully. Realising what he was doing, Kobra Kid paused, dropped his hand. "I'm fine." He insisted. "Kid." Rave said, a little more sternly. "Rave…" It was nearly a plea. "Kid." She replied, firmly. "Jacket, off, now." Rolling his eyes, Kobra Kid finally did as she asked, once again wincing as he slipped his jacket off. Then he held out his arm for Rave to see. She gasped and she saw the angry and sore looking mess of bruises on his forearm. "Oh… Kid. Why didn't you say anything?" Kobra Kid shrugged. "We had other things to worry about." Rave ignored him, fetched the first aid kit, realising Kobra Kid had somehow driven with that arm. "You're lucky it's not broken." She told him. "Otherwise I'd be really mad at you." Rave sat back down, taking Kobra Kid's arm again, started tending to it, she knew she couldn't do much, but she'd do something. A few minutes silence and then, "What happened after that?" Kobra Kid should've known better than to think he'd been let off the hook. Another sigh, and the he continued. "Poison… I think the shock of the crash snapped him out of his… Whatever. He looked… Normal. Worried. Worrying about me."

_They were all out now, dusting themselves off. "Are you sure you're alright, Kid?" "Yes! I'm fine! Poison, I've told you." Coming up to his brother, hands on either shoulder, Party Poison inspected him carefully. "You're bleeding." He said, glancing at the top of his head. Kobra Kid shrugged, trying to shrug Party Poison off, then swiped at the blood he could feel trickling slowly down. He succeeded more in spreading the blood than getting rid of it. "It's fine, Poison, honestly." Eyes narrowed, Party Poison still looked at him sceptically. Opened his mouth to ask him something else, but then_

"Jet saw them coming. Poison barely had time to turn around. But he did, and he took out the first Drac before it could take another step closer."_There was more than just that one, of course. And soon the three Killjoys were surrounded. Only a second taken to assess the situation, and then they threw themselves into the fight. Party Poison's gun, naturally, the first to fire. _

"But then… I was so fucking stupid."

_Maybe he should've paid more attention to his injuries. His arm was aching, so he'd switched his gun to the other hand, it wasn't as easy, but of course he'd practiced before, so he managed it. But maybe he should've paid more attention to whatever the fuck had happened to his leg. He was down before he knew it. Barely had time to look up before he saw one of the Dracs closing in. Fuck. Then, out of nowhere, Party Poison came between them, standing, protectively in front of Kobra Kid, shooting and killing the Drac quickly. Pausing to check if there were any more, Party Poison could only see one more Drac, which was being finished off by Jet. So then he turned, a chastising smile for his little brother, holding out a hand to help him up. Before Kobra Kid could take it, two more Dracs appeared. They had Party Poison in their grasp before even he could react. He struggled, of course he did, going down without a fight was not an option. Then, pushed to the floor, on his knees, Party Poison only went still when he felt one gun pressed to his back, another to his head. As he tried to lift his gun, seeing if he could get any kind of shot off, a foot came down, hard, on his hand, Party Poison cried out, dropped his gun. _

_Kobra Kid watched, horrified. Somehow his brain wasn't thinking quick enough, clouded with panic and fear. He tried getting to his feet, but found it too difficult, so instead he simply raised his gun at the nearest Drac, the one whose gun was at Party Poison's back. As soon as he did though, he found that Drac's gun was no longer on his brother, now squarely pointed at him. He stared at the gun in his face, but that wasn't the one that scared him. He looked straight past it and to Party Poison, who raised his head just enough to meet Kobra Kid's gaze. That same, determined look as always in his eyes. "Let him go!" Kobra Kid didn't know where the strength in his voice came from. He felt like it should be shaking. Then, the Drac with his gun still on Party Poison spoke, and it was with that usual, distorted, computer generated voice they all spoke with, "Give it up, Killjoys. We only need one of you, but we can easily kill the spare." Kobra Kid knew he was the 'spare' but he couldn't find the emotion to be angry at that, it wasn't important. Kobra Kid looked back at the gun pointed at him, trying to assess the situation. He probably could get the shot off on this one. But what were the chances that that wouldn't get Party Poison killed? With that gun where it was… His eyes back on Party Poison. Trying, desperately to get his question across: Poison, what do I do? Party Poison tried, once again, with just a slight shake this time, to struggle free. Kobra Kid's eyes widened as he watched the Dracs hold on him tighten, twist. Party Poison bowed his head, hiding his pain, but Kobra Kid saw it. The Drac moved his gun off Kobra Kid, grabbed Party Poison by the hair and yanked his head up, he grimaced, but didn't make a sound. "Make a choice, Killjoy. It could cost your brother his life." Fuck. How did they know that? How did they know they were brothers? Party Poison stayed defiantly silent, then the Drac tugged harder. Party Poison closed his eyes, curled his lip in pain. Kobra Kid felt helpless, not knowing what to do. Party Poison was staring directly at him. And then, finally. "Put the gun down, Kid." _

"_What?" Kobra Kid couldn't believe he'd heard those words. Surely he hadn't. "Kid. If you shoot. They'll kill you. Put the gun down." Kobra Kid shook his head. "No. Poison, I can't-""Kid! I am not being the fucking reason for you dying!" _

"_But you expect me to be yours? Not fucking happening." Then, unexpected, a little scary, but still welcome, Party Poison smiled, just slightly, slyly, knowingly. "Doubting me, little brother?" And then, although it hurt so damn much, and it scared the life out of him to do it, Kobra Kid slowly lowered his gun. The Drac let go of Party Poison's hair, viciously throwing his head forward. "Wise choice." Just as the two Dracs dragged him to his feet, Party Poison kept his eyes on Kobra Kid, still with that small smile. Trying to reassure him. _

_As he watched Party Poison get dragged away, Kobra Kid never felt so helpless, hopeless and angry. _

_Jet Star came running over, he'd only seen the end of things, and couldn't believe what he'd seen. "Kid? What the hell-?" Finally, Kobra Kid managed to get himself to his feet. Great, why couldn't he have done that sooner? He was heading to the car, searching for something. Jet Star followed, asking so many questions. Finally, Kobra Kid found what he was looking for. The phone. It was answered quickly. "Ghoul. Get the fuck back here. Now!" _

Kobra Kid looked close to tears. Hot, angry, indignant tears. "It was all my fucking fault." Rave shook her head. "No. It wasn't." She told him, gently. "You know what your brother's like. Always protecting others first.""But if I hadn't needed protecting-""Stop it." Rave said, firmly, moving closer, a gentle hand on his cheek. "Kid. It was not your fault, you were injured, nothing you could do about that. And your decision to listen to Poison is why both of you aren't dead right now."

"What if he-?" She didn't mean to slap him. But there was no way on earth she was letting those words pass his lips. "Don't! Don't you dare. Party Poison is fine. He will be fine and we're going to get him back. Do you understand me?" Kobra Kid looked up at her, a certain, welcome fire in his eyes. Smile on his lips. "Yes ma'am. I understand." He said. Rave nodded. "Good. Now what was it you did to your leg?" Kobra Kid rolled his eyes.


	14. Lost and Found, City Bound

**A/N: Hello all, and as always thank you for reading!**

**Right... On with the next chapter. Things are (finally!) moving forward now, and it looks scarily like Saint Jimmy wants to actually help...**

**Hope you enjoy (and... y'know, reviews are always nice :) )**

**Title from this chapter comes from the beautiful American Idiot track "Are We The Waiting"**

**As much as I wish I could claim otherwise, nope, I don't own any of the boys ;)  
**

**Chapter 14 - Lost and Found, City Bound**

Fun Ghoul was still in the small room. Somewhere along the line of his memories he'd sunk to the floor, knees up, face buried. He tried not to think how similar his position was to the one he'd found Party Poison in the previous day. And all because of the same damn person. Not that Saint Jimmy had done anything half as bad to him as he had to Party Poison.

_What'd he done, really? What'd happened? NO! He didn't want to know! _

Saint Jimmy was right about one thing, though, he had stepped in as leader. And he needed to be at least half as strong as Party Poison. He needed to out there, with the others, coming up with a plan. He needed to fucking pull himself together, get off the damn floor and out of this fucking room! He'd just stood up, renewed determination surging it's way through him, when the door suddenly opened. "There you are." Jet Star was smiling slightly, looking relieved. Then, with a small frown, "Everything alright?" Fun Ghoul nodded. "Only… Everyone's wondering where you were. Rave was getting worried." Oh shit. Rave. As if he needed to give her, give any of them something else to worry about. "How is she?" Fun Ghoul asked, carefully, "Without…" "Better than you'd think." Jet Star told him. "I think her and Kid talked this morning. Whatever it was about… Those two are ready. Ready for… Whatever. Whatever it takes to get Poison back." Fun Ghoul found a smile on his lips, surprised at how easy it was. "So am I." Jet Star nodded, just slightly. "That makes four of us then."

The Killjoys were all gathered together. Fun Ghoul had laid out the most detailed map of the heart of the city on one table. Him and Jet Star were going over it, figuring out a route, preferably one that wouldn't get them spotted before they could get where they needed. On the next table, weapons were spread out, Kobra Kid currently going through them, cleaning and checking them methodically. On the opposite side, another map, this one a blueprint of BL/Ind's head quarters. They knew Party Poison was going to be somewhere in there. Rave kept looking over it. Trying to think practically, trying not to wonder what was happening to him in there. All four of them chipping in with ideas, slowly forming a plan. They'd put the stereo on, quietly in the background, listening out for broadcasts. They knew where they were heading, but any information they could get would be helpful. All they'd heard so far was the same distress call.

Then, after what seemed like a hundred times of the same thing, a different one. Kobra Kid practically pounced on the stereo, turning it up so they could all hear. They listened in cold silence.

"_ALRIGHT, MOTORBABIES, WE FINALLY GOT SOME NEWS, THOUGH I GOTTA TELL YA, IT AIN'T PRETTY. LOOKS LIKE OUR PARTY POISON IS HOLED UP, CAST DOWN AND BEING PUT THROUGH HELL. THEY WANT SOMETHING FROM HIM, THEY WANT IT BAD, AND THEY'RE NOT LETTING UP UNTIL THEY GET IT. FROM WHAT WE'RE GETTING, I'M SURPRISED WE CAN'T HEAR HIM FROM HERE. KILLJOYS, WE HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING RUNNING." _

After it was done, Kobra Kid was the first to speak. His voice was flat, stunned. "They're torturing him."

"We knew they would be." Fun Ghoul said, deceptively calmly, as he turned back to the map. "Did you not _fucking_ hear me, Ghoul?" Kobra Kid snapped. "I said: They. Are. Torturing him! How can you just-""Kid!" Fun Ghoul faced him, trying to hide his frustration. "I know. I heard you. I heard the broadcast. Do _not_ think that I don't care, because I fucking do. But we _need_ to focus." For a second it looked like Kobra Kid was going to lash out, start a fight. All his fear, and worry and nervousness was building up to something dangerous. But, finally, letting out a sigh, he nodded. "I know." Fun Ghoul reached out, hand on his shoulder. "We'll get him back, alright? And you know Poison, he's a fighter. He'll be fighting with all he's got." Again, Kobra Kid nodded, and went back to his place at the table.

Another fifteen minutes, and they thought they had it. "Ok." Fun Ghoul said, settling onto the end of one of the benches, looking closely at the map one last time. "So this is the smartest way of getting there. And if whoever's driving does it fast, it'll also be the quickest." The rest of them crowded round, watching Fun Ghoul's finger quickly tracing out the route. "I'll drive." Kobra Kid insisted. Fun Ghoul looked behind him, where Kobra Kid was leaning over the top of the bench, then nodded at him. Laying out the blueprints now, over the top of the map, Fun Ghoul frowned. "Our main problem is we don't know where they're gonna be keeping him."

"The cells, surely?" Jet Star said, pointing to the lowest level. Fun Ghoul shook his head, while, behind him, Kobra Kid grinned. "They're not that stupid to try that again. Not after last time."

Last time. When they'd all been caught. Party Poison had been the first to break out, then broke the others out. They'd killed a lot of Dracs, and caused a lot of damage that day.

"Who's to say they haven't upped security?" Jet Star said. Fun Ghoul nodded. "We'll check everywhere. We'll need to split up." No one liked the sound of that, but they all agreed. The quicker they could get to Party Poison, the better. "Unfortunately." Fun Ghoul continued. "There's only one way in." His finger tapping the blueprint. "Main entrance." Again, none of them liked it, but they all knew it was all they had. "Alright." Fun Ghoul said, at least sounding confident. "Let's get moving." A nod from everyone, all about to get up when, from the other side of the diner, "That's a fucking stupid plan." They all turned to glare at Saint Jimmy, it was Kobra Kid who told him, simply, "No one cares what you think." Saint Jimmy gave a small, un-amused laugh, while rolling his eyes, "Then you're all fucking stupid." with a shrug. "But, hey, if you want to get Cherry Top killed, by all means, go ahead."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Kobra Kid demanded. Getting up out of his seat now, Saint Jimmy walked towards him, saying, very carefully, "It _means_, Kiddie, that if you go ahead with this half-assed, gung-ho fucking plan, the powers that be will see you fucking coming. Will know what, or rather _who_ you are coming for. At the very _least_ they will move him further into the complex, cutting you fuckers down before you can get to him. Or, more likely. They'll execute him as soon as they see you on the fucking premises!" A small grin. "And then cut all you fuckers down." A few nervous glances. Jet Star finally said, "I hate to say it but… He's kinda got a point." Turning his attention on him now, Kobra Kid snapped, "So what're you saying? We don't even fucking try? We can't just leave Poison there!"

"No one's saying that, Kid." Fun Ghoul said, calmly. But Saint Jimmy was off again. "Oh. Hold on. I'm sorry. There's a much more likely course they'd take. They would wait until you got to him, then kill him in front of you." Again, Saint Jimmy paused. Finally added, "And _then _cut all you fuckers down."

"Saint!" Fun Ghoul snapped. "You're not fucking helping so shut the fuck up!" Saint Jimmy smirked back at him. He was so fucking pleased with himself, loving every second, wasn't he? "I don't care how stupid it is." Kobra Kid said, determinedly. "We've got to try."

"I'm sorry, Kid." Fun Ghoul told him, gently. "But Saint's right, if we go in like this…""Then we find another way in!" Kobra Kid yelled at him. "There is no other way!" Fun Ghoul shouted right back.

"Well." Saint Jimmy said. "That's not true." And, again, everyone turned to look at him, stunned. "What?" Jet Star asked, acting as the voice of everyone. Saint Jimmy shrugged. "There's another way in." He stated, calmly.

"And it didn't occur to you to mention this before?" Saint Jimmy rolled his eyes at Jet Star. "Oh, cool it. I'm telling you now, aren't I? So, we're all agreed, we want Cherry Top back, alive, right?" Then, striding towards the table, "Let me see that fucking map."

It took longer to come up with a new plan. Mainly because everyone was so busy arguing with Saint Jimmy, who seemed not to want to be completely cooperative.

"Right. Well. Obviously, we're gonna need someone to go out the front. Act as a distraction." Fun Ghoul was already shaking his head before Saint Jimmy was even done talking. "No. No way Saint. It's too risky. You said it yourself." Saint Jimmy just looked at him. "Do you want Cherry Top back or what? It won't be for long and-""I'll do it." Kobra Kid said. Saint Jimmy grinned, while Fun Ghoul stared at him, in shock. "No fucking way, Kid." He told him. Looking up, meeting Fun Ghoul's eyes steadily, Kobra Kid replied. "He's my brother. I'll take the risk." Fun Ghoul was shaking his head, but Saint Jimmy was back on a roll. "Great! So, Kiddie-"

"No." Fun Ghoul cut in again, forcefully, staring between the two of them. "Saint. Kid. This isn't happening. Not like this." An accusing glare at Saint Jimmy. "You figure out something else." Looking down at the map again, Saint Jimmy shrugged. "Fine. Guess it wasn't really necessary anyway." Fun Ghoul just managed to hold back a growl. Just. "Stop fucking around Saint." This was ridiculous. They were wasting time. The longer they were here, talking, the longer Party Poison… _What're they doing to him? _

Saint Jimmy frowned at him. "Who's fucking around?" He demanded. "I'm thinking! Brainstorming. Not my fault if you fuckers can't come up with a half decent plan between you.""Put it down to Poison always being the one to make the plans." Jet Star said. It wasn't even remotely true. Plans and missions had always been discussed by them all. But they were missing something. An extra spark. Aiming his attention Jet Star's way, Saint Jimmy beamed. "Knew I liked him for a reason." Then, with a quick look and a subtle wink at Fun Ghoul he muttered, "Well. More than one reason." Fun Ghoul felt himself shiver and boil at those words. But no one else had heard, and Saint Jimmy knew it. Fun Ghoul couldn't react. Especially when Saint Jimmy was helping them. Helping them get Party Poison back.

That was the important thing. The only thing that mattered.

"Oh, also, your plan for finding Cherry Top sucks too. It'll take too fucking long." Saint Jimmy said, just as they were packing everything up. The Killjoys had decided they were gonna try and go back to salvage the car, the three of them going, hoping they could fix it quicker between them. They all at least had a basic knowledge of cars, so it shouldn't be a problem. Though they knew this would take time, going back for the car rather than using the one they had, there was a lot of stuff in that car that they might need. And… Somehow, though none of them could explain why, they knew it just wouldn't be right if they didn't have _their _car for this. It wasn't quite sentiment, more… Statement. _"We're the enemy. Imagination is the ammunition." _

At Saint Jimmy's latest comment, Jet Star looked back at him, the only one with any kind of patience left for him. "And I suppose you've got a better one?"

"Of course I fucking do." Saint Jimmy replied, proudly. "Care to share it?" Fun Ghoul asked, bluntly. Saint Jimmy grinned. "Oh… Now, you'll just have to wait and see." Fun Ghoul shook his head, frustrated, then, to everyone else, "Alright, we going?"

"Um…" Rave said, nervously, she was biting her lip, and glancing nervously at Saint Jimmy. "Actually, guys, I think I kinda wanna run through the plan with Jimmy again. Y'know, just-""Rave." Fun Ghoul cut in, stepping closer, gently taking her hand. "I know you're worried, we all are, but…"

"Just let me talk it through, Ghoul, please? If I have it all clear in my head, I'll feel more confident about it." Fun Ghoul nodded, but still he hesitated, looking to Saint Jimmy. Rave caught the look. "Please, don't mistrust me, Ghoul. Not now." _Not when my heart is breaking with worry over the person I love most. _Fun Ghoul shook his head, smiled slightly. "I don't mistrust you." He told her. Then, pulling her quickly into a hug, he said, "Alright. We'll be back soon. You and Saint be outside and ready to leave as soon as we get back." Rave nodded. "We will be." She promised. "Be quick, boys, please?" As they left, they promised they would.

The thought of letting them out of her sight terrified her. But… She had to talk to Saint Jimmy, and what she wanted to ask him… She wasn't sure she wanted the Killjoys hearing the answer.

"Couldn't wait to be alone with me again, huh?" Saint Jimmy grinned at her. Rave ignored him, her eyes going to the blueprints to BL/ind. "Jimmy…" She said, carefully, "How do you know that stuff… About getting into BL/ind?" Saint Jimmy shrugged, and still with that grin. "You know me, sweetheart." Switching her focus, to him now, "Jimmy…" She said, warningly. With a roll of his eyes and another little shrug, Saint Jimmy finally came up with, "Let's just say… When your original income dries up, you gotta find a new product." Rave felt cold, what did Saint Jimmy mean by that? "Jimmy… Please say you're not telling me…""I always was a good thief." Saint Jimmy cut in, proudly. Staring, wide eyed, it took Rave a couple of seconds to fully understand what he was saying. "You're _stealing _from them? Jimmy! Do you know how fucking crazy-?""Hey, hey, c'mon. I know what I'm doing, I'm always careful." Saint Jimmy assured, looking almost hurt that Rave had thought otherwise. "What're you even taking?" Though, really, she should've known. With a sly grin, Saint Jimmy reached into the pocket of his jeans, "What'd you think?" and pulled out two pots, Rave didn't even need to look to know what they were, though she still found herself staring at them. "Jimmy!" She exclaimed. "You _are_ fucking insane! That's their fucking control pills!" Oh God, she felt sick just looking at them. She tore her gaze away from Saint Jimmy's outstretched palm, staring up into his face now, he looked scarily unconcerned. "Yeah." He agreed. "And guess what? Some people actually want this stuff, it makes them feel _better_." Rave didn't know if Saint Jimmy realised it, but as he'd closed his fist on the pots, he'd rubbed his thumb across the word 'better' printed on the side of it, just as he'd said the word out loud. "But. Sometimes they don't get enough. That's where Saint Jimmy comes in." That proud, proud smile, and arms stretched out, parody of wings, parody of crucifixion (with Saint Jimmy, you can never tell which he means). Arms dropped to his sides again, and Saint Jimmy continued. "It's supply and fucking demand, baby. No one wanted the old stuff anymore. No one wanted the dope, the heroine, the cocaine. And, anyway, all that stuff soon disappeared anyway." Oh fucking hell, did Saint Jimmy look wistful, missing the 'old stuff'? Of all the things to get fucking sentimental about… Saint Jimmy had already been close to Rave, but now he stepped closer, the smile not so wide, careful, comforting, Rave remembered that smile, from the first night she'd met him…

"_It'll be ok. No one get's hooked the first time." "I dunno Jimmy… I…" "Hey, hey, it's alright, Saint Jimmy's here, I'm not gonna let anything hurt you, alright?" "Never hurt again, huh, Jimmy?" "Never again." _

His dealer smile. "All people want." He continued. "All they've ever wanted, is an escape. These" opened his fist again, "are just the newest product." Trust Saint Jimmy… In the midst of all this shit and war, trust Saint Jimmy not to change one fucking bit. The next question was obvious, "Are you on them?" A small falter from Saint Jimmy. "What?" Rave rolled her eyes, sighed at him. "I'm asking you if you're on the fucking BL/Ind pills. C'mon Jimmy, you were always partaking in everything else you dealt in. It's a fair question." Saint Jimmy's smile was gone completely now, and he was avoiding her eyes. An obvious sign that she'd learnt long ago, Saint Jimmy was trying to avoid something. "Not right now." He answered, vaguely. Rave wasn't letting him get away with that. "Before, though?" Snapping his attention back to Rave, fire and malice in his eyes, he wanted to hurt her, another look she knew well. "I've got fucking news for you, baby, we've all been on them before. Even your darling Killjoys, even your fucking precious Cherry Top." It wasn't going to work, though. "I know that!" Rave snapped at him. "Don't you think I know that? It's the very thing they, _we _had to break out of. It's the thing they're fighting against, Jimmy. The control. I'm asking you if you've been on these fucking things recently." Again, Saint Jimmy looked away. Silence was Rave's answer. More than she needed. She wasn't surprised, but she was horribly, horribly disappointed. "Oh my God, Jimmy…" She groaned. "What?" He demanded. "You said it yourself, I've always sampled the stuff I sell." Rave just stared at him, looked into his eyes, and it nearly killed her what she saw there. Although there was still plenty of that fight and fire that she always associated with Saint Jimmy, she saw it now, right at the back of his eyes, almost hidden. A glassy look, a distance. He wasn't taken over by the drugs, she didn't think any drugs _could_ take full hold of him anymore, not after everything he'd pumped into himself over the years, but it was there, just slightly. He wasn't under _their_ control, this control was self built, and possibly more terrifying for it. "You don't even see how it's worse, do you?" She asked, knowing he didn't. He didn't see any difference. Rave shook her head, despairingly. "Just keep that fucking stuff away from the Killjoys." She told him. The grin was back, "Worried they'd be tempted?" Saint Jimmy asked. Again, Rave shook her head. "Worried about what they'll do to you when they find out you're just as blind as the people we're fighting against." She turned away from him then, heading towards the door, who knew how long the Killjoys would take to get back, but Rave had no intention of missing them when they did. She wasn't going to make them wait one second for her. She'd barely gone a couple of steps though, when she felt a sharp tug at her elbow, Saint Jimmy, yanking her back, turning her around, looking furious (hurt?). "Hey. What the fuck?" He demanded. "You're fucking _judging _me for this?" Oh wow, he actually was hurt, wasn't he? Fucking hell… "Look. It's not like it's often or anything." Words of a junkie, Rave knew them well. Heard them from Saint Jimmy enough times. Heard them leave her own mouth enough times. "I've got shit I want to forget." Oh! The fucking classic line! Rave rounded on him, shrugging out of his grasp. "And you think _we_ don't?" She demanded. "You think Kid's life has been perfect? That Ghoul's never had anything he wanted to get away from? That Jet hasn't? You really think Poison doesn't have stuff he wants to fucking forget? Hell, you think _I _don't have stuff I wanna forget?" _Like you, Jimmy, for so long, I just wanted to fucking forget you. _"But we don't. That's too easy and sooner or later, you start forgetting yourself. Memories make you, Jimmy. The good and the bad."

As Rave headed towards the door again, Saint Jimmy didn't try to stop her a second time.


	15. Get Me Out of My Head

**A/N: Hey all, and once again, thank you :D**

**AshtrayTragedyM.D lovely haiku! :P Thank you, and I hope this update was quick enough :)**

**Ok! Next chapter! For anyone wondering what's been happening to Party Poison... This chapter doesn't really help. **

**The chapter title comes from the amazing Danger Days track, 'Bulletproof Heart'**

**And, as ever, I own none of the boys! ;)**

**Chapter 15 - Get Me Out of My Head**

_Party Poison concentrated on keeping his breathing steady, calm. Maybe then he could trick himself into thinking everything was alright. But the uncomfortable sensations, especially the pain in his fastened wrists, the small glimpse of reality he'd had, they all threatened to overwhelm him. Then, of course, "So, Cherry Top, see you decided I was the better option after all." Saint Jimmy was uncomfortably close, his hands travelling across Party Poison at will, he currently didn't have it in him to tell Saint Jimmy to stop. He knew it'd do no good. Knew he had no way to make him stop. He hadn't before, and he didn't now. "Saint." His voice was quiet, no point yelling. "Hmm, Cherry Top?" Saint Jimmy's voice slightly muffled as he nuzzled his face against Party Poison's neck, contented little sounds vibrating against Party Poison's skin. He just tried to ignore it. "What're they doing to me?" He meant outside, outside of this place, out in reality. He'd seen enough of it to know where he was, he remembered enough from before he'd gone under. He was at Better Living, he was their prisoner. "Oh." Saint Jimmy said, detaching himself from Party Poison so he could smile, wickedly at him, "I think you know the answer to that." Party Poison closed his eyes, groaned despairingly. "Reprogramming me. Gonna make me one of them." That was why he couldn't make himself fight against Saint Jimmy, wasn't it? He was giving up, shutting down, surrendering…"They tried." Party Poison's eyes snapped open at that, suddenly he felt something scarily like hope. "Seems you're tougher to crack than they thought." Saint Jimmy continued. "Now, they're just torturing you, seeing how much you can take." Saint Jimmy was done talking it seemed, hands on him again, everywhere at once, it felt like, then, again, tugging at his belt. Saint Jimmy knew what he wanted, and he was gonna get it. "Why can't I feel it?" Party Poison asked. Yes, he wanted to distract Saint Jimmy, but mostly he just wanted to know. "Oh, you can feel it, Cherry Top." Saint Jimmy assured. "You're just blocking it out, retreated into your head." Self preservation. Somewhere along the line Party Poison's mind had put up a wall, protecting himself, as best he could, from whatever horrors were being dealt out to him. And slowly, slowly, he felt just a little confidence and fight creeping back into him. With the sudden realisation that Saint Jimmy had apparently achieved his goal, and Party Poison had the unwelcome, familiar feeling of Saint Jimmy's hand on him. "Saint." He said again, trying to force some of that confidence into his voice. "Stop doing that." _

"_I don't think so, Cherry Top." _

_At least he'd tried.  
_

Rave stood outside, squinting down the road in the direction she knew the boys would be coming. _It's taking a while… I hope they're ok. _Of course they were ok. They just had a fucking car to fix!

The sun hurt her eyes, but she kept on looking that way anyway. Her sunglasses were in the car. She could wait. Her ears were straining too, knew she'd probably hear them before she saw them.

Of course, with her ears particularly keen, she heard Saint Jimmy stepping outside, following her finally. He walked up beside her, stopped. Rave didn't look at him. "Are you not talking to me now?" Rave sighed, how typically childish of him. She decided to be childish back. "I'm thinking about it."

"Fine. I hope Cherry Top makes a pretty corpse." Whipping her head around to face Saint Jimmy, Rave snarled, "Don't you _dare_ threaten him! Don't you fucking _dare _talk about him like that!" For once, that grin wasn't there, Saint Jimmy's face was completely blank. He shrugged. "Stating facts, angel. Without my help…" Again, he shrugged. Great. So now he was blackmailing her. She sighed. "Don't do that Jimmy." Then. "Of course I'm still talking to you. Just don't resort to saying things like that about Poison to get that information out of me, alright?" Rave knew Saint Jimmy's silence wasn't him agreeing, but she tricked herself into believing it anyway.

"_Why is it you, Saint?" Saint Jimmy had left him alone for a while. Sort of. He was still standing there, slightly too close, but not touching him. He'd left Party Poison's jeans undone, and Saint had been staring at that area for a while now, head titled slightly to the side. He was contemplating what to do next. Party Poison didn't get an answer, so he repeated it. "Saint. Why is it you… Here?" In his head, the place he'd run to, to get away from the bad things happening to him. Why __**him**__? Saint Jimmy's gaze snapped up to meet Party Poison's then, and he grinned. Pressed himself close, pressed his hand against Party Poison's crotch. "Maybe it's because you've got the fucking hots for me." Saint Jimmy said. He didn't know if it was the surprise of the sudden contact, or indignation at the suggestion made, but either way, his voice came out as a loud, angry snap, "Saint!" Saint Jimmy pushed himself away, briefly putting more pressure where his hand laid against Party Poison, who closed his eyes and concentrated on not reacting. "I don't fucking know, Cherry Top." Saint Jimmy told him, sounding annoyed. "Maybe that sick little mind of yours can't let you get away with no torture." Party Poison kept his eyes closed, he knew what was coming anyway, he didn't need to see it. But… The only physical contact he felt was a hand, laid gently on his cheek. "Why, was there someone else you'd rather have here?" Party Poison fought the urge to open his eyes at the sound of that voice. No, no. Please. Don't do that… it's not fair…_

_He could've sworn the voice he'd heard was Fun Ghoul's. _

_He focused on keeping his eyes closed, knowing that if he didn't, if he opened his eyes, saw Fun Ghoul, knowing this didn't mean he was saved. It just meant the tormentor had changed. And changed to something so much worse… Betrayal. Knowing all this… It would hurt more than… _

_Suddenly he screamed. The force of it, the unexpectedness of it shocked him almost as much as the pain he'd felt, like something sharp and hot being slowly but deeply dragged down his side. Eventually the sensation stopped, though the pain didn't. "Saint." Party Poison whimpered (he refused to believe it was anyone else standing in front of him) "Please. Stop that. It hurts." _

"_Sorry Cherry Top." Saint Jimmy's voice again. "That one wasn't me." And he sounded, surprised? Then Party Poison did open his eyes again. Saw the vaguely stunned look on Saint Jimmy's face. And, then, it dawned on him. _

_The wall was breaking down. Reality was seeping in.  
_

She'd been right. She did hear the car before she saw it.

Rave had eventually sat down on the ground, cross legged, still staring down the road in the direction the boys would be coming in. As soon as she heard the car, however, she jumped up, and couldn't help herself smiling slightly as she saw them approach.

Rave walked forward as the car slowed then finally came to a stop. "Fixed it up then boys, huh?" She said. "Of course." Fun Ghoul said, from the back seat. He allowed himself a small, proud smile. "You ready?" He asked, the smile fading.

Rave didn't hesitate, she nodded. Though, no, she wasn't ready, not to see that place again.

_The terror that filled her as she saw Party Poison backed against the wall shot through her like ice, she was paralyzed. She just willed Kobra Kid to get to him quicker. But then_

To save Party Poison though? To see him again, to get him back? (to hold him, to kiss him, to ask him for forgiveness) Yes. That she was more than ready for.

Fun Ghoul pushed open the car door, slid across to let Rave in. "Jimmy!" She called out, "C'mon, we're going!" He'd disappeared back inside, though for what reason… He hadn't felt the need to share with Rave. But, at least he appeared again quickly. As he approached, Rave took the time spare to lean forward, to the drivers seat, where Kobra Kid was sat, just like he'd said he would be. "You alright, Kid?" He nodded, though his face was still set, hard. Finally he turned to look at Rave, and smiled softly, "Will be." He answered. "We all will be." Rave agreed. "Soon." Turning to Jet Star now, they simply shared a smile. It was enough. Finally Rave sat back just as Saint Jimmy got in the back next to her, and closed the door.

One more eternal moment, then, finally, Kobra Kid started the car again.

"_Oh, no, no, no, Cherry Top. You stay right here." Saint Jimmy was gripping onto Party Poison's arm, just past his elbow with one hand, gripping his shoulder with the other. And the thing was, Party Poison was trying to stay. Trying to focus on this self made protection from reality. But it was slipping from him. He was loosing._

Even from behind his stubbornly shut eyelids he knew the room was too bright, too white. It felt like it was burning through.

"_HEY!" Saint Jimmy snapped, angry at being ignored. "What did I just tell you?" _

"_I'm trying!" Party Poison snapped back, though here, also, he kept his eyes closed. Didn't know which place he'd find himself in if he opened them. "Well fucking try harder." Saint Jimmy told him. "Unless you want them to fucking win." Party Poison shook his head. "Alright, just-"_

And the smell. Clean. Too clean. Bleach and chemicals. And… No. It wasn't entirely clean. That just hid something else. But once he caught it… Blood. His blood?

"_pay attention." Saint Jimmy carried on, like he hadn't just slapped Party Poison, bringing him back. His cheek stung, but he was oddly thankful. He knew he'd rather be here. "You need to fucking focus." Saint Jimmy continued. "Focus on me, focus on my hold on you." Saint Jimmy squeezed Party Poison's arm. He guessed it was meant to hurt. Somehow it didn't. _

_Then, suddenly, __**something **__did. _

_A white hot pain to his stomach, but that didn't distract from the small, precise pain to the arm Saint Jimmy wasn't gripping. The unpleasant feeling of something getting into him, under his skin, into his veins, spreading, coursing, contaminating. "GERARD!" Saint Jimmy snapped, angrily, close to his ear. He hadn't realised he'd been screaming until Saint Jimmy's sudden use of his name startled him into stopping. "You fucking get back here, and fucking stay with me, you got it?" Party Poison moaned, it was getting too difficult. His eyes wanted to open, just to open, just to have one thing not to be concentrating so hard on. "I can't." So difficult to admit. _

_Then the world went still for a second. Party Poison could still feel a dull throbbing in his arm, could hear the sound of his own heavy, painful breathing, but apart from that… Saint Jimmy released his hold on him. Party Poison knew, felt Saint Jimmy still close, felt his breath on his neck. _

"_Then they've already fucking won, haven't they?" _

_The world came crashing down, in a blur of bright lights, pain and screaming._

Party Poison opened his eyes.

There was a tenseness in the car. A concentration of emotions. Fear, worry, but, above all that, determination. They might not know what they were going up against, but whatever it was, they'd face it, they'd beat it. And one thing was certain, they were getting Party Poison back. There was no doubt, no uncertainty about that.

Fun Ghoul sat forward slightly, looking to his friends (ignoring Saint Jimmy, who, frustratingly, just looked a little bored) and noting their outwardly calm appearance. That was good, that was what they needed. He gently squeezed Rave's hand, which he'd taken when he saw her hands shaking slightly, the only sign of how nervous she was. Got a small squeeze back. Fun Ghoul, somehow, hadn't expected that. Hadn't expected someone to take note of _his_ concern, of his fear. Should've trusted Rave to see it though.

They were nearing the city now, and that intensity kicked up a notch. Even from Saint Jimmy. Barely noticeable, but this was the place they were more used to running _from_.

Fun Ghoul found himself thinking to the first time he'd run from the city.

_He tried not to slam the phone down. Didn't quite manage it. He was scared, and angry and worried. And, above all else, he was very confused. _

_Last night he'd received a message from Gerard: _

"_Don't believe a word they say! Stop taking the pills. Trust me." _

_He'd talked to Ray, he'd been sent the same message. And, though hesitant, they'd both followed the advice, crazy as it had sounded. But… Then things started going badly. _

_The headache had kicked in first. And, with it, memories. Memories of things… How could he have forgotten? And there was an overwhelming urge to take more of the pills, make it go away but… But Gerard had said not to. He had to have a reason for that, didn't he? Well, that was why Frank had called him. Tried to call him. For hours now, since midnight, it was now six in the morning. Again, called Ray, he was going through the same. He'd also tried calling Mikey. No answer from him either. _

_Where the hell were the Ways? Frank was terrified now. He didn't know what was going on and the only person who should be able to tell him was… Well. He didn't know. Desperately, he picked up the phone again, dialled the same number he'd been dialling for the past six hours. Begging, pleading, willing Gerard to answer this time._

_Instead, for the first time, he got a recorded message:_

"_Hey, this is Gerard Way, do __**not **__leave a message, I won't be coming back to hear it. If this is any of my friends calling, get out. Get out now. Put down the prescriptions, get out of the fucking city, and keep running. If this is the company… Fuck you."_

_Frank didn't know how to react to that. 'won't be coming back to hear it'? What did he mean by that? And… everything… None of it made sense! _

_The banging on the door finally snapped him out of it, suddenly realising he still had the phone in his hand, dropped it. Went to the door, hesitated. He figured, sometimes, it's best to just let paranoia take over. Headed to the kitchen first, first knife that came to hand. Then back to the door, which still had someone banging persistantly on it. It was starting to join the thumping in his head, so soon he wasn't sure which was which, which was worse. He paused at the door. Wondering who would be knocking on his door so intently, so demandingly. Finally, with a swift, decisive movement, Frank wrenched the door open._

_He could've cried with relief. There, standing on his doorstep, with his black hair in un-styled disarray, eyes that looked like they'd been open too long, a face smudged with dirt but with a confident smile on his lips,_

"_Gerard!" Frank threw himself at him, and Gerard laughed. "What? Thought I'd leave you behind?" Letting him go, and hitting him on the arm, Frank demanded "What the fuck were you playing at? You go leaving fucking messages, then go fucking AWOL on us?" Gerard shook his head, "I'll explain later, Frank, I promise, but right now, we've got to go." When he saw Frank's hesitation, "Please, Frank, trust me, believe me, we have to go!" _

_Frank nodded, and then Gerard was dragging him down to the car. _

_They picked up Ray, and then they'd headed away from the city. Away from those lives, which weren't really their own, anyway, for good. _

Fun Ghoul remembered it'd taken them all roughly a week to get past the withdrawal symptoms of the drugs, which, they heard from other rebels, was pretty impressive. Kobra Kid had had the worst time of it, for some unknown reason. He'd taken the longest, scaring all of them, not least, of course, his brother. Once he broke through though, he'd come back, like the others, stronger and more determined than ever.

Within the month they had their weapons, they had their name, and they had their leader, as if there'd been any doubt in the matter anyway. Party Poison was the strongest, the more fearless and the most selfless of all of them. Always taking the risks, so the others didn't have to.

Fun Ghoul was prepared that perhaps Party Poison wouldn't immediately be back at the top of his game, might take a while before he could step back into the role. But there was no way he would entertain the idea that he wouldn't be alright, eventually.

He was Party Poison, after all.

Then, almost without warning, the looming presence of Better Living Industries towered before them. Kobra Kid got them as close as they could. Again, just like before the car had started, back at the safe house, an eternal still second.

"We're here."


	16. We're On Your Property

**A/N: Hey all! And thank you, as always :) **

**First of all, sorry, I don't usually take this long to post, do I? Well, you might have to get used to that, as you've nearly caught up with what I have written so far! (I'll try to still be quick, but i don't wanna rush it and not do my best work)**

**AshtrayTradegyM.D Ah, Famous Last Words... 3 Hmm, might just have an idea there! And thank you, as ever for your reviews. I'm glad you like my flashbacks, and the way I'm telling the story. And I agree totally. Gerard Way can do anything :) **

**And... Right, finally the The Killjoys are getting close, originally this chapter and the next were gonna be one, but... Yeah. The person who was first reading this dislikes cliffhangers... So NATURALLY I had to do one ;) Next chapter you'll get what you're waiting for, promise :)**

**The title from the chapter comes from the amazing Danger Days track, 'Na Na Na'**

**Yeah... I still don't own any of the boys... Or anything else from the Danger Days world. **

**Chapter 16 - We're on Your Property**

Saint Jimmy was the first out of the car. "Right, come on!" Every one of them thought about telling Saint Jimmy to shut the hell up, but none of them did, instead they all followed his lead, then went round the back of the car to retrieve extra weapons. "Don't load yourselves down too much." Fun Ghoul said, looking to Kobra Kid in particular. "Our aim is to not get caught in the first place. We're here to get Poison, not to take down the place." Kobra Kid shrugged, not looking at Fun Ghoul, still rummaging through the trunk. "Doesn't mean we can't take the place down at the same time." Fun Ghoul grabbed him by the shoulder, turning him around, turning him away from the trunk. "Poison is our priority. Revenge can come later." A small hesitation, then Kobra Kid nodded, and Fun Ghoul tried to give him a reassuring smile, though, considering his own anxiety, he couldn't manage much.

Rave watched Saint Jimmy, who was standing a little way away from the car. He'd checked his gun (black, with a white lightening bolt going down it), which was surprisingly sensible of him. Then he'd checked the rest of the contents of his pockets, being careful about it. Rave knew why, she knew what he didn't want the Killjoys to see. She looked away just in time. "C'mon!" Saint Jimmy said, looking up at the others. "The fucks taking you all so long?" He was grinning, knowing exactly what he was doing. Though the Killjoys glared at him, none of them said a word. They were learning it was better to ignore Saint Jimmy with things like that. "Where are we heading,

Saint?" Fun Ghoul asked instead, as he finally slammed the trunk down. They had what they thought they needed, if they'd left something behind… They'd just have to be smart instead. Saint Jimmy smiled, "Follow me."

Saint Jimmy led them about halfway to the main entrance, then, abruptly, he took a sharp right and headed down the side of the building, keeping close to the wall so as unlikely to be spotted. The building was a lot less square than the front would lead you to believe, many parts of it jutted out or caved back in. Accommodating all the things BL/Ind contained. It was tall too. That much power needed all that room. Saint Jimmy stopped at one of the random indents in the building. He stood for a while, looking over it, carefully, running his hand along the surface of the wall. Just as Fun Ghoul was going to ask what he was doing, Saint Jimmy proclaimed, "Uh huh. This is it." Then his fingers found and dug into an almost impossible to see split in the wall. He tugged on it, then, as it came away slightly, moved one hand to the top, tugging on that too, until, finally, an entire rectangle opened up into an almost full sized door (just a little short). Saint Jimmy turned around, beaming, obviously pleased with himself. "What did I fucking tell you?" The Killjoys frowned, and Jet Star voiced their concerns, "How come we never knew about this?" Saint Jimmy shrugged, "Guess you're not as fucking smart as I am." Then, "Alright, c'mon. Can't stand here all day admiring my brilliance." Then he headed through the door, Jet Star followed next, then Kobra Kid (who was muttering something about 'kill him when this is over'). Fun Ghoul went to follow the rest of them, but then he noticed Rave had gone perfectly still, looking up at the building. The BL/Ind logo was high up the wall, and huge, for people to see miles around. "Rave." Fun Ghoul said, gently, placing a hand on her arm. She jumped slightly at his touch, but didn't look away from the logo. "I'm scared, Ghoul." She admitted. It was the first time she'd let the thought enter her mind, and she knew it was the worst time to do it. But suddenly, all the memories of the last time she'd been here had come flooding back. "The last time I was even close to this place… I was outside, out of sight and I… The last time I was here I… I saw Poison… I saw him die, I saw you all die… I… I can't-""Rave!" Fun Ghoul snapped, both hands on either side of her face now, forcing her to look away from the wall, forcing her to look at him. "We didn't die. I am not dead, I am right here, in front of you. Kid is not dead, Jet is not dead, and Poison is. Not. Dead! We're alive, we survived that day, just like we survive every day. Just like we'll survive today. Now… If you tell me you can't do this. That you can't go inside, that's fine, I'll understand." Rave shook her head. "No. I won't let him down like that." Then, with something trying to be a confident smile. "Killjoys never die, right?"

"Exactly." Fun Ghoul agreed, taking her hand and then leading her to catch up with the others.

They hadn't got far.

Though they'd all had to duck in order to get through the doorway, the passage Saint Jimmy led them down was almost immediately tall enough for all of them. Eventually they got to another door, more obviously a door on this side, but once Saint Jimmy opened it, leading them all out, then closing it behind them, they all saw it blended as well into the wall as the one outside had. They'd found themselves halfway down one of the many off-corridors. They were inside BL/Ind now. No turning back.

The Killjoys paused for a second, trying to get their bearings, where they were in this hated place. Saint Jimmy saw their hesitation, and told them, a little too loudly for their liking, "We're on the level known as -1, which, as you know, is nowhere near the lowest level. We're roughly… Six corridors down from the main elevator and two down from the primary Scarecrow holding. Questions?"

"Yeah." Kobra Kid said, scowling. "Why do you have such a loud fucking mouth?" Saint Jimmy grinned, "Well… If you can think of a better use for-""Saint." Fun Ghoul interrupted. "You said you had a better plan for finding Poison, a quicker one, now might be the time to share it." Saint Jimmy winked, "Ah… Watch and learn." He said, then heading further down the corridor, until it met up with the main one, the others followed. Saint Jimmy paused, looking down both ways of the corridor. Then, apparently having seen something, he smiled. "You all wait here. This won't take long." Then he stepped out, walked a little way down, with a proclamation of "Gentlemen!" Fun Ghoul edged as close to the end of the wall as he dared, looked around, and saw two Dracs standing in front of Saint Jimmy. Oh God, what the hell was he doing? Fun Ghoul slipped back, turning to the others. "Dracs." He whispered. Everyone's eyes went wide, but just as they went to say something, Fun Ghoul put his finger to his lips. For now, they had to trust Saint Jimmy. Fun Ghoul's eyes strayed to the posters on the wall opposite. Posters they were so used to seeing, that he'd even collected as a joke for a while. Each of their faces, big, red crosses through them and the words 'exterminate'. Only, he noticed, there currently was a space between every three in the sequence. Fun Ghoul didn't need to look any longer to know what was missing. All the posters of Party Poison had been taken down. A horrible feeling in the pit of Fun Ghoul's stomach. They were just being cocky, now they had Party Poison in the building, that's why the posters were down. No other reason.

Saint Jimmy was just getting started. "I'm looking for someone in particular. Name's Way. Gerard Way." A confused silence from the two Dracs, and a shocked silence from the rest of the Killjoys. Fun Ghoul winced, _why _had Saint Jimmy said that? He looked back just as Kobra Kid turned an accusing glare to Rave, before either could say a word, Fun Ghoul cut in, "She didn't tell him, Kid." That glare turned on Fun Ghoul now, "What the _fuck_, Ghoul?" Fun Ghoul rolled his eyes, trying to hide his indignation at being accused. "And neither did I." He continued. "Look, I'm not explaining this now." Or ever, Fun Ghoul added, mentally. It wouldn't matter how many times they asked him, Fun Ghoul was not going to tell them. Deciding it was best, he encouraged them further back down the corridor, just in case something else Saint Jimmy said caused an outburst. Meanwhile, Saint Jimmy continued, apparently completely unperturbed by the silence, "Y'know, leader of the Killjoys? Calls himself Party Poison. Got bright red hair, can't miss him." The Dracs turned to each other, if emotion could've been played out on the rubber faces, there'd be a sceptical look, as it was, they looked the same as they ever did. Still, Saint Jimmy got the idea. "Oh, I'm sorry, of course!" Then he dug into his front jeans pocket, pulling out a smallish, black wallet and producing a laminated piece of card. It was a (very) well faked BL/Ind ID card, a high ranking one at that. Saint Jimmy had had it since the second time he'd snuck into Better Living, after the first time he nearly found himself in a very difficult situation. He'd never had to use the ID until now though, something Saint Jimmy was quite proud of. The Dracs inspected it, then, handing it back, both appeared to stand up a little straighter. Well, that'd worked, hadn't it? "We didn't recognise you, Sir." One of them said. Saint Jimmy shrugged. "Been on a long haul mission." He replied, confident as ever. "But, well, y'know… Soon as I heard who we had, needed to see if it was true." The reply from the same Drac was equally as confident. "Surely you've seen the broadcasts?" That gave Saint Jimmy a second to pause. Broadcasts… Oh. That was good, even for Better Living, that was good. "Of course." He said, quickly recovering. "But, well. Nothing like seeing it yourself, is there?" A small stretch to the masks, they were smiling, they agreed. "You want Information and Transmissions."

"Naturally." Saint Jimmy replied, "But, c'mon guys, give me a break. I just told you, I've just got back from a long ass mission. Gonna need a bit of a pointer here." Saint Jimmy knew a lot of the ins and outs of the Better Living building, but only ever what he'd needed to know, the rest of the building he'd never bothered about. He had his way in, he had his route to what he needed, and he had five different ways back out. None of which had ever touched a place called 'Information and Transmissions'. He was simply told, "Level 2."

"Level 2. Yes! Of course! I'm so forgetful, thanks guys, you've been a big help." Saint Jimmy turned, about to head back down the other way. Then he paused, turned back to the two Dracs. "Oh! Damn. I said I was forgetful." Then he pulled out his gun and shot both Drac's, one after the other, killing both.

As soon as Fun Ghoul heard the shots, he dashed out into the main corridor, pausing only to signal to the others to stay where they were. He soon saw Saint Jimmy, casually replacing his gun, and he saw the two dead Dracs. His eyes wide, he stared at Saint Jimmy. "Are you fucking crazy?" Fun Ghoul demanded. Saint Jimmy just shrugged. "Got rid of a couple more of the enemy didn't I?" He really couldn't see the problem. "Anyway." Saint Jimmy continued. "They more than likely would've reported back, they'd figure out I wasn't really part of the company, and then they'd know you were here, they'd know why and-"

"Yeah, yeah, Saint. I've heard the speech before." Fun Ghoul cut in, not caring to listen to it again. "They would've raised the alarm." Saint Jimmy repeated. "You don't think _this _might raise an alarm?" Fun Ghoul demanded, pointing at the dead agents. Saint Jimmy rolled his eyes, is if he thought Fun Ghoul was over reacting. "Do you want to know where they're keeping Cherry Top or not?" He asked. When he received a tense silence from Fun Ghoul, he took that as a yes. None of the Killjoys had heard that part of the conversation. "Well. The good news is, he's easy to find." Saint Jimmy began. "He's on the second floor,"

"What?" Fun Ghoul interrupted, he hadn't been expecting to hear that. There was a lot of places he'd considered Party Poison might be, but not there, "Isn't that-"

"Information and Transmissions." Saint Jimmy continued, cutting off Fun Ghoul in the process. "The bad news is… He's on display. Like a prize kill. Only he's still alive." Fun Ghoul's stomach turned. "On display? What the-?""They have the leader of the fucking Killjoys!" Saint Jimmy snapped, annoyed that this was taking so long to get through. "He's their ultimate fucking prize, the ultimate rebel. They are using him as an example, a fucking extreme example. Showing everyone what happens if you do not fucking conform. They will be using their worst kinds of torture, their strongest damn drugs, all on him. Test subject and warning all in one." Fun Ghoul listened, taking this all in, feeling sicker and sicker the more Saint Jimmy went on. "Now." Saint Jimmy finally concluded. "Do you want to keep fucking arguing with me, or do you want to go and save him?"

Not a seconds hesitation. "I'll get the others."


	17. It's Death or Victory

**A/N: Whoa! Hey guys, thank you for reading and sorry this took so long (though you guys have now caught up with everything I've written so you may have to get used to the long gaps while I write new chapters) Anyway, been crazy busy lately, sorting stuff out for something very, very exciting... I'm sure you guys don't care about my life but I'm gonna tell you this anyway but... In September I'm travelling to Las Vegas for a little thing called MorrisonCon... In short... I'M GONNA MEET GERARD WAY! I know it may not seem like it in this fic (I'm kinda cruel, huh?) but that man means the world to me, and I'm ridiculously excited that I'm finally gonna be able to tell him that :) **

**Anyway! Fic! Let's dive right in shall we? I'll warn you though... This one's a little nasty...**

**And, as ever, I own none of these boys, or their world :)**

**Chapter 17 - It's Death or Victory **

The Killjoys had planned for this part. They knew the quickest and, just as importantly, the least noticeable way to get to the second floor. Saint Jimmy insisted he knew another way, but on this he was ignored. They also knew that the second floor was almost completely open, only split into two. The front was the main hub of, well… Information. It was there people went to fill out their forms, to update their status, all that tedious stuff. It was also where all the advertisements and educational videos were filmed.

The back however, about a quarter of the size of the front, no one quite knew what it was for. The Killjoys were certain that was where Party Poison was.

Naturally, the door was locked. Electronic lock, so they couldn't even pick it. "Fuck." Kobra Kid growled, knelt down, inspecting the lock. "Oh, for fucks sake." Saint Jimmy muttered, pushing past the others, and then also pushing Kobra Kid out the way. Once again he took out the laminated card "Where'd you get-?" Kobra Kid began, staring at the ID. Saint Jimmy just winked as he slid the card in, waited for the series of lights to flash, then, finally turned the door handle. Pushing the door open, still looking directly at Kobra Kid, Saint Jimmy smiled. "You first." Kobra Kid continued to glare at him, then finally went past him, into the room beyond, making sure to make a point of shoving past Saint Jimmy as he did. "You're welcome." Saint Jimmy said. Then he turned his attention and too bright smile on the rest of the Killjoys, holding the door open for all of them. Not wanting to leave Kobra Kid alone with whatever he might be faced with inside, they followed quickly after him.

Kobra Kid was barely a few paces inside, he had stopped dead, stunned and staring. It didn't take the others long to see what was causing such a reaction in him.

The room was a small one, and appallingly white, sterile, somehow that made it feel smaller. They hardly noticed the look of it however, their eyes all focused in one place.

It was exactly like Saint Jimmy had said, though none of them had believed it would be this bad.

In the centre of the room, Party Poison was on display.

Held upright by some kind of metal frame at his back, arms held out and clamped at the wrist. Stripped to the waist showing off various bruises and cuts and other injuries, some blood had dripped and spotted onto his jeans. His head was bowed, and it was easily noted something else Better Living had done, to make a point, very blatantly. Party Poison's hair was cut short, and it had been bleached of it's vibrant red.

It was a horrific sight, and one the company was clearly proud of.

Rave went to run to him, but she'd barely moved before Fun Ghoul grabbed her, holding her back. "Wait." He said, as she turned, seemingly annoyed. "Look." Then Fun Ghoul pointed up, gesturing around the room. There were camera's on all sides. "That'll be the 'transmissions' bit, then." Kobra Kid said, coldly, surprising everyone, not least himself with being the one to speak. "This is being broadcast out, isn't it?" He continued, looking to Fun Ghoul, who in turn looked to Saint Jimmy. A simple nod confirmed their fears. "How far?" Rave asked, wondering how many people had witnessed this. How many people had seen Party Poison suffer? How many had enjoyed it? Thought he'd deserved it? "The whole city, at least." Fun Ghoul guessed. Without another word, Kobra Kid stepped forward, gun drawn, already aiming towards the first camera. Again, Fun Ghoul was the one to stop him, a hand on Kobra Kid's arm, who very nearly shrugged him off, instead paused, waiting for Fun Ghoul to give him a good fucking reason for doing so. "They already know Saint's here." It was true, out of everyone, Saint Jimmy was the one the company would most likely know about. Especially after the ID he'd just used to get inside the room. As everyone turned to look at him, Saint Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Fucking great." He muttered, pulling out his gun and stepping past everyone. "Risking my fucking life." He continued. "He'd better be fucking grateful." Every one of them had to bite their tongues, all wanting to tell him to shut the fuck up, but they resisted. And watched as Saint Jimmy went to each camera, shooting them out one by one. Finally, when he reached the last one, he paused. Saint Jimmy grinned, then raised his middle finger to the camera before shooting once more. Then he turned back, telling Fun Ghoul "Now _that_ will certainly raise the fucking alarm."

As soon as Saint Jimmy was done, Fun Ghoul let go of Rave, who ran immediately to Party Poison, with Kobra Kid barely even a step behind her. But while the brother stopped a few paces back, the sight was even more difficult to deal with up close, Rave didn't stop until she was directly in front of Party Poison, then paused, scared of hurting him if she touched him. Finally, though, she couldn't help it, she had to touch him, had to feel him. Had to know he was really there, that this wasn't some trick. Rave reached out a hand, laying it on his chest, her eyes closing as she tried not to feel the wounds beneath her touch. She opened her eyes, and looked up at Party Poison's face, they hadn't been able to see before, but his face was also bruised, and in places he'd clearly been bleeding. Her hand moving to his cheek, Rave could feel Party Poison's light, slightly uneven breathing against her wrist. She could've cried, both with grief over what had happened to Party Poison, and with relief that he had survived it. Rave stepped back, not taking her eyes off Party Poison. "Get him down." She said, in a voice clearly in shock. Both Jet Star and Fun Ghoul stepped forward, finally, each afraid to do so, afraid of what they were witnessing, and both ashamed of that fear. "Wait!" Saint Jimmy snapped, just as they moved to the clamps on Party Poison's wrist. Before any of them could react, Saint Jimmy had marched over, focusing on something none of them had noticed.

A needle sticking out of Party Poison's arm, and a thin tube running from it, behind him, and into the wall. Now they saw that the skin all around the needle looked bruised, and a nasty, web like trail of black lines seemed to snake away from it, on all sides, coursing both up and down Party Poison's arm. Getting up close, Saint Jimmy, surprisingly carefully, drew the needle out, studied it, bringing it up close to his face. Touched the tip of his finger to the end of it, then pressed his finger to his tongue. Saint Jimmy grimaced. "Fuck." He muttered. "What?" Kobra Kid demanded. Saint Jimmy didn't look up, simply dropped the needle and tube to the floor, shook his head. "Nothing, nothing." He said. Then, bright smile back in place, "Better fucking get him down, huh?"

Taking out knives to work on the bolted clamps, Fun Ghoul and Jet Star had soon got them loose. Rave stepped away further, as Kobra Kid came forward, more than ready to be the one to steady Party Poison when he was released. When the clamps finally opened completely, Party Poison fell fast, but Kobra Kid was faster, immediately catching him, then allowing them both to slowly and carefully drop to the floor. The older brother safely held in his younger brothers arms.

No one would've even had to look to know there were tears in Kobra Kid's eyes. He wasn't used to this. He wasn't used to seeing Party Poison weak, wasn't used to having to be the strong one, the only strong one. Side by side or back to back, sure, then Kobra Kid could be every bit as strong as his brother. But with him down like this? Kobra Kid was scared. _"Doubting me, little brother?" _There was only one answer to that question: Never.

The other three dropped to their knees beside Kobra Kid, looking, but trying not to look too closely at Party Poison. Fun Ghoul in particular. He was still taking charge of the situation, for now, he couldn't afford to let himself get distracted. He could already feel the panic and worry building up inside him, he just had to ignore it. Not let it overwhelm him. The very person he was so worried about depended on that. "We're gonna have to get him out of here. And soon. Saint was right, they'll notice the camera's pretty quick, if they haven't already." Kobra Kid nodded. Then, just as he began to shift, ready to pull Party Poison up, Jet Star held out his arm, pausing him. "Hold on." He said, looking at Party Poison, wide eyed. At first Kobra Kid was scared to look, what hadn't he noticed? What was wrong? But then, finally, he made himself look. And it wasn't something awful. In fact, it was something he'd hoped for, but didn't think would actually happen, not right now, anyway.

Party Poison was opening his eyes.

"Fuck." It was a particularly unceremonious way for Party Poison to announce he was conscious, and therefore the only way fitting. He blinked, slowly, a few times, before finally focusing and taking everyone in. "You are real, right?" He asked. The Killjoys weren't sure whether to be amused or worried by that statement. They were in Better Living, after all. Who knows what they might've done that could prompt that question. "We're real, Poison." Fun Ghoul assured him. "And so fucking glad to see you." He had to stop himself from reaching past Kobra Kid and hugging Party Poison. Instead he reached out his hand, and took Party Poison's up in his, squeezing gently. Party Poison made a small attempt to squeeze back, it wasn't much, but it was more than enough. Then Party Poison caught sight of Rave, and he smiled. "Should've known." He said.

From the doorway then, the one person they'd all forgotten briefly, "As much as I'm enjoying this emotional reunion scene… You might want to be getting a fucking move on." On hearing that voice, Party Poison flinched, and thought they had their ideas on why, no one, not even Fun Ghoul, knew exactly. "It's ok." Fun Ghoul told him. "He's helping." Party Poison looked at Fun Ghoul, frowning, he wasn't so sure about that, clearly. Then Saint Jimmy came closer, striding towards the Killjoys, towards Party Poison in particular. Party Poison tried backing away, didn't want Saint Jimmy near him, but he could barely move, and the fear was more than obvious. Kobra Kid, not needing any further indication, pulled Party Poison closer to himself, an arm going across him, protectively, a glared, fierce warning sent Saint Jimmy's way, but still Saint Jimmy came closer. Finally, he crouched down beside Party Poison, ignoring everyone else, Saint Jimmy was entirely focused on him. And that just made Party Poison press closer against his brother. "I know I've given you enough reasons to hate me." Saint Jimmy said, finally. "But right now, we've got a bigger enemy." A long pause as Party Poison considered this. Then, eventually, he nodded. "Right." Saint Jimmy said, standing up. "How about we get the fuck out of here, huh?"

Fun Ghoul was the first to his feet, heading towards the stand which was just slightly off to the left of where Party Poison had until very recently been displayed. It was another display, all by itself, and again, one the company was proud of, one that mocked the Killjoys. They had Party Poison's gun, mask and jacket, each on it's own stand. Further proof they had the Killjoy leader, that they'd stripped everything that marked him out as a rebel away from him.

Personally, Fun Ghoul thought it very convenient of them to hold them in the same room, meant they wouldn't have to go looking for them. While Kobra Kid and Rave helped Party Poison to his feet, Fun Ghoul grabbed the three items and then headed back over to them. Fun Ghoul handed the jacket over first, and with a little help, Party Poison got it on, he grimaced slightly as the fabric touched and rubbed against his damaged skin, but in truth he was glad to have something covering him again. Thinking that Party Poison wouldn't need it just yet, Fun Ghoul started to attach the gun and holster (which had been just next to the gun on the stand) to his own belt. "Ghoul." Party Poison said as he did. Fun Ghoul looked up at Party Poison, waiting to hear what he wanted. "I know I can't use it right now but… Can I have it, please?" Already undoing the holster again, Fun Ghoul nodded. Yes, of course, he understood, he felt stupid for thinking any different. Fun Ghoul moved closer, attaching the gun to Party Poison's belt for him, and that's when he noticed. The buckle of Party Poison's belt was undone. As was the button on his jeans, and the zip ever so slightly down. No one else had noticed, Fun Ghoul was sure, he hadn't seen until now, there'd been too many other horrors to take in. But this… This could either mean nothing at all, or it could mean something awful. Fun Ghoul looked up at Party Poison, slightly wide eyed. He saw, straight away, from the look in his eyes, that Party Poison knew. There was also a silent plea, one that echoed an audible one from so recently _"tell no one". _Without a word, Fun Ghoul finished fixing the gun holster, and at the same time, subtly managed to fix both jeans and belt. "Thanks." Party Poison said, with a small smile. Fun Ghoul held out the mask then, offering it, but Party Poison shook his head, he didn't want anything touching his face, and the idea of having something around his neck, however loose, made him feel uneasy. "Keep hold of it for me, ok?" Fun Ghoul nodded, slipping the mask over his head, letting it dangle around his neck like Party Poison had on various occasions. "Can you walk?" Fun Ghoul asked, tentatively. Party Poison nodded. "With help, I think so." Then Fun Ghoul looked to both Kobra Kid and Rave, who were still holding Party Poison up. "You guys got him?" It was an unnecessary question, as if either of them, as if any of them would let Party Poison fall.

Saint Jimmy was at the door again, and this time he looked genuinely worried. "Hurry up you fuckers, they're coming!"

The first gun fight was fought and won before they'd even stepped out the door. Jet Star and Fun Ghoul had hurried forward, to fight side by side with Saint Jimmy. Only a few Dracs had been sent, clearly just a couple of scouts to see what was going on, so it was an easy win. They knew there'd be more though. And soon.

With Jet Star and Saint Jimmy out in front, and Fun Ghoul covering from behind, they made fast, relatively easy progress. Only a few times did Party Poison stumble slightly, but every time, Kobra Kid and Rave caught him quickly, pulling him back up, waiting until he gave the nod to carry on, then starting again.

A couple of small fights on their hands, though only a few Dracs each time, barely causing the Killjoys to pause. Still, they didn't dare let themselves get any less wary, and they knew this was nowhere near all they were going to face.

"We're gonna have to head out the main doors." Jet Star observed, as Saint Jimmy started heading down to where they'd come in. Saint Jimmy stopped, and stared at him, disbelieving. "You do know going out the front is fucking crazy, right? That's where they'll be expecting us." Jet Star nodded. "It's also the fastest and easiest way out of here, the sooner we can get Poison back home, the better."

"Brilliant plan." Saint Jimmy snipped, sarcastically. "Especially when you take into consideration the fact that going that way is fucking suicide!"

"We can make it." Jet Star argued, very certainly. Then Saint Jimmy grinned, nastily. "Oh yeah?" He said. "How'd that go for you boys last time?"

"Enough!" Fun Ghoul snapped, just as Jet Star looked ready for a comeback. He could sense the tenseness in the other Killjoys too, knew they weren't going to keep quiet much longer either, especially after that last comment. He had a feeling that if Kobra Kid hadn't been so busy worrying about Party Poison right now, Saint Jimmy would be on the floor already. "We do not have time for arguing, for _fucks_ sake!" Fun Ghoul continued. "We're going with Jet's idea. It's quicker, it's easier and we're nearer there anyway. Now all we-" He was cut off by an ear-piercing siren starting up. Half the lights in the corridor went out, replaced by red flashing ones. For a few stunned seconds none of them moved. "Fuck." Fun Ghoul breathed, barely heard by even those standing closest. "Alright." he then shouted, more than easily heard over the din. "That's their defence call, we'd better move faster now."

They knew it wouldn't be fast enough, even before they got to the end of the corridor, they saw the main lobby was filled with Dracs and Scarecrow agents. "Fuck." Saint Jimmy muttered, halting before they got there, everyone else followed his lead, stopping just behind him. Fun Ghoul came up to join Saint Jimmy, and he just as quickly saw how surrounded they were. "We're gonna have to be smart about this." He said. "Bit fucking late for that." Saint Jimmy muttered. "Stick to the way we have it." Fun Ghoul continued, "Jet, Saint you guys go out ahead and-""Yeah. That's right." Saint Jimmy quipped, "Make us go out first, never mind us, right? Just look out for yourself." With barely a seconds pause, Fun Ghoul finally snapped, and shoved Saint Jimmy against the wall. "I am looking out for Poison." He snarled. "But, I wouldn't expect a selfish bastard like you to understand that." Saint Jimmy grinned slightly. "Now, now. No need for name calling."

"I am _sick_ of arguing with you! Now, for fucking _once_, listen to someone other than your fucking self!" Still with a small grin, Saint Jimmy saluted, sarcastically. "Whatever you say, sir." Fun Ghoul rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the others. "Kid, Rave, your focus is getting Poison out that door. Only fight if you have to, the three of us will cover you." Finally, focusing on Party Poison. "You doing ok?" The words felt silly, useless, but he had to ask. Party Poison looked up slightly, his eyes were trying to close and he looked horribly pale, but still he gave a small smile. "I'll make it." He said. "I know you will." Fun Ghoul agreed, gently holding Party Poison's head up with one hand under his chin. It seemed like he was trying to take Party Poison in, completely, but looking past the damage inflicted upon him. God. He was here. He was alive. Against the odds, Party Poison was alive. Of course he'd make it. Party Poison could survive anything. A quick, light kiss to Party Poison's forehead. If anyone had asked, he'd say it was for luck, but…

"Let's get on with this fucking suicide mission already." Saint Jimmy cut in.

As planned, Saint Jimmy and Jet Star went out in front, both their guns firing at the same time, taking out a good chunk of the first line of Dracs easily.

The rest of it wasn't so easy.

Rave and Kobra Kid did exactly as they'd been instructed, heading straight for the door. Though, naturally, Kobra Kid couldn't help shooting down a couple of Dracs, Fun Ghoul had been nearer each time, but no way was Kobra Kid leaving this building without taking down some of those who were part of the company that was responsible for what'd happened to his brother. After the fifth one though, Fun Ghoul caught up to Kobra Kid, hissed at him, "Enough, Kid. I've got it, concentrate on Poison." Kobra Kid nodded, though as he headed forward, Fun Ghoul noticed Kobra Kid did not put his gun away. _Stubborn as his brother_.

Finally though, with many Drac and Scarecrow casualties and only a few minor injuries to themselves, the Killjoys all got out, more or less safely.

But then they suddenly realised, they were down a number. Rave noticed it first, and, while still not letting go of Party Poison, she twisted her head round to see back into the building, in which a fight was still obviously waging. "Ghoul!" She screamed. The other Killjoys stopped, looking back instantly. They all saw the same thing. Five Dracs still standing, all advancing on Fun Ghoul, who was darting back and forth, dodging their shots. They saw one more Drac go down, but then a shot hit Fun Ghoul, in his side, causing him to drop his gun momentarily, before quickly snatching it up again. "We can't leave him." Rave said, anxiously. Kobra Kid agreed, "Someone's got to go back in and get him."

"Guys, we need to get Poison back to-"

"I know that, Jet." Rave snapped. "But we are not leaving Ghoul behind!"

"Wasn't suggesting that, Rave." Jet Star told her, gently. Then Rave turned her attention to Saint Jimmy. "Jimmy, please…" Saint Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Jimmy. I can't leave Poison, but I will not-""I'm going. I'm going!" Saint Jimmy cut in, already running back as he did.

Just as Fun Ghoul dodged another blast he suddenly realised he'd made a huge misstep. He felt his back hit the wall, the only way he could go was forwards now, closer to the Dracs. Fuck, his side hurt where he'd been hit. But he couldn't let up, couldn't give up, had to keep fighting. Had the others got out ok? He hoped so, he thought he'd seen them get to the door at least. He didn't feel abandoned. He knew they were all worried about Party Poison, he understood. That was who he was worried about too. He was not important, Party Poison was. "Keep running." Fun Ghoul muttered as he made his bold attempt forward. Immediately he felt a hot pain to his shin, and he fell to the floor. Fuck. Fuck. He tried to get up, but his leg refused to support him, and he kept falling back down again. The Drac that'd shot him stepped closer, then shot again, this time at Fun Ghoul's foot. He cried out, tears threatening to blind him, Fun Ghoul still raised his gun, aiming it at the Drac. Another shot, his arm this time, and Fun Ghoul dropped his gun for the second time. Still the Drac came closer. Fun Ghoul could tell he was enjoying this, as much as a Drac enjoys anything. He wasn't just taking out one of the Fabulous Killjoys, he was doing it slowly, revelling in it, making sure the Killjoy endured as much pain as possible, that he was as damaged as possible, that he was as scared and beaten as possible. Again, Fun Ghoul tried to get up, fell back down, cried out again as he did, pushing himself back, away from the Drac all the while. Soon he felt that wall behind him again. No where left to go. Still the Drac advanced, until he was looming directly over Fun Ghoul. He pressed himself as close to the wall as possible, bringing his knees as close to his body as he could, but Fun Ghoul resisted the urge to look away from his executioner. Stared right up at him, past the gun aimed at his head, directly to the masked face. Yes, Fun Ghoul was scared, terrified. But he would not show it, eyes shining with tears he didn't know were trailing down his face, Fun Ghoul still looked defiant. Only one thing running through his mind. _I'm sorry Poison, I tried. _Involuntarily Fun Ghoul closed his eyes when the shot was fired.

He wondered why it didn't hurt.

Fun Ghoul opened his eyes just in time to see the Drac in front of him fall to it's knees, then keel over on it's side. Bewildered, he looked up again, and saw Saint Jimmy standing over him, his gun still smoking slightly. Quickly holstering his gun, Saint Jimmy then held out a hand to Fun Ghoul. "What the fuck would you Killjoys do without me, huh?" Fun Ghoul was too relieved and grateful to be annoyed at that comment, he reached out his hand, but grimaced as he realised that was the arm that'd been shot, then offered the other hand, and, with a lot of help from Saint Jimmy, got to his feet, just about managing to grab his gun before he was upright. Fun Ghoul saw that Saint Jimmy had also managed to take out all the other Dracs, and he couldn't help feeling like they'd won.

Finally they reached the car, the others were already inside, Jet Star in the drivers seat, engine already running. Fun Ghoul slipped into the back, while Saint Jimmy got in the front passenger seat. Jet Star twisted round, "Good to see you made it out, Ghoul." Fun Ghoul nodded, his attention already on the other people in the car, one in particular.

Kobra Kid was next to him, with Rave the other side, and they'd, very carefully, laid Party Poison across them both. Slightly curled up and on his side, Fun Ghoul could see that Party Poison's breathing was a little too heavy, and, though his face was towards Rave, it was still possible to see that his eyes were closed again. "How is he?" Fun Ghoul asked. Kobra Kid was silent, possibly the shock of everything had finally hit him, both hands were tight on his brothers legs, which were resting in Kobra Kid's lap. Looked like he was unwilling to let him go. His head was turned in the direction of Party Poison, eyes fixed and staring. It was Rave, who, just about tearing her eyes away from Party Poison answered, "He's unconscious again, but…"

But… She didn't know. Didn't know what to say. Instead she tried a small smile, reached out her hand to Fun Ghoul, "God, I'm glad you got out. I was so worried." Fun Ghoul took the hand offered, squeezed. "Don't worry about me." Getting her hand back, Rave gently stroked it through Party Poison's much shorter hair. Fun Ghoul leant forward, trying to get a better look at Party Poison. It was then that Jet Star turned around again, though only briefly, as, Fun Ghoul now realised, they were already on the road again. "Ghoul. Rave and Kid have Poison, and I've got the wheel. Now might be a good time for you to rest." Fun Ghoul nodded, sat back, closed his eyes and tried to do just that. He was exhausted, after all.

But he couldn't help his eyes opening and looking over at Party Poison every few seconds.


	18. And Screaming

**A/N: Hello all again, and as always, thank you for reading :)**

**Ok, well, here's the latest chapter. It's a little nasty again, but, then again, it wasn't exactly gonna be all ok again right away now, was it?**

**I've started work on chapter 19 so hopefully you won't have too long to wait on that one :)**

**The title from this chapter comes from the amazing American Idiot track, "We Are The Waiting"**

**As ever, I still do not own any of the boys (damnit :P)**

**Chapter 18 - And Screaming**

Rave couldn't take her eyes off Party Poison, although a part of her that she was terribly ashamed of just wanted to look away. Her thumb traced a long, thin cut down Party Poison's cheek, the blood was dried, it felt rough, she wondered how long ago it'd been inflicted on him. Yesterday? Earlier today? How many of these things could've been prevented if they'd been a little quicker? She pushed her fingers through his hair again, trying to get used to the feeling of it being so short now. Couldn't help wondering what else might've happened, things that you couldn't tell by looking, mental torture. Rave was sure that would've made as good a show as the rest of it for the people at Better Living. "Oh God, baby." She whispered. "What did they do?" Everyone in the car heard it, but pretended not to. None of them could help but react, though, if only subtly. Jet Star's hands tightened on the steering wheel, and he sped up slightly, knowing it was important to get back. Kobra Kid closed his eyes, trying to get away from that awful, sinking, lonely feeling he'd had when he first stepped inside that room, and saw his brother… On display and ruined for everyone to see. He'd never felt so lost or helpless in his life. Kobra Kid tried to think of Party Poison grinning, defiant, confident, _"we running, Kid?" "only if you are." _The closed eyes, pale, torn and bruised skin and seemingly lifeless body of now kept replacing it though.

Fun Ghoul forced himself to look out the window. If anyone saw his reaction… He was scared he'd give too much away. He was drained and exhausted and hurting and he just wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep quiet. His thoughts kept drifting back to one thing in particular. The belt, the jeans. And then his thoughts drifted to Saint Jimmy, for whom a fresh wave of hatred was building. But then back to the belt, the button, the zip. The cold panic he'd felt, seeing that. Looking up at Party Poison, who looked so scared, and he'd pleaded, it'd been silent, but his eyes had said it plain enough. And Fun Ghoul couldn't help thinking, _oh please Poison, no. Not again…_

And, even worse… If they had… If what Fun Ghoul was so worried about really had happened. That meant that had been broadcast too. The thought of any of Better Living… Touching him like that… Was bad enough, but the thought of that being seen by… Everyone? Those people watching Party Poison, _his_ Party Poison being… Degraded, defiled like that. Someone touching him, forcing themselves on him… And, oh God, now his thoughts were on Saint Jimmy again, gloating, smirking as he told Fun Ghoul what he'd done. He couldn't stand it, the thought of what had, and what might have happened.

Even Saint Jimmy reacted in his own way. But luckily no one else saw it. He smiled, just slightly.

They got back in good time, Jet Star getting quickly out and opening the back car door. He helped lift Party Poison out, Rave and Kobra Kid soon following after him, taking him back into their care. Fun Ghoul got his own door open, trying to move quicker than his injuries would allow. "Jet." Rave said, anxiously as she saw this, "Help Ghoul." And though Fun Ghoul tried to wave him off, "I'm fine Jet, really." As soon as he managed to get to his feet, Fun Ghoul very nearly fell back down, his hands reaching out to the car were the only thing stopping him. "C'mon." Jet Star said, gently, helping Fun Ghoul lean against him, letting Jet Star take his weight. Fun Ghoul grimaced with each step, and he didn't want to mention that the side that was against Jet Star was the same that had been hit.

By the time the two of them got inside, Kobra Kid and Rave already had Party Poison laid on a table in the middle of the main room. While Kobra Kid eased Party Poison out of his jacket again, Rave had dashed off to collect medical supplies. Jet Star helped Fun Ghoul over to a nearby chair, but almost immediately Fun Ghoul was on his feet again, ignoring the pain now, he was quickly at the table, leaning heavily on the side of it to keep himself upright. It'd barely been minutes since he'd last seen Party Poison in the car, but still he stared like it'd been much longer. The light was better in here, they could see so much more. "What can I do?" Fun Ghoul asked. Reappearing with her arms full now, Rave answered. "You can rest, Ghoul, I'll patch you up as soon as we're done with Poison." Fun Ghoul glared at her. "Let me help." Setting the stuff down on one of the other tables, Rave headed over to Fun Ghoul, reaching out a hand to place on his shoulder. "Ghoul, please. You have helped, for fucks sake you nearly gave your life for him back there! All I'm asking is that you take it easy right now, I promise the three of us have got him, if you try to help you could do more damage, to yourself… Or to him." Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, he wanted to scream and protest, but he knew there was sense in what Rave was saying. He nodded, ignored Rave's offer to help him back to the chair, he didn't want to keep her from Party Poison any longer.

The damage was even more extensive than they'd first thought. There were burns and deep gashes, and some of the bruises were particularly worrying. Both Rave and Kobra Kid steadily worked on each injury in turn. Cleaning and stitching and bandaging where necessary. Jet Star passed them what they needed, and kept an eye out for anything they might've missed.

And then, Saint Jimmy pointed out something in particular.

None of them had noticed when he'd made his way inside, but now he wandered over to the table and said, "You _may_ want to be worrying about the shit they pumped into him." They all stopped, stared at Saint Jimmy. "I know the drugs they were using on him, it's their strongest fucking shit. I'm amazed he's still fucking breathing, normally that stuff… Anyway. You need to get it out of him. Now." And they looked to Party Poison's arm, it looked worse than it had before, an ugly redness to the point where the needle had gone in, and the lines of black now looked raised. Kobra Kid looked back up at Saint Jimmy. "How?" He demanded. "How do we-?"

"I told you before, Kiddie." Saint Jimmy said, with a smirk, "Don't underestimate me." Then, putting his hand in his pocket, Saint Jimmy produced two vials, one of clear liquid, one of milky white. "Ok, syringes, anyone?" Saint Jimmy asked. When he didn't get an answer, he rolled his eyes, "Don't worry, Saint Jimmy provides all." Three sealed syringes laid out on the table, Saint Jimmy got to opening up one of them. "That's Better Living shit, isn't it?" Kobra Kid demanded, as Saint Jimmy picked up the two vials, studying them both. Then he nodded, put the milky one back in his pocket then started filling the syringe with the stuff from the clear vial. "Uh huh." Saint Jimmy replied. "Then don't you come near him with that! I'm not letting you put that in my brother!" Very calmly Saint Jimmy told him. "Newsflash, Kiddie He's already got their shit inside him. This is the only thing that's gonna save him." He looked up, making direct eye contact with Kobra Kid, who quickly crumbled under that gaze. "I can't fucking watch this." Kobra Kid announced, turning away from the table, heading down the other end of the room. "Fine by me." Saint Jimmy said, moving around the other side of the table. "You were in my spot anyway." He leant over Party Poison's arm, inspecting it closely. "Oh, you're a mess, aren't you Cherry Top?" Then he straightened up, "Rave, be useful, and hold him down for me." Rave didn't move. "Jimmy." She said, quietly, looking directly at Party Poison, at his face, noticing his breathing getting move uneven as she watched. "Is this going to hurt him?" Saint Jimmy didn't answer. "Jimmy!" Rave demanded. "Answer me! Is this going to hurt Poison?" Saint Jimmy's gaze snapped up to look at her, he was angry now, impatient. "Not as much as it will if we fucking leave him. Or haven't you got the message that if I don't do this he's gonna fucking die?" Then, calmer. "Now, Rave. If you want to help your sweetheart, I suggest you hold him down."

Finally, Rave complied, leaning over Party Poison, a hand on each shoulder. Saint Jimmy bent over Party Poison's arm again, lining up the needle to the original puncture. He glanced up at Rave, grinned slightly. "Remind you of old times?" He asked. "Just get on with it." Rave hissed. She didn't want Saint Jimmy lusting over old times, old drugs, not now. Saint Jimmy looked back down, slid the needle in then slowly depressed the plunger. A few seconds, and nothing, then Saint Jimmy slipped the needle back out. And then…

The convulsions were violent, but no where near as distressing as the sudden scream that tore it's way out of Party Poison. Down the other end of the room, Kobra Kid had covered his ears, turned away from the sight, his back to his screaming brother, though he still couldn't block it out.

Rave closed her eyes, trying her best to hold Party Poison, terrified of what he might do to himself. Jet Star could only stare, he had to trust Saint Jimmy knew what he was doing, but he was finding that difficult. And Fun Ghoul… Once again ignoring his own injuries, got up, headed over to the table. "Make this stop, _now_, Saint!" He shouted. Saint Jimmy looked up at him. "It's fucking working you idiot! I can't stop anything and you wouldn't want me to if I could!" He pointed at Party Poison's arm, and Fun Ghoul saw the black lines were… Fading. Seemingly being cleansed by whatever stuff Saint Jimmy had just injected into Party Poison. "How much longer?" Fun Ghoul asked. Saint Jimmy shrugged. "Couple of minutes. An hour.""An hour?" Fun Ghoul exclaimed. "Poison can't take this for an hour!"

"Well he fucking did alright surviving everything they did to him, didn't he?" Saint Jimmy replied. "Or do you really have so little faith in him?" Saint Jimmy smiled, he knew that would get to him. "I have all the faith in the world in Poison." Fun Ghoul replied. "I just don't want to see him in any more pain." Saint Jimmy looked down again. "Looks like you won't have to." Immediately, Party Poison silenced and stilled, Fun Ghoul looked, the black was almost grey now, though the red puncture wound remained, and there was still the slight raised look to where the lines had been. Both Fun Ghoul and Rave looked at Party Poison, just as scared by his silence as they had been his screams.

He was breathing lightly, and evenly now, and though tears streaked down his cheeks, it was obvious he was better, healthier than he had been.

"You can get back to what you were doing now." Saint Jimmy said, as he walked away. "And you're welcome!"

They worked for slightly longer, every now and then looking to see if Party Poison had opened his eyes yet. He hadn't, and though they all thought that was probably best, it still worried them.

Once everything visible had been seen to and patched up, Rave turned her attention to Party Poison's legs, running her hands up and down them firmly but carefully. Frowning still, she quickly undid his belt. "Wait!" Fun Ghoul on his feet again, Rave looked up at him, surprised by the alarm in his voice, in his eyes as he asked, "What-? Why do you need to-?"

"Ghoul, what's wrong?" Rave asked, puzzled. Fun Ghoul looked down, looking at the belt, immediately thinking back to Better Living again, seeing the look on Party Poison's face. He knew… Oh God, he knew…

"I just…" Fun Ghoul tried to think of an explanation, something plausible that would stop Rave from… Continuing what she was doing. "I mean… He was only exposed to the waist, right? So, it's unlikely they did anything else." Rave looked down, then forced herself to make eye contact with Fun Ghoul again. "They won't necessarily have had to strip him to do damage. I need to check." But Fun Ghoul shook his head. No, no, he couldn't let this happen. What if there was other evidence, evidence of other things? He had to protect the others from seeing that.

He had to protect Party Poison.

"I… Don't you think he's been through enough? Do you have to-?""Ghoul. What's gotten into you? I'm not doing this for the sake of it, or to humiliate him! I am worried about him and I want to make sure he's ok!" Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, fuck, there was gonna be no way out of this, was there? "I wasn't suggesting that, Rave, believe me." He said, quietly. "Just… Please…" But the next thing he knew, a wave of dizziness hit him, and he felt himself falling back. Fun Ghoul was more surprised when he felt himself being caught, the only person near him was Rave. But then, he always forgot how strong she was, despite appearances. "Fuck, Ghoul." Rave's voice. "I'm sorry, I'd completely forgotten you're hurt too."

Shit. So had he… "Oh, fuck. Ok, c'mon. Fuck, when did you start bleeding so much?" He was bleeding? Huh, he hadn't noticed… He opened his eyes, saw Rave's hand, which she was holding out, staring at. It was covered in red. "Kid! Finish checking on Poison, I don't think Ghoul can wait much longer." Oh, fuck, no. No, Kobra Kid couldn't do it either! None of them could, but Kobra Kid was the worst. No, _no_. What'd it do to him if he discovered… "C'mon, Ghoul, can't have you unconscious too." Was he loosing consciousness? He did feel light headed, kinda far away. "Jet! Help me with him, please?"

Then Fun Ghoul was aware he was laying down, not on the floor, very obviously on a bed, he'd been moved. He could feel a slight tugging to his side. "Oh thank God." Rave was still there. "Ghoul, I know about your arm and your side, but where else were you hit?" He couldn't quite bring himself to open his eyes, but he did answer. "Lower leg, right. Right foot." The tug at his side continued slightly longer, then was gone, but he could still tell his shirt was pushed up, it felt slightly cold, but not uncomfortable. "I'm really sorry, Ghoul, this is probably gonna hurt…" Before Fun Ghoul could figure out what Rave might be about to do, a scream ripped it's way out of him as his boot was taken off. "Shh, shh, oh God, Ghoul, I'm sorry." Fun Ghoul somehow quietened himself, clenching his jaw against the noise that wanted to escape, and then the pain took him under again.

When he finally opened his eyes, though he felt slightly uncomfortable in places, most of the pain seemed to have subsided. He was still on the bed, fully clothed (minus his jacket) under the covers.

Fun Ghoul sat up slightly, wincing as he did, and he saw Rave, sat between his bed and the next, her back was to him, facing the next bed along.

Even if he hadn't been able to see he would've known Party Poison was in that bed. "How is he?" Fun Ghoul hated how weak his voice sounded, but at least he'd got it out. Rave whipped round, beaming. "Ghoul! You're awake!" She went to hug him, but thought better of it. "I fixed you up at least half an hour ago, you were starting to scare me." Fun Ghoul shrugged, winced. "I'm alright. How's Poison?"

"You should lie down, Ghoul, you lost a lot of blood, and-"

"Rave!" Fun Ghoul snapped, his voice as strong as he could make it. "Stop ignoring the question. How. Is. Poison?" Rave's gaze instantly dropped, and she looked behind her, briefly. She didn't look back up as she answered, quietly. "He's still unconscious. We've checked him over as best we can, physically, he should be fine but…" She trailed off. Tried to compose herself. "There's just so much we won't know unless he… _Until_ he…" Fun Ghoul reached out his hand, wincing again, but still taking one of Rave's hands into his own. "He'll wake up soon, Rave. You know he will." Rave nodded. "I just thought… I thought we'd have him back by now."

"We do." Fun Ghoul told her. "look. Poison's right there, you can see him. You can reach out, touch him. We've got him back and he's safe now." Rave nodded, harder that time. "I'm so fucking glad you're ok, Ghoul." She told him, couldn't hold herself back now, she reached forward and hugged him, as gently as possible. Fun Ghoul hugged her back, laughed slightly, "Hey, y'know, me too. I'd be seriously upset if I wasn't alright." Rave laughed, Fun Ghoul could hear that it was through tears, and as he looked over Rave's shoulder, to Party Poison, he felt his own tears falling too.

_Please Poison, please be alright…_


	19. Everything Will Be Alright

**A/N: Hey again everyone, thank you for reading :)**

**Sorry, this one took a while, huh? But, here it is now, and I hope you enjoy it. (reviews are nice too, lets me know what you guys are thinking of it.)**

**The title for this chapter comes from the American Idiot track, 'Give Me Novacaine' **

**As always... And still, I do not own the boys.**

**Chapter 19 - Everything Will Be Alright**

With brave faces and shaky but genuine smiles, Rave and Fun Ghoul let go of each other. Rave sat back down, looking towards Party Poison again, Fun Ghoul watched as she reached out, hesitated, then finally took Party Poison's hand. He knew why she hesitated, she was scared. Scared of hurting him. Scared that if she tried to touch him, somehow he'd be taken away, she'd be proven that this wasn't real. Rave smiled slightly more as her fingers curled around his. And Fun Ghoul felt a flare of something ugly. He was surprised to find it was jealousy.

_Fuck. No. Where has this come from? I'm not jealous of Rave. _

He ignored it, and found he was smiling at seeing the contact Rave finally had with Party Poison. She needed that, and, though he wasn't awake to know it, he needed it too.

They fell easily into quiet conversation. Trying to keep it casual, trying not to think about Better Living, though every now and then one of them would start to say something, then stop. They knew that every time it was going be something to do with what'd happened there.

Then the calm was interrupted, from the other room they heard, "Shut the _fuck_ up!" At the sound of Kobra Kid's voice, both Fun Ghoul and Rave turned their heads to the door. "Kid, calm down…"

"No! I will not fucking calm down, I am gonna fucking shoot him for- Give me back my fucking gun!"

Looking back to each other now, Rave and Fun Ghoul had already figured out what was going on. Rave closed her eyes, groaned, "Jimmy…"

"Rave." Fun Ghoul said, carefully. "It's ok, I'm awake now, I can watch over Poison." Rave shook her head, and Fun Ghoul noticed she squeezed Party Poison's hand slightly, she didn't want to let him go. "Ghoul, I-"

"Go." Fun Ghoul insisted. "That sounds like a two person job, stopping Kid from shooting Saint."

"You're probably right." Rave agreed. One more squeeze of Party Poison's hand, then she let go. "Kid's never gonna like Jimmy, is he?" Fun Ghoul simply replied, "He has his reasons." Though in his head, Fun Ghoul was just thinking of his reasons for hating Saint Jimmy. _Thank God Kid doesn't know about that…_

"You hate him too, don't you?" Slightly startled as it seemed that Rave had just read his mind, Fun Ghoul quickly recovered, "Not enough to let Kid shoot him." He said. "Now, go. I promise I'll call if Poison wakes up while you're gone." Rave smiled. "You'd better." She said, going to him and hugging him again. "And be careful with yourself too."

"As if I'd dare not."

Once Rave left the room, Fun Ghoul pushed back the covers and carefully turned so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Testing his injured foot on the ground, he winced, opted for trying to keep his weight on the other foot. Though, of course, that leg was also injured. "Fucking Drac." Fun Ghoul muttered. Gritting his teeth, Fun Ghoul forced himself up, ignoring both sets of pain, quickly reaching out for support, the only thing close enough was the wall.

Thankfully it was hardly even a couple of steps to Party Poison's bed.

Fun Ghoul settled himself down carefully beside Party Poison. All he could do was stare at him. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about the last time they'd seen each other, before Better Living. Violence and angry words. Fun Ghoul's hand went to his jaw, it still hurt a little, but he'd forgiven Party Poison for it immediately. In an odd way he liked that he had a physical reminder of him.

And then… Better Living. The communication they'd had, without either saying a word. Something only Fun Ghoul knew about.

Or, at least… He hoped.

There was no way Fun Ghoul could ask Kobra Kid if he'd discovered anything, not without raising suspicion. Not without risking questions he just couldn't answer.

In truth he didn't want to know, but he felt like he had to.

Carefully, Fun Ghoul pulled back the covers. Unlike himself, Party Poison was almost completely undressed.

He'd had more damage done, it was easier and safer to leave him like this for now. Fun Ghoul looked him up and down. Rave had been right, there were bruises to his legs, though not many and nothing more serious.

God, he hated doing this. Felt like he was violating Party Poison some way, though that was the very last thing he was trying to do. He looked up, briefly. "I'm sorry Poison, but I…" He had to know. He had to know if there was something else he had to protect Party Poison from.

_This probably won't even prove anything! What are you doing? _

His hand still held the covers, clutched them tighter. Tried to make himself let go, tried to make himself carry on with what he'd decided he was going to do.

Finally, he did let go, and he sighed heavily. "I'm sorry Poison. But I can't."

Fun Ghoul was afraid, terrified of what he'd find. He couldn't make himself do it. And he tricked himself into believing that it was because he felt wrong, doing this to Party Poison whilst he was unconscious.

Carefully Fun Ghoul covered Party Poison again.

His eyes found their way to Party Poison's hand, specifically his wrist. The binds at Better Living had covered up the old marks, but Fun Ghoul couldn't forget the original damage. Saint Jimmy.

Fun Ghoul stood in a decisive motion, ready to face Saint Jimmy, to deal with _him_, at least. Almost immediately though, he crumpled. He couldn't walk, could barely stand right now. Feeling useless, Fun Ghoul settled back down next to Party Poison. Taking his hand up into both of his, "I should've been there. I should've come looking for you sooner, I should've stopped Saint. I shouldn't have let you drive off, knowing how mad you were. I should've…" But he knew he couldn't change any of that, not now. All he could offer was, "I'll protect you now, I promise. They're not getting near you. _He's_ not getting near you." He'd do everything in his power to make sure of that.

Meanwhile, the scene that Rave walked into was exactly what she'd been expecting. On one side of the room was Saint Jimmy, looking calm and smug, casually leant against the wall, smirking. On the other side of the room there was Jet Star and Kobra Kid. She immediately saw that Jet Star had Kobra Kid's gun in his hand, held behind his back as he stepped further away from the ever approaching younger Killjoy. "Kid. Calm down and I'll give you back your gun."

"I _am _calm!" Kobra Kid replied in a way that really didn't help his case. "Now give me back my fucking gun so I can fucking-""KID!" Rave snapped, immediately gaining everyone's attention. "What the hell?" Kobra Kid narrowed his eyes, fire and hate burning, unmasked in them. "Why don't you ask _him_?" Even if he hadn't looked towards Saint Jimmy, Rave still would've known. Rave turned to look him now, waiting for his explanation. Saint Jimmy shrugged. "All I did was point out that the company seemed to have fun with Cherry Top."

"His name is Party Poison!" Kobra Kid snapped, turning around and striding towards Saint Jimmy, gun or no gun, apparently. "And that wasn't all. Tell her _exactly _what you said!" Impossibly, Saint Jimmy smirked more. "Why don't you tell her?"

"I'm not fucking repeating it." Kobra Kid snarled. Jet Star sighed, then, filling in the information the other two refused to give. "He also said that Better Living probably… Got off on what they did to Poison."

Focused back on Saint Jimmy, Rave appeared emotionless. Then she shook her head. "You're such a fucking bastard, aren't you, Jimmy?" Without giving anyone time to say anything more, Rave continued, "You do all this, you help us get Poison back, you help get the drugs out of his system and then… You just can't help yourself can you? What is it? Are you really so threatened by Poison that you have to take every dig you possibly can? Even when he's already down and can't defend himself? Do you really feel that fucking insecure around him? Does he really make you feel that fucking low-""HEY!" Saint Jimmy snapped, looking furious now. "I am not fucking threatened by your pretty little angel."

"Can I shoot him _now_, Rave?" Kobra Kid said. Rave held up her hand, shook her head, hoping that'd stall Kobra Kid a little longer. "You forget I know you too well, Jimmy." She said, moving closer, close enough to lean forward and whisper in his ear. "I already told you. He is not interested."

"That's what you think, sweetheart." Saint Jimmy purred.

Rave slapped him. "That's _enough_, Jimmy." She snapped. Then, calmer, sounding almost regretful, "You were just starting to show your good side, don't throw that away for a few cheap shots." Though Saint Jimmy tried to retain his smirk, it faltered slightly. "Jet." Rave said, turning away from Saint Jimmy, "Give Kid his gun back. And Kid, don't shoot Jimmy, ok?" As Jet Star handed his gun back, Kobra Kid muttered something that Rave decided was him agreeing. "I'm going back to Poison." Rave announced, wearily. At that, Kobra Kid seemed to completely change, the anger disappeared, replaced with an open anxiety. "Rave, how is-? How was-?""Still unconscious, Ghoul's awake now though, he's watching over Poison."

"Can I-?" Rave nodded before Kobra Kid could finish. "Go ahead Kid, I'm sorry, I was being selfish." Kobra Kid left quickly.

As Fun Ghoul heard the door open, he quickly let go of Party Poison's hand. He turned his head (though careful not to twist his body) just as Kobra Kid walked inside. He looked slightly surprised to see Fun Ghoul sitting on his brothers bed, but when he spoke it was just to say, "How is he?" Fun Ghoul tried a smile, "The same." Kobra Kid nodded, coming over, he took the chair Rave had occupied earlier. "And… You?" Kobra Kid asked, awkwardly. Fun Ghoul looked up at him. "I'm fine." He said. "It's ok to say you're not, Ghoul."

"I'm fine." Fun Ghoul repeated. Knowing he wasn't getting another answer, Kobra Kid moved on, "Must've hurt though, moving over onto Poison's bed… Why-?""I thought he was about to wake up." Fun Ghoul lied, quickly. And it was obvious Kobra Kid didn't believe him. "I meant to ask Rave" Fun Ghoul cut in again, before Kobra Kid could say anything, "you finished looking over Poison, didn't you?" Kobra Kid nodded. "Did, uh… Was there… Anything?" Fun Ghoul asked, cringing to himself at how awkward that sounded. Kobra Kid apparently didn't notice, just shook his head. "A few more bruises. That's it. Seems they hadn't really got started there yet." He was trying to sound off hand about it, but, naturally, he was failing. And Fun Ghoul found himself wondering why he'd asked the question, the answer didn't make him feel any better. It was nothing he didn't already know, and it was possible it didn't rule anything out.

_What if he did notice something, but he doesn't want to mention it? What if he's doing the same thing I am?_

Or, the other possibility,

_Just because there were no obvious signs doesn't mean nothing happened._

He just wished Party Poison would wake up, tell him everything was alright. But, it wasn't anyway, even if… That hadn't happened. So much else had. Fun Ghoul felt selfish for wanting to be assured, comforted, when he was the one who should be giving that to Party Poison. And he would… Just as soon as Party Poison woke up.

He'd got so wrapped up, he'd almost forgotten about Kobra Kid. "Ghoul." He said, almost hesitantly. "How does Saint know my brothers real name?" Fun Ghoul sighed. He'd known this question would come up again, as much as he'd hoped it wouldn't. _Damn Saint fucking Jimmy and his fucking cockiness… _Instead of answering, Fun Ghoul shook his head. "Tell me Ghoul!" Kobra Kid snapped. "I know you know!" Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, tight. Why was he making this so difficult? But it wasn't Kobra Kid's fault. Of course he wanted to know. It's his brother. And Fun Ghoul wanted to tell him. He _should _know what happened. But… What would that do to him? On top of everything else? What would that do to him if he knew Saint Jimmy had-

And, of course, the real thing that was stopping him. _Scared, pleading eyes, closed as he said, "Tell no one." A hesitation. "Please." _

"Kid. I can't. I won't. Stop asking me, please." Kobra Kid scowled, angry and frustrated with Fun Ghoul for keeping this from him. "It was you, wasn't it? You told him-"

"No!" Fun Ghoul said. "Kid, I didn't. I would _never_ betray Poison like that! And I don't believe you think I would." It hurt that he'd even thought it. And Kobra Kid hung his head, the anger gone, though the frustration wasn't. "I know." He said, quietly. He looked up again, looking at Fun Ghoul, almost pointedly not looking at Party Poison. "I'm sorry. I don't think that. I just… Ghoul…" He closed his eyes briefly, a hand pushed back through his hair, a gesture oddly reminiscent of Party Poison. "I'm so worried about him." Kobra Kid said. "So much has happened to Poison and… There's so much I don't know, that I don't understand. I'm scared, scared for him and… The fact that _he _knows Poison's real name? I just… I'm finding it kinda hard to deal with." A laugh at the end of that sentence, hint of hysteria. "I know." Fun Ghoul said, gently. "This is killing me too. And I know this must be harder for you. I love him like a brother." _Liar_ His brain screamed at him. _Liar, liar! It was never 'brotherly love' and you fucking know it! _"But he _is_ your brother." Fun Ghoul continued, like those thoughts hadn't entered his head. "I can only imagine how difficult this is for you." Kobra Kid's head was bowed again, but he nodded. Appreciative of the sympathy. He looked up again, the pleading in his eyes almost painful. "Please, Ghoul. Just tell me." And again, Fun Ghoul shook his head. "I can't. I'm sorry."

And, finally, Kobra Kid looked over at Party Poison. Fuck, this hurt. Not knowing, not being able to help more. He'd felt useful, focused when he and Rave had been working on Party Poison, patching him up, helping him heal. Kobra Kid closed his eyes as he remembered Party Poisons scream when Saint Jimmy had forced the drugs out of his system. He'd seen his brother in all kinds of pain throughout their lives, but that scream… He'd never heard anything like that before. It echoed inside his head, he knew it'd haunt him for a long time. And… Saint Jimmy. Rave hadn't told him Party Poison's real name, Fun Ghoul hadn't, he knew Jet Star hadn't and _he_ certainly hadn't. That only left one possibility…

Still staring down at his brothers calm but far too pale face, Kobra Kid found himself confronting the truth.

It was Party Poison who'd told Saint Jimmy.

"Why did he do it?" Kobra Kid said, not to Fun Ghoul, who had to look away now, knowing that Kobra Kid had at least partly figured it out. "What could've made him…?" Kobra Kid trailed off, he didn't want to think about it. Knowing it had to be something… Awful, to make Party Poison admit that. They kept their real names so tightly secret. Even he hadn't said his brothers name in years. Kobra Kid slipped off the chair, onto his knees beside the bed, and, leaning as close as possible to Party Poison without touching him, Kobra Kid buried his head on his arms, wanting to get away from everything, but wanting to be close to his brother.

Fun Ghoul watched him, his heart aching painfully. He reached out slightly, placed a hand on Kobra Kid's back. "I wish I could make this better." Fun Ghoul told him, gently. Kobra Kid was shaking, and his voice came out jagged, "Get him to wake up, get him to wake the fuck up, _now_!"

It should've been a simple request, and is was one Fun Ghoul would give anything to oblige.


	20. You Ruin Everything

**A/N: Hey everyone, back again! Thank you all for reading **

**MCRaddictiongirl - Thank you for the review! Sorry for ending the chapter like that, hope you like the new chapter too :)**

**Ok, well, small warning on this one again, Saint Jimmy's being his same old self...**

**The title fof this chapter comes from the awesome Danger Days track, Planetary (Go!)**

**As ever, I do not own the boys... **

**Chapter 20 - You Ruin Everything**

"Thanks for telling the baby brother not to shoot me. That would've been annoying." Rave shot a glare at Saint Jimmy. "He wasn't aiming to hurt you, Jimmy, he was gonna kill you." Saint Jimmy rolled his eyes, like he didn't believe it. "Jimmy. Listen to me, if Jet hadn't got his gun off him, Kid would've shot you. You have _got_ to stop saying shit like that about Poison. That's his brother, you have to know how much it hurts him." Saint Jimmy shrugged. "Never had a brother. Wouldn't know."

"And once again you forget I know you, Jimmy. You might not have a brother, but you have a sister." Saint Jimmy laughed. "And you clearly forget that bitch couldn't give a fuck about me, and I don't give a fuck about her. I haven't even seen her since I was sixteen, could be dead for all I know, probably is. She wasn't strong enough to survive this mess." A hand thrown in the air to indicate everything, the safe house, the desert, the whole situation. "Fine." Rave said, not bothering to point out the fact that Saint Jimmy had told her his sister had often taken care of him. Always came to him, fixed him up after he'd had run ins with their step father. The fact that she hadn't come with him when he ran away to the city was something Saint Jimmy had never forgiven his sister for. "You had Johnny, didn't you? He was like a brother." A flash of pain behind Saint Jimmy's eyes, a desperation. Begging not to feel. Then it was gone, dirty grin back in place. "Now, now, Rave. What _are_ you suggesting?" Rave rolled her eyes. "When you weren't screwing him behind his girlfriend's back, I meant."

"She knew full well what me and Johnny got up to, and we only did anything behind anyone's back in the… Literal sense. I'm sure you remember that." Rave looked away. Transported back to that dingy, dirty little apartment she'd called home. The nights she'd come back, to find Saint Jimmy in bed with Johnny, again. Johnny, apologising, Saint Jimmy just smiling, content. If he was smoking she knew it hadn't been long since they were done. Worst were the nights when Johnny stayed over, Rave had always been a light sleeper and every time she'd been woken up. Johnny always felt guilty. But he'd never stopped Saint Jimmy.

Because you never have a choice with Saint Jimmy.

And the worst thing was… She'd never hated Saint Jimmy for it. She'd always loved him so much… It was a pattern she was so scared of falling back into. That she nearly had fallen back into.

_I'm sorry Poison, I didn't mean it, I promise, I promise…_

"I don't know why I bothered trying to make you understand." Rave said, angrily. "As if you ever really cared about anyone."

She turned her back, heading outside, going to join Jet Star.

Saint Jimmy just let her go.

Fun Ghoul wished he could leave. He knew this was a private moment he was sitting in on, knew Kobra Kid just wanted to be alone with his brother, just for a while. Fun Ghoul tried pushing himself up off the bed, carefully, trying to do so without Kobra Kid noticing. The fact he had difficulty standing meant that plan didn't exactly work. Kobra Kid looked up finally, his eyes were red, and Fun Ghoul was amazed that somehow he hadn't made a sound, it looked like he'd been crying hard this time. "Do you need some help?" Kobra Kid asked. Fun Ghoul shook his head, "No, I'm fine, I-" Kobra Kid stood up, went to him, "Cut it out, Ghoul, seriously. If you need help, ask for it. There's no shame in asking for help, not from me." As Fun Ghoul let Kobra Kid take his weight, he couldn't help thinking Kobra Kid wasn't really talking about him. Or, at least, not _just _about him. Once back on his own bed, Fun Ghoul looked up at Kobra Kid, "He wasn't trying to keep anything from you." He told him. Kobra Kid scowled, in a way that suggested that he was again fighting tears. "Then how come he did?" Kobra Kid abruptly turned, without another look at Party Poison, heading towards the door. "Where're you going?" Fun Ghoul asked, carefully. "Outside. Clear my head.""Don't be mad at him, Kid." Kobra Kid stopped, spun round again. "Mad at him? You think I'm mad at him? Ghoul. I am hurt and frustrated and sad that my own damn brother didn't tell me he'd been… I don't know! And that's it, isn't it? I don't know what's happened to him! And that scares the fuck out of me. I am worried, terrified for him. But no, am I not mad at him." Then, with a sigh. "I just can't be around him right now, that's all."

As he watched Kobra Kid go, Fun Ghoul couldn't help thinking he should've been the one to leave.

Fun Ghoul shifted on the bed so he could lay down again, he wanted to lay on his side, so he could still see Party Poison, but his injuries prevented him from doing that. Instead he turned his head, not caring that soon he'd have a pain in his neck too, when Party Poison woke up, he wanted to see it.

It wasn't long until Jet Star and Rave came in, Fun Ghoul sat up slightly, even though Rave frowned at him for doing so. "No change, I'm guessing?" Jet Star asked, Fun Ghoul shook his head. "He's just got a lot to get over" Rave said as she sat beside Party Poison again. "He'll be fine, he'll wake up when he's ready." She reached out, her fingers going through Party Poison's hair, then gently stroking down his cheek.

Fun Ghoul felt that nasty feeling again. _Stop it. _He told himself. _You. Are. Not. Jealous. _

"Where's Kid?" Fun Ghoul asked, as a way to distract himself. Jet Star answered, "He's outside, we asked him if he wanted to come back in with us, but he didn't answer. I'm guessing he's having a hard time, we thought we'd leave him alone for a while." Fun Ghoul nodded. "And where's Saint?"

"Fuck knows." Rave snapped. "And I don't care." Fun Ghoul didn't care either, so long as he was far away from Party Poison. "I haven't seen him." Jet Star said, "I'm guessing he'll show up again when he gets bored."

"You already know him so well, Jet." Rave said, dryly.

It'd been a hard day for them all, and none could figure out how they'd stayed awake so long. Fear and worry can do that for you.

Kobra Kid came back in, finally, and even smiled at the others.

They settled on the idea of sleep, Rave cutting in when Fun Ghoul went to say something, she knew what it was going to be, "No, Ghoul, you will sleep tonight. I will stay up and keep an eye on Poison, and keep watch." Although not entirely happy about it, Fun Ghoul had to admit he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

Fun Ghoul wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, only that something felt off. Automatically he turned his head to look at Party Poison, immediately noticed Rave wasn't there. Took him a while to figure out that that must be because she'd gone outside, a quick patrol before coming back to Party Poison.

He expected it would be her when he heard the door open, but when he looked he saw it wasn't, it was Saint Jimmy.

Fun Ghoul tried to sit up, couldn't. Watched as Saint Jimmy got closer, finally settling down on Party Poison's bed, sitting almost exactly where Fun Ghoul had been sitting earlier. "Look at you Cherry Top, they really did have their fun, huh?" Then he leant down, over him. His face far too close to Party Poison's. "I've missed you, Cherry Top." In a gesture similar to Rave's earlier one, Saint Jimmy stroked his hand over Party Poison's face. "Very much." It wasn't affectionate though, not really. It was possessive.

His hand snaked down Party Poison's neck, over his shoulders, down further until his fingers just dipped under the covers. Then he paused, looked up at Party Poison, "Let's get a proper look at you, shall we?" And pulled off the covers entirely. Saint Jimmy spent far too long looking him up and down, slowly. He tutted. "Oh dear, dear, dear… And here I was thinking you just bleed easy." Saint Jimmy's hand stroking across Party Poison's chest and stomach, pausing at each of the bandages, fiddling slightly with the edges. "Even when you do wake up, you're not gonna be fit for a while, are you, angel?" Then Saint Jimmy turned his attention to his arm, lifting it up, middle finger gently gliding over what was left of the puncture wound. "Especially after having that stuff inside you. Nasty stuff. I do hope you're grateful for what I did." Leaning closer, whispering in Party Poison's ear now, "I can't wait for you to show me just how grateful." A kiss placed beside his ear, and a content murmur from Saint Jimmy. "Never should've stopped, Cherry Top, I never should've stopped. Fucking hell you're so fucking tempting right now. All still and vulnerable. I could do whatever I wanted…" He'd let his hand wander down and now he was fiddling with the waistband of Party Poison's underwear, getting slightly under. "Whatever I want-""Stop!" Saint Jimmy looked up immediately, surprised, he looked in the direction that the voice had come from, and quickly found the source.

Fun Ghoul had watched all of it in horror, trying to force himself to move, but his body felt heavy, like it had cramped up entirely. He'd been trying to say something, anything to get Saint Jimmy to stop, to leave Party Poison alone. Finally, he'd managed it, though his voice was only small, it was enough to get Saint Jimmy's attention.

Saint Jimmy smiled, the surprise gone as quick as it had appeared. "Well, well, well. And just how long have you been awake?" Fun Ghoul didn't reply. Part of him wanted to tell Saint Jimmy he'd seen everything, but another part was ashamed he'd let it go on so long. "Leave him alone." He said instead. "You've been awake for the whole thing, haven't you? Enjoying the show where you?" Saint Jimmy asked, tauntingly. "Sick bastard." Fun Ghoul grimaced at the accusation. "Aww, c'mon, you can admit it. You can't touch your darling boyfriend right now, so watching me do it is the next best thing, right? What do you want me to do next, huh?" Saint Jimmy's hand was on Party Poison's leg, rubbing up and down. "Stop touching him." Fun Ghoul demanded, with just a small hope Saint Jimmy might listen to him. "Oh, you mean stop doing… This?" And Saint Jimmy shoved his hand inside Party Poison's underwear, closed his eyes as he felt and groped. "Well." Saint Jimmy said, opening his eyes, staring right at Fun Ghoul "Feels like they didn't do any damage to _that_." Fun Ghoul looked away, appalled at what he'd just seen, once again ashamed he wasn't able to stop it. "Do you think he can feel me?" Saint Jimmy asked, that nasty grin never looking more pleased with himself. "Leave him alone!" Fun Ghoul snapped, furious with Saint Jimmy, furious with himself.

It took him a second to realise he'd suddenly, finally, sat up. Looked like his body had finally decided to cooperate. Saint Jimmy realised it too, his eyes went slightly wide. Saint Jimmy was only seconds quicker to move than Fun Ghoul was. He was off the bed and round the other side of it just as Fun Ghoul got himself up and heading straight for Saint Jimmy. "What're you gonna do now, Ghoul?" Saint Jimmy asked. "I'd rather leave that as a surprise." Fun Ghoul snarled. "Can't kill me, Ghoul, remember." Yes, he did remember. And though they now had Party Poison back, Fun Ghoul had an awful feeling Saint Jimmy might still be useful. "Just get the fuck out of here. Now!" As he left, Saint Jimmy couldn't help himself from saying, "I'll leave him to you now, have fun with him." Fun Ghoul didn't bother to answer, just let himself drop to his knees beside the bed, quickly covering Party Poison again. "Oh fuck, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't- I tried- I-" It wasn't good enough, and he knew it.

And now the adrenaline had worn off, and he was hurting all over again.

Rave came back in to find Fun Ghoul sitting on Party Poison's bed. "Ghoul? What're you doing?" Fun Ghoul looked up, just as Rave came up beside him. "I realised you'd gone outside… I don't… He shouldn't be left alone."

"And _you_ shouldn't be out of bed." Rave told him. "Ghoul, what's going on? We're all worried about Poison, but you-""I don't know, Rave. I just…" Fun Ghoul sighed. He couldn't explain it, even if he wanted to. "Weren't you the one telling me he's gonna be fine? C'mon, where's my optimistic, hope-giving friend? I'd kinda like him here right now, y'know?" Fun Ghoul smiled slightly, "He's here, he's here." He assured. "Good." Rave said, with a nod. "Now, c'mon, you can't be comfortable, and I'm not going anywhere again."

The next time Fun Ghoul woke up, much of the next day had gone by, and it was Jet Star this time who was keeping an eye on Party Poison.

"Any change?" Jet Star smiled, just a little, but shook his head.

Not long after, Rave came back again. She looked tired, her hair sticking up more wildly than usual, like she'd been dragging her fingers through it constantly. But still she smiled brightly when she saw Fun Ghoul awake again. "I guess you needed that, huh, Ghoul?" Rave said as she sat beside him. Fun Ghoul smiled back, "Guess so."

"Now," Rave continued, "Let's see how you're doing, shall we?"

"What about Poison?"

"I checked him this morning." Rave said, not looking at Fun Ghoul as she pushed up his sleeve to check on his bandages. "Rave." Fun Ghoul said carefully. "You know that's not what I was asking." Rave sighed. "He's… Stable but…" She paused, closed her eyes for a second, then looked right at Ghoul, the intensity was slightly alarming. "Ghoul. He's not healing. At all. I checked him over, twice already today and… Nothing's getting better. He's not getting worse, which is something, but…""Rave." Fun Ghoul interrupted, trying to sound soothing, calming. "It hasn't been that long, and his body's got a lot to deal with. Not to mention whatever drugs they put in him."

"The drugs!" Rave's eyes suddenly went wide. "Fuck! Ghoul! The drugs, they might still be working on him! What if Jimmy didn't finish it? What if-" Then she stopped, abruptly, and stood. "I gotta get Jimmy." Rave had already turned to leave when Fun Ghoul reached out, grapping her arm, he hissed as her accidental move forward tugged on his arm. She looked back, immediately worried, but also confused. "What is it, Ghoul?"

"Don't get Jimmy." He said, and Rave frowned. "Why not?"

"Because…"

_Because he hurt Poison. Because he almost raped Poison. Because he came in here last night and he touched Poison, again. Because-_

"Because I don't want him near Poison if he doesn't have to be." At least that wasn't a lie. Rave smiled, her turn to try to be reassuring. "Ghoul, c'mon. I know Jimmy's kinda a bastard sometimes, but he's helped, hasn't he? He's not all bad, Ghoul. I know you're worried. But Jimmy's knows about these drugs, he might be the only one who knows what's happening to Poison." At that Fun Ghoul let go of Rave's arm, and she left before he could say anything else.

It was only then at Fun Ghoul thought, _How come Saint __**does**__ know so much about the drugs?  
_

A few minutes later and Rave returned, Saint Jimmy in tow. "I'm sorry Ghoul" Rave said, hurrying back over to him, "I got so wrapped up thinking about Poison I forgot I was meant to be checking on you." Fun Ghoul didn't take his eyes off Saint Jimmy as he replied, "No, it's fine. Don't worry about me." Rave had already sat back down again, now pushing back the covers and tugging his shirt up to get a look at those bandages.

Saint Jimmy was staring right back at him, grinning smugly, raising his eyebrows in a worryingly suggestive way as Fun Ghoul's side and part of his stomach was revealed. Fun Ghoul glared back, and tried to bat Rave's hands away. "I'm fine Rave, worry about Poison." He was sorry it came out snappish, but Saint Jimmy was putting him more and more on edge. "I can worry about two people at the same time." Rave said, with a small grin. "Jimmy." She said, turning around slightly. "Poison isn't healing, and I'm worried it has something to do with whatever it was they put in him at Better Living, what do you know about it?" Saint Jimmy shrugged. "I know a bit." He lied. It was so obvious he was lying. "Could they be preventing him from healing?" Rave pushed. "Possibly." Saint Jimmy replied, with a small shrug. Rave felt like shaking him, at the very least. "Jimmy!" She snapped. Saint Jimmy grinned, triumphant that he'd got such a reaction. "Alright! Alright, yes. It probably would." He finally gave them. Then he frowned. "Fuck, they must've used a lot on him though, I used way more of the antidote than I thought I should, just to make sure I got at it all."

"Are you sure you didn't use too much and fuck him up yourself?" Fun Ghoul asked, not even attempting to hide his accusation. "Ghoul!" Rave exclaimed. "He said it himself! He used more than he should have." Fun Ghoul argued. "You have so little fucking faith in me." Saint Jimmy said, pretending he was hurt. "When it comes to drugs, I know what I'm doing." Fun Ghoul didn't reply, he simply scowled at Saint Jimmy. And Rave rolled her eyes, "Ain't that the truth Jimmy…" Then, "And, with that in mind, could you _please_ tell us if there's something else we need to do to help Poison?" Saint Jimmy shrugged, "Sure." Had it really had to take that long just to get to this point? Saint Jimmy bent down over Party Poison, closely inspecting the puncture wound in his arm, prodding it gently, smoothing his hand across the crease of the inner elbow. Then he smoothed his hand up Party Poison's arm, almost all the way to his armpit, then back down again, all the way to his wrist. All the while frowning slightly, concentrating, his fingers and palm feeling for something. Fun Ghoul watched, uneasily, biting back his impulse to tell Saint Jimmy to stop touching Party Poison. Finally Saint Jimmy looked up, shook his head. "That stuff's thick, potent, you can actually feel it under the skin, you saw, yesterday what it's like. That's how it is once it's really bad, once they've used a lot and it's been in there a long time. If you'd seen it earlier, you would only have been able to see the skin was raised. If it'd been inside him any longer, it would've spread, and once it spread far enough, well, I'm sure you don't need to spell it out for you. Fact is, Better Living wouldn't have left it in that long, they would've drained it before it got to that point. They wanted him hurting, they didn't want him dead. Anyway… Yes, it would've prevented him from healing, but it's definitely all out of him."

Both Rave and Fun Ghoul stared at Saint Jimmy, the latter begrudgingly having to admit to himself that he was impressed. Saint Jimmy smiled, "Told you I know my drugs." He said, proudly. Rave nodded, "Thanks Jimmy, at least we know now."

"Anytime." He said, a small stroke of Party Poison's wrist that Rave didn't see, and then Saint Jimmy let go, stood up. "Now, need any help with this one?" Saint Jimmy asked, nodding his head at Fun Ghoul, who scowled again. "I think we're ok, Jimmy." Rave said, carefully. "Just making sure." He said, with a wink, before turning and heading out the door.

While Rave continued checking him over, Fun Ghoul told her, "I want to get back on my feet now, Rave, I don't like being so helpless."

"Well you got from your bed to Poison's well enough, twice, yesterday, so I guess you could try." Fun Ghoul looked up, wondering how Rave knew about the first time. Rave smiled. "Kobra Kid told me. He said he was worried you'd hurt yourself doing that. I told him you're tougher than you look." Rave grinned, knowing she'd get in trouble for that last comment. "Oh thanks!" Fun Ghoul laughed. Her smile changing slightly now, trying to bring up the same thing she had last night. "But seriously Ghoul… You've gotten more protective over him, over Poison. Is there something I should-""I'm just worried about him, Rave." Fun Ghoul cut it. At least it was true. Rave looked at him, almost sceptical, then nodded. "Let's see if we can get you on your feet, shall we?"

What Fun Ghoul hadn't said, but had so badly wanted to say was,

_Yes, I have gotten more protective of him, because, no matter how many fights we've been in with Dracs, or Scarecrows or even the fucking Exterminators, no matter how many times we've nearly been caught out, I have never, __**never**__ felt like I was gonna loose him, until yesterday. I have never been so fucking scared of anything in my life._

_And I realised something else, something I always knew, but something I tried so fucking hard to bury, because he forced me to._

_No. That's not fair. He didn't know… _

_I fucking love him. _

_And I'm sorry. I don't know what we're supposed to do about that. _


	21. The Only Hope For Me

**A/N: Hey again! And as always thank you for reading! **

**Oh my God... I have to get quicker at this, I am so sorry everyone, but I hope you think this chapter is worth it.**

**Thank you everyone who has reviewed! :D **

**ThisRomanceIsChemical: I know, I'm always so mean to Fun Ghoul, aren't I? Well... to everyone I guess! And, well, I can't say if they get together... You'll just have to wait and see...**

**MacabreWish: Thank you! I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far, and hmmm, maybe you'll get what you're hoping for soon :)**

**GasolineDiamond: Sorry for making you wait! Here it is now. Hope it's worth the wait! **

**Same goes to 'Guest', hope this was worth waiting for.**

**I can assure you all chapter 22 is already in the works, and I'm gonna make a huge effort to update more quickly from now on. You have the patience of saints. (Not as in Saint Jimmy, of course, who has no damn patience ;) )**

**Right, well, let's get on with it, hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think.**

**Also, thank you Jo for your suggestion, it works so much better now. :)**

**The title for this chapter is so damn obvious, I'm not even gonna state it. **

**And, finally... I do not, have never (and sadly, almost certainly never will) own the boys.**

**Chapter 21 - The Only Hope For Me**

It wasn't easy getting Fun Ghoul to his feet, but he was as determined as always, so naturally he managed it. "Ghoul, I am really not sure about this." Rave told him, worriedly as she watched him straighten up a little more. She'd fetched him a cane from the collection of stuff they'd collected over the years. Fun Ghoul ignored her protests, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, testing which one felt like it'd support him more. "Ghoul! Listen, I know I said I thought this might work, but I'm really worried you'll-"

"My foot isn't hurting so bad right now, I might be able to walk on it for a while, and anyway it's my other arm that hurts too, so this should work." Fun Ghoul had ignored her again, though he had heard her. "Ghoul…""I'm being careful Rave." Fun Ghoul said, finally looking at her. "But we can't be down another number right now, not with Poison…" He trailed off as he looked beside him, Party Poison's eyes were still closed, he still hadn't moved. "We need all of us, at the best we can be."

"And that's my point too. If you rest-""No. Rave. I have done my resting, let me get back to being useful." Rave continued to look at him sceptically, eventually she smiled, shaking her head. "You're all so fucking stubborn." She said. "How the hell do I put up with the four of you?" Fun Ghoul grinned, "Because you love us really."

"I guess so, huh?"

The two of them did come to a compromise. Fun Ghoul would stay in the room, effectively 'resting' while keeping an eye on Party Poison. It's what Fun Ghoul wanted to do anyway, but he refused to stay on his own bed, and he insisted on Rave letting him check over Party Poison. "You did it all yesterday. I'm sure there's plenty of other things that need doing, let me do this."

"Yes, but-""Enough buts! Go, get outta here. Make sure Saint isn't antagonising anyone again." Rave laughed, and though Fun Ghoul had meant for it to be funny, he couldn't help feeling uncomfortable when talking about Saint Jimmy.

Fun Ghoul was almost scared to pull back the covers again. What if Party Poison still wasn't getting any better? What if, somehow, he had gotten worse? Fun Ghoul didn't trust what Saint Jimmy said, not even slightly. He believed there was still something inside Party Poison. He just wasn't sure if it was the stuff BL/Ind had put in him, or if it was the 'antidote' Saint Jimmy had administered that they should be worried about.

When he did look, Fun Ghoul was greeted with a pleasant surprise. "Finally, Poison." The bruises where changing their colour, darkening. As Fun Ghoul carefully checked under each bandage he saw they were healing, if only slightly. If he'd brought himself to take a closer look at Party Poison's face, he would've realised this all before. The cuts were closing, he was clearly, finally making some progress.

Happily focusing on redressing some areas that needed it most, Fun Ghoul said, "Ok, Poison. Now all we need is for you to wake up."

Fun Ghoul stayed with him a little while longer, but he knew the others would want to know about this. Pleased to discover he found walking to not be quiet as painful as he thought it would be, Fun Ghoul, took one last look at Party Poison, "I'll be right back, or, someone will."

Rave practically pounced on Fun Ghoul as soon as he walked in the room. "Are you ok? Are you sure you-""I'm fine, Rave." Fun Ghoul told her, smiling. "And, I have some good news." He added, addressing everyone else now, Kobra Kid stood up, looking hopeful. "Is he-?""Not yet." Fun Ghoul interrupted, not wanting his friends to get their hopes up too much. "But… He is healing now, he's getting better. Poison is on his way back to us, finally." Rave closed her eyes, and smiled. Fun Ghoul looked to the others, they were also smiling, it was about time they had some good news.

"So, anyone want to take over from me?" Fun Ghoul asked, he didn't really want to let someone else take over, but he knew he wasn't the only one who wanted to stay with Party Poison, they all did.

The voice that piped up first was not one he'd been expecting.

"I will."

Their attention was drawn to the doorway, through which Saint Jimmy was just coming through. "And where the hell have you been?" Rave asked him, icily. Saint Jimmy just shrugged. "Around. Anyway, figure it's about time I took on my responsibilities, must be my shift to watch over poor defenceless Cherry Top."

"No." Fun Ghoul snapped, without hesitation. "Ghoul." Rave said, soothingly, "Jimmy just wants to help."

"Bullshit." Fun Ghoul muttered. "Ghoul! Surely Jimmy's done enough by now to earn at least some of our trust." And once again, he had the overwhelming urge to just tell her. Tell her everything, tell them all everything. To shout it, scream it. Tell them everything Saint Jimmy had done.

They'd tear the Saint to pieces.

_You promised. _

It was the only thing gagging him.

"No, Rave, I don't want _him_ being the one Poison wakes up to." Before there could be any further protest, Kobra Kid said, "I'll take over." Fun Ghoul was slightly surprised, though he knew she shouldn't have been. Apparently Kobra Kid had finally accepted whatever it was Party Poison was keeping from him, and decided to move past it. Then, as he headed toward the bedroom, "I don't like not being with him anyway." And that was, ultimately, the point.

Kobra Kid walked through the door, caught sight of the bed, of his brother, and hesitated. _Ghoul said he was getting better. He's gonna be alright. _Kobra Kid just had to hang onto that, anything else would scare him too much.

Finally he walked over, getting a chair and dragging it behind him. He waited until he placed it beside the bed, sat down, then, finally, he looked up at Party Poison again. "Hey, Poison. Missed you."

Later on, and Fun Ghoul was managing, often under the ever-watchful eye of Rave, to get on with some of their usual tasks. _When Poison wakes up, she's not gonna let him move for a week. _Fun Ghoul thought, with a grin.

He'd gone outside, finally alone for a little while. Though, of course that was dangerous. Meant it let his mind wander.

It was dangerous for another reason too.

"So." Fun Ghoul pretended he hadn't been startled by Saint Jimmy's voice. Turned slowly to face him.

Saint Jimmy was sat on the hood of the car, his legs straight out in front of him, his ankles crossed in a way that should've looked feminine, arms stretched behind him, hands planted firmly on the hood. Fun Ghoul didn't quite know why, but seeing him lounging there, on the car, made him furious. "Get the fuck off that." Saint Jimmy ignored him, carrying on as if Fun Ghoul hadn't said a word. "Tell me, Ghoul. Why didn't you want me and Cherry Top alone?" What the hell was he asking that for? Surely he knew the answer. "You know why."

"Worried I'd do something?"

"Basically? Yes." Fun Ghoul tried to shut out the images of last night. He was still disgusted by what he'd seen. And he knew Saint Jimmy would've gone further if Fun Ghoul hadn't stopped him. How far would he have gone? "What're you worried I'd do?" Saint Jimmy pushed. "You really have to ask?"

"No." Saint Jimmy said, shrugging. Then he looked up, fixing Fun Ghoul with a nasty, pleased look. "But I want to hear you say it."

"I'm not playing your stupid game, Saint." And he turned his back, turned to leave.

Far too quickly, unnervingly quick, Fun Ghoul felt a hand grab his shoulder, stopping him. Fun Ghoul froze, something told him he'd made a wrong move, now he had to play it smart. Saint Jimmy's other hand on his other shoulder, both hands gripping a little too tight. Saint Jimmy's mouth to his ear, "Go on." He purred. "Say it. Say what it is you're so worried I'll do to your precious leader, your darling fuck buddy.""He is not-!" Fun Ghoul forced himself to calm down, to not rise to this. Saint Jimmy wanted a reaction, he had to resist giving it to him. "Don't talk about him like that." Fun Ghoul said, instead. Again, Saint Jimmy ignored him. "What're you scared of?" Saint Jimmy asked, his grip loosening on one shoulder, then moving his hand to brush back Fun Ghoul's hair, away from his ear. Fun Ghoul held back the shudder, somehow. _This is how it started for Party Poison, _Fun Ghoul guessed. Light touches, too slow to be innocent. "C'mon." Saint Jimmy urged, his lips practically touching Fun Ghoul's ear now. "It's just you and me. You can say it, out loud. It won't make it real. Just say what it is you're so scare-" Fun Ghoul couldn't take it anymore, he didn't care what might happen to him now. He shoved Saint Jimmy off him, miraculously turning around quickly enough to face him before Saint Jimmy could get over what just happened. "That you'll touch him!" Fun Ghoul shouted at him, while he was still straightening up. "That you'll finish what you started and this time you'll actually…" He couldn't say it though. He couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence. And Saint Jimmy knew it. Grinning wickedly, he taunted, "Say it. You fucking coward, say it!"

"Rape him!" The words fell out of Fun Ghoul's mouth before he could stop them. How the hell did Saint Jimmy always do that to him?

The grin turned triumphant, Saint Jimmy knew he'd won, again.

Kobra Kid kept his eyes steadily on Party Poison, he felt awkward, just watching him. But then he started talking to him, and that felt a little more natural. "So… Finally getting better, that's good. I wasn't sure when… I guess that means you're coming back to us soon, right?" Then he did feel stupid again. Why was he asking questions? It only made it harder when he didn't get a response. "This is weird… It's not supposed to be this way round. I'm the little brother, remember? You're the one who should be here… You should be…" Kobra Kid paused, and started to look away, forced himself to keep focused on Party Poison. "I remember when it _was_ the other way around… Do you still remember it? So long ago now… When we first ran. We were all coming off the drugs then, and it was so fucking hard. I remember you telling me day after day after day 'It will get better, I promise. Just hold on.' And it did, for the rest of you, got easier, each day. I watched you all get stronger, better. You all stopped getting the headaches, you stopped shaking and shivering, you stopped crying out. All of you, except me… I stayed exactly the same. Until I got worse."

"_Ray, what do you think? Today a good day to head out? Maybe finally get an idea of the area?" Ray looked up at Gerard, and nodded. "Seems like a good time to do it." Gerard smiled, something he hadn't let himself do for a while now, but it finally felt like they were getting somewhere. They'd escaped the city, escaped control, escaped the drugs. The future was stretched out ahead of them, and it felt like nothing could get in their way anymore. _

_Then Frank came running in, the white, terrified look on his face immediately tearing the hopefulness out of Gerard. Before he could even ask, Frank said. "It's Mikey." Gerard felt himself freeze, completely. He knew his brother was finding it more difficult than the rest of them. He knew he wasn't getting past the effects as quickly, but he'd always expected him to get past it. So why was the look on Frank's face so clearly telling him things had got worse? _

_Mikey had begged Frank not to get Gerard. "I'll be fine, honest, Frank, please, don't-" But Frank had ignored him, gone to find Gerard anyway. Leaving Mikey alone. That's what scared him more than anything, being alone. He'd grown used to the constant, throbbing headache, to the awful urge to find more drugs, take them, take the pain away. He'd got used to feeling weak and slow, got used to feeling cold. All. The. Time. _

_But this morning… Something happened. He felt like a switch had been flicked inside him, inside his head, inside his body, turning the intensity up. The headache had increased, to the point where it was practically audible, ringing in his ears. And now the urge had a voice, a nasty little voice. He didn't want to think about the things it was saying, they were horrible, horrific things. He'd rather listen to the thumping of his brain instead. _

_When Frank finally came back with Gerard, Mikey was curled up on his bed, hidden under the covers, like a small child hiding from imaginary monsters. "Shit." Gerard muttered as soon as he caught sight of him, already heading over, then dragging the covers off him. Mikey fought him at first, but soon gave in, his brother was stronger. Instead Mikey curled up tighter, hiding his face. "No. No. Please. Don't."_

"_Mikey. Stop it, let me look at you, you're scaring me." Gerard told him, firmly, trying not to let his voice betray just how scared he really was, his hands trying to gently coax Mikey into sitting up, untangling himself. When he finally was sat up, he still hid his face, he didn't want anyone to see him, and he didn't want to see anyone. Gerard kept one hand on Mikey's back, he could tell his younger brother was having trouble supporting himself, just wanted to collapse again. With his other hand, Gerard attempted to stop Mikey from covering his face. "Just let me see you, please, Mikey, c'mon." Finally Mikey gave in, his hands dropped._

_He looked… Drained. Impossibly white, tired, and very, very ill. Gerard put his hand to Mikey's forehead. "Fuck, Mikey, you're burning." Mikey shook his head. "Freezing." _

_Carefully holding Mikey as best he could, Gerard looked to Frank, "What the fuck do we do?" Frank's eyes went wide. "You're asking me? I don't fucking know! None of us do, Gerard, this whole 'rebelling' doesn't exactly come with fucking instructions!" _

"_Then help me think of something!" Frank looked away, rubbing his face, trying to think. "Gee." Mikey said, quietly. "Let me go a second, please." Gerard frowned. "Why? What do you-"_

"_Please!" The force of the word made Gerard do it automatically. Then Mikey leaned over the other side of the bed, and was sick. _

"_Fuck, fuck, fuck." Gerard muttered, helping Mikey back up again. "Stop holding me up, please." Mikey begged. Gerard ignored him, moving slightly so Mikey could lean back against him. He was looking at Frank again, who looked shocked at what'd just happened, his face also pale, though nowhere near as much as Mikey's. "Now this is not fucking ok. Frank, help me, what the fuck do we do?" Gerard was panicking more than he was letting on, and Frank could tell, he could see the fear in his eyes. He didn't know what was happening and he didn't know how to help his brother. Unfortunately, neither did Frank. "Gerard, I don't… I don't know!" _

"_Gee." Mikey said, quietly. He knew what he needed, he knew what would make things ok again. But he also knew what Gerard's answer would be. He needed the drugs, and he knew Gerard would flat out refuse. So instead of asking, he said, "I'm sorry." _

_Then he'd passed out entirely. _

"You stayed with me… For days, all that time. You think I don't remember. The withdrawal. You thought I was too far gone. I wasn't. I came in and out, but I knew what was happening. And… I could hear you… All the time you were talking to me. And… Just a few times… I saw you too. I'm just hoping…" Kobra Kid trailed off, watching Party Poison's eyes especially, hoping for a tell tale twitch, something, anything. "C'mon, Poison, please, give me something. I'm not as good as you, I can't wait as long. I need you, Poison, please! I need my fucking brother back!"

Shit, when had he started crying? Again. Fucking hell, what'd happened to him? Where was the strong, not afraid of anything, doesn't take anyone's shit Kobra Kid he'd become so long ago?

But… He was afraid of one thing. And it was something that made him feel so small again. "Please, Gerard, I fucking hate missing you."

If he hadn't taken a second to angrily swipe away his tears, he might've seen what he'd been so desperate to see.

Party Poison's eyelids twitched slightly. Fluttered. Opened ever so slightly. Closed again.

Kobra Kid looked back just in time to see Party Poison's eyes open again, slowly.

He couldn't believe it at first, couldn't believe it was finally happening. His heart pounding, Kobra Kid leant forward, close as he could, his hand grabbing one of Party Poison's, holding it tight. _I'm here, I'm here, come on, please, I'm here. _"Gerard, Gee? Gerard, can you hear me?" And finally, though it'd clearly been a struggle, Party Poison opened his eyes completely, immediately focused on Kobra Kid. He smiled a little, and, very slightly, squeezed Kobra Kids hand. Kobra Kid's eyes were wide, happy, astonished. "Gerard! Oh holy shit, I-""Doubting me, little brother?" Party Poison's voice was small, sounded like it was hard to talk, but he got those words out, and Kobra Kid was more than grateful. And though every bit of sense told him not to, Kobra Kid couldn't stop himself, he threw himself forward, and took Party Poison into his arms.

Party Poison winced. "Sorry." Kobra Kid told him, though barely loosing his hold. He didn't want to let his brother go. "Fuck." He muttered, "I missed you Gee."

Then, suddenly remembering there were _other _people who'd been missing Party Poison, he gently let go. "I gotta get the others!" Kobra Kid said, excitedly, big smile on his face. "I'll be right back, I promise." Party Poison smiled back, didn't bother trying to reply, Kobra Kid was dashing out before he got the chance.

He couldn't wait to see everyone again, they might not understand how exactly, but he'd missed them too.

Especially one of them.

"Guys!" No one even had to ask, they saw the look on Kobra Kid's face, could hear the excitement in his voice.

Party Poison was back.

They all hurried after Kobra Kid, but once they got past the door they slowed, as if everything suddenly hit them. They finally, really, had Party Poison back, it's what they'd been waiting for, but none of them knew how he was going to react to them. None of them knew exactly what he'd been through. What they did know was they'd have to be careful with him, as much as he'd probably hate that. And they also knew they'd never been happier to see their leader than right now.

Kobra Kid hurried back to Party Poison first, he had none of the reservations of the others, possibly due to the fact that he'd been there when Party Poison woke up, this wasn't as new to him. "Told you I'd be right back." Kobra Kid said. Party Poison smiled, "Help me up, Kid?" His voice was sounding stronger already, something they could take to be a good sign. As Kobra Kid did as his brother asked, taking some of his weight, helping him sit up, moving the pillow behind him and guiding him back, the others crowded around the bed, all desperately wanting to see Party Poison, to see how he was. "Hey." Party Poison said, as Kobra Kid sat back finally, "C'mon, I'm not that pretty." The other Killjoys laughed. "Oh yeah." Jet Star said. "He's back." It was more than a relief to hear Party Poison say something like that, so casual, joking. It felt like things were already back to normal. Jet Star came closest first, boldly reaching out a hand to place on Party Poison's shoulder. "It's good to have you back." Party Poison nodded. "Trust me, it's good to be back." Then Jet Star moved back, allowing Rave to come forward, though she was hesitant.

She'd been as anxious as anyone to see Party Poison again. But now he was back… What if he was still mad at her, for staying behind? What if he thought she was mad at him for leaving her? She edged closer, and finally, quietly said, "Hey." Rave looked up at him in time to see him smile at her, as he replied, "Hey." And that was enough. A rush of emotion, and the words started tumbling out of her mouth "Poison, I'm so sorry I-""I know." He interrupted. He understood. And, completely unexpectedly, to any of them, including Rave herself, she moved forward, one hand lightly on Party Poison's face, and kissed him.

Fun Ghoul had been the one to hold back the most. He wasn't exactly sure why, this was what he'd stayed awake at night for. Seeing Party Poison, awake, again. But in reality, he was just as scared as Rave had been. So much had happened, there was so much they needed to talk about, so much neither of them would really want to talk about.

And then, of course, there was the small matter of the fact that Fun Ghoul had finally admitted his feelings towards Party Poison to himself. Seeing him awake, and relatively alright again reminded Fun Ghoul how hard this was going to be, being around him, having to push those feelings away.

When Rave kissed Party Poison, Fun Ghoul looked away, and hated himself for it.

Then he heard Party Poison's voice, addressing him. "What's the matter Ghoul? Not pleased to see me?" He teased. Fun Ghoul smiled, a ridiculously easy smile as he looked at Party Poison again. He shrugged. "It's alright, I guess."

He could've kicked himself for that reply. All he'd wanted was to tell Party Poison how much he'd missed him, how scared he'd been, how pleased he was to have him back. Over and over again over the past few days Fun Ghoul had run though what he was going to say to Party Poison when he finally woke up.

'_it's alright, I guess' _didn't even come close.

"Don't let him fool you, Poison." Rave said. "Ghoul's barely left your side since we got you back here. He's just trying to be cool. He's as pleased as all of us to have you back." Party Poison's gaze hadn't left Fun Ghoul, watching him steadily, watching his reaction. Fun Ghoul found it difficult to look back at first, but when he did, he saw Party Poison smiling at him, and he couldn't help but wonder…

Did Party Poison already know?


	22. Read Between The Lines

**A/N: Hey everyone, and as always thank you! **

**So, I did as promised! I was quicker this time :D (but I promise I worked just as hard on this chapter as I have the others) **

**Thank you for all your reviews, they are so apprieciated!**

**ThisRomanceIsChemical: I'm glad you didn't carry out on your threat to eat me, then you'd never get an update :P Hehe. You want Frerard, huh? Well... I can tell you they spend a bit more time together this chapter... **

**Gasoline Diamond: I take it you were pleased that Poison finally woke up? :) I'll admit, I had a big smile on my face writing that, it was about time! And, ah, well, a few of the Killjoys have come close to shooting Saint Jimmy already. So who knows? Just makes you wonder who might end up pulling the trigger...**

**AshtrayTragedy M.D: Hey! Nice to see you back in my reviews :) Thank you. And wow, I think that's pretty cool that even though you don't really like slash you hope these guys get together. Time will tell... and yes. It's best to be afraid of what Saint Jimmy's got coming next... Seriously...**

**Already working on chapter 23, bit more action on the way... **

**Ok, let's get on with it then, please let me know what you guys think (you always do :D) Also, I'd kinda like to know what you guys would like to see happen. I basically have it all mapped out in my head but hearing your thoughts would be interesting. So, yeah, what would you like to see? :)**

**The title for this chapter comes from the beautiful American Idiot track, Boulevard of Broken Dreams **

**Also, nope, still don't own the boys... ;) **

**Chapter 22 - Read Between The Lines**

"Okay." Jet Star said, "I think we should give Poison a little breathing room. One person stays, makes sure he has what he needs, everyone else, out." Jet Star looked briefly to Party Poison, who nodded, smiled, and mouthed, 'thank you'.

Party Poison looked tired, already drained just from the brief interactions with everyone. It'd been overwhelming for him. He was glad to see everyone, to have them around him, but at the same time he couldn't cope with it all. He'd had no idea how to tell them that, he didn't want to sound ungrateful.

So when Jet Star had said it for him, he was _more_ than grateful.

"I'm staying." Kobra Kid said, immediately. No room for argument from anyone.

"Actually…" Except from the one person Kobra Kid was not expecting to argue. Party Poison tried to keep a steady gaze on Kobra Kid, but the look he was getting back made him feel too guilty, he had to keep looking away. "I kinda wanted a moment with Ghoul." Everyone was surprised by those words. Not least Fun Ghoul. He looked up, tried to make eye contact with Party Poison, trying to figure out what he could want to talk about. But Party Poison was making a point not to look at him, not to look at anyone.

Kobra Kid's eyes went slightly wide, "What?" He replied, flatly. Sensing the awkwardness and the slowly building tension between the two brothers, Fun Ghoul tried to intervene. "Poison, your brother wants to take care of you. Whatever you want to talk to me about… It can wait." And, as much as he wanted to spend time with Party Poison, Fun Ghoul felt slightly hesitant. He wasn't sure about this.

Kobra Kid was already standing up now though. "It's fine, Ghoul." He said. "I'll come back later Poison."

"Kid." Party Poison said, gently, "Don't be-""I _said_ it's fine." Kobra Kid told him, more forcefully than he meant to. He left quickly, not giving anyone else a chance to talk or get in his way.

Jet Star looked at Party Poison, frowning slightly. Then he looked to Fun Ghoul. Neither of them would look at him.

He moved forward, a hand on Rave's shoulder, "C'mon." Jet Star said gently. Rave smiled, leant forward to kiss Party Poison lightly on the cheek, then stood to follow Jet Star out. She paused to say to Fun Ghoul, "Take care of him, alright?" Fun Ghoul nodded, smiled, nothing else was needed.

"Surprised she wasn't mad at me too." Party Poison said, once they'd gone. Leaving just him and Fun Ghoul alone. "She loves you, Poison. Anything to make you happy." Fun Ghoul couldn't quite look at Party Poison as he said this. Then, forcing himself to do so, "But, Poison… I think you should-""I know." Party Poison interrupted. "I'll apologise to Kid later. But… Ghoul. I need to talk to you. I need to ask you something." Fun Ghoul felt slightly worried, but he hid that as best he could, sitting down on the bed, close, but not too close to Party Poison. "Ghoul. Is… Is Saint still here?" And finally Fun Ghoul found it easy to meet Party Poison's eyes. He wasn't sure exactly what he'd been expecting Party Poison to say, but it hadn't been that. "Yeah." Fun Ghoul told him. "Yeah he is." He saw the look of fear, worry that Party Poison was trying to hide, but failing, Fun Ghoul saw it, plainly. He felt the need to reassure him. "I don't know if you remember, Poison but he… He helped get you back. He helped get you out of Better Living." Party Poison frowned, trying to remember.

_White lights and clicking, electric sounds, a sterile feeling and cold. A flash of pain and the world went red._

Party Poison closed his eyes, tight, then shook his head, just wanting to get away from it.

"_Oh, no, no, no, Cherry Top. You stay right here." _

But it wouldn't let him go.

"_I know I've given you enough reasons to hate me. But right now, we've got a bigger enemy." _

Wait, had that really happened?

"I… Kinda remember." Party Poison said, finally. "I wasn't sure if it was still my mind playing tricks on me." Fun Ghoul frowned, concerned, the look on his face asking the question for him. Party Poison didn't want to explain, but found himself doing so anyway. "While I was in there. While they…" He didn't want to think about it. "I had these… Dreams. Nightmares. He was in them." Fun Ghoul could tell Party Poison was thinking about it, about being there, about the nightmares. He wanted so badly to reach out to Party Poison, hold him, comfort him, tell him he was safe, that he was alright. To save him from the things already done to him. "Worst thing was…" Party Poison continued. "He was the better option. I… I wanted to… Stay, with him. I don't… I don't even know why it was him I just…" He'd started to hide his face, he was embarrassed, ashamed of what his mind had done, where it had taken him. That it'd tricked him into wanting Saint Jimmy. He didn't want Saint Jimmy, he didn't want anything to do with him. He hated Saint Jimmy. Hated what he'd done. Hated how he made him feel. Then Party Poison looked up suddenly, a painfully familiar begging look. "Keep him away from me, Ghoul, please?" He reached out, took Fun Ghoul's hand, who squeezed it gently in response, comforting. "I have." The lie stung as soon as the visions of the previous night sprung into his head. _I can't let him know about that. He'll never feel safe again._ "I will." Felt better.

Party Poison smiled slightly, he looked relieved. He still hadn't tried to take his hand back, and Fun Ghoul wasn't going to let go until he did. _You're here. You're really here and you're going to be alright._

"And, Poison…" Fun Ghoul found himself talking again, not even knowing what he was going to say. "I just wanted to let you know… I missed you, and I really did-""I know." Party Poison interrupted, smiling more now. "Like I said, I'm glad to be back." Then, without even thinking, not letting himself think. "Poison, about before… Back at the car, when I left and-""I'm sorry." Party Poison interrupted, completely taking Fun Ghoul by surprise. He'd been trying to apologise, he hadn't expected an apology in return. "I shouldn't have got so mad at you, you were right." Party Poison continued. He looked away, eyes cast down, voice quiet as he said, "And… I'm sorry I hit you." It was obvious how sorry he was. That he'd stuck out at one of his own.

"No." Fun Ghoul protested, "I shouldn't have-""Yes. You should. I was being stubborn. I was too fucking busy feeling hurt and pissed off that Rave chose to stay with Saint. But you were right, she wasn't choosing him, she was just trying to do the right thing, not leave anyone behind. That's what we taught her, right? That's what _I_ taught her. Then what do I do? I leave her behind. Just for trying to follow the example I set for her.""Poison. Stop. You had every right to be hurt, after what Saint did to you… I'm sure it felt like she was betraying you." Fun Ghoul regretted what he said almost immediately. Party Poison closed his eyes, his head bowed. And Fun Ghoul knew he was reliving it. Then Party Poison looked up, suddenly, snapping himself out of it."But Rave didn't know about that. I shouldn't have blamed her for wanting to stay. I should've tried talking to her. I should've listened to _you_." Fun Ghoul hadn't been expecting that, but Party Poison still wasn't done. "Maybe if I'd listened… Maybe if I'd just calmed down. But… It fucking hurt having you leave me too, Ghoul. Having you walk away from me like that."

Fun Ghoul tried to pretend he had no reaction to that, but in truth his heart was beating faster, harder, hurting a little. _He'd say that about any of us. We're a family, he doesn't mean anything else by it. _"I was only walking away to help you." Fun Ghoul told him, gently.

"I know. But it hurt like hell, and I was so wound up, and if _only_ I'd fucking listened to you then I never would've-" Fun Ghoul knew where he was going with this, he was blaming himself for the crash. He was blaming himself for getting caught by Dracs.

He was probably even blaming himself for being taken by BL/Ind.

"That wasn't your fault Poison!" Fun Ghoul protested. "I put us all in danger." Party Poison said. "I was too distracted, I-""It doesn't matter." Fun Ghoul told him, coaxing, just wanting him to stop, stop blaming himself. "Kid was fine, Jet was fine. You're fine now.""I'm fine?" Party Poison asked, not looking convinced. The uncertainty in his voice, in his eyes, on his face, it hurt to see, to hear. "You're here aren't you?" Fun Ghoul said. Party Poison nodded, but still looked unsure.

Fun Ghoul didn't want to ask him the next thing, didn't want to get into it now, he just wanted to let Party Poison forget, forget everything. But he had to ask. If he didn't ask now he was scared he never would.

He had to ask about the belt, Party Poison's belt, ask why it had been undone, why Party Poison had looked so worried, so scared, why he'd so desperately wanted no one else to see.

Fuck. Fun Ghoul really didn't want to ask.

"Poison… At… At Better Living. Do you remember-""I don't remember anything." Party Poison interrupted, quickly. A little too quickly, Fun Ghoul thought, he frowned, and pushed on, gently, "Not even when we were getting you out? When you were awake? There was something that… Happened. Something I noticed, when I was helping you with your gun, you-""I know what you're asking me." Party Poison said, obviously wishing he'd stop asking it. "So you do remember?"

"I remember you guys. But before that… I told you. There was only the dreams. I only remember them."

"Nothing else?" Fun Ghoul urged.

"No." Party Poison told him. Flatly, his face blank, unreadable. The only form of expression coming from his eyes. They burned. "Nothing."

Fun Ghoul wanted to believe him. He hoped Party Poison didn't remember. Just from the injuries they'd seen, knowing the kind of drugs BL/Ind liked to play around with, knowing their sick sense to punishment (justice, keeping people in line, keeping them safe, that's what they'd say), it would've been hell. He wanted to believe Party Poison was spared those memories.

But the way he'd answered so quickly. Something about the look in his eyes…

Fun Ghoul hoped he didn't remember.

Kobra Kid pushed open both doors as he marched outside, letting them swing back without checking if anyone was behind him.

Rave caught one door while Jet Star caught the other, both narrowly missing being hit in the face in their haste to follow Kobra Kid.

"Kid!" Rave called after him. He ignored her, kept walking. Pretended he couldn't hear her running to catch up.

She grabbed his arm, halting him finally. "Kid, where're you going?" Kobra Kid rolled his eyes. "For a walk.""Alone?" Jet Star questioned, having now caught up, only a few steps behind Rave. "That was the idea." Kobra Kid replied, a little cuttingly. "Kid, I don't think-""Please don't be mad at him." Rave cut off Jet Stars sentence with a plea. "Who?" Kobra Kid asked, for a second genuinely confused. Then, before Rave could answer, "Poison? For fucks sake! I am not mad at him!" This was the second time he'd been accused to being so, and he didn't like it. "Deny it all you want Kid, but yes. You are. You're mad because he asked Ghoul to stay with him, when you'd already offered." Kobra Kid scowled, and without a word, turned away, ready to walk off again. Again Rave grabbed his arm. "Maybe Poison had a reason for wanting Ghoul, maybe-"

Kobra Kid laughed, though not quite nicely. "Oh, there's a reason." He muttered. But before either Jet Star or Rave could ask him what he meant by that, Kobra Kid shrugged out of Rave's grip and started walking again, faster, ignoring both of his fellow Killjoys as they called him.

_Why won't he talk to me? _

Kobra Kid thoughts kept coming back to that, as much as he tried to distract himself, as much as he tried to reason with himself.

_He's only just woken up again, stop expecting so much from him. _

Kobra Kid kicked at a random patch of grass sprung up from the sand, scowling as he did.

_Doesn't make a difference. He's my brother, the first person he should want to talk to is me._

He pulled his gun out, raised it, shot blindly to his right.

Letting the shot off helped, it felt good.

_When did you get so selfish? You weren't the only one to miss him._

Aimed his gun forward, shot again.

_I fucking know that! But I hate that even after I offered, he still asked for Ghoul, he'd rather talk to Ghoul than me and-_

Kobra Kid stopped, realising how jealous he was. Realising he didn't like that about himself.

_I should be pleased we have Poison back. I should be pleased he feels he can talk to someone. _

He raised his gun again, straight ahead, shot again. And again. He wasn't counting how many times he shot.

Each blast felt like it was pulling his anger and hurt out of him, sending it hurtling out his gun, and far away.

Eventually he lowered his gun again, feeling drained. He thought, he hoped, feeling better.

_Why won't he talk to __**me**__? _

For fucks sake…

Kobra Kid finally stopped, took in his surroundings. He recognised where he was, but he also knew he'd walked too far, further than he'd meant to.

_Fuck. _

It'd be getting dark soon. He had to get back.

Just as he turned to head back, he heard something, voices. Kobra Kid thought about ignoring them, even though usually he'd be the first to investigate.

But then he heard a familiar voice.

"Pleasure doing business, as always."

Saint Jimmy.

It came from behind Kobra Kid, off to the left, there was a ridge between him and the suspicious meeting. Kobra Kid wasted no time in hurrying over, crouching low as he got close, looking just over the top, he didn't want to be seen, not yet anyway.

He couldn't see the person with Saint Jimmy, branches of a tree blocking them from view, but he could see the Saint perfectly. He was standing there, something in his hands, something he was counting, carefully. Money.

Then Saint Jimmy looked up, Kobra Kid assumed he was looking at the other person, when he spoke, his tone was stern. "You didn't get this from me, alright?"

"Of course." Nothing distinctive about the voice that replied. Flat, cold.

It didn't sound like a Drac, possibly a fellow rebel? Kobra Kid doubted it.

Someone from the city? Kobra Kid had often heard them talk like that, the drugs numbing them, taking away their emotions.

Kobra Kid shivered as he remembered trying to save the ones like that, on numerous occasions. Remembered their cold, dead looking eyes. These were the ones who'd stepped out of line, needed extra drugging.

_It would've been so easy for Party Poison to end up like that. We're lucky he fought so hard. _

"Good." Saint Jimmy said, smiling again now, stuffing the money in his back pocket. "Well. I'd better get back to the wife and kids." He continued.

Kobra Kid fumed at that. At the neat little dig at the Killjoys.

An odd, forced laugh from Saint Jimmy's companion. Definitely sounded like someone from the city now. But what the hell where they doing here? What could Saint Jimmy be selling them?Then it hit him.

Information.

Saint Jimmy was selling information to people in the city, which meant it was going straight to BL/Ind.

He was selling them information on the Killjoys.

_Fuck. I __**knew**__ we couldn't trust him! _

He thought about all the things Saint Jimmy knew about them. He knew were they were, he knew what defences they had, and didn't have, knew what they had on BL/Ind, he knew about their relationships with each other, he knew _them_.

He knew how weak Party Poison was right now. How he couldn't defend himself, how he could barely move. He knew how easy it would be to take Party Poison back to Better Living.

_Not if I can help it. _

Kobra Kid took off at a run, heading back to the safe house, hoping to get back before Saint Jimmy did.

He had to warn them.


	23. Age of Paranoia

**A/N: Hey everyone, and thank you, as always :)**

**Ok, little slower on this one again, sorry. But a lot of little things were bugging me in this chapter. Finally got them sorted and I hope you guys think it's worth it!**

Thank you, as always, for the reviews. Great to hear from you guys!

**AshtrayTragedyM.D: Thank you, glad you liked it! And yes, you never can quite tell what Saint Jimmy is up to...**

**GasolineDiamond: Yep, Saint Jimmy has a way of decieving people. And I know! Poor Kid. Let's just hope Jimmy doesn't know what he saw...**

**Right then. Next chapter! Maybe we'll see what Kobra Kid does next. **

**Also, for fans of a certain pairing (yes, I know, basically all of you!) There's a tiny (tiny!) bit of something in here for you guys again... Which will either make you happy, or make you want to kill me :P**

**Hope you guys like it, and please do review :)**

**The title for this chapter comes from the amazing American Idiot track... American Idiot! **

** own nothing/no one you recognise :) **

**Chapter 23 - Age of Paranoia **

Saint Jimmy watched as his customer hurried away.

"Another day, another deal." Saint Jimmy said, happily. Then he heard something, behind him. Panicked skittering of feet on the sand, turning to run. Saint Jimmy whipped his head round, looked up and saw, just before it disappeared from view, a figure wearing a very familiar bright red jacket.

Saint Jimmy allowed himself a moment to worry over what the Killjoy might've seen, what he might tell the others. But then he grinned. "Can't run from me, Kiddie."

He had a plan.

Years of training meant the Killjoys were not only good in a fight (great in a fight, Kobra Kid would argue) but they could also _run._

Kobra Kid was glad for this right now, as he went at full pelt towards home, back to the other Killjoys.

It was all making sense now.

Saint Jimmy was working for Better Living. He was a spy, sent to take them down from within.

Only one thing didn't make sense… If he was working for them, how come he'd helped them get Party Poison back? If he was working for Better Living… Surely he'd want Party Poison to stay there, where the company wanted him.

A thought, one that Kobra Kid barely let himself consider, barely let himself think, crossed his mind. Hardly even a fully formed thought. A flash of an idea. But still one that chilled him.

_Saint Jimmy wants Party Poison for himself_

Kobra Kid wasn't sure where that had come from. But he was certain he didn't want to linger on it.

So close to the safe house, then Kobra Kid heard the one thing he didn't want to.

"Why the hurry, Kiddie?" Kobra Kid stopped immediately. He turned, saw Saint Jimmy coming slowly towards him. "Stay away from me." he said, walking backwards, trying to keep the space between him and Saint Jimmy. _Not far now, if I just keep going, I'll be at the safe house. He can't stop me then. _"Aww." Saint Jimmy cooed. "What's the matter Kiddie?" He'd picked up his pace, and Kobra Kid tried to match it without tripping himself up. "I saw you. I know your secret. I know what you're doing. And once I tell-"

It happened so quick. Saint Jimmy sped up slightly, and just as Kobra Kid looked behind him to make sure he wasn't about to fall, Saint Jimmy took the opportunity to spring on Kobra Kid, grabbing him, pinning him to the ground. "You're not telling them anything. You are going to forget what you saw. Got it?" Kobra Kid struggled, he was now the third Killjoy to discover how difficult it is to get free from Saint Jimmy. "Face it Saint, you're done." Kobra Kid spat, trying to sound confident, sure of himself. He figured it was his best defence right now. "As soon as I tell Poison what you've been doing-" Saint Jimmy shook his head, smiling, looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Bad threat, sweetheart. Cherry Top won't do a thing." "Stop that!" Kobra Kid snapped. "Stop talking like you own him. You don't.""Maybe, maybe… But. What you haven't figured out is this. What I'm doing? I'm doing for _him_." Kobra Kid frowned, that didn't make any sense. "How? How is what you're doing helping Party Poison?"

"The drugs are keeping him with us. If it wasn't for the things I'm providing… We certainly wouldn't be blessed with his consciousness. You _do_ want him awake, right?" Kobra Kid didn't understand, that wasn't what he'd been expecting to hear. "Drugs?"

"What the fuck did you think this was about?" Saint Jimmy asked. Kobra Kid blinked, thinking, trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong on this. "I… I thought… I thought I heard you with someone… From the city. I thought… I thought you were… Selling information to Better Living, on us, on Poison. I-"Saint Jimmy laughed, rolling off Kobra Kid as he did. "Holy _SHIT_! That's a good one, Kiddie, that really is!" Kobra Kid sat up, scowling. "Well what the fuck was I supposed to think? I heard you, with someone who sounded a lot like a city-dweller, talking about deals and-""Oh wow, Kiddie. You couldn't get that more wrong. Alright, you were right on the deal part, I'll give you that. But me and Better Living? They fucking _wish_ they had me on board. I don't want anything to do with them and their fucking regime. They're the ones who drove me out of my fucking home. That was _my_ city! Believe me on one thing, if nothing else. I hate them every bit as much as you do." And, scaring himself, Kobra Kid realised he _did _believe Saint Jimmy. You can't fake the kind of hate that was burning in Saint Jimmy's eyes.

"You lost someone too, didn't you?" Kobra Kid knew this wasn't just about a loss of home. Saint Jimmy didn't answer. After thinking a while, Kobra Kid remembered a name Rave had mentioned, a few times. Johnny. He knew better than to mention it though. Kobra Kid stared at Saint Jimmy, and, for the first time didn't see someone who was a threat to them, to Party Poison. He saw a fellow rebel who'd been just as hurt and screwed over as the rest of them.

"You were selling drugs though, not buying them. How is that helping Poison?" Kobra Kid asked, moving the conversation on, needing to know the answer to this, that part still didn't make sense. Saint Jimmy grinned again. "It's called business, Kiddie. A complicated thing. Cherry Top's not the only one in need of… Help." Kobra Kid nodded, though he noted the slight pause Saint Jimmy took. Perhaps there was more to all this?

That wasn't as important though. "You say the drugs are helping Poison? Why can't everyone know that? Why can't I tell-""No!" Saint Jimmy snapped. "If they all know, hell, if it's discovered _you _know about these deals, I will loose my contact, loose my source and loose the drug supply. And then, guess what? You loose Party Poison. Get it now?" Kobra Kid grew suddenly cold. He already knew what it was like to come so close to loosing his brother, he couldn't cope with the idea of going through that again. He realised he had to trust Saint Jimmy, even though his every instinct still told him not to. He didn't like it, he didn't like having to agree to keep things from the other Killjoys. And he didn't like the idea that Party Poison needed those drugs. But if it was the only thing keeping him going right now… "What if-" Again, Saint Jimmy was on him, his hand clamped over Kobra Kid's mouth, looking him right in the eyes. "Secrecy, Kiddie, is key." Saint Jimmy kissed him on the cheek, then finally got to his feet, heading inside.

Fun Ghoul was still sitting with Party Poison, though he'd moved the conversation on. "Wanna hear some good news, Poison?""Always.""We fixed the car back up. Running perfect, as soon as you're well enough to move on, we will." Party Poison grimaced, sighed heavily. "Can't we just stay in one place for a while? I like it here, it's the closest damn thing we have to a home." Fun Ghoul squeezed his hand again. "I know, Poison, I like it here too. But after everything that just happened in the city…""They'll step up the search for us again." Party Poison knew, he understood. Better than anyone.

Fun Ghoul realised his plan to try and take Party Poison's mind of things hadn't worked, and somehow Poison seemed to read his disappointment, "That's good about the car though, Ghoul. We need it." Fun Ghoul smiled slightly. He knew what Party Poison was doing, and he found it oddly sweet that he didn't want Fun Ghoul to feel bad.

Then he noticed Party Poison's eyes closing, saw him struggling to keep them open. "If you want to sleep Poison, I'm not stopping you. Just come back to us a little quicker this time, yeah?" Party Poison closed his eyes tight, then shook his head, opening them again. "I'm sick of being dead to the world." He said, pushing himself up, sitting up straighter. Finally letting go of Fun Ghoul's hand to do so. Party Poison winced as he felt his various wounds stretch and pull. "Careful." Fun Ghoul told him, reaching out a hand to help. The blanket slipped as Party Poison sat up, and for the first time he looked, saw the damage done to his body.

The expression on his face was unreadable, blank. But Fun Ghoul knew this must be hard to take in, to deal with. "Poison-"

"Get me a shirt." And then Fun Ghoul knew exactly how hard this was. "Poison, I don't think-""I don't like being exposed like this. Please, just get me a shirt, any one, I don't care.""Poison. We need to be able to get to your injuries easily, we need to be able to care for you, just wait until-""I was exposed _there_, Ghoul! I told you I don't remember much, but I remember that. I remember being dragged to that fucking room, I remember them getting my jacket off me, I remember them locking me to that fucking frame, and I remember them cutting my shirt off, that" He pointed to a shallow, thin cut at his side "is when that happened. The weren't exactly being very careful with me, that wasn't the idea, anyway, was it? And I remember looking up, seeing those fucking cameras and knowing everyone was seeing this. Was seeing _me_. I-"

Fun Ghoul shifted closer, sensing Party Poison was on the brink, and who could blame him? Carefully Fun Ghoul took the older Killjoy into his arms, who leant against him gratefully, needing the support in more ways than one. "I'm sorry, Poison. Alright. Just… Just let me check you over again before you get covered up, okay?" He wasn't sure why he'd said it, certain Party Poison would say no.

"Alright." But he didn't.

Party Poison slipped out of Fun Ghouls arms, and slowly laid back down. Fun Ghoul watched him, now unsure.

This was entirely different to caring for Party Poison while he was unconscious, Fun Ghoul was very aware of his eyes on him, watching, waiting.

Fun Ghoul picked the kit up off the floor beside the bed, where it'd been kept since they brought Party Poison back. "I'll be as quick as I can." He promised, not looking up, focusing on the contents of the box.

Then, turning his attention to Party Poison, he decided to act like this was no different to when he had checked over Party Poison before.

But it was different. As soon as Fun Ghoul's hand touched his skin, Party Poison reacted, a slight twitch under Fun Ghoul's fingers. "I'll be gentle, um, careful, too." He said, knowing that at least on some subconscious level, Party Poison was afraid of being touched. At Fun Ghoul's words, he noticeably tried to relax, though it was obvious he couldn't completely.

Fun Ghoul worked carefully, deciding that speed wasn't the important thing. Making sure Party Poison was comfortable, at ease, was the important thing. This time Fun Ghoul re-dressed everything.

As gentle as Fun Ghoul was being, it still wasn't painless, couldn't be. Party Poison winced, twitched, a couple of times tried to angle his body away from Fun Ghoul. Every time, Fun Ghoul apologised, but didn't look up from his task. Not until, while trying to check the stitches of a wound to his stomach, Party Poison actually cried out, then Fun Ghoul looked up. A string of apologises passing his lips in quick succession as he shifted up the bed slightly, closer. Saw Party Poison's eyes were closed, tight, blocking out the pain. Fun Ghoul took his hand again, "I'm sorry, I'm trying. I guess my hands aren't gentle e-""Your hands are so fucking gentle."

The silence was thick. Fun Ghoul _knew_ he was reading too much into that. Party Poison was trying to distract himself, and he wanted this done, over, he didn't want Fun Ghoul stopping, dragging this out.

But Fun Ghoul couldn't stop staring, couldn't stop thinking about what Party Poison had said.

Party Poison opened his eyes again, looking straight up at Fun Ghoul. Something about the way he was looking at him… "They are." Party Poison said.

_For fucks sake, Poison, stop this. It isn't fair. _

Fun Ghoul felt sure Party Poison knew what he was doing, but at the same time he was just as certain that he had no clue.

Either way, Fun Ghoul wished he would stop, worried about what he'd do if Party Poison _didn't _stop.

"Ghoul." Party Poison said, quietly, "Can I-"The question was never finished.

A sharp knocking on the door which immediately caught their attention, and then, without pause, Saint Jimmy walked in.

"Hey boys." He said, cheerfully. "Not interrupting anything, am I?" Fun Ghoul stood up, a little too quickly for his leg to take, but he ignored it. Glared at Saint Jimmy, furious at him for barging in. Then he noticed Party Poison trying to hurriedly sit back up. He didn't want to be lying down with Saint Jimmy around, he felt too vulnerable, too open. Again Party Poison cried out, he'd moved too fast, and it hurt, in too many ways and places, it hurt.

Fun Ghoul was there, helping him, small words of encouragement and reassurance offered as he did.

Saint Jimmy was smiling as he watched.

"What do you want, Saint?" Fun Ghoul snapped when he saw this. "I heard your dear leader was awake again, I simply wanted to come and welcome him back to the world." Saint Jimmy wasn't looking at Fun Ghoul when he answered though, utterly focused on Party Poison as he walked closer. Party Poison forced himself to stay still, to not back away from Saint Jimmy. He knew he couldn't show any weakness around this man.

He was just glad Fun Ghoul was there, made him feel a little more safe.

_Ghoul will stop him, if he tries anything. I'm safe. I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm- _

"It's _so_ good to have you back, Cherry Top." Saint Jimmy said, still coming closer. Then he glanced at Party Poison's hair, obviously thinking that the nickname didn't fit so much anymore. He shrugged, he clearly didn't care. "And, just so you know, if you need anything, just ask, I'll be more than happy." Saint Jimmy was beside the bed now, the opposite side from Fun Ghoul, who was becoming more and more on edge as the encounter went on.

Saint Jimmy leant down then, close to Party Poison's ear, a hand reaching out, lightly touching his arm, stroking ever so slightly. "And I mean, _anything_." The whisper was hot, dirty, the meaning behind it clear. Party Poison closed his eyes, he didn't want to see the grin on Saint Jimmy's face.

Fun Ghoul reacted quickly, pushing Saint Jimmy away. "Stay the fuck away from him."Saint Jimmy smiled, innocently. "I was just offering my… Assistance."

"Don't try that-""Ghoul." Party Poison interrupted, quietly. "Leave it." Not quite understanding why Party Poison wanted him to, Fun Ghoul still silenced then.

"I'll leave you both to it, shall I?" Fun Ghoul glowered at Saint Jimmy again, but he was already heading out the door.

"Poison." Fun Ghoul said, sitting back down again, "Why did you-""Get me a shirt, Ghoul, please." Party Poison's eyes were closed, his head bowed.

He looked terrifyingly defeated.

Fun Ghoul did as he was asked this time, finding a shirt and holding it out for Party Poison to take. He offered help, but Party Poison shook his head.

Once covered up, Party Poison slunk back down. And still, that horrible, hopeless look on his face.

"He hasn't won, you know?" Fun Ghoul told him. "And neither have they."

Party Poison turned his face away. He wasn't so sure he agreed.

Later, that night, and everyone started coming back to the bedroom.

Rave and Jet Star had spent the rest of the day inside, checking over supplies, coming to the conclusion they had enough to see them through for a while, at least. Though they, like Fun Ghoul, had considered they might need to move on as soon as possible, lest the powers at BL/I come looking.

As Rave walked in, Jet Star not far behind, she smiled at Fun Ghoul, who smiled back, as usual, as best he could. He stood to allow Rave to sit in his place beside Party Poison. "Hey baby, you doing ok?" Party Poison nodded, smiled, Rave decided to ignore how forced it looked.

Not long after, Kobra Kid re-appeared, pre-occupied look on his face, but only a shake of the head in answer to "What's wrong?"

"Just tired." He said. Already shrugging out of his jacket then sitting on his bed to kick off his boots.

"That looks like a pretty fucking good idea." Fun Ghoul said, following Kobra Kid's actions. He was so tired, though he knew he wouldn't sleep. Rave nodded, "It's been a long day again, guys, I think you're right." Then, "Jet, do you mind keeping watch tonight?" Jet Star nodded, "It's my turn anyway." It was about then that Party Poison spoke up.

"Um… Guys, I don't… I'm not sure how much you're gonna want to stay in the room with me tonight. I…""Why wouldn't we want to stay with you?" Rave asked, gently. "I… I'm scared I…""Nightmares." Fun Ghoul said, figuring it out. That was why Party Poison hadn't wanted to rest earlier, he was worried about having nightmares.

Party Poison didn't respond, but the answer was obvious.

"There is no way we're leaving you tonight, Poison, no way." Fun Ghoul told him. "I don't care if you wake me, I'm staying here." Rave nodded in agreement. "Poison, you don't need to worry. I'll be right here, ok? I'll look after _you_ for a change." Though still reluctant, Party Poison accepted Rave's promise.

Rave watched as Party Poison slowly fell to sleep, he kept opening his eyes, fighting it. Everytime he did, Rave squeezed his hand, stroked his hair, told him it was alright.

A small amount of fear crept into her when Party Poison did finally fall asleep. Flashbacks of him being unconscious the last few days flicked across her mind, but she knew this wasn't like that.

She could hear the steady breathing of the other two Killjoys, telling her they were also asleep, and, finally, she allowed herself to drift.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep before the scream pierced through the silence, instantly waking her.

Rave didn't even have to take a second to figure out where the scream had come from.

Party Poison was on his side, his back to Rave, curled up tight. Fuck, he'd hurt himself like that. Rave leant over, easing him, as carefully as possible, onto his back again. He struggled against her, reacting as if she were a threat. "Poison, please." But she eventually got him there. Though that only meant we wasn't hurting himself physically anymore. Party Poison was still caught up in his nightmare. His breathing heavy, uneven, choking on tears.

Rave knew she had to figure a way to wake him up, find a way out of it for him.

He screamed again.

Fun Ghoul had only pretended to be asleep. He'd known when Party Poison's nightmare had started. He'd heard him crying, softly at first. By the time he screamed, Fun Ghoul was already out of bed. Now, after the second one he got up, went over to the bed where Rave was desperately trying to comfort Party Poison, hoping (once again) that he'd wake up. "You got him, Rave?" Fun Ghoul asked, as he got up close, standing beside where Rave was sitting. Rave nodded. She'd carefully moved Party Poison so she could hold him on her lap, stroking his arms, face, trying to calm him down. Alternately shaking him, gently, trying to wake him. But it wasn't doing any good. "I don't know what to do, Ghoul. I don't know how to-" Then, without warning, Party Poison opened his eyes, wide.

He stared up at both of them for a while, visibly calming as he did. Then, finally, he closed his eyes again, falling into a deeper, more peaceful sleep.

Rave sighed with relief, chocked back a sob of her own.

Knowing Party Poison was alright again, Fun Ghoul headed back to bed again, that's when he noticed Kobra Kid, sitting up in bed, staring straight at Party Poison.

He looked terrified.

"It's ok, Kid." Fun Ghoul told him. Kobra Kid didn't react, like he didn't hear him.

Fun Ghoul went over to him, a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Kobra Kid jumped, but it got him to look at Fun Ghoul finally. "Hey, it's alright." Fun Ghoul assured him, softly. "He's ok, just a nightmare. It's fine." Kobra Kid nodded. But he didn't look anymore relaxed. "C'mon, Kid, I wanna get back to sleep." Fun Ghoul lied. "You should too." Again, Kobra Kid nodded, slowly lying back down.


	24. Taking Back Control

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry, sorry, I know it's been a while, had a bit of writers block to contend with, but I got there in the end. **

**Thank you, as always for reading, and for the lovely reviews, they are greatly appreciated**

**Gasoline Diamond: Well, here it is, the new chapter, sorry for making you wait so long, hope you think it's worth the wait! Yep, Kobra Kid might come to regret believing Saint Jimmy... You really want Jimmy to be shot, huh? Well, I can tell you it's not happening anytime soon, but maybe it will at some point? I wonder which Killjoy will get the pleasure? ;) And oh, I think Jimmy will stick with the same nickname for Party Poison, he does enjoy it afterall. **

**MyChemicalLoveAffair: Well, welcome to the party! Thank you so much for that amazing review, I hope you enjoy the new chapter just as much.**

**Well, okay, here we go then, plenty of goings on in this one. Including a few more hints of Frerard... Wonder how much longer before something actually happens there... **

**Hope you all enjoy this new chapter and please, do review :) **

**The title from this chapter is from the amazing Danger Days track, Planetary (Go)**

**I'm sure you get the message by now, I do not own the boys, obviously.**

**C****hapter 24 - Taking Back Control**

Party Poison slept perfectly the rest of the night, but Rave barely closed her eyes again.

Eventually Fun Ghoul, also wide awake, gave up, and went back over to her.

"Makes no sense for both of us to be awake all night." He said. Rave jumped slightly, she hadn't expected to hear his voice. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." Fun Ghoul said, smiling at her. Rave shook her head, "You didn't, well. You did. But it's okay. I… I just… I can't leave him, Ghoul. If I fall asleep, and he has another nightmare…""I'll be here." Rave looked at him, sceptically. She didn't like the idea of Fun Ghoul staying awake _again_. But he wouldn't give in.

"Spend the rest of the night in my bed." Fun Ghoul offered, and a badly timed yawn from Rave settled the argument entirely.

Fun Ghoul watched Rave curl up on his bed, then turned his attention back to Party Poison. He realised it'd be a long time before he felt comfortable doing anything else at night, anything other than watching over Party Poison, making sure he was alright.

And yes, he was aware that was a problem.

When Party Poison opened his eyes, early the next morning, before anyone else, the first thing he saw was Fun Ghoul. Somewhere during the last hour or so, Ghoul had slid forward on the chair, his head resting on his arms, which were folded on the side of Party Poison's bed, just by his hip.

Party Poison smiled.

Then he reached down and nudged Fun Ghoul's shoulder, producing an amusing grumble from the younger Killjoy. Party Poison nudged him again, harder this time, finally causing Ghoul to raise his head and open his eyes, looking up at Poison. It took him a few seconds to fully understand why he'd been woken up. Then his eyes went wider, and he sat up quickly. "Uh. Um… Sorry. I-"Party Poison laughed, finding Fun Ghoul's embarrassment odd, but funny. "It's okay Ghoul, have you been awake all night?"

Fun Ghoul shrugged. "Not the whole night. Rave was with you the first few hours then I offered to take over."

"Where is Rave?"

"My bed." Party Poison looked over. "So you've been made bed-less." Fun Ghoul nodded sombrely, only just hiding his smile. "I'm afraid so." Then Poison started to shift over, wincing slightly as he did. "Poison… What…?"

"You've got nowhere else to sleep, so I'm offering you some room on my bed, since you seem to find it so comfortable anyway."

Fun Ghoul's heart rate sped up considerably. And once again he found himself wondering if Poison was doing this on purpose. "Poison… I don't think-"

"Shut up and get in." Poison insisted, pulling back the covers. "Not like you take up a lot of space, and anyway, I'm awake now, you don't need to worry about disturbing me." Then, with a wicked smile, he added "Just no funny stuff, alright?" And Fun Ghoul laughed, hoping Party Poison wouldn't notice how nervous the laugh was.

Fun Ghoul hesitated, then, thinking about it, thinking how it would seem weirder now if he said no, he did as Poison said, sliding in next to him. But not too close. Too close would be… Bad.

It felt strange. Sure, the Killjoys were used to sleeping in cramped conditions, used to basically sleeping on top of each other, something they'd got used to even in their old life. None of them really paying attention to who they were sleeping next to or on. So no this wasn't new.

Not exactly anyway.

The last time Fun Ghoul and Party Poison had slept in the same bed, was…

Fun Ghoul tried not to think about it.

He'd closed his eyes, tight, now he opened them again, saw Poison was sat slightly up, looking down at him. "Comfortable?"

He nodded.

"Get some sleep, Ghoul. You need it."

Fun Ghoul found himself obliging quicker than he'd expected.

Without meaning to, Party Poison drifted off again too.

Later, and Saint Jimmy wandered in, saw the two Killjoys together on the bed.

He noticed they way they were laying. Noticing particularly the way Fun Ghoul was as far over on the bed as possible, almost on the edge of it. He'd done his very best to make sure he wasn't touching Party Poison.

"You're getting too obvious, sweetheart." Saint Jimmy muttered, grinning as he watched them.

By the time Poison and Ghoul woke up again, the others were all already awake, and out with whatever tasks presented themselves. Fun Ghoul felt slightly embarrassed, wondering what they might've thought, seeing him and Poison sharing a bed. Though, of course, none of them had thought anything of it. There was nothing to it, obviously.

Fun Ghoul had opened his eyes a few seconds after Party Poison. He was slightly surprised at how close they were, Party Poison had slunk down on the bed, and now they were face to face, barely apart.

Party Poison was smiling at him, and in that short perfect pocket of time, Ghoul was so close to reaching his hand round the back of Poison's head, drawing him that little bit closer, and kissing him, sweetly, on the lips.

Instead he smiled back, then hurriedly sat up. "Thanks for, um, sharing your bed, Poison. I-""No problem." Poison said, sitting himself up slowly again.

Later, and though Party Poison insisted he was able to be left alone, Rave returned, telling him, "Well, I'm not able to leave you alone, so tough."

They chatted, for a while, Rave knew how to keep conversations light, she'd learnt it over the years with the Killjoys, but she'd known it before. It was often best to keep Saint Jimmy's mind off the more serious things.

She couldn't think about Saint Jimmy now, though a nagging wonder about where he was kept persisting in her mind.

Poison had laid back down again, easily tired as he was. As he closed his eyes, Rave stopped talking for a while. Reached out to him, idly playing with his hair, Poison smiled, he liked the feeling of someone close.

He thought of a time, curled up on a couch, his head in someone's lap, that person stroking and playing with his hair. _They__'__d been on the road a little while now, and it was hours until their next show, he could lay here a little longer. _

Then, without even thinking about it, Rave said, "We should dye your hair again Poison."

He laughed, and opened his eyes. "Oh yeah, that's the important thing right now. The fact that my hair is fucked."

Rave rolled her eyes. "I mean it, Poison, I-""Only love me when I have red hair?" Poison said, grinning cheekily. That smile made Rave's heart skip, not just because it was beautiful, but it felt so… Typically Party Poison, she could really see him then, back to normal. "Stop pushing your luck." She chided. "And no, of course not." Quickly bending down, kissing Poison before continuing. "What I mean is…" Rave considered her words carefully, wondering how best to put it. "You're the rebel leader. You stand for everything we stand for, which is everything against _them_. We represent, _you _represent, imagination, individuality, being who we are extremely fucking loudly. And…" Again she paused. "That… That's why they cut it, why they bleached it. To strip that away. Now, I don't care what fucking colour you dye it, but-""You're not going to let this go until I agree, are you?" Poison said, smiling slightly. It was funny, hearing some of his own words spoken back to him. It kinda made him feel… Proud. In a weird way, he understood why Rave was placing so much fixation on his hair. But, the fact was… He didn't want anything done to his hair, not right now, he suddenly didn't even want anyone touching it.

_His eyes were starting to get used to the lights, but he didn__'__t want to look, he could feel all the BL/Ind staff around him, he was already stripped down, now he heard someone barking orders. _

"_Good. Get his symbols of rebellion on display, make sure the cameras can see!__"__ Poison knew what they were talking about, his mask, his jacket, his gun. Then he heard another voice, one of a Scarecrow,_

"_That__'__s everything, sir.__""__Not quite everything__…"__ A few seconds later, Poison cried out as he felt someone grab his hair, yanking it painfully. __"__This needs to go too.__"_

Pulling himself back to now, Party Poison shook his head, edging slightly away from Rave's hand. "Not yet though Rave, please? I don't want…""Okay." Rave said, sensing his distress, if not fully understanding it. "Okay Poison. Not yet."

Over the next week the routine continued. As ever the usual things were dealt with, now just with the added task of making sure Party Poison was cared for, not that any one of them saw this as a chore.

And, though for the first few days they saw little progress in Poison, who spent most of those first days laying down, fighting sleep, soon the changes became more noticeable. He spent more time sat up in bed, he was more animated when he talked, he was even smiling more again.

Though, when he thought no one was looking, an odd darkness would creep over him, steal the glitter that'd returned to his eyes, wipe away his smile, and make his face look pale, even more so than it currently was.

They all saw it, once or twice, but Fun Ghoul saw it the most. Of course, Ghoul was having his own troubles. He was trying so hard to re-bury his feelings for Poison, but it wasn't happening. He knew the best thing he could do would be to distance himself from Poison for a while, but he couldn't do that either.

Despite the haunting memories that kept catching up with him, Poison was, without doubt getting better.

He was healing physically too, bruises starting to fade, slowly bandages were being removed for good, and he said, each day, he was feeling stronger.

Every time he said it, the person he said it to beamed, filled with hope.

Alone, for once, and Poison didn't mind too much. Kobra Kid had been with him for a while, had given him another check over. Party Poison had remarked he'd be able to do all that himself soon enough. Kobra Kid had looked at him like he was crazy, but made no comment.

Fact was, Poison felt good today, really good. Strong, even.

Out of curiosity he tried something he'd been doing the past few days, when no one was watching. He tried stretching out his leg, then pulling it back, bending his knee. Before he hadn't made much progress, but today.

Today he was able to move, not exactly painlessly, but much more easily than he had previously.

He tried the other leg, stretching it out as far as he could, then slowly pulling it back.

Yes.

Then, both at the same time, stretching, then pulling back.

He could do this.

His heart thumping with excitement and adrenaline, Poison sat up straighter, then, for the first time unaided, he turned himself around, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Let his feet touch the floor. For a few seconds just let himself feel the hard floor under his feet. Then, grasping the headboard for support, Poison pushed himself to his feet. He closed his eyes, concentrating. Then, finding himself upright, he opened them, wide.

He'd done it. He was standing, he was upright.

Then he looked to the door.

Did he dare push himself?

There was no question.

A few, first, unsteady steps, nearly falling again, but then Party Poison grew more sure of himself, more trusting of his legs to hold him. And, though not easy, and though he had to reach out for support a few times along the way, he eventually got there, then he opened the door, propped himself up against the doorframe.

Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul looked up, saw him. Two pairs of eyes growing wide, two matching looks of shock, then, at almost exactly the same time, the look shifted to one of excitement, amazement, their smiles big.

"Poison, you…" Fun Ghoul stuttered. Party Poison smiled shyly. "Yeah." He said. "I am."

From there things continued to get better, easier. Though still not one hundred percent back to his normal strength, and he still had to rest fairly often, Party Poison was able to get himself around more, causing him to tell the others they didn't need to be checking on him so much.

The first time Party Poison stepped outside again he'd never felt so glad to see, to feel the wretched desert that'd been his home for so long now. Despite the knowledge of the dangers of that sun, he enjoyed the feel of it on his skin again, if only just for a very short while.

Then he started talking about wanting to get back into training. It'd been too long he said, he didn't want to wait any longer. The others were hesitant, as they had been with everything, but eventually agreed.

Shooting practice came first, and Poison found himself staring at his gun the way he had when he first got it. Though now instead of the edge of fear he'd originally had, all he felt was comfort, strength.

Kobra Kid set up the targets, then came to stand just behind his brother, watching him carefully.

Party Poison raised his gun, taking a long while to straighten his aim.

His first shot missed, and Poison cursed.

"Take it easy, Poison." Kid told him, soothingly. "It's been a while since you held a gun, you just need to get used to it again."

Party Poison nodded, but he was scowling, annoyed with himself. He raised his gun again, let off the shot quicker. It missed again.

"FUCK!"

"Poison." Kobra Kid said, again. "How about… How about ignoring the targets for a bit, just get used to firing, okay? We can go back to targets later. Maybe another day, even."

Party Poison nodded, concentrated on just firing his gun. Once, twice, again and again. Then, growing in confidence, he turned his gun on to one of the targets, perfect shot. Kobra Kid let out an excited 'whoop' behind him, started clapping. Poison immediately turned his attention to the next target, perfect again. And the next one and the one after that.

Finally, he dropped his arm, it was aching and he felt exhausted. He turned around and saw his brother, beaming at him, and he smiled back. Before he knew it, Kid had thrown his arms around him, hugging him tight.

Slipping his gun back into his holster at his hip, feeling it snug against his thigh, Poison then put his arms around his brother, hugging back just as tightly.

The real problems started when Party Poison insisted he needed to get back into fighting practice.

"Poison… It's only been a few weeks since we got you back from Better Living, only a week since you've been on your feet again, I don't think you should-""If I don't train, I'll never get my strength back. I need to do this so I can get back to where I was. Sitting around all fucking day won't help anyone."

Fun Ghoul sighed, closed his eyes. "And if you get hurt while training? What good will that do?"

"Stop treating me like a child, or like I'm gonna break any second. It's getting annoying." Party Poison turned his back on Fun Ghoul before he could reply, but not before he saw the look on his face.

Yes. He knew Fun Ghoul was worried. Yes. He knew he'd sounded harsh. But Poison was getting so pissed off with being over-protected. Not being allowed to do anything, certain that if they had their way, he'd still be sat inside, in bed even.

He was the fucking leader of the Killjoys, it was about time he started acting like it again.

Finally Kobra Kid took him up on the offer, muttering something about how maybe he was right.

Party Poison was glad it was Kobra Kid, usually they matched each other perfectly, Poison would know the level he had to aim for. And he was used to his brothers fighting style.

He knew something was up immediately.

"C'mon, Kid. Quit holding out on me." At first Party Poison said it with a grin, hoping to tease Kobra Kid into upping his standards.

But although Kobra Kid nodded, agreed to give it his all, it was obvious he wasn't. He was moving too slow and too carefully. He was hitting too soft and wasn't even always aiming true. He never once tried to fake Party Poison out, or tried to get his feet out from under him.

Eventually, Party Poison snapped. "Fucking hell!" He shoved Kobra Kid, hard, hoping to get a rise out of him, but all that happened was Kobra Kid stumbled back, he didn't say anything. "You were rougher with me when we were kids." Party Poison was almost snarling at his brother.

"Poison." There was Fun Ghoul again, Party Poison turned to face him, knowing what he was going to say already. "He just doesn't want to hurt you."

"Well that's great, but it's not going to do me much good when we find ourselves in a real fight, is it?"

Fun Ghoul glanced behind Party Poison, sharing a look with Kobra Kid.

Party Poison saw it, frowned. "What? What was that-?" Then he understood. "Oh! You're thinking of keeping me out of the fights against the Dracs now? That it? Well guess what? Not fucking happening!"

"Poison…" Fun Ghoul said, soothingly.

It didn't work. "No! I will not fucking sit by and watch!"

He was furious. Knowing none of them wanted to help him, at least, not in the way he wanted help. And knowing they'd gone even further, thinking of stopping him from joining them in actual fights, when they needed him? How could they think he'd do that?

"I don't care how fucking weak I am, I don't care how fucking fragile you_ think _I am. Next time we go up against Dracs, 'Crows, hell, even if we run into a fucking Exterminator. I am going to _fight_."

"Poison…" Fun Ghoul, once again.

"Now! It's up to you how good I am when that happens. Someone, fight me! Train with me! And do it properly or I'll-"

"I'll fight you, Killjoy." All eyes suddenly on the figure coming towards them, looking confident as ever, the smile slightly more friendly than usual, or at least pretending to be.

Saint Jimmy.

Party Poison stared at him. Slightly hesitant. A nasty knot of fear in his stomach. A small but persistent voice in his head told him not to let Saint Jimmy near him. Not to let him touch him.

The wave of gratefulness that flooded over him at Saint Jimmy's offer won out however. "Good." He said, nodding.

Saint Jimmy had already headed over to the spot Party Poison and Kobra Kid had previously occupied in their attempted training. Party Poison moved to follow him, paused briefly by Fun Ghoul's hand on his arm. "Poison." He whispered in his ear, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Party Poison shrugged him off, didn't reply, continued on to Saint Jimmy.

Finally facing each other, and Saint Jimmy grinned at him. "Let's see what you got, Cherry Top."

Saint Jimmy made the first move, a simple swipe at Party Poison, who dodged it smoothly, immediately coming back with a move of his own, though blocked and pushed back by Saint Jimmy.

God it felt good. Party Poison was finally able to flex and stretch the muscles he hadn't used for so long, they'd almost felt like they'd started to melt away. Now, as his raised his arm, he could feel his shoulder tense then relax. Could feel his back bend slightly as he dodged again. And his brain felt sharper, thinking one step ahead at all times, trying to predict what his opponent was going to do before they did it. His feet moving fast, or holding steady. Party Poison felt awake, alert.

Saint Jimmy showed perfect self control, he knew how training went. When he knocked Party Poison off his feet, a couple of times, but less often than he tried to do it, Saint Jimmy stopped, offered him a hand, helped him to his feet. Waited for him to be ready to start again.

"Not bad, Killjoy. You've actually got some pretty decent fight in you."

"I can do better." Party Poison admitted, "But I'm not fucking helpless." A glare directed at Fun Ghoul and Kobra Kid, who were both watching, anxiously.

Party Poison could tell Fun Ghoul was more anxious.

He had to concentrate.

Party Poison could feel his energy draining, little by little. He was reacting slightly slower, getting fewer hits in, but still just about holding his own.

That's when it happened.

One second he'd ducked a fairly easy blow, the next he'd stumbled back, Saint Jimmy having swept his legs out. Saint Jimmy went down with Party Poison, pining him when he landed on his back.

Party Poison closed his eyes as he felt the pain in his back blossom, then ebb away slightly. He waited for Saint Jimmy to get off him, let him up.

He didn't.

Saint Jimmy was on top of him, straddling him, pining him to the ground, his hands curled tight around Party Poison's wrists.

Then a hot whisper in his ear. "Isn't this familiar?" Saint Jimmy's taunting words made him instantly cold. Party Poison stared up at Saint Jimmy, shocked at what he'd said.

Shocked he hadn't seen this coming.

_What now? What__'__ll he do now? Nothing, surely nothing with the others watching?_

_Oh God, don__'__t let them see this. _

Flashbacks of Saint Jimmy, Saint Jimmy's hand, touching him, caressing him.

Forcing sounds from Party Poison he hadn't wanted to make. Getting reactions he hadn't wanted to give.

He closed his eyes, waiting, the horrible feeling of knowing he couldn't stop whatever Saint Jimmy might do next.

Saint Jimmy sat up, letting go of Party Poison's wrists, then got to his feet. "Wanna go again, Cherry Top?" He asked. Party Poison didn't answer, still not sure he could move. "Fine." Saint Jimmy said, with a shrug. Leaving just as simply and quickly as he'd appeared.

Fun Ghoul was first to get to Party Poison. "You okay? What happened?" He'd seen him go down, but didn't understand why they'd stayed down so long. He knew something was wrong. Something had happened. He knew it hadn't been smart to trust Saint Jimmy. Party Poison sat up finally, not looking at Fun Ghoul. "Did he say something? Did he do something?" Fun Ghoul pressed. Party Poison saw, _felt_ Fun Ghoul's eyes sweep over him, looking for some clue. "Poison. Did he-""Leave me alone." Party Poison said, flatly. Not a hint of emotion. Then he got to his feet, headed inside. Fun Ghoul watched him go.


	25. Give Me Novocaine

**A/N: Hey everyone, again, yes, yes, it's been a while. But there's a reason for that, for once. A couple of weeks ago I went on a very important holiday, to Vegas, to a little thing called MorrisonCon, where I met, yep, Gerard Way. **

**That man is honestly the nicest, sweetest, most humble and attentive person on this earth. I got the chance to sit and talk with him for 10 minutes, which was the most incredible and surreal 10 minutes of my life. To be able to meet the person who inspires me so much, and be able to tell him so was just... Amazing. To be able to say 'thank you', and hear him say thank you back... **

**It was an insane weekend, and I'm barely even describing the half of it, but yeah, to sum up, Gerard is fucking awesome (as is Mikey, my God, they are both... Wow.) And I will admit, for a little while I found it kinda hard to write about him (them!) But, finally the muses kicked in again and this chapter was finished in a matter of days. **

**As ALWAYS thank you so much for your reviews!**

**Gasoline Diamond: Oh you are really gonna want Saint Jimmy shot after this chapter... I'll make it worse by saying he is no where near done yet. Maybe someone could shoot him in the arm or something? I still need him :P **

**MyChemicalLoveAffair: Aww, what's pissing you off about Poison? (If it's about the way he's being with Ghoul... That might be explained in this chapter) But thank you, glad you're enjoying it :)**

**Anyway! Let's get to it shall we? So much happening, a couple of bombshells, maybe some thing people have been waiting for, somethings people were never expecting. I hope you all enjoy, and, as always, please review :) **

**The title from this chapter is, obviously, from 'Give me Novocaine'. It's not literal but... Well. You'll see.**

**Disclaimer: I may have met two of them, but I certainly don't own any of the boys ;)**

**Chapter 25 - Give Me Novocaine**

When he heard the door creak quietly open, Party Poison opened his eyes. He realised he'd slept in, again, none of the others were in the room with him. He'd fallen asleep fully dressed, except for his jacket which laid crumpled at the end of the bed. He vaguely remembered shrugging it off and throwing it there.

He pushed himself up slowly, opening his eyes fully in time to see his brother walking into the room.

Kobra Kid gave him a small smile.

"What time is it?" Poison asked, looking for the windows he already knew didn't exist.

"Late." Kobra Kid replied, smirking a little as he saw Party Poison wince. "Why didn't anyone wake me?" Kobra Kid shrugged. "We didn't want-" He stopped abruptly when Poison shot him a sharp look. Kid sighed. "Poison… Stop that. I'm sorry we're being protective, I'm sorry if you feel like we're babying you, but we're not going to stop, alright? Not until we know you're okay. So just… Get used to it." Party Poison scowled at him, then softened. "I know. I'd be the same to any of you.""And we'd all be just as pissed off. We get it, Poison." Party Poison laughed lightly. "Yeah."

Then, suddenly looking slightly unsure, Kobra Kid sat down on the end of the bed. "But… Uh…" Party Poison watched him, waiting for him to carry on. "I'm sorry about yesterday. When you wanted to train and I held out on you. I… I know you just want to get back to where you were but I-""Don't worry about it, Kid." Poison told him, shaking his head. "I _do_ know why."

Kobra Kid looked up again and smiled, happy to see his brother smiling back. For a second everything felt… Normal. Like it was before.

Not the before as in before Poison had been taken by Better Living, but the before _before_ that.

They easily could've been sitting together, talking about a show, talking about a song Gerard was just starting to work on, or just simply talking about their day.

It suddenly struck Kobra Kid that he'd thought of his brother as 'Gerard' rather than 'Party Poison'. It'd been happening a lot, he realised. He'd have to be careful not to say it out loud, he wasn't sure on the reaction he'd get.

Kobra Kid shrugged. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter now, that I didn't step up. I mean, after Saint…" He trailed off. Another shrug. "Guess he isn't so bad after all."

Party Poison didn't reply to that. But the smile faded, and he looked away.

_Saint Jimmy on top of him, holding him down._

"_Isn__'__t this familiar?__"_

Yes. Too familiar. He'd been so scared then, even though logic told him Saint Jimmy wouldn't do anything while the others were right there, watching. And he knew they wouldn't have just stood back and let it happen. He knew they'd help him. He knew Fun Ghoul especially would've been there the second he though Saint Jimmy was going to do something, he knew, after all.

Kobra Kid's words hurt. _"__Guess he isn__'__t so bad after all__"_Even though Kobra Kid had no idea. As far as Kid knew, Saint Jimmy just liked taking little digs at Party Poison, he'd never actually done him any harm.

For the first time, Poison really wanted to tell someone. He wanted to tell Kobra Kid what'd happened, what Saint Jimmy had done. Kid was his brother, he'd never kept anything secret from him before, and it suddenly physically hurt to keep this from him. Some brotherly instinct kicking in, a need to talk to him.

But then another instinct kicked in. I need to protect, he didn't want Kobra Kid hearing what Saint Jimmy had done, didn't want him to know. Despite all the shit they'd been through, all the things they'd seen, Poison still felt the need to keep the bad things from his little brother, though he knew he'd seen too much already. Party Poison couldn't burden his brother with this, he just couldn't. And he couldn't stand the idea of making him worry _more_.

And just how was Poison going to explain that Saint Jimmy knew his name, how he'd given it up so easily?

He couldn't. So, he stayed silent, and Kobra Kid kept talking. "I mean, he helped get you out of Better Living. The drugs he's giving you to make you better, and helping you train and-" Kobra Kid stopped, abruptly then, as he saw Party Poison staring at him, eyes and mouth wide with shock.

Eventually Poison asked, "What did you just say?"

"What?" Kobra Kid asked, thrown by Party Poison's reaction. What'd he said wrong?

"The drugs, Kid!" Party Poison said, looking more agitated. "What did you just say about drugs?" Hesitantly, Kobra Kid replied. "He… He's been giving you drugs, pills. To help you, to make you stronger, make sure you don't go back under _their_…" He trailed off, then, looking at Party Poison, scared of the answer as he continued, "Has… Hasn't he?"

Party Poison shook his head, slowly. "No. No Kid. He hasn't."

Kobra Kid felt sick.

What'd he done?

"Kid." Poison said, his voice filled with urgency. "Tell me everything, what do you know? What do you know about these drugs?" Kobra shook his head, "Nothing! I mean… Not much. I… Saw him, he was… I don't know! He said he was helping _you_! He said if I told anyone what I saw he wouldn't be able to help you anymore and then we'd loose you again and I- Fuck!" Kobra Kid stood up suddenly, turning away from Party Poison, covering his face. How had he got this so _wrong_?

Party Poison stood too, went to his brother, a hand on his shoulder, "It's okay, Kid. It's fine." He assured. "You weren't-""Why did I _trust _him?" Kid snapped, at himself, not at Poison, though he moved away from him, the hand on his shoulder fell. And that was the real question, wasn't it? Why had he trusted him? Why had he listened to him, when he knew every instinct told him not to trust Saint Jimmy?

"Forget it, Kid. It's not important." Poison told him, firmly. "What is important is finding out what Saint is really up to."

But Kobra Kid was still too wrapped up in what he'd done, he'd screwed up. He'd never screwed up like this before. He'd been given vital information, and he hadn't shared it. He'd let them down. He'd let his brother down.

"I'm sorry Poison. I'm sorry. I should've told you… I. Fuck. What if I put us in danger? What if I put _you_ in danger? I thought… I thought I was protecting you. I-"

He was cut off as he became aware of Poison's hands on his arms, grabbing him, turning him around. Then a hand under his chin, forcing him to look up, to look Party Poison right in the eyes, which were intense, focused. "Mikey! Stop it." He demanded. "Enough. Stop beating yourself up about this. We have other things to worry about, okay?"

And, slowly, Kobra Kid felt himself calm. He wasn't sure if it was the commanding sound to his voice, or the physical grab which had snapped him out of it. Or if it was the simple act of looking at his brother and knowing Poison wasn't mad at him and that they were going to sort this out. He was certain, however, that it had something to do with the fact that, for the first time in so long, his brother had called him by his real name.

Finally, Kobra Kid nodded, and Party Poison let him go.

"Let's go find Saint."

Saint Jimmy was outside, laying in the sun, he clearly didn't pay the slightest attention to the warnings that were often given. But that wasn't exactly surprising. Saint Jimmy rarely listened to anyone.

"Saint!" Party Poison called out, as he strode towards him, Kobra Kid just a step behind. Saint Jimmy opened one eye and turned his head. He grinned as he saw the Killjoy leader. He was certain he wasn't the only one who noticed the small wince Poison made occasionally as he walked, some wound or other stretching painfully as he moved. Saint Jimmy deigned to open his other eye, but didn't sit up. "Hey Cherry Top." He drawled. "Care to join me?" He asked, patting the ground next to himself. Party Poison ignored him. "Where are the drugs?" Still without sitting up, Saint Jimmy stared up at him, looking slightly surprised. "What drugs?" He asked, innocently. "Don't play cute, Saint, you know what I'm talking about." Then Saint Jimmy glanced at Kobra Kid. "Ahh, so Kiddie let the cat out of the bag, huh? Bad boy."

Party Poison kicked Saint Jimmy in the side, doing it gently so it was as if he was getting his attention. In truth he'd wanted to kick him hard for the way he'd just talked to Kid. "The drugs, Saint. Now!" With a laugh Saint Jimmy sat up, then sprung to his feet, standing face to face and close to Party Poison. He rubbed his side where Poison had kicked him, still smiling, "Ow." He said, simply. Then, "Okay. You want to know where the drugs are?" Party Poison continued to stare back, though watching carefully as Saint Jimmy's hand slipped into his pocket, pulled back out again, with his fingers curled around a small, instantly recognisable pot.

He held out his hand to Party Poison, the look on his face openly devious.

"And the rest, Saint." Party Poison said, simply. "Who says there's more?" Now it was Poison's turn to smile. "You're a dealer Saint. You're not going to make much with just that. Not when you're supporting your own habit too."

"The man knows business." Saint Jimmy said, almost approvingly. Then, "Okay, Cherry Top, follow me." And Saint Jimmy headed back towards the safe house, being careful to brush against Party Poison as he did, his hand purposely touching his leg, fingers grazing across his hand. Poison stepped back, and snatched his hand away sharply. Saw Saint Jimmy smirk at him, he knew exactly the effect he'd just had. Then he carried on walking, and Party Poison followed, again with Kobra Kid close behind.

The others had noticed something was happening by now, and they also followed, asking what was going on.

Saint Jimmy led them to the back of the diner, got down on the floor, pulled out the wood panelling at the base of one of the benches, stuck his hand in the hole inside.

Finally he stood up, another five pots in hand, a proud smile on his face. "Gotta thank you boys." He said, "This particular trip was very… Fruitful. Amazing what you can achieve when the powers that be are distracted by a bunch of rebels." The Killjoys stared at Saint Jimmy, confused, and, in the case of Jet Star and Fun Ghoul, shocked to see the pills at all. "Poison." Ghoul said, leaning in, "What's going on? What-""That's where you went." Jet Star said, flatly, causing the others to now stare at him, and Saint Jimmy to tip his head approvingly in Jet's direction. "Where he went, _when_?" Fun Ghoul demanded. "When we were getting Poison. After we let Poison down he disappeared. He wasn't gone long, so I didn't mention it, I figured he was outside checking the coast was clear." "And that's exactly what you were supposed to think." Said Saint Jimmy. "Of course, I didn't expect to slip away so unnoticed, I expected one of you to ask where I'd been, but thankfully you were all too distracted by the fact Cherry Top had opened his eyes. Very convenient."

"That's how you knew how to get in." Jet Star said. Then Fun Ghoul added, "You've been working for them all along. That's why you-" Party Poison grabbed his arm, squeezing tightly, but Fun Ghoul had stopped himself in time anyway, realising what he'd nearly blurted out. Saint Jimmy smiled, he knew what Ghoul had been about to say too. "You're all so fucking stupid. Didn't you hear me? I got the drugs while they were distracted with _you_. While the powers that be were busy panicking and trying to figure out why all the cameras to their favourite show were down, I was able to sneak in and _steal_ the… Supplements. And, I promise you, anything I do, I do because _I_ want to."

"You bastard." Kobra Kid snarled. "You used us, we thought you were helping us get Poison back when in reality you were just-""HEY!" Saint Jimmy interrupted. "I still helped get him out didn't I? I still risked my fucking life going back in to save this one, didn't I?" A tip of the head at Fun Ghoul now, and slowly Party Poison looked at him too. "You never said you were-""It was nothing, I was fine." Ghoul said, dismissively. "Yeah. Because you weren't about to be executed like a fucking dog at the feet of a Drac or anything, huh?" Fun Ghoul glared at Saint Jimmy. "That's enough." Poison snapped, stepping forward, closer to Saint Jimmy. "Aww. Protecting your boy, are you Cherry Top? That's adorable." Then, mirroring Party Poison, Saint also stepped closer. "You should ask him to show you what that Drac did to him, I bet it still looks pretty nasty." Barely reacting, though Saint Jimmy gleefully noted a flash of anger in his eyes, Poison simply repeated, "I said, that's enough." Then, he held out his hand.

Saint Jimmy stared at the hand, frowning, a little confused, then he smiled again as he understood what Poison was doing. Picking up one of the pots and shaking it slightly, a muffled rattle coming from it, "What? Want them?"

Kobra Kid instantly moved closer, "Poison, what're you-""Hand them over." Poison said, bluntly. Saint Jimmy's smile grew and then he nodded, in a way it was almost a bow.

One by one he placed five of the six pots in Party Poison's hand, the last he paused with, then held up in front of Party Poison's face, making sure he was watching. Then he reached forward, grabbing Poison's jeans by the front pocket, still keeping locked eye contact, Saint Jimmy slowly slipped the pot into the pocket, patting it before discreetly running his hand over Poison's thigh. "Tight fit." Saint Jimmy said, quietly. Party Poison didn't reply. But as soon as Saint Jimmy gave him enough room to do so, he stuck his hand into his pocket, adding four of the five pots in his hand to the one already in there.

For what seemed the longest time, he stared down at the pot in his hand. Then last time he'd touched one of these, it'd been to snatch them from someone and throw them away. The time before that, he'd been throwing them away for himself, the time before that he'd…

The Killjoys watched, confused, then scared as Party Poison took the pot, carefully popped the top off it, and then tipped the contents into his palm, gently nudging them with the tip of his finger, studying them, staring.

"Poison…" Fun Ghoul said, timidly. _Please stop looking at them like that. _Words he couldn't make himself say out loud.

"Tempted, Cherry Top?" Saint Jimmy asked, gleefully. He'd been watching Party Poison as closely as the Killjoys, but he was more than pleased by what he was seeing. "Go on." He urged. "Take one. You know you want to. Go on." He was closer, again. "You can get away from all that pain, I'm sure you're still hurting pretty bad, huh? I mean… The things they did to you… Nasty."

"Stop it, Jimmy." Rave finally piped in, she'd been watching, in horror as her past and present collided in an awful way. Saint Jimmy was just the same as he'd always been, and now he was going to drag Poison into that too. She'd heard all of Saint Jimmy's coaxing words before, he was using that same voice, his dealers voice, soothing, a promise of relief. "Poison, please." She begged. "You-" But Party Poison wasn't hearing anyone it seemed, wasn't reacting, wasn't responding. All he was doing was staring down at the little pills in his hand.

"It'd be nice to escape that pain, wouldn't it?" Saint Jimmy continued. "Escape the memories of that place.""He doesn't remember anyway!" Kobra Kid snapped. But it was clear it wasn't only Party Poison who wasn't listening, Saint Jimmy wasn't either. It was like the two of them were in a different room, separate, there was only the two of them. "You never know, Cherry Top," Saint Jimmy said, coming closer, lowering his voice so the others wouldn't hear. "Maybe you'll also forget what I did to you."

Then, finally, whispered right in his ear, "Forget what you gave me. Gerard."

Party Poison shuddered slightly, his eyes blinking fast, the first reaction he'd had since tipping out those pills.

None of them heard what Saint Jimmy said, but Kobra Kid decided Saint was far too close to Poison now, he moved forward, ready to push Saint Jimmy away, but Party Poison, sensing what Kid was about to do, held up his hand, pausing his brother.

For another, eternal second, with complete, tense silence from the others, Party Poison continued to stare.

Then, in one, swift movement, he threw the pills to the floor, grabbing the other ones from his pocket and tipping those to the ground too, he brought his foot down on them over and over and over, grinding the stuff into the ground, until there was barely even dust left, until there was hardly any trace of them at all.

Then he looked up, grinning, saw Saint Jimmy staring at the nothing at his feet, looking shocked, a blankness to his eyes that Party Poison had (apparently) been faking. "Congratulations, Saint." Poison said, happily, a hint of smugness to his voice, "You just took your first step to coming clean."

Slowly, Saint Jimmy looked up, and he looked furious, terrifying. "You are gonna pay for that." He snarled. The Killjoys instantly sensed what Saint Jimmy was going to do, they could _feel_ his intent. They knew that if he got hold of Poison now, he was going to hurt him, _really_ hurt him. Kobra Kid grabbed Poison, pulling him back, while he and the other Killjoys all got in between Saint Jimmy and their leader.

"You do _not _threaten Party Poison, you got that?" Kobra Kid snapped. "You will not touch him."

"We'll make sure of that." Fun Ghoul added, and Saint Jimmy smirked at him, though it faltered as he took in the rest of the Killjoys.

Saint Jimmy shrugged, then, pushing past Kobra Kid, he, once again, left.

No one spoke about the incident, partly because, although it'd ended well, it'd shaken them all. Party Poison was noticeably quiet, and, as soon as he'd been able, he'd slipped away. Though they all desperately wanted to follow him, they knew it was best not to.

Late that night, and still no sign of Party Poison. No one dared say they were worried.

Eventually it was Fun Ghoul who gave in, went looking for him.

Party Poison didn't know how long he'd been sitting there. He'd only meant to be gone a little while, thought maybe he could pretend he was getting something, that the small time alone with his thoughts would be enough to sort them, quiet them, and then be able to return, his mind more at peace and able to lift the tenseness that had descended on the group.

It hadn't worked out like that though.

And now here he still was, sat on the floor, back against the wall, his head tilted back and eyes closed. To anyone watching he'd look peaceful, but inside his head was the complete opposite.

Images of white walls and blinding lights. Of nasty smiles and shiny weapons. Feelings of people too close. A frame against his back, a floor against his back. Metal bonds round his wrists, a tight hand holding him just as still. The feel of pain both sharp and dull. The feel of a hand touching him and…

Memories getting mixed up, swirling in his head. Better Living. Saint Jimmy. Both memories he wanted to forget, but knew he couldn't.

Then the image of the pills in his hand. It'd been like all these years out in the zones hadn't existed, just for a second, he was back in that house, filled with false memories, a comforting cloudiness to his brain.

It wouldn't have hurt to take just one… Just one to get rid of all the aches, all the pains. He didn't mention it to the others, knew they'd get more protective of him if they knew. But he _hurt_. All the time. Some days he did just want to stay in bed all day, not move. But what sort of leader would he be if he did that?

It wouldn't have hurt to just take one. Would it?

Of course it would. Because it never was _just one_, was it? He didn't like to think about it, but he'd seen other rebels fall for the same thing. _"__Just one__"_They'd say _"__Just one. I__'__m bad today, really bad. I just need one, just to get me through today, I__'__ll be fine tomorrow.__"_

It never worked like that.

The others had all been watching him too. It would've killed them to see him succumb.

Even so, he'd been tempted.

He'd been glad he'd had the strength to destroy those pills completely, it wasn't just punishing Saint Jimmy.

He was protecting himself.

"Poison?"

Party Poison opened his eyes, bracing his hands against the wall, ready to stand, then he saw Fun Ghoul, walking towards him. He was holding his hand up, telling Poison it was fine, he could stay were he was. So Poison relaxed again, and watched as Fun Ghoul sat down next to him.

"What's wrong?" Ghoul asked, bluntly. Party Poison couldn't help but laugh. "Where do I start?"

"Okay. What's on your mind?"

_That__'__s the same question. _Party Poison thought. But he didn't say that. He didn't answer at all at first, there were too many things he didn't want to talk about, too many things he was scared to talk about.

But there was one thing he wanted to talk about, and it was something he could only talk to Ghoul about.

He sighed, building the courage to start talking, to admit what he was thinking. Finally, he began.

"Just… For a second there. I thought. I thought there was a reason for… What happened." This was the other thing on his mind, and it was plaguing him as surely as anything else. Fun Ghoul frowned slightly, not quite getting it. "For what Saint did, you mean?" Party Poison nodded. "I just thought… If it'd been because of _them_, at least it would've been the whole fucking company I'd been up against." Now Ghoul got it, and he felt a horrible sinking feeling as Poison carried on talking. "Now I know. It was just him. And I lost." The next bit was so quiet, if Fun Ghoul hadn't been sat next to him, he knew he'd never have heard it. "Because I'm that fucking weak."

And with that, Ghoul's fears were confirmed, he'd known that was where this was going, though he'd hoped it wasn't. Ghoul had thought, when he saw Poison go up against Saint Jimmy earlier, seen him take away the one thing Saint Jimmy actually needed, he thought maybe Party Poison was getting past this. Now it looked like that wasn't true at all. "You really believe that, don't you?" Fun Ghoul asked. Without looking at him, Party Poison nodded. "Then I've gotta ask you something." Fun Ghoul tried to stay calm, but he knew he couldn't. "What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?" Poison flinched, but Ghoul didn't stop, he had to get through to him, somehow. If yelling at him was the only way to do it, fine. "You think you're so weak? That Saint's so fucking strong? You know what Saint really fucking is? He's a pathetic, scared piece of trash who can only make himself feel important through intimidation and assault. You, Poison, you are the strong-" Ghoul paused as he saw Party Poison bury his face in his hands, shaking his head more and more as Ghoul went on. "What?" Fun Ghoul snapped. "Why are you shaking your head?"

"Because it's not true." Poison said. _Oh please, please don__'__t be crying, please. I__'__m not trying to make you cry._ Fun Ghoul silently begged. "Because I'm not-""What?" Fun Ghoul interrupted, not letting Party Poison say it. "Not strong? Not a fighter? Is that what you're saying? You're saying you don't fight every single fucking day? Are you trying to tell me you didn't fight _him_?"

"I'm saying it wasn't enough!" Now Party Poison looked up, he yelled back. For a second, there was fire in him. Only a second though. "And… After everything else… After what he did. I still ended up backing down. Submitting." Fun Ghoul's turn to flinch. That was one of Saint Jimmy's words. 'Submit'. 'Submissive'. 'Submitting'. _Don__'__t you dare start believing him, Poison. _"He still got what he wanted. Still got my name, I know why he wanted it now. Power. He has his fucking power over me." He paused. He knew this was going to be difficult to say. "I might as well have let him fuck me. He still has the same hold over me." And that was exactly what Fun Ghoul had been scared of. "No." He told Poison, determinedly. "No! Poison. You're not listening to me!""No." Party Poison argued, just as surely. "It's you who's not listening. I gave in. I let him win. When he stopped, it was because he fucking felt like it." Fun Ghoul shook his head, and moved even closer. "I'll tell you what you did, Poison. You did what you had to, to protect yourself. And that is _not_ being weak. And you know what? I watched you, minutes later, getting up, stepping up, being our leader again, burying everything, carrying on. _That_ is strong. Now. What's it gonna take? What do I have to say, or do to make you believe me? You are the fucking rebel leader. You are better and stronger than anyone who to stupid or vain enough to challenge you. You defiantly survive Better Living, come back fighting. You are Party Poison and-"

He wasn't even thinking, one second he was sitting, listening, watching, the next thing Poison knew, he'd pushed Fun Ghoul up against the wall, and kissed him.

For an eternal second, they stayed perfectly still, like they were so shocked by what had just happened. Scared to move. Poison's hand on Ghoul's shoulder, their eyes closed, lips just barely apart.

Their hearts were pounding.

Poison hadn't realised he'd been holding his breath, he finally let it out, and Ghoul felt it against his lips, caught the taste of it.

Still not moving, or even opening his eyes, Poison said, quietly, "I- I'm sorry.""Don't be." Ghoul replied, quickly. It was nearly killing him to have Poison so close.

That was solved too soon when Party Poison finally backed away, sitting back on his heels, eyes open, wide, staring. Fun Ghoul opened his eyes just in time to see Poison lick his lips, obviously without meaning to, though the reason for it was clear, and Fun Ghoul couldn't help but copy him.

Party Poison's mind was racing, why had he done that? Why had he just kissed one of his best friends?

But Fun Ghoul wasn't just that, wasn't just a friend, wasn't even just a best friend. Suddenly a stream of images ran through Poison's head. Glances, smiles, kisses, some innocent, some not so innocent. And then… All the other stuff. Clothes hastily pulled off, hands roaming across skin, touches and moans and-

"I'm sorry." Party Poison hurried to his feet then rushed out the door.

Fun Ghoul stared after him, confused, oddly grateful for what'd happened, but also annoyed at Party Poison for doing it. For apologising for it. For leaving.

Party Poison didn't get much further than just outside the door. He was still reeling, not just from the kiss now, but from the realisation he'd had.

Suddenly, so much made sense. How nervous Fun Ghoul had been around him since he'd recovered, how protective, how he'd hesitated to touch him a few times, and other times couldn't stop touching him.

He'd known, somewhere, deep down, he'd known what was going on with Ghoul. He'd just thought…

Poison couldn't ignore it now, that kiss had proved too much, he knew he wasn't imagining it.

Fun Ghoul was… In love with him.

And the thing that had really taken Party Poison by surprise, though, really, it shouldn't have. He'd known. For longer than he'd care to admit, he'd known.

Poison was in love with him too.

Running a hand over his face, then pushing back through his hair, Party Poison glanced at the door, behind which Fun Ghoul was still sitting.

"Fuck."


	26. The Company Lost The War Today

**A/N: Hey all! Thanks as always for reading!**

**Once again, I have an apology for taking so long. And, another excuse. Somewhere around the time when I was two thirds of the way through this chapter, a brand new idea came to me. So, basically, I've started work on a new fic. It's still MCR, but it's not Killjoys, I am however, pretty excited about it. The first chapter will be up soon and I hope you guys will like it and forgive me as updates ma be a little slower at times (yeah, I know, I take ages as it is!) as I'll be working on two major fics at the same time. **

**Anyway! We're here about this fic (which, yes, is going to continue, I still have a lot to tell on this one!) And once again I have to thank my lovely reviewers :) Your reviews are so appreiciated guys, they really are!**

**Gasoline Diamond: Haha! I am actually so curious to see what you think of Jimmy in this chapter... Let's just say, might be seeing him in a slightly different light. And yes Poison and Ghoul love each other :) but... Things never are simple... **

**MyChemicalLoveAffair: Thank you so much! :D And haha, don't worry about being late, I take so long updating, you get plenty of time to review ;) And thanks so much, yes, it was so amazing. And yep, hope you liked that little moment with Poison and Ghoul! And aww, I'm not sure he really regrets it exactly. Poison's just... A little confused about what it all means :) Again, thank you :D**

**Anyway, okay! New chapter and lots and lots happening and well I should shut up and let you get on with it!**

**The title comes from the awesome American Idiot track Holiday (one of my favourites)**

**As always, and still, I own none of the boys you see here. **

**Chapter 26 - The Company Lost The War Today**

The previous days incident with the drugs had rattled everyone. No one seemed comfortable. That was probably why no one noticed that Party Poison and Fun Ghoul seemed even less comfortable around each other than the rest.

Poison didn't want to deal with it. Not right now. Not while he still wasn't sure what to do about it. What to do about Ghoul. What to do about himself. He kept looking at Rave and feeling a pang of guilt. But what was worse was when he saw Ghoul he felt even guiltier. Why had he kissed him? He knew, he _knew_ how Ghoul felt about him. Now he'd just think Poison was trying to lead him on. Which he wasn't but then… What exactly _was_ he doing?

Ghoul could pretend all he liked that he didn't care about that kiss. That it was nothing. _It was the heat of the moment, he was upset and you said the right thing at the right time and he was grateful. He just got a bit carried away. _He wished Poison hadn't apologised for it. That gave Ghoul a very clear message. He regretted kissing him. He hadn't meant to do it. Clearly he hadn't really wanted to do it. And there would be no way he would do it again. But… Just for a second… Ghoul had thought he'd seen something, thought he'd felt something. Just for a second he'd felt like, maybe, just maybe, Poison wanted him. Wanted to be with him again.

They would've done it right this time.

But the way Poison was avoiding him… He had to accept there wasn't going to be a this time.

"Ghoul." Startled out of his thoughts, Fun Ghoul almost believed he'd imagined that voice. He looked up and saw Party Poison, standing over him. He looked… Awkward. "We…" Poison glanced away as he rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture he often used when nervous, or thinking. "I think we need to talk." Ghoul tried to keep his expression blank. He had no idea if this was something good or bad, couldn't tell from the look on Poison's face, his was equally blank. "Sure." Fun Ghoul said, standing up. He'd been going through the contents of one of the lower shelves in the cupboard. They were running steadily lower on supplies. He guessed that was another conversation he'd have to have to Poison. It wasn't for now though. "I just…" Poison looked even more unsure than ever. He gaze darting around, his hand kept going to the back of his neck, or shoved in his pocket. "I. Um. I think we-"

Although his heart was in his mouth, waiting for Poison to finally say what he was going to say, Fun Ghoul still heard the sounds outside. He held up a hand, halting Poison's jumble of words for a second as they both listened. Party Poison frowned. "What the fuck is-"The sound of a gun going off cut him off.

All the while, Rave was addressing her own concerns, namely Saint Jimmy. She'd been equally rattled by the incident with the drugs the previous day. She'd already known about Saint Jimmy having them, taking them. That wasn't the issue now. The thing she'd been shocked and distressed about she'd been laying into Saint Jimmy about for the past ten minutes.

"This is our fucking _home_, Jimmy! This is where we've been trying to keep Poison safe while he recovers, and you've been doing your deals right outside our fucking door! We do _not_ need you drawing attention to us like that!" Saint Jimmy shrugged. "It's Cherry Tops fault we're still here. Not mine. Could've moved on by now if he wasn't being so stubborn about it." Rave ignored him. "And then. I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I am. You offered those fucking drugs to Poison. Taunted him, trying to tempt him. That was fucking-" Rave paused, attempting to calm herself. "That was _low_, Jimmy. You know how we feel about those drugs. You know how _he_ feels about them. And you know how vulnerable he is right now, he doesn't need-""Well." Saint Jimmy interrupted, with a grin. "Exactly, I was merely offering him some… Relief." Showing teeth now, he looked exactly like a predator. Rave shook her head, she wasn't falling for it. "Stop it, Jimmy. Stop lying. This is me you're talking to. I know you weren't doing that to help him."

She was almost surprised that Saint Jimmy didn't reply to that.

And she was surprised how easy it was for her to say the next words. She should've said them before, maybe even after that first day.

"I think you should go, Jimmy."

A shrug as Saint Jimmy got up from his seat. "Fine by me, I'll just-""I don't mean just from this room."

Saint Jimmy raised his eyebrows at her, honest surprise now. "Oh. Kicking me out of the gang, are we? I don't think _you_ have that authority. And, I think you know Cherry Top is getting kinda fond of me."

"You're insane if you think that, Jimmy."

He moved closer, his voice low. "It is true though. And you can see it. Just like you can see him getting closer to… Someone else." For a brief second Rave's thoughts wandered. Touches, glances, awkward silences. A few days ago Ghoul had almost grabbed Poison's hand but thought better of it at the last second, he thought no one saw, but she'd seen, she'd seen a lot. "Even if I do." Rave hated the admittance in that sentence. "There's no way I'm letting you get any closer to him. I'm not kicking you out, you were never a part of this. Can't be kicked out of something you were never part of.""Really?" Saint Jimmy asked, a look of innocence about him. "I wonder if-""Leave!" Rave cut him off, furiously. "You're a fucking virus, a plague. And I'm not waiting around to let you infect him, any of them." Saint Jimmy stepped even closer, as close as he had been to Party Poison the day before whilst whispering promises of oblivion, "Sure you're not too late?"

Rave pushed him back, she was ready to attack him. Hurt him. She'd never dreamed of hurting Saint Jimmy before, but now, now she knew she couldn't hold herself back. It was her family he was threatening.

She hadn't even realised she'd gone for her gun until something made her pause. "Rave!" Jet Star was in the doorway, he looked flushed, slightly panicked, but had a familiar focus to his eyes. Before Rave could ask, Jet Star was already talking again. "Dracs. Outside. Don't know how many. They've found us." The first thing she asked, "Who's looking after Poison?" Her mind instantly on the plan they'd had to keep Party Poison out of any fights that came their way, at least for now. Jet Star very nearly rolled his eyes as he answered, "_Poison_ is looking after Poison, now come on, we need you out there!"

Without a second glance or thought for Saint Jimmy, Rave hurried out with Jet Star, the adrenaline pumping through her, leaving no room for fear.

Saint Jimmy watched them as they ran off to the aid of the other Killjoys. He hadn't expected them to ask if he was coming, and they didn't.

He wandered out into the diner and settled himself down onto the nearest bench, shifting around, annoyed to find he was unable to get his legs up on the table comfortably. He fidgeted a little more."I _suppose_ I'll go out and give them a hand." He muttered.

Saint Jimmy stood up, and started walking towards the door, he could hear the battle waging outside, certain he could hear Party Poison calling out to one of the other Killjoys. He was getting to know that voice so well.

He hadn't heard the back door open, but then, he hadn't been listening for it, but he did hear the footsteps, and they made him pause. Old habits of caution told him to stay very still, and listen, but don't let on you know something's wrong, not just yet.

He could sense someone had walked into the diner area now, they weren't far behind him.

"Well, now. If it isn't our little thief."

Saint Jimmy grinned. Oh yes, just as he'd thought. Still without turning around, he replied. "Hey Korse. Been a while."

Party Poison and Fun Ghoul were the first outside, Kobra Kid and Jet Star not far behind. For a second they paused, looks going between them, it'd been a while since they'd all fought together. There was a challenge in Party Poison's eyes, daring one of them to tell him he wasn't strong enough for this. They didn't, the fire in his eyes and the sureness of his stance told them he was more than strong enough.

Jet Star had gone back in to get Rave, amazed she hadn't heard the shot too, while the other three had gone ahead, Party Poison front and centre, the other two flanking him. The Dracs were spread out, no way of telling which were going to make their move first. Party Poison took out his gun. A Drac may have been the first to fire, but it was Party Poison who made the first kill.

By the time Jet Star came back with Rave, they were deep into the fight. Each Killjoy locked in with one or more Drac, Jet Star rushed off to the aid of Kobra Kid, while Rave helped Fun Ghoul, before heading over to Party Poison, who was smiling. He directed his smile at Rave when he saw her coming closer. "You're fucking crazy." Rave told him. Party Poison shrugged, then grabbed her, pulling her out of the way as he shot the Drac that'd been coming up behind.

Saint Jimmy finally turned around, grinning big at the Exterminator. It really had been a while since they'd last caught a glimpse of each other. If he remembered correctly, Korse had been pointing a gun at him, while Saint Jimmy disappeared through an elevator door, flipping him and his BL/Ind drones off as he went. Comparatively, that day he'd made a rather pitiful score on drugs, but, as always, Saint Jimmy took what he could get.

Korse smiled ever so slightly, nastily. He stepped forward, and Saint Jimmy knew what he was doing, trying to make Saint Jimmy move back. Jimmy stood his ground, he'd played this game far too often to fall for that. Korse smiled slightly more. "I didn't believe it when I saw the security footage, but… Here you are." He raised his hands slightly, indicating the room, the safe house, the situation. "Running with the Killjoys. How the mighty fall." He sneered. Saint Jimmy shrugged, clearly not the slightest put out by what Korse had said. "They have their uses. And, I'll admit, kinda having fun here." A little wink, which Korse ignored, straight to the point. "You have something of ours." An inclination of the head from Saint Jimmy which was almost a bow, "Don't I always?"

Korse shook his head, "I'm not talking about our… Supplements this time, Saint Jimmy."

That made Saint pause briefly. So they'd finally figured out his full name, had they? Good for them, took them long enough. "Oh? Then I'm afraid you've lost me Korse." Saint Jimmy told him, innocently.

Now Korse was coming closer, starting to get a little too close. "I'll give you a hint." Korse said. "You helped the Killjoys steal him back." At that Saint Jimmy's eyes grew, "Oh!" Finally getting it, though, in truth, he'd wondered if this was what this was about. "It's _him_ you want, huh?"

"You're a dealer, I'm sure you'll respond to this."

Saint Jimmy's eyes went even wider, and now he could get away with it, feigning surprise, he stepped backwards, and slightly to the side, forcing Korse to turn also if he wanted to keep Saint Jimmy in view. "Now I'm intrigued." Saint Jimmy said, one eyebrow kept quirked up. "After all this time trying to get the better of me, now you want to make a deal with me? Alright." Crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm listening."

Fun Ghoul spared a glance at Party Poison, he couldn't help it, he was nervous for his leader. Party Poison looked like he was holding his own nicely, but Fun Ghoul also noted a paleness creeping over Poisons face, he was draining, almost literally. Fun Ghoul positioned himself so he had a slightly better view of Party Poison, a wary eye out for him, more than usual.

Korse's smile grew, the confidence he always seemed to have somehow managing to swell. "I am willing to give you all the drugs you want, when you want…" He paused, letting Saint Jimmy take that in. Saint Jimmy nodded, not an agreement, merely an ascent to continue. "In exchange for the rebel leader."

Saint Jimmy didn't answer for a while, clearly making a show of thinking about it. Then, finally. "It's a tempting offer. But I'm afraid my answer is going to have to be… Not a fucking chance in hell."

Korse looked surprised, offended, angry. But Saint Jimmy was still talking, "You see, your offer has two major flaws. Flaw number one" He held up his hand, one finger raised. "What you're offering me. You may not have noticed, but I get the drugs I want, when I want, just fine. And flaw number two." Now it was Saint Jimmy's turn to move forward, advancing slightly on the Exterminator, he smiled as he said, in a calm, low voice, "What you're asking me for."

Korse sneered then. "Don't tell me the Killjoys have sucked you into their merry gang so far you've actually developed some kind of loyalty to them?" He looked Saint Jimmy up and down briefly, appraising him, then shaking his head slightly. "I'd be so disappointed in you." Saint Jimmy didn't falter. "Oh no, no. Korse, now I'm offended that you'd think that. It's just… I'm afraid that Party Poison is _my _favourite toy. And you didn't play very nicely with him. So, you can't play with him anymore, see?" Another wink and Saint Jimmy backed off, confident he currently had the upper hand.

Korse was clearly barely containing his anger. "This isn't a game Saint Jimmy! He is a filthy rebel, he-""So take one of the others then!" Saint Jimmy told him. "Take Jet Star, take Fun Ghoul. Actually, no, don't take Fun Ghoul, he's kinda, ha! Fun. Hey, why don't you take Kobra Kid, that'll upset Cherry Top nicely. Go on, what fucking difference does it make? You'll still have a Killjoy for fucks sake."

Korse didn't reply. "Oh." Saint Jimmy said, smiling, understanding. "I see. It does make a difference, doesn't it?""He is the leader, the pillar of the operation."

Saint Jimmy shook his head slightly. Not certain if he believed him. Not that it mattered.

"In any case, you're not getting him." Saint Jimmy said. "You know full fucking well you can't get to him again unless you have someone on the inside, and your only hope for that was me. But, as I already explained, I'm not willing to give him up. End of conversation Korse, you loose."

"Very well." Korse said, regaining some of his earlier control. "You carry on playing your little game. But sooner or later, you will slip up, and we will catch you. This was your one chance at immunity Saint. Next time I see you, I promise our encounter will end in your death." Korse turned, heading towards the door. Then he paused. "I hope you got a good look at what we did to Party Poison, you'll be going the same way. Only, of course, we won't try to keep you alive. And you won't be so nicely displayed. You will die alone, in the dark, and no one will notice."

Saint Jimmy snorted, rolled his eyes. "Gonna fucking bore me to death, huh? Run along Korse, haven't you got a fight out there to watch from the sidelines?" Korse smiled again, "And what side will you be on? Saint. Jimmy."

Grinning brightly, confidently. "The winning side, naturally."

"They're not going to win, the Killjoys, they can't win. You do see that, don't you?" Korse said, "We will recapture the rebel leader and we will-""You're so fucking _stupid_, aren't you Korse?" Saint Jimmy suddenly exploded, taking both himself and Korse by surprise. "You don't fucking _get it_. They will never give up on him! They will never stop coming for him. You can take him a hundred times, you can take him a hundred _thousand_ times. They will come for him again and again and again. And you know something else? You can keep on beating him down, doesn't matter how many times, doesn't matter how many different ways, he will always get back up, always keep fighting." Saint Jimmy paused, smiling to himself. "Must be why I have so much fun with him." He concluded.

Korse was glaring at him. "Everyone can be beaten." He insisted. "Even the great Party Poison." Then, with that nasty smile again, "Even you, Saint Jimmy."

Saint Jimmy rolled his eyes, turning his back on the Exterminator. "Boring me, Korse." He sang. "You're boring me."

He knew it was foolish to turn his back on The Exterminator, but Saint Jimmy stood his ground, his final show of defiance. He waited until he heard Korse leave, then he looked behind him again.

"Well." He muttered. "That went well."

Party Poison looked briefly behind him, he saw Kobra Kid off to the left, doing well. He could tell that in some strange way, his brother had missed getting caught up in a good fight. There was a fire, an energy to him.

Poison was glad for the small amount of re-training he'd gone through. His aim was near perfect and his reaction time was good. Some of that though was just natural. There had never been any denying that Party Poison was a good, a great fighter.

He could feel himself dwindling slightly though, his aches were aching badly, his strength was slowly fading. He didn't like to admit it, but he was looking around to the others, hoping one of them would notice, cover him.

They were all caught up in their own battles, but they'd all stayed close, closer than usual to their leader, one eye going to him at any spare moment they had, seeing he was still doing okay.

Somehow though, they'd all ended up slightly scattered, none were close enough to Party Poison, who also didn't realise he was in trouble until it was too late.

The last Drac he'd faced had almost overpowered him, knocked Party Poison down, onto his back, his gun leaving his hand as he fell. But still he'd fought back, catching the Drac off guard with a well aimed blow, stealing it's gun, shooting it in the head.

With more effort than he'd care to admit, Poison pushed the Drac's dead body off him, telling himself he _did_ have the strength to keep fighting, he rolled onto his front, reaching out for his gun.

His fingers barely touched the handle before a foot came down on his hand. Not hard, just enough pressure to keep him still.

Party Poison froze.

The world felt very, very still. And very, very quiet.

Until,

"Poison!" Rave's voice rang out, sounding obscenely loud. The other Killjoys, all Drac's now defeated, looked over at her, startled. Then they turned their attention to the direction that she was staring, terrified.

Finally Party Poison looked up, to see exactly who had trapped him, why Rave sounded so scared.

He found himself looking straight up at Better Living's very own favourite Exterminator, and personal enemy of the Killjoys.

"Hello again, Party Poison." Korse said, his voice pleasant, and completely at odds with his nasty grin. "We've missed you."

A lot of things happened at once then. The Killjoys grouped together, with Fun Ghoul out front, they began to advance, but stopped as soon as they saw what Korse was doing.

He took his foot off Poison's hand, only to snatch him by the arm, dragging him up, on his knees, facing the Killjoys. While one hand kept a tight hold on Poison's arm, twisting it behind his back, sharply, making Party Poison cry out, the other hand retrieved his own gun, and he placed it, carefully, to Poison's temple.

"Wait." Fun Ghoul hissed as he saw Kobra Kid still trying to move forward. Kid glared at him. "He has Poison." He stated, as if Ghoul didn't already know. "Yes, he also has a fucking gun on Poison, what do you think he'll do if we get any closer?" Still scowling, Kobra Kid quietened then, once again feeling helpless as he stared at his brother.

_No, not again. Please don__'__t take him again._

"I'm glad you boys" Korse paused, then with a small nod at Rave added, "and girl, got the message. I'd rather take this rebel alive, but if you force my hand I will not hesitate to dispose of him." In the back of their minds, The Killjoys guessed he might be bluffing, of course he wanted Party Poison alive, wanted him as a trophy again. None were willing to risk it though.

Party Poison was trying to keep calm, trying to think of a way out of this. But his head was a mess of fear and panic and memories of the place he was now certain he was going back to. He knew he needed to be able to look up at his friends, at his brother, meet their eyes and give them some hope it was going to be okay, he was going to be okay.

But he couldn't. So he stared at the ground, wishing he were stronger, wishing he had the knowledge that he could overpower Korse, get himself out of this. Of course, it was Better Living itself that'd seen to that, he was still recovering, and Korse knew it.

Korse's gun was put away, then he took out a length of wire. Grabbing Party Poison's other arm, he pulled that behind his back too, tugging painfully, he wound the wire around Poison's wrists, binding him, making it ever clearer to Party Poison that he was already Better Living's prisoner.

Poison tested the wire, pulling his wrists apart slightly, winced as the wire cut into his skin. "Nice try, Party Poison." Korse told him, "But I think you realise you'll end up a bloody mess if you try too hard to get free" Poison didn't respond. Didn't move. He could feel the others watching him, he just wanted to tell them he was sorry, he didn't know what else to do.

Party Poison was aware of Korse's hand in his hair. "Still haven't dyed it back?" Korse said. "Did you like what we did to it?" Poison tried to pull himself away from that hand, but Korse was quicker, snatching up his hair, yanking his head back, forcing Party Poison to look up at him. "You remember me, don't you?"

Poison forced himself to look at Korse, to appear confident. "We've met in the zones before." He said, his voice slightly strained, but strong. Korse smiled. "That's not what I meant. You remember me from our Headquarters, what I did."

_A flash of steel, glimpses of syringes__'__ filled with strange liquids, hands grabbing and pulling and_

"I don't remember anything."

"You're lying, Party Poison." Korse insisted. "I can see it in your eyes." He bent down slightly, leaning in close to Party Poison now. "You're terrified of me. And you know exactly why." Despite the hand gripping his hair, Poison shook his head, his lips tightly closed, he didn't want to know what words might leave them if he didn't.

"You're a liar and a coward, Party Poison."

As he stared up, defiantly at the Exterminator, Poison now tried to find the words to say he wasn't. That he wasn't lying, that he wasn't afraid.

Hated that he couldn't.

"Don't you fucking dare! He is not-" Kobra Kid's voice startled Party Poison, he'd almost forgotten the others were there.

Watching.

"Kid!" Fun Ghoul hissed, once again reaching towards his fellow Killjoy, grabbing his arm as he saw his intent to run forward. Kobra Kid shook him off. "You expect me to keep back, you expect me to keep quiet" He snapped, anger flashing in his eyes "What the fuck is wrong with you, Ghoul? I thought you fucking cared what happened to Poison, now you-""Desert rats with targets on them should really learn to keep quiet." Korse drawled, not taking his eyes off Party Poison. Before they had time to fully process what Korse had said, four Dracs appeared, apparently from nowhere. They each had their guns trained on the four of them.

Party Poison saw it, groaned slightly, as the small glimmer of hope he hadn't even realised he'd had suddenly disappeared.

He was going back, and this time Better Living would up the security even more. The fact they'd got him out once was nothing short of a miracle. This time, he knew, if they tried, they'd be dead.

"You know something, Party Poison?" Korse was talking again, bearing down on him, "We really have missed you, and, well. We were only just getting started."

"You're not taking him!" Kobra Kid, again. Fun Ghoul didn't try to silence him this time. In truth, though he knew he had other, much more important things to be worrying about right now, Kid's last words to him had hurt.

_How can he think I don__'__t care? This is fucking killing me. _His mind flicked back, remembered the kiss. Remembered the conversation Poison had wanted to have. Fun Ghoul couldn't take his eyes off Party Poison, wishing he could tell him he wanted to save him.

_I_ _just don__'__t know __**how**__ to save him! _

Korse looked up from Party Poison, smiled at Kobra Kid, then looked over the rest of the Killjoys. "You're all so protective, so loyal to him. Why?" He asked, though not giving time for a reply. "How does he deserve this… Respect you give him? Look at him." Korse, again, jerked his arm, pulling on Poison's hair, making him cry out again. "Huddled on the ground, in the dust." Then he crouched down, far too close to Party Poison. "Are you shaking?" He asked the Killjoy. "Are you that scared? Are you that _weak_?" Poison turned his face away, from Korse, from the other Killjoys. He wasn't even trying to get free, he just didn't want to see Korse's look of triumph, the Killjoys disappointment. And yes, he was shaking, badly, he couldn't help it. He knew how pathetic he must look. On his knees at the feet of the Exterminator, his hands tied. And now he was shaking. "No point trying to hide it, not from them." Korse told him. "They see you." Poison didn't argue. He knew. "And not from me. You know I've seen you at your lowest. I've seen you squirm and writhe. I've seen you stripped, and beaten and torn. I've heard you scream and cry and beg and gasp. I've watched you choke on your own tears. I've watched you bleed. And you know something else?" He paused. "Thousands of others saw you too. They _all_ know how pathetic you are."

Party Poison's head was down, each word Korse said feeling like it's own physical blow. Flashbacks of so many things, so much pain. He felt his eyes stinging, but that was the last thing he had in him to fight against. He couldn't stop what the others had already seen, what they'd heard, but he wouldn't make them see him cry.

"STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Of everyone, Fun Ghoul was the most surprised when those words left his mouth, loud, forceful, desperate. He couldn't stand it anymore, he couldn't watch this, he knew he was about to do something crazy, but how could he not? Poison looked up, met Fun Ghoul's eyes. And for a second, just a second, Ghoul saw the old Party Poison, the real Party Poison, fire in his eyes, Ghoul knew Poison could see something similar reflected back in him too, maybe that's what he'd needed to see?

Fun Ghoul didn't know what he was going to do, but in the moment he took to act, he saw something that made him pause, and Party Poison watched as his eyes went wide, reacting to something behind Korse. He briefly had a chance to see the others look equally surprised.

"What did I tell you about being boring, Korse?"

Party Poison barely had time to register whose voice that was before all hell broke loose. He turned just in time to see Saint Jimmy, having somehow snuck up behind them, Poison saw a flash of something long, thin and shiny in Saint Jimmy's hand, before he thrust his hand forward, into the Exterminators back.

Korse roared with pain, instantly letting Party Poison go, who attempted to scurry away, finding his progress hindered by his bound wrists. Then he felt hands on his shoulders, he tried to get away from them, but Saint Jimmy held him firmly, "Calm, Cherry Top, it's okay. Calm down, I'm on your side." He was aware that Saint Jimmy was pulling him back, away from Korse, who was still howling, more in anger now. But he wasn't coming any closer, he didn't seem to be focused on anything other than the bleeding wound in his back, seeping through and staining the back of his coat.

"Poison!" He looked up, saw Fun Ghoul coming towards him, couldn't help but smile slightly. Fun Ghoul threw himself to his knees as he got to Party Poison, sliding across the sand the last of the way to him. "Poison, fuck. Are you-""I've got him, Ghoul. Go back to the others." Saint Jimmy interrupted, and Poison was vaguely aware of his grip tighten slightly. Fun Ghoul glared at Saint Jimmy, and didn't move. "I said, I've got him! I can deal with Korse, the others still need help." It was then that Party Poison looked past Fun Ghoul, and saw that the Dracs had launched their attack on the Killjoys, he guessed it'd started the moment the blade had sunk into the Exterminator.

He looked back, looking intently at Fun Ghoul now, "Go, Ghoul, I'll be fine."

Fun Ghoul stared at him, shocked. Was he… Accepting Saint Jimmy's help?

"You can't protect Poison and fend off Korse." Fun Ghoul challenged Saint Jimmy. "Yes, I can." Saint Jimmy argued. "Ghoul!" Poison pleaded, "Just _go_, they need you!" Then Fun Ghoul looked behind him, all four Dracs were still standing, and two were focusing on Kobra Kid.

Fun Ghoul looked briefly back at Party Poison again, "I-""GO!"

Fun Ghoul didn't hesitate any longer, he had his orders. He jumped right in, quickly dealing with one of the Dracs advancing on Kobra Kid, allowing him the time to finish off the other.

Korse finally focused back on the two rebels, now a considerable distance from him. Saint Jimmy pulled Party Poison slightly closer, and Poison was struck by how protective the action felt, like Saint actually cared about if he was hurt.

Saint Jimmy raised his hand that was still tightly clutching his knife, smirking at Korse as he told him, "You loose." Korse looked to the fight happening not far away. That _had _been happening. There was little movement now, The Killjoys, after regaining Fun Ghoul, had worked quickly. And now they were coming for Korse.

A final, furious look at Saint Jimmy and Party Poison, then Korse took off at a run, they saw the black, BL/I car way out on the road, watched as it sped away, taking the Exterminator with it.

The four of them headed quickly towards Party Poison, all talking at once, asking if he was alright, saying they hadn't known what to do, they'd been so scared.

Poison didn't say anything, the shock of everything really, truly hitting him. He felt Saint Jimmy's hold on him loosen, then let go completely, vaguely aware that the other man had stood up.

"And, Jimmy, I-""What the _fuck_ is wrong with all of you?" Saint Jimmy snapped, cutting Rave off as he did. Stunned into silence, the Killjoys stared at him. "You let him get fucking captured, by _Korse_, one of the most fucking dangerous people out there, and then you do _nothing _to help him?""I wanted to help him!" Kobra Kid snapped. "But-" He was already glaring at Fun Ghoul when Rave interrupted, "This is not the time to blame anyone." She said, firmly. "The important thing is, Poison is safe now."

Party Poison barely heard what any of them were saying, the shaking seemed to have gotten worse, why was he finding it hard to breathe? Suddenly aware his hands were still tied, he started to struggle, desperately trying to get free. "Hey, hey." Saint Jimmy said, gently, crouching down beside him again, one hand going to his wrists, holding him still, the other placed gently on Poison's face, an attempt to calm him. "Careful, Cherry Top, you'll cut yourself to pieces like that."

Fun Ghoul watched, furious, and jealous as he saw Saint Jimmy touching Poison, and so… Carefully, lovingly.

"Hold on, I'll help you." Saint Jimmy said, again, soothingly. Party Poison nodded, making himself keep as still as possible, while Saint carefully unwound the wire binding him.

Once free, he flexed his hands, winced as he felt his wrist sting, as he brought them into sight, the marks and the fine cuts were easy to see, he was bleeding slightly. He began to panic again.

"Okay, c'mon." Saint Jimmy said, helping Party Poison to his feet. No easy task, the rebel leader was unsteady and, at first at least, unresponsive. Once upright, Saint Jimmy continued to keep a gentle hold on him. "Let's get you inside."

The Killjoys watched as Saint Jimmy led Party Poison back into the building, he wasn't looking at any of them. Was he mad at them? Did he think they didn't care? That they hadn't _wanted_ to help him?

"Poison." Ghoul said, suddenly finding his mouth horribly dry, "Do you need me to-""I'm fine, Ghoul." Only this time Party Poison didn't even look at him.

Saint Jimmy threw one last glare at the Killjoys, the accusation clear in the look, he wanted them to feel guilty.

He didn't have to worry about that. They all felt sick to their stomachs.

Party Poison had nearly been taken again.

And what exactly had they done to prevent it?

"First things first." Saint Jimmy said, after leading Party Poison to his bed, getting him to sit down, "Let's get those wrists seen to, huh? Just what you needed, wasn't it? More fucking injuries, ah well. Not much blood this time. I've seen worse. A lot worse. Hey, hey, no, no." Saint Jimmy had been rifling through the first aid kit, then he saw Party Poison touching his wrists, frowning. Saint grabbed his hands, making Poison look up at him. "You'll make it worse, sweetheart." He said, gently. "Hold them out like this." Taking Party Poison's hands, turning them palm up, held out in front of him. Poison stayed perfectly still as Saint Jimmy knelt in front of him, cleaning up the thin wounds, bandaging them. "You'll only need that on a little while, just to protect it." Jimmy said, getting to his feet again. "Thanks." Poison said, as Jimmy sat down next to him. "And thanks for… Out there." Saint Jimmy shrugged, then grinned. "Anything to prove to Korse he isn't as big and scary as he thinks he is."

Party Poison stayed silent at first, then, he looked up. "You've had run-ins with him before, haven't you?" "Yep." Jimmy nodded. "Got a real thing for me that one. Even liked me enough to take me home with him." A little wink to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. "You've been held at Better Living." It wasn't a question, and Jimmy didn't reply, and that was answer enough. It took a long time again for Poison to say anything. "Did he… Did they do the same things to you, as they did to me?" Saint Jimmy raised an eyebrow, "Thought you didn't remember what happened to you."

Party Poison stared, suddenly wide-eyed, suddenly realising what he'd just said. "I- I… I don't. I just-""Cut the act Cherry Top." Jimmy interrupted. "I know you remember more than you're letting on. I know you're protecting them. If they think you don't remember then they don't have to worry so much, right?" Saint Jimmy shifted closer, already making Party Poison slightly uncomfortable. "But this is me you're talking to." Jimmy continued, his hand reaching out, resting on Party Poison's knee. "I don't need protecting." His hand slowly moving, running up and down Poison's leg. Party Poison was getting more and more agitated, uncomfortable. He couldn't make himself stop Saint Jimmy, told himself he was overreacting. "You can tell me." Saint Jimmy said, somehow getting even closer. Was it Poison's imagination or did Jimmy sound… Breathless? "You can trust me, angel."

He couldn't handle it.

Poison pushed Saint Jimmy's hand away, pushed Jimmy away, pushed himself back, away from Saint Jimmy, moving further up the bed, almost up the other end of it. He stared at Jimmy, scared, that weird safety he'd felt earlier had disappeared entirely. "No." Poison said, quietly, though he wasn't sure exactly what he was saying no to.

Saint Jimmy just looked at him, he didn't look surprised, or angry. There was an eerie calm about him that made Poison even more afraid.

_Why did I come in here with him alone? Where__'__re the others? Where__'__s Ghoul? Fuck. What__'__ve I done? _

Saint Jimmy could clearly sense his fear, and he smiled. Then, he stood, headed to the door. "You've had a rough day, Cherry Top. Better get some rest."

Party Poison stared at the door after Saint Jimmy was gone.

He felt even more confused than ever.


	27. I'm The Only Friend Who Makes You Cry

**A/N: Well hey there everyone! Neither me, or the story died, we just took a little break ;) **

**But we're baaack! And boy have I got a chapter for you! I hope you all like angst and drama because I've got plenty of it!**

**Thank you so, so, SO much to my amazing and PATIENT reviewers, I really apprieciate it so much.**

**Gasoline Diamond: I can tell you Jimmy doesn't get any less confusing in this chapter! You'll still want to shoot him though, obviously. **

**MyChemicalLoveAffair: Yeah, that was pretty unwise of Poison, going to that room with Jimmy alone. But at least it wasn't as bad as it could've been... And aww, yeah. I feel sorry for Ghoul. He's having a hard time of it too. **

**Also a big thank you because I know I've got some new followers to this story, so thank you for that. And also thank you to anyone else who happens to be reading this :) **

**Right then, well, big old chapter, with lots of things going on, so I should really let you get on with it!**

**The chapter title comes from the awesome Danger Days track "Save Yourself, I'll Hold them Back"**

**Disclaimer: I own no one you might recognise, only the girl and the idea.**

**C****hapter 27 - I'm The Only Friend Who Makes You Cry**

_He laid in bed, wide awake, only vaguely aware of the others, all sleeping. Rave was sleeping too, peacefully, beside him. _

_He closed his eyes again, but they kept opening, didn__'__t want to let him sleep. _

_Then he heard, __"__Having trouble, Cherry Top?__"_

_Party Poison sat up, saw Saint Jimmy standing at the foot of his bed, eyes steady on him, smiling. __"__Can__'__t sleep.__"__ He replied, simply. _

_Then Saint Jimmy held out his hand. __"__Let__'__s see what we can do about that, huh?__"_

_Sceptical about what Saint Jimmy could mean, Party Poison still took his hand, let himself be led out of the room. _

_He didn__'__t recognise the room they ended up in, he didn__'__t know it. But Saint Jimmy didn__'__t give him time to take in the surroundings. __"__You know what a good cure for insomnia is?__"__ Saint Jimmy asked. _

_Before he could answer, Party Poison was pushed against the wall, Saint Jimmy__'__s lips on his. _

_He didn__'__t even think about stopping him. _

_Saint Jimmy__'__s hand had already gone between them, he was already snaking his hand up and under Party Poison__'__s shirt. _

_Party Poison was suddenly very aware of his lack of clothing, dressed only in his shirt and boxer shorts._

_He was pleased about that._

_Aware that Saint Jimmy was in charge, that he didn__'__t want to push him, didn__'__t want to do anything wrong, Party Poison still couldn__'__t resist. Pushing his hips forward slightly, rubbing against Saint Jimmy. _

"_Oh. Horny are we?__"__ Saint Jimmy purred. Party Poison shivered as he breathed lightly against his ear. Then he yelped when Saint Jimmy nipped his ear. __"__I asked you a fucking question, angel. And I expect an answer.__"__ He growled. __"__Are you fucking turned on? Do you fucking want me? Do you want me to fuck you and touch you until you fucking come?__"__ Party Poison closed his eyes, breathing heavy. __"__Yes.__"__ He was panting already, and Saint Jimmy had barely touched him. __"__Yes, Jimmy I want-__"__He didn__'__t finish that sentence, Saint Jimmy had, without warning, yanked his boxers down, and Party Poison was shocked by the feeling of being completely exposed. __"__Relax, baby.__"__ Saint Jimmy told him, a hand cradling his cheek as he kissed him, deep. It was all Party Poison could do to stay upright. _

_Then Saint Jimmy reached down, taking hold of him, like before, more gentle than might__'__ve been expected. _

_Party Poison gasped at the touch, then moaned loudly. __"__I think he likes it.__"__ Saint Jimmy said, teasingly. Party Poison nodded, his eyes closed, his head tilting back against the wall. Saint Jimmy took the opportunity of his neck being so exposed to kiss him there, gaining further gasps and moans. Saint Jimmy took pleasure in those sounds. They were like prizes to him. _

"_Undress me.__"__ Saint Jimmy demanded. Party Poison opened his eyes again, he looked unsure. _

_Saint Jimmy stopped moving his hand, though he didn__'__t take it away. Party Poison tried not to whimper. _

_Please don__'__t stop, please._

"_Angel, baby. What are you so scared of? Not like you haven__'__t been naked with another man before, not like you haven__'__t been fucked by another man before. Why do you look so__…__ Nervous?__"_

_Party Poison didn__'__t reply, found himself doing exactly what Saint Jimmy had asked of him, belt undone, jeans unzipped. _

_He was rewarded with Saint Jimmy__'__s hand moving, stroking him again. __"__Don__'__t stop, Cherry Top. If you stop, I stop, get it?__"__ Party Poison nodded, trying to concentrate. _

"_Pull them down.__"__ Saint Jimmy instructed, Party Poison obeyed. _

"_Now.__"__ Saint Jimmy said, __"__Slip your hand inside. Touch me, like I__'__m touching you.__"__Again, Party Poison was nervous, but he did what he was told. Saint Jimmy moaned, happily. __"__Holy shit you know what you__'__re doing, huh?__"_

_Party Poison was pleased, pleased with himself for the reaction Saint Jimmy was having. He felt proud to get such a positive response. _

"_How does it feel to you, huh? Cherry Top, how does my dick feel? Good? Do you want it inside you?__"__ Party Poison couldn__'__t even create words for that. He simply nodded, eagerly. _

"_That__'__s what I thought.__"__ Saint Jimmy told him. __"__Now turn around.__"_

Party Poison's eyes snapped open, and he sat upright quickly.

Taking in his surroundings. He was in the bedroom, in his bed, Rave was beside him, Fun Ghoul's (currently empty) bed on one side, Kobra Kid the other side, Jet Star the other side of Kobra Kid.

He was home, he was safe.

Then he spotted the fifth bed. Saint Jimmy asleep in it.

Everything about the dream came rushing back to him. And Party Poison got a nasty feeling in his stomach.

He got off the bed and ran for the door, getting outside just in time to throw up on the ground.

He braced himself with one hand against the wall, his stomach still hurting, still feeling sick. He'd be sick again in a minute, he knew it.

_Oh God, someone get him the fuck out of my head__…_

Fun Ghoul was just coming back around that side of the building, he'd gone out a little further this time, he felt more wary than usual tonight.

He knew they'd stayed too long, they should've moved on by now. But every time someone brought up the idea of moving on to Party Poison, he changed the subject. Fun Ghoul understood why, he felt safe here. But the truth was it wasn't safe, at all. Poison was deluding himself, and it scared Fun Ghoul to think what might happen to him, to all of them, if he didn't stop. And the earlier events of the day had only made it even clearer how unsafe they were here.

He heard the doors slam, then the unmistakeable sound of someone being sick. Fun Ghoul ran, somehow knowing who it was before he saw him.

Party Poison had crouched down after a second wave of nausea hit him. He still saw, in his mind, all the things from his dream. It'd felt too real. Saint Jimmy kissing him, touching him.

The other thing that haunted him was the thought of… What if he hadn't woken up? What if it'd continued on? He knew exactly where it'd been heading. Saint Jimmy would've fucked him, and worst of all, he'd welcomed it, wanted it.

That tipped him over the edge again, he was sick some more. _No, I don__'__t want him. Why won__'__t he leave me alone? _

Fun Ghoul reached him right around then. Sad to see his assumption had been correct, but not surprised.

He slowly came up behind him, "Poison?"

Party Poison flinched, half started to look up, but stopped. "I'll be right back." Before Party Poison could protest, Fun Ghoul dashed inside, grabbed one of their few bottles of water left, then brought it back out to Poison.

He'd stood up now, but was still slightly hunched over, not trusting himself. Fun Ghoul held out the water to him, silently. Party Poison looked up at Fun Ghoul.

He looked more pale than he had in the last few days, a horrible sheen of sweat and tears on his face. "Fuck." He muttered, hating that he'd been seen like this. Then he finally took the water offered to him, a small "thanks" offered back.

The first mouthful he spat back out, trying to get rid of the taste in his mouth. Not because it reminded him that he'd been sick, though that was bad enough, but because it reminded him _why_ he'd been sick.

A few more grateful swallows, starting to feel back to normal, Party Poison let himself fall back, against the wall, closed his eyes.

Fun Ghoul watched him, trying to figure out what was going on in his head, what'd happened. "Dreams again?" He took a guess, knowing how haunted they'd been lately. Party Poison nodded. "Better Living?"

Party Poison shook his head, covered his face with his hands.

"Saint Jimmy." It wasn't a question, Fun Ghoul knew, if it wasn't Better Living, it had to be Saint Jimmy. But still Party Poison nodded.

He dragged his hands away from his face, tried to smile a little, make it all go away, make it all better.

It couldn't be as simple as that. "It's always either him or them." Party Poison said, his voice was shaking, though he was trying to sound confident, trying to sound fine. "Sometimes… Sometimes it's both. Stupid fucking dreams. It's fine. No big deal. Just dreams. They can't hurt me. I'm… I'm okay. I-" A sudden, heavy sob broke it's way out of him, cutting him off completely.

Fun Ghoul was there. "Fucking liar." He muttered, slightly annoyed that Poison hadn't just admitted it. But it was never that easy, was it? Party Poison let himself fall into Ghoul's arms, waiting, willing to hold him. "It's alright." Fun Ghoul told him. "I promise. You're safe."Party Poison ignored him, or didn't hear him. "I can still fucking _feel _him." He said, clearly tormented. "Fuck. He's inside my fucking head. Fuck. Fuck!" Fun Ghoul, not knowing what else to do, just continued to hold him, then, tentatively, not sure if this was alright, if it was allowed, Fun Ghoul rubbed his back, just gently, reassuringly.

"Frank." Shit.

He hadn't just heard that name, had he? Poison hadn't just-

"Get him out of my head. Please. Please…" Party Poison had finally figured out a way to get rid of the memories, the feelings of Saint Jimmy. Replace them, distract himself. He looked up, right at Ghoul, who wasn't so sure. "Poison, what… What do you mean?"

Poison leaned in slightly, they were close anyway, and gently pressed his lips against Ghoul's.

And Fun Ghoul nearly lost his head entirely. Never mind the fact that Poison was upset, never mind the fact he'd just been physically sick, never mind all the shit he'd been through. For a second all Fun Ghoul could think was _just like before. It__'__s just like before, I__'__ve got him back, somehow, I__'__ve got him back. _

He forced himself to stop.

"Gee. Wait. Are you sure-" He'd said Party Poison's real name, no, his nickname, without even thinking. It really _was_ like before. It'd always felt so natural to call each other by their real names, and it did again now.

Poison kissed him again, more surely, deeper, and that time, Fun Ghoul was utterly lost. All he could focus on was himself and Party Poison, their lips on each others. Hands roaming, exploring, remembering. He'd missed this. Fun Ghoul's brain skipped ahead, and he could see them, in a few minutes time, fucking in the sand. He was certain he'd be on top, though Poison had started this, and somehow it was now Fun Ghoul's back against the wall, there was a definite vibe that he wanted Fun Ghoul to take control. The thought of seeing him naked again, the thought of being inside him again… It was too much, he'd never expected to have this again.

Party Poison was just as eager, if not more so, unbuckling Ghoul's belt quickly, undoing his jeans. Party Poison didn't have to worry about his own, he was barely dressed, exactly like in the dream. _Saint Jimmy, kissing, stroking, rubbing- No! Focus of Frank! _

Somewhere, deep in the back of his mind he knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew he was taking advantage of Ghoul, of the feelings he knew he had for him. _You know this will just hurt him. He is going to know you are using him and he is going to feel like shit when you just get up and leave after. Stop this! _Deep down he didn't want to be doing this. But the problem was, he _needed_ to do it. So he ignored that voice in his head, kissed Ghoul more forcefully, pulling him forward slightly, grabbing his hair. Fun Ghoul moaned in response. Poison didn't allow himself to think at all anymore. He slipped his hand inside Fun Ghoul's jeans, changing his mind, slipping inside his underwear, finding he was already getting hard.

It should've taken Fun Ghoul under more, made him more of a lost cause to Party Poison's escape route for himself, but somehow, it set off alarm bells. It woke Ghoul back up to the fact that something was very wrong with what was happening.

"Gee… I don't think… I don't think this is such a good idea." It was difficult to concentrate on this thought with Poison's hand still touching him. And Poison was ignoring him entirely.

"Touch me, Frank, please? I want you to…" Party Poison gasped, taking Fun Ghoul's hand, guiding it, until he felt Ghoul's fingers slip down past his waistband. "Get rid of him, Frank, get him off me, get him out of me." He begged, almost whimpered.

Fun Ghoul, hesitant, took his hand away as soon as Poison would let him. Then, he tried to push Party Poison's hand away too. "Gee, listen, I don't-"

"Fine, if you don't wanna touch me, let me touch you. Let me get you hard, you're the one who needs to be anyway. I need you inside me, Frank, I need you to get rid of him, I need you to fuck me so hard it-""No!"

And that finally did it. He finally snapped.

Fun Ghoul pushed him away, hard, and Party Poison stumbled back, fell to the ground.

Ghoul was immediately sorry, moved to help him. "Oh shit, Gee, I'm sorry, I-"

"Stay away!" Poison shouted at him, sounding hurt, betrayed, exactly how he was feeling.

"It's fine. I get it." He spat, venomously. "You don't fucking want me anymore. Fine. Sorry I thought you fucking cared." That hurt, stung. Now it was Fun Ghoul's turn to pretend there weren't tears in his eyes.

"Don't you dare, Gee, don't accuse me of not caring. I care, I care so much. I fucking care enough to tell you no when you fucking throw yourself at me!"

"Nice. Now you're calling me a slut?"

Fun Ghoul knew what he was doing, trying to get a rise out of him, get him to shout back. Maybe even get Fun Ghoul to hurt him.

He wouldn't give in to that though, it was stupid of Party Poison to think he would.

Fun Ghoul went to him, and Party Poison watched, scowling, but obviously cautious as Ghoul knelt down beside him. "Stop that, right now, Gerard." Fun Ghoul told him, sternly. "Stop trying to turn me into the bad guy. I am _trying_ to help you, I am _trying_ to protect you." He stopped, looked down, he wanted to reach out, take Poison's hand, touch his face, something gentle, something reassuring. Certain he was unable to. "Gee, you… You've been through so much, and if I let this carry on, I'll be taking advantage of you. I can't do that, I won't."

Party Poison wasn't backing down, it was as if he was refusing to hear any of the good Fun Ghoul was saying.

"I am not some child, Frank, I know my own fucking mind!"

Fun Ghoul shook his head. Gently, quietly he said, "Wasn't suggesting you're a child, Gee, but you have been-""Damaged. Go on, fucking say it. I'm damaged, broken, fucking damaged goods, right?" Party Poison snapped.

It hurt so much to hear him say that.

"Stop it…" His voice was too small though, he knew he wasn't heard.

Party Poison couldn't stop now, even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't stop the words spilling, pouring, tearing out of him. "Fucked with by BL/I, fucked with by Saint, I'm fucking tainted now, aren't I? Used to be you couldn't wait to get my clothes off, couldn't wait to fuck me." Yes, he was angry at Fun Ghoul, angry he wouldn't give him this escape. Angry at himself for needing it so badly. "Now? Now I fucking need you, you won't fucking touch me!"

Fun Ghoul smacked him, hard.

It shocked them both.

Ghoul couldn't believe he'd done it, he'd tried so hard to keep calm, but in the end, he couldn't. He couldn't stand hearing Party Poison talk about himself like that.

The blow shocked Poison into silence, a hand going to his stinging cheek, he looked at Fun Ghoul finally, eyes slightly wide. He wasn't sure if he was afraid or not.

Knowing he, finally, had Party Poison's attention, Fun Ghoul told him, calmly as he could.

"I told you to stop it. You are not broken, you are not fucking tainted. You _are _vulnerable. But being vulnerable is not something to be ashamed of, you have been through so much shit, Gee, and I am not going to add to that shit. So no, I won't touch you right now, not like that, I'm not gonna have sex with you, because as much as you think it is, that isn't what you need."

Fun Ghoul stood up then, held out his hand, which Party Poison took, allowing himself to be helped to his feet. For a second, tension crackled between them, neither knowing what to say or do.

Then Fun Ghoul turned, left without a word.

Party Poison stared after him, wondering what it was he _did_ need.

Rave had been distracted all day, everyone noticed, but they all assumed it was due to the fact that they'd nearly lost Party Poison again.

But that wasn't it, not exactly.

It was the fact that she was very scared _she__'__d_ already lost him.

Saint Jimmy's words from the previous day had been running through her head all day.

"_It is true though. And you can see it. Just like you can see him getting closer to__…__ Someone else.__"_

She couldn't keep denying it.

Ever since they'd got Poison back, Ghoul had been… Different. She'd thought he'd just been scared to loose one of his best friends, they'd all been scared, so maybe Ghoul was just showing it in a different way.

But Rave knew she'd been kidding herself. She knew when she'd seen him looking at Poison, it wasn't just admiration for a leader, a best friend.

It was love. She knew it, because it was the exact same way she looked at Poison.

The thing she'd really been kidding herself about though, was that it was a one sided thing. That it was just Fun Ghoul, that maybe even Party Poison had no idea.

But he knew. Rave knew he did. And, though he tried a hell of a lot harder than Ghoul did to hide it, he felt the same.

And damn, Ghoul had tried to hide it. But the look of guilt in his eyes when he looked at her now…

It was almost as bad as the look in Poison's eyes.

He was fucking distant. Which was so unlike him, it scared her.

That morning, she'd gone to kiss him, but he turned his head, subtly, but enough that Rave got the hint.

Again, she'd tricked herself into thinking it was just down to all the things he'd been through, he was under a lot of stress, things like kissing and being intimate were the furthest things from his mind. It wasn't like she knew exactly what'd happened to him at Better Living, for all she knew he was now scared to be touched, in any way.

Last night though, when Poison had woken up from another nightmare, and run outside, Rave had woken up, of course she had. She'd gotten up to go after him, but saw Ghoul get to him first, she'd hurried back to the bedroom when she saw Ghoul coming inside.

Rave had waited, and waited for them to come back in.

When Poison finally did, she'd still been sitting up, staring at the door. "Everything okay, Poison?"

He'd nodded, but didn't say a word. He seemed distracted.

When he came back to bed, Rave noticed the smell of sweat on him, not strong, or overly unpleasant, but that kind of clean sweat you get from, for instance, running. And of… Something else. Something familiar that she couldn't quite place. She only knew it didn't usually belong on him.

Again, she ignored it.

She'd ignored so much.

That morning, after Poison had refused her kiss, she'd seen him with Ghoul, outside. They'd looked at each other awkwardly, shyly. Then Poison had smiled, and Ghoul had smiled.

Poison had laid a hand on Ghoul's arm, gently, affectionately.

She had to stop ignoring it.

"Ghoul."

Poison had gone now, off to join Kobra Kid again for more training. After the day before, Poison was determined to keep going, to get better, better than he had been before, even.

Rave hadn't wanted to approach them both at the same time, so now Ghoul was alone, seemed the perfect time to do it.

Fun Ghoul looked up, smiled at her. "Hey Rave."

_could you at least pretend you don__'__t have starry eyes from looking at Poison, please, Ghoul? _Rave silently begged. Out loud she said, "Can I talk to you, in private?" The smile dropped, a small frown replacing it. "Sure." She lead him back to the bedroom again, far enough away that no one would overhear.

Rave had a feeling neither of them wanted this being overheard.

Fun Ghoul perched on the end of his bed, looking up at Rave, who stood by the wall, trying to figure out her words.

"Ghoul. I know. I know something's going on. With you and Poison."

Fun Ghoul stared at her, blankly, from where Rave was, it looked like he was completely void of emotions.

That was so far from the truth.

He was panicking, scared, ashamed, guilty, sorry. Too many thoughts and feelings to process. He felt sick.

The silence was heavy, as Rave stared right back, waiting, her eyes demanding an answer. Finally, Ghoul opened his mouth, a couple of words falling out, "I don't-""Lying has never suited you Ghoul. Don't start now." Rave said, calmly. But Ghoul could sense the edge to it. He lowered his head, couldn't bring himself to look at her anymore. "How… How did you know?"

"I'm not stupid, Ghoul." Rave told him. "And I'm not blind either. You think I haven't seen the way you look at him?"

"I-""And the way he is with you? The way he is with _me_?" Rave could feel her voice cracking, but she wouldn't let it, she wouldn't break down, not when she still had so much to say, had so many questions. "Do you have any fucking idea what it's like to watch someone you love become so… Distant, pushing you away. Do you have any-""Yes." Suddenly Ghoul looked up again, met her eyes, the intensity in them now matching her own. "Yes. I know _exactly_ what that feels like." Images of the time they'd been caught by Jet Star, and the kiss that'd ended it, the weeks, months where Poison had barely looked at him.

Yes. Of course he fucking knew.

And he was so sorry that now Rave knew too.

"This was never supposed to happen. I'm sorry." It took Ghoul a minute to realise he'd said those words out loud. Rave had closed her eyes, was shaking her head, trying not to cry. "How- Why, Ghoul? Just… Why?" "Because I-""If you fucking say the words 'because I love him' I swear I-""Why not?" Ghoul demanded, getting to his feet finally. "Why can't I say that? It's fucking true and I have spent so long denying it and now I finally admit it, to myself, to him, if he'd let me, but you tell me I can't. Why not? I fucking love him, alright, and I _am_ sorry that hurts you but it's like you said, lying isn't exactly my style."

Rave was glaring at him, angry, furious at him for what he was saying. "No. Lying is exactly your style. You kept this from me. And you made me think you actually cared about me. But instead you just saw me as an obstacle.""That's not true!" Ghoul protested, coming closer, reaching out his hands to her, dropping them, knowing that if he touched her, Rave would lash out right now. "God Rave, of course that's not true. I do care about you, I love you like a fucking sister, and I never, never meant to do anything to hurt you. I was happy for you! Happy for you _and_ Poison. I was so fucking pleased for him when he found you. That day he carried you back to camp, I knew, I knew what you were going to mean to him, even before he did. And when you guys finally said it, said you were together, who was the first one to congratulate you two? It was me. Because I knew he needed you, more than you ever needed him. He fucking needs someone, someone he can go to when this all gets too much. He leads us all so fucking well, looks out for us, looks after us, but it gets too much for him, he hates admitting it, but it does. He needs someone, and I knew that was you." Rave shook her head, furiously. "Then what the fuck are you doing, Ghoul?""I-""What's going on?"

They both looked to the door.

And, sure enough, there was Party Poison.

Neither of them spoke, and Poison looked between them. Saw Ghoul's look of defeat and shame, and saw Rave's anger and tears.

And he realised exactly what he'd just walked into.

"Fuck." He breathed.

Then, collecting himself, and focusing on Rave, he began, "Rave, I don't know what-""Don't even fucking try it, Poison. Ghoul's already given up your dirty little secret." Ghoul flinched, hating that it'd been called that. Knowing it was really _him_ that was being called that.

Party Poison held up his hands, defensively, closing the door and then stepping further into the room. "Okay. Alright. No denying. But I-""How long has it been going on?" Rave interrupted. Poison paused, considering the question before attempting to answer.

Ghoul got in before he did. "It depends what you mean." Poison turned, glared at him. "Don't you dare-""Why?" Rave demanded. "What does he mean by that Poison, huh? What are you so scared of me knowing?" Then, though he was talking to Rave, Ghoul kept his eyes locked with Poison's. "He's scared of anyone knowing that we were together, before. Before you even joined us. We were together and it was fucking good but he screwed it up!""I screwed it up?" Poison demanded. "Sure. Like there was even anything to screw up.""Liar." Ghoul said, simply. "You were together… Before?" Rave asked, quietly, shakily. And Poison turned his attention back to her. "I- Rave. It was a long time ago. And it wasn't even a proper relationship. We just-""Why didn't I know that before?" Rave said. "How come no one talks about it?" "Because no one knew." Ghoul answered before Poison, again. "Poison was ashamed of me. And of what was going on, what we were doing.""That's not true, I wasn't-""Does Kid know?" Ghoul suddenly demanded. "No. He doesn't, you wouldn't even tell your own brother about what was going on between us because you were too fucking ashamed. You were terrified of him knowing! Then when Jet found out you fucking panicked and ended it! I was ready to be open about it Poison, it was you who wasn't!"They were so wrapped up in being mad at each other, both were startled when another, small, disbelieving voice cut in, "Jet knows?"

They both looked at Rave, who, if possible, looked even more hurt than before.

"Jet…" Poison sighed, trying to push away the memories of it. "Jet… Caught us. He said he'd guessed something was going on but… But he hadn't told Kid.""He caught you." Rave repeated. "Doing what?" "Rave…" Poison sighed, not believing that she really wanted to go into this, knowing that he certainly didn't. "Doing _what_, Poison?" She pressed. Glaring at him darkly now.

Poison looked to Ghoul now, knowing that if he didn't say it, Ghoul would for him anyway.

It wasn't like he had to think too hard, it came to mind easily. "We were… I was…" He sighed, closed his eyes. "I was on my knees… I was…" He trailed off, knowing he didn't really need to say anything more, there was really only one thing he could've been doing."Oh my God…" Rave said, hand going to her mouth suddenly. "You… You've really had sex with him, haven't you? And you-" It'd suddenly become very real now. Poison had done everything to confirm it, except say the words, and he didn't need to do that anyway.

Rave could see it all perfectly, as if she'd actually witnessed it herself.

And it was all too familiar.

Rave gasped as the realisation hit her, and slowly looked up to stare at Party Poison, wide-eyed. "It's like Jimmy all over again." She whispered, making Poison flinch at the name, and the comparison.

But Rave wasn't done yet.

"No. It's… Oh my God you're _worse_!"

She felt sick, dizzy, this hit her harder than anything. This realisation, the realisation that the man she loved, trusted had betrayed her in a way not even the man who'd hurt her the most had.

And as for Poison, he felt like if she'd physically punched him, that couldn't hurt nearly as bad as this.

Rave was suggesting he was worse than Saint Jimmy? Even ignoring his own experiences with the Saint, Poison could easily, but painfully bring to mind the things Rave had told him. The things Jimmy had done. To her, to others. He could remember the night she'd surrendered it all, let it all pour out of her so easily.

_Rave was shaking, badly, worse than she had for weeks, was it possible she__'__d relapsed somehow? Without taking more of Better Living__'__s supplements, could you get worse again, go backwards? _

_Then Poison had remembered what__'__d happened to his own brother. Concluding that yes. Yes you could. _

_Party Poison had been outside, had left Fun Ghoul in charge of Rave. She seemed to trust him, not as much as she trusted Poison, but she didn__'__t flinch away as quickly when Ghoul was near her. Poison knew it bugged Kobra Kid that she was so defensive, and that Jet Star wished he knew why Rave seemed so scared. _

_In any case, Rave seemed nearly as calm around Ghoul as she was around Poison, so that was good enough, and allowed Poison to get on with other things. He did want to stay with Rave, but he didn__'__t like leaving his group to look after themselves. _

_He was leader. It was his job to be in the thick of it. _

_It was getting dark out, but Poison could still see, so he wasn__'__t worried, just yet. _

_Then he saw Ghoul running towards him._

"_She__'__s worse?__"__ Poison asked before Ghoul had even stopped. He nodded, a look of worry Poison hadn__'__t seen in so long. Even when they threw themselves into a fight, Ghoul never looked worried. _

_Only ever at times like this. _

_Rave was huddled up at the top of Poison__'__s bed, the blanket wrapped around her, tightly. Her head buried. _

_The shaking was awful. _

_Poison had told Ghoul to go now._

"_I didn__'__t- Poison I swear I didn__'__t do anything. She was fine, she was even talking to me and then-__""__It__'__s okay, I know. But I think it__'__d be best if it__'__s just me right now.__"_

_Ghoul had, hesitantly, agreed._

_When Poison got nearer, he could hear Rave, muttering something under her breath, over and over. _

_He sat down on the bed, pulled her onto his lap, holding her gently, but firmly, hand stroking her hair, her back, whispering soothing words, waiting for her to calm down. _

_When Rave finally did, Poison was relieved. It meant this wasn__'__t a relapse. When Kobra Kid had relapsed, he hadn__'__t stopped shaking, he only got worse. _

_It did bring up the worrying question of what it had been, though. _

_Poison had a feeling he might get his answer to that by asking another question. _

"_Rave?__"__ The girl raised her head from where it__'__d been previously buried against Poison__'__s shoulder, her eyes wide and still shining. _

"_Who__'__s Jimmy?__"_

_She__'__d told him everything. _

_About meeting Jimmy, falling in love with Jimmy. The drugs, the deals. The sex (Poison could tell she hadn__'__t wanted to talk about that, she__'__d looked away from him as she said it. But it was an outpouring of thoughts and emotions, she couldn__'__t stop it)_

_Told him about Johnny. How Jimmy toyed with him, but how she always knew he was the one Jimmy really loved. How she stayed anyway, hoping to change his mind. _

_Told him about the fight they__'__d had. How she__'__d left their building. Wandered out on the streets. _

_About how a warning had gone up. Rebels had got into the city. Everyone had to get inside. Anyone caught outside would be presumed to be a rebel, or to be aiding the rebels, and would be treated as such. _

_Saint Jimmy had often scoffed about how the company thought they owned the city, while everyone who really knew, knew he still did. _

_Right then it seemed Jimmy had been very, very wrong. _

_She__'__d panicked. She__'__d ran. _

_She remembered other people running, most going the other way, which should__'__ve been her clue. _

_She remembered noticing a few people hiding, crouched down. She didn__'__t remember looking at them for very long, only. __"__I remember something catching my eye__…__ I remember__…"__ Rave stared straight at Party Poison then, frowning slightly, thinking hard, trying to work something out. Finally she finished her sentence, __"__Red.__"_

_Prying one of her hands away from where she__'__d been clutching Poison a little too tight, she brought her hand up to his hair, gently stroking it, then letting her fingers sift through it, drawing it a little closer to her eyes. __"__All along__…"__ She muttered. _

_Rave leaned closer again, placing her lips gently against Poison__'__s cheek. __"__Thank you.__"_

_And Poison could guess just what that thank you meant. _

Saint Jimmy had been ruining her, slowly, before the fateful night when the Killjoys had got into the city, and Rave had, accidentally, got out.

And now… Now Rave was saying he was worse?

"Rave…" He tried to force the words out, but they came slowly. "I don't-""At least when Jimmy was fucking around, screwing his 'best friend', he did it openly. He never tried to fucking hide it from me. At least he was honest!"

Poison felt like he'd been punched, again. "I… Rave! I have not been sleeping around! Yes, okay I slept with Ghoul. But it was once, years ago! It was before I even-""Holy shit, Poison, either your math or your memory is fucked." Fun Ghoul interrupted, causing Poison to turn and look at him, but not in time to stop him from continuing. "Once? _Once_?" He repeated Poison's words. "It was so much more than once, Poison, and you fucking know it.""Go on then." Rave said, flatly. "Why don't you tell me? Go on Poison. Tell me. How many times was it really? What was it like? What was _he_ like? Good? C'mon Poison, don't spare me the details." She could feel the grin on her lips, she knew it was nasty, and it reminded her, scarily, of Saint Jimmy. But she couldn't help it, couldn't stop it. She knew she was doing what she always did when she was hurt. She was lashing out, aiming to hurt someone else because she was hurting. And oh God was she hurting. Her heart ached more than she'd ever known.

Rave could see it, actually see that she was hurting Poison, but _fuck_ he'd hurt her.

"Rave." Fun Ghoul said gently. "I think that's enough." He was feeling awful too, even more twisted up in knots, a bundle of emotions, of pain, of guilt, of anger, of sympathy. He felt guilty as hell for what had been going on with him and Poison, but he wasn't going to apologise for the past. He was mad at Poison for trying to pretend it didn't happen, or that it had been 'only once'. He hated that Poison was trying to pretend nothing had happened recently, pretending that things hadn't changed between them, again. Poison was, so obviously ashamed of him, not just that he was sneaking around behind Rave's back, Poison was ashamed of _him_. It was just like last time, when they'd snuck around and pretended everything was normal, but this time it was worse, because Poison was openly denying it. Ghoul couldn't even pretend anymore.

But still, he knew he was being cruel right back, not letting Poison get away with anything, snapping at him. Ghoul could see that, between them, it wasn't going to take long for himself and Rave to break Poison completely.

And he felt guilty for that too.

He'd never wanted to hurt Poison, he'd wanted to help.

Rave snapped her attention on Fun Ghoul, sharp look in her eyes, and grin gone. "Don't you dare try to tell me what to do. What you've done… It almost hurts more." Ghoul lowered his head, ashamed. He knew.

"You've been my best friend since… Since I got here Ghoul! I've trusted you with… Everything. I have always been completely honest with you, and yet you never, never once mentioned you'd been in a relationship with Poison.""It never seemed… Relevant." Ghoul said, in a small, quiet voice.

"Well, it's suddenly very fucking relevant now, isn't it?" Ghoul didn't answer, he didn't really need to. "When exactly was it you decided you were going to start trying to get my boyfriend into bed with you again?" Rave asked, acidly. Ghoul looked up, shocked at what Rave was suggesting, what she was thinking. "Rave! I- I never decided that. I-""Fine then, I'll put it a little differently. When did the starry eyes start again? When did you start to look at him differently? When did you realise you still had feelings for him?" Ghoul closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about this, not with Poison right there. The only way he'd ever expected to tell Poison this was if they had ever got back together.

He knew the chances of that now were basically non-existent, so what harm could this do anyway?

"After he was taken." Ghoul admitted. "After Better Living took him. I… Fuck. Poison, I missed you as soon as I knew you were gone. Then I realised I'd been missing you a hell of a lot longer than that." He'd looked to Party Poison, begging him to understand, but Poison wasn't looking. He wasn't looking at either of them.

"That's why it was so hard to get you out of this room, while Poison was unconscious. You never wanted to leave here." Again, Ghoul didn't answer, he didn't need to.

Rave turned her attention on Party Poison again. "And you? When did it all change for you?" Poison just shook his head. "It hasn't." He said.

"Liar!" Rave snapped, making him flinch. "You tell me when it was that you decided you'd rather be with him than me." Again, Poison shook his head. "I didn't." "Stop lying! I know you too fucking well Poison, I can read you like a fucking book, and I know it's changed, you've changed, towards me, towards him. You're always going to him, Poison! When you need someone, it's always him!""He's my best friend of course I-""Your best friend who you just happened to have fucked!" Rave screamed at him. "And the way he's talking about it, you've fucked plenty of times. I wonder where. When." Poison didn't say anything, there was no point, nothing he could deny anymore. "I know one place for certain." Rave continued. "I'm sure you fucked in here, in your bed. In our bed. The same bed where you held me and comforted me. And made me feel safe, and loved and human again after all the shit I went through with Jimmy." Almost as one, Poison and Ghoul figured out where this was going, they looked up, eyes wide and mouths full of words to stop Rave from going where she was heading.

But the words never left them in time.

"The same bed where you tried to make me a mother!" Poison flinched, looked down again. Though he'd known it was coming. It was still painful. "Rave." He said, quietly. "Please. Don't. Don't bring that into this." Rave wasn't listening. She couldn't stop now, the memories of that pain now heaping on the new. "I wanted that… I wanted a child, yours, so badly. You didn't. Now I'm starting to wonder if-""Rave! Stop. That has nothing, _nothing _to do with this! I know, I know what you wanted. But you're right. I didn't. And you know why. You know I, we, all know what it's like to have a child out here in the zones, and-""I thought you'd fixed me. When you got me off their pills, I thought you'd fixed me. I thought it would work.""So did I, Rave. And we tried. Even though I didn't want to, we _tried_. I wanted to make you happy." Then, coming closer, daring to, finally, Party Poison put his arms around Rave, to comfort her. This was a difficult subject, for both of them, but it was worse for her. "Please, Rave. Please don't blame me for the things Better Living did."

At first, Rave was stiff in Poison's embrace, refusing to give in, to let herself be comforted. But when she felt his hand on her back, palm running small circles, it was so familiar. She breathed in, heavily, breathing him in with it. The familiar smell of his jacket, of the soap they all shared, but which mingled pleasantly with his own, personal scent. A little bit dusty, a tiny bit dirty, but, undoubtedly nice. And Rave relaxed into him, letting him hold her, finally. She pressed her face against his neck, missing his hair that used to brush against her face, reminding her of the things Better Living had done to him. Reminding her she hadn't been held like this by him since it'd happened.

Then she remembered why.

Rave pushed him away, sharply, causing Poison to stumble slightly. "There's still something I _can_ blame you for though."

Party Poison looked at her, feeling hopeless, defeated. "Enough. Rave." He sighed, heavily. "It's history. Me and him, we haven't-""I see the way you look at each other Poison!" Rave snapped, fury back in full force. "I've seen the way he gets so hesitant to touch you, the way you lean towards him. I've seen the smiles on your faces as you catch sight of each other." Now her voice broke, sounding as defeated as Poison looked. "I wish I didn't see it, Poison. But I do."Party Poison was shaking his head, denying it all, denying it to himself. "No. We… We haven't been like that for years. We-""Fucking _hell_ Poison!"Poison's attention snapped to Fun Ghoul, who, honestly, he'd forgotten about, the other Killjoy had been so quiet for so long, and Poison had had his back to him for a while now. Now he looked at him, and he saw all the pain and anger in the other mans eyes.

"Enough of this bullshit! You know what? I'm sick of it. Sick of lying. I don't want to lie anymore."

And now, Poison panicked, thinking of all the things Ghoul might be about to say, to let spill out. "Shut up. Right now." Poison snapped, seeing Ghoul wince slightly at his words.

_You hurt him again. _

But it didn't stop Ghoul, only made him pause for a second.

"Who the fuck are you trying to fool, Poison? It's out now, too late! Don't make things worse by lying. By saying nothing happened.""Stop it." Poison said, hands and jaw clenching.

"So, what?" Fun Ghoul asked, shrugging his shoulders. "We're going to pretend you didn't kiss me? Going to pretend I didn't have to physically push you away last night? If you'd had your way, we would've done it. All. Again. You where-""I _said_ stop it Frank!"The silence was deafening.

Party Poison hadn't realised what he'd said at first, why Fun Ghoul had suddenly stopped, why he looked so shocked.

Then he realised, and he felt himself grow very, very cold. He couldn't look at Rave.

"What…?" he slowly turned as he heard her voice. She looked even more shocked than Ghoul. And he knew very little of that had to do with the things Ghoul had said.

"Rave, I-" He was pleading, again, but he knew there weren't enough apologies.

"Is that how it works?" Rave asked. "You pretend it's the past? Pretend it's before you needed 'names. Pretend it's before you knew me? Is that how you let yourself justify it?" Poison moved closer again, going to her, changing his mind. A shaky, unsure hand brushing back through his hair. "No! I… We… I don't know! I've not… I've not called him that since-"Last night." Fun Ghoul cut in, causing Party Poison to turn on him again, more angry than before. "I told you to shut the fuck up!"

Ghoul ignored him, and looked straight to Rave, and told her, "It's not about being in the past. It's about being open, honest, letting us be… Us. It's about being free."Poison was still staring at Ghoul, angrily, the fact everything he'd just said was completely right, and true did nothing to calm Poison.

He was so wrapped up in these thoughts, he didn't notice Rave coming closer, didn't notice her at all.

Until she slapped him.

It was almost as loud as any of the raised voices that'd filled the room.

Poison once again looked to Rave, a hand going to his stinging cheek.

The fire and pain in her eyes was worse than it had been. She'd never raised her hand to Poison before, never wished him any harm, but right now, he could see, this was the least she wanted to do to him. There was no remorse for her actions.

"I haven't heard you say my real name since the day you asked me what it was." Rave said, her voice cold, hard. "And yet _his _falls from your mouth easily."

Poison tried to think of a way to defend himself, to apologise, to make it better, but he didn't know how. "You know… I wouldn't even be surprised if you told me you'd thought about him when we…" Poison closed his eyes as she said that, unfinished though the sentence was, wishing he knew the words to tell her that wasn't true, and have her believe him.

"I'm sorry." Rave said. "I'm sorry I was never what you really wanted."

Party Poison opened his eyes just in time to see her dashing for the door, he reached out to her, snagging her elbow, trying to stop her. But she shrugged him off.

After she was gone, Party Poison found himself staring at the door.

Had they… Had they just broken up?

Fun Ghoul watched him, feeling helpless. Any and all anger he'd felt towards Poison had melted away, now all he wanted to do was go over to Poison, comfort him.

Just comfort. Nothing else. He just wanted to help his friend.

"Poison. I'm-""Just leave me alone." Without even a glance at Fun Ghoul, Party Poison left, going through the same door Rave just had, but with no intention of following her.

Fun Ghoul watched him go.

The fact he'd mostly likely just lost two friends (not to mention any chance of him and Poison actually being together) weighed heavily on him.

He stepped back, sitting down on the nearest bed, closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry Gerard."_What have I done?_

Party Poison didn't know where he was going, he only knew he wanted to get away.

Then he spotted the car.

He could get further in that.

Not letting himself think about it any longer, Poison found himself in the drivers seat.

Hands gripping the steering wheel, eyes fixed straight ahead.

But he didn't start the car.

He couldn't. He couldn't just leave his friends, leave them here, stranded, with no quicker way than on foot to get away if there was danger. He couldn't leave them without a leader, either.

But, on that point he wasn't so sure. He'd been a shitty leader lately, and he knew it. None of them said anything, and they certainly didn't try to make him feel bad about it, but still _he_ knew.

And now he'd done something even worse. He'd hurt and upset two of them, to the point where he was near certain they hated him. Sure, the last thing Ghoul had said to him had been gentle, but then Poison had snapped at him again, he wasn't expecting to be given another chance.

And Rave… Rave he was certain he'd lost, entirely. Not just as a partner, which, he was pretty certain he had lost, but even as a friend. Maybe she'd even leave the gang completely. She felt hurt by Fun Ghoul too, and though she was close to Kobra Kid and Jet Star, Poison had a feeling it wouldn't be enough to make her stay.

And as for Ghoul?

Fuck, Why had he been so stupid about it? Why had he denied it all, with Ghoul right there? He'd been trying to save himself, save the situation, but every denial had hurt Ghoul, and Poison knew it. He'd known it as he'd said it.

Poison was sure he'd lost him too.

Why, how had he been so stupid? It was all his fault. He should've just ignored all the signs from Ghoul. He certainly shouldn't have kissed him. He shouldn't have let it show that he had feelings for him.

And he definitely shouldn't have tried to have sex with Ghoul.

He was so glad Ghoul had stopped it.

Or was he?

Fuck. Poison wasn't even sure anymore.

He knew he loved Rave, hated seeing her hurt. He'd felt so proud of her, watching her lately. She seemed so… Strong. She'd really become like a mother to all of them.

But… He couldn't deny, though he had, verbally, loudly and more than once, that he was in love with Ghoul too and not just… Not just the sex. He knew that. That had been part of what had scared him so much about their previous relationship. That's all it had been, sex. A mutual using of each other as a way to deal with all the shit going on around them. And that's what he'd been planning last night. But… The kiss the day before. That hadn't. That hadn't been about sex. That had been gratitude and relief and…

He shook his head. Why was he even trying to figure this out? They both hated him, he'd screwed it all up. They'd probably discuss it between them, how much they hated him, how he'd used them both. Then they'd tell Jet Star and Kobra Kid and-

Fuck.

Kid.

He'd find out Poison had lied to him. Kept secrets from him. His own brother and…

It was all so fucking messed up.

Party Poison fell forward, despair washing over him as his forehead hit the steering wheel.

What the fuck was he going to do?

"Going somewhere, Cherry Top?"

Party Poison jumped at the unexpected sound of an unwelcome voice. He looked up, scowling at Saint Jimmy, who was leant up against the side of the car, just barely perching on the very edge of the hood, leaning slightly on the wing mirror, his hand on the window where it was half down.

How long had he been there? And where the fuck had he been all day?

Party Poison found he didn't much care.

"Shouldn't you have thought of a different nickname by now?" Poison quipped. "That one's a little out of touch with my style." Saint Jimmy laughed. "Oh. Getting feisty with me now, huh?" He said, approvingly. "Good. I like a bit of fire." "Fuck off Saint." Poison replied, tiredly. "I can't deal with you right now."

"Ah yes." Jimmy said, nodding, knowingly. "There's a little trouble in the ranks, isn't there? And all down to some serious indecision on your part. Or… Was it just greed?"

Now Poison stared up at him, wide eyed and shocked. And also ashamed. "You… Heard?"

"Aww, angel." Saint Jimmy cooed. "You should know by now, very little gets past me. But… I did also already know about your little extra 'time' with darling Fun Ghoul.""How did you- ?""You weren't the only one to give something up to me. Gerard."And that was about enough for Poison. He shoved the car door open, Jimmy only moving seconds earlier to avoid injury, and then off the car and backing away from Party Poison. "What the fuck did you do to him?" Poison demanded, catching Jimmy now, grabbing him, one hand ready on his gun.

Saint Jimmy, maddeningly, just laughed. "Oh. Oh! Don't worry sweetheart, I only messed with him a little. Barely even touched him. I didn't have to. All I had to do was tell him the things that went of between us and he got all defensive. Practically fell over himself to tell me he'd fucked you. But, then, spoilsport, he refused to go into detail. And I so wanted to hear what it's like…" Jimmy suddenly sounded wistful, and Poison could see Jimmy's eyes darting to his lips. He was thinking of kissing him, that much was obvious. And though Poison's every instinct told him to get far away from Jimmy, he found the urge to keep hold of him, punish him somehow, was too strong.

And his mind was also clouded with new questions, new worries. Fun Ghoul knew more about what Saint Jimmy had done? And… He'd told Jimmy about… About them? How much had he told him?

Though he really wanted to be mad at Ghoul for telling Jimmy… He couldn't. He knew first hand how manipulative the man was.

"What's the matter, Cherry Top? Feeling betrayed? Lied to? Now maybe you know how Rave feels, how dear Ghoul feels. No wonder they want nothing to do with you anymore, huh? There's only so much a person can take. I mean, poor sweet Rave. She trusted you, didn't she, and all this time you were in love with one of her best friends, and he was in love with you. Not to mention you couldn't give her the one thing she really wanted. What was the matter, darling? You a little… Inefficient?" Saint Jimmy grinned, reached his hand down, his fingers just barely grazing against the front of Poison's jeans before he was smacked away, then violently pushed back.

Feeling both violated and offended, Poison distanced himself from Jimmy as best he could, glaring at the hated man. "It was Better Living's fault. Part of their cocktail of pills, we couldn't reverse it. But then you should know that, Saint. You know a lot about the company's supplies, after all." Saint Jimmy nodded slightly. "Ah yes. I know the one. Did not know Rave was on it, But no, you can't flush it out like some of the others. There's a procedure. But then… Would you really want her to be able to have children? Sounded like you were pretty against the idea, lucky really that it turned out she couldn't. And it wasn't even your fault. You could carry on doing what you were doing, screwing every night, fulfilling your part of the deal, but knowing you'd never have to deal with the consequences." Poison shook his head. "There were consequences." He said. Saint Jimmy just smiled. "Oh. I'm sure there were. How long was it that she refused to let you touch her? How many months did you have to go without… Release?" Poison didn't answer. "Or… Maybe you decided, in that time, you'd fall back on your good friend Ghoul, huh? Did he fill in for a while? I mean, c'mon, not like he'd say no to you, right? He do anything for you… Or to you." A little wink from Saint Jimmy.

"No! He didn't! I didn't! We weren't even… We weren't like that! I was never with him while I was with Rave, I _never_ cheated.""Until recently." Saint Jimmy corrected, with a smile.

Party Poison hung his head.

Saint Jimmy wandered closer. "And that was cruel on him." He said. "You knew he wanted you, knew he had feelings for you, and you used him." Jimmy was getting close now, and Poison stepped back, finding himself with his back against the car. And Jimmy was still advancing. "You gave him just enough of a taste of you and then expected him to be at your beck and call again. Now, I know what it's like to have a little taste of you, and let me tell you…"Saint Jimmy was right up against him now, hands pressing Poison's hands flat against the car, he leaned in closer to whisper in Poison's ear, "It's maddening."

He'd known it was coming, but it was still a shock when he felt Saint Jimmy's lips against his. And though his first thought was to push Jimmy away, to fight back, his second thought was a lot more worrying.

_Just let it happen._

_What__'__s the point in fighting it?You__'__ve lost everything anyway._

_At least he wants to show you some kind of love._

_Even if it is purely dominant._

_And you have no say in any of it. _

_Why bother fighting? _

He gave in.

Relaxed under Jimmy's hold.

And kissed back.

The response from Jimmy was immediate. Poison could almost feel the excitement, the triumph, surging through him. He pressed his body closer against Poison, gripped his hands tighter and kissed with bruising passion.

Jimmy broke off the kiss only to start kissing Poison's cheek, jaw, neck, tracing an erratic trail, and making Poison tip his head back as Jimmy sucked softly on the skin on his neck. "Finally." Jimmy murmured between kisses. "Finally got you, haven't I, angel? Knew you'd give in eventually. Knew it."Poison didn't respond, just concentrated on what Jimmy was doing.

Pretending it was someone else.

Saint Jimmy returned his attention to his mouth again, tongue pressing against Poisons closed lips, which he surrendered, opened without protest, allowing Jimmy entry.

Jimmy's hands started to wander, confident he had Party Poison now, he wasn't fighting anymore.

He slipped his hands behind Poison, drawing him even closer. Then, bring one hand back around, Jimmy started unbuckling Poison's belt.

Still, he wasn't stopped.

Poison felt like he was tearing in two. One half of him was screaming, telling him to stop this, telling him to push Saint Jimmy off, to fight. But the other half was calm, telling him to let it happen, telling him it was alright, telling him it felt good, right?

When he felt Jimmy's hand slip inside his jeans he felt like crying.

It took him a second to realise he already was.

Saint Jimmy's cheek was against his, lips close to Poison's ear. "It's okay, angel, it's okay. I'm gonna make it all okay."

Poison wasn't so sure of that. But it wasn't like it mattered, he was letting this happen anyway. "You'll have to tell me how I compare to the delightful Ghoul when we're done, Cherry Top."

And that's when it changed.

_You__'__ve already fucked up enough. Why the __**hell **__are you making it worse? If either Rave or Fun Ghoul find out what you__'__re doing with Jimmy you__'__ll ruin whatever chances you might have left. And what about Kobra Kid? What if he finds out his brother is this fucking weak? He__'__ll be more than disappointed, he__'__ll be crushed._

_Now. Fucking. Stop this! _

Party Poison snapped open his eyes and suddenly, forcefully, pushed Jimmy away, catching the Saint completely off guard, and he stumbled back, only just managing to steady himself.

The look of shock lasted barely a couple of seconds, quickly replaced with a look of pure rage.

But Poison was looking back with equal hate.

"Oh. You're a tricky one, Cherry Top." Saint Jimmy spat, trying to grin, but failing, he was clearly angry. "But you forget, I told you what a little taste of you does to people."

The blow was too quick for Poison to stop it, to even see it coming. A sudden pain to his stomach and he was down. Saint Jimmy suddenly baring over him, grabbing his hair, wrenching his head up to once again whisper in his ear. "It's fucking _maddening_." Then Saint Jimmy roughly let him go, let him fall. A sharp kick as he went past, then, once again, Party Poison was alone.

Really alone this time.


	28. Face All The Pain and Take It On

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks, as always for reading! A little quicker on the upload, huh? **

**As always, a MASSIVE thank you to my reviewers (and I've noticed a few more people have started following this story, so hi and THANK YOU to you guys too)**

**Gasoline Diamond: Haha! Yeah, all kinds of emotions were running pretty high, huh? I do feel sorry for the boys, they're going through a lot, and I guess Rave did just react badly to it all. And ah, Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy… Yeah, nasty little trickster, isn't he? Can't kill him just yet though, not quite done with him. And yes, once Poison finally starts talking to people things might just start to straighten out a little! Thank you, as always for your amazing review, yours always show a lot of emotion for what I've written! **

**MyChemicalLoveAffair: Thank you so much for that, I'm glad you like my writing (even if it drives you crazy!) And yeah, it'd be pretty good for Ghoul to kill Jimmy, wouldn't it? But, I dunno, there's a lot of people out for Jimmy's blood, and just imagine what might happen if everyone else find out what Jimmy did… Yes, Ghoul is lovely, he's one of my favourites to write, definitely! And oh! God you just broke my heart! Kill Poison? No no! (well… It would make for a dramatic ending though wouldn't it?) Still, yes, that would be a good way for it to go, that Ghoul catches the two of them. I'm not sure if he would leave though, I don't think he could. And thank you! Your review was very emotion-high, but great to read, glad I'm getting such responses! **

**Okay! Well, I have to tell you, we're getting close to the end now, so though everything's still a little tangled up in knots and no one quite knows what's going on, it's all starting to coming together. Of course, there's still plenty of room for bad decisions and trickery along the way!**

**The title from this chapter comes from the amazing Danger Days track 'The Only Hope For Me is You'**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own any of the boys**

**Chapter 28 - Face All The Pain and Take It On**

Fun Ghoul sat on his bed, staring at the door, but not really seeing it at all.

He'd fucked up. Seriously fucked up this time.

_Why didn__'__t you just deny it?_

He'd tried. But he couldn't stand lying to Rave.

She'd never talk to him again, he knew it. They'd been best friends almost as long as her and Poison had been together. He'd always been the one she went to, when Poison wasn't around, or when it was something to do with Poison.

She'd trusted him.

She never would again. He'd ruined that relationship completely. Even if, somehow, they could go back to being friends, they'd never get past this, not really.

Maybe if he'd been honest with her. Maybe if he'd said he had feelings for Poison…

Rave probably still would've been upset with him, but she would've had more time to think, to take it in.

And, if he'd said something, maybe he wouldn't be feeling so guilty. If only, as soon as he realised he was still in love with Poison, he'd said something, to her, this could've all worked out better.

Then there was Poison.

Well. Fuck. Poison had made it clear enough, hadn't he? The way he'd denied it all so fiercely. Ghoul had had to drag it out of him, which, Ghoul knew had been an awful thing to do. Not just to Poison, but to Rave too. He'd been pulling all the nasty bits out, spreading them out between them, making sure they were visible to everyone.

It'd been cruel, it'd felt like he had taken a blunt knife to his own stomach and was pulling out his insides with his hands, fuck knows how it'd felt to Rave, to Poison.

He wondered how long it would take for Poison to start treating him like a person again, rather than a ghost. Last time… After they'd ended it last time, (after Poison ended it last time) it'd been a week until he'd talked to Ghoul normally. Then it'd taken months for them to get back to how they were, friends, close friends who depended on each other.

Ghoul hadn't blamed Poison for it, he knew why he'd become distant. He'd found it too difficult. Too difficult to look, to be close and have no prospect of following up.

Why hadn't he ever figured out that following up, continuing on, fuck, just getting the fuck on with it and being together was always a fucking option?

Of course, the answer to that was painfully clear, wasn't it?Poison had never wanted to. And the only reason the things that'd happened lately had happened was because Poison had had his mind and body so fucked with he…

But Ghoul had been sure… So sure… Not about the fucked up mess the night before. The scary way Poison had tried to force himself on him, not that. But the kiss, the stupid damn kiss the day before. That, _that_ had been real.

Hadn't it?

Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, remembering it, and remembering the startled look in Party Poison's eyes afterwards. He'd been shocked, surprised, because he'd figured something out. Because he'd realised his feelings for Ghoul and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

Maybe… Maybe Poison just hadn't wanted to hurt Rave, maybe that was why he'd denied it so much. But then he must've known he was hurting Ghoul by denying it?

Fucking hell… He wanted Poison back here, just to talk things out, to clear the air, figure out exactly where they stood.

But, problem was, he had no fucking clue where Poison was.

And, with Poison's parting words echoing in his ears again, he doubted Poison even wanted to see him.

Party Poison waited until he was sure Saint Jimmy had gone, then slowly sat up. He was trembling slightly from the latest encounter. So much of it had terrified him. The easy way Jimmy had got the upper hand, the way he'd so, so, so nearly given in to Jimmy's wishes.

And, he had to admit, he had been scared of how angry Jimmy had looked when he'd pushed him off. Poison had only seen him that angry once before, when he'd destroyed Jimmy's drugs, and then he'd had everyone else to protect him. This time Jimmy had attacked him, not to get anything from Poison, just to hurt him. And, the scary thing was, Poison had a feeling it'd taken a lot of self control on Jimmy's part to stop himself from doing further damage.

He was scared, and hurting and he really, really wanted to go and find the only person who knew the whole truth about what had been going on with Saint Jimmy. He wanted to scream and cry and know that they'd let him, ready with the right words and a supportive embrace when he was done.

But then he remembered all the damage he'd done. All the things he'd said, all the things he'd denied.

Was Fun Ghoul ever going to be that person for him again?

He didn't feel like finding out just now. Poison pulled himself up, sat back in the drivers seat of the car, door still open, his legs still outside while he thought about this a little longer.

Then, in a swift, decisive move, he turned around, swinging his legs inside, closing the door a little harder than needed.

He didn't let himself think about it any longer.

He started the car and just drove.

Kobra Kid heard the car starting up, heard the obvious sounds of it driving away. He frowned.

There hadn't been any plans to get supplies today, had there? Party Poison hadn't mentioned any plans while they'd been training earlier. And, the funny thing was, Poison had been doing a lot of talking while they were sparring. He'd seemed a lot more animated than he had in a while, and it'd really surprised Kid. He'd expected Poison to be worse again, after the run in with Korse, but he seemed… Fine. Calmer. It was strange. Not that Kid was complaining, he was pleased that his brother seemed more like his old self again it was just…

Kobra Kid really just wished Party Poison would be more open, like he used to. He didn't like the feeling that there were a lot of things Poison was trying to keep from him.

He went around to the other side of the building, the car was already gone, so he went inside, hoping to find someone who would know what was going on.

Kobra Kid was surprised to find no one in the main area, but, before he even got to the open door of the bedroom, he saw Fun Ghoul.

Kid was almost scared to approach him.

Ghoul was sat on the end of his bed, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. Kid had known him long enough, he could tell, could even feel how distressed he was.

It did mean one thing, Ghoul obviously knew who'd just left in the car, and why.

Kid was growing more and more certain that it had been Poison in that car.

Tentatively he walked into the room. "Hey… Are you… Okay?" Fun Ghoul looked up suddenly, startled, it was obvious he hadn't known Kobra Kid was there. "Hey, sorry! I just, um… Ghoul. You don't happen to know who just left, um, in the car, do you? I just heard…" He trailed off when Ghoul groaned, lowering his head to his hands again. "Ghoul. Seriously. What's wrong?" Fun Ghoul just shook his head. "Okay, can you tell me where Poison is, or…""That's the fucking problem." Ghoul muttered, his voice sounding forced, hard. But not like he was angry at Kid, he was angry at himself, that much was clear.

"Ghoul. Do know something? Just tell me." Ghoul looked up again, then got to his feet. "I don't know a damn thing." Then he tried to leave, to get past Kid.

He didn't get far.

Kobra Kid grabbed his arm, pushed him down so Ghoul was suddenly sitting again. Even his own friends sometimes forgot Kid's skills in timing and strength. Ghoul glared up at him, though waiting to hear what Kid was going to say before opening his own mouth again. "You _do_ know something Ghoul, now fucking tell me what is going on."

"I don't-""If you've been sleeping with my brother again you might as well just say so."

Fun Ghoul just stared at him, shocked, the anger having completely melted away. Eventually he managed to form some sort of response. "What?"Kobra Kid sighed, exasperated, annoyed. "Why the fuck does everyone think I'm stupid? Or blind? I know, Ghoul, alright? I know there's something going on with you two now and I knew when you were sleeping with each other before. You honestly think I wouldn't notice? He's my fucking brother! Of course I noticed!"

Ghoul couldn't believe it… Someone else knew? He'd known all along? Oh fuck… Just wait until Poison found out Kid had known all this time…

"But I… We-""You thought you were being discrete? Oh yeah, sure, because all those times you'd send me and Jet off somewhere, then we'd come back and you two would both suddenly appear from the bedroom wasn't obvious _at all_!" Kid laughed slightly. "Oh! And let's not forget how he'd make up bullshit excuses as to why neither of us could come with the two of you all those times you went on an 'extended check of the area'. And… And… Fucking hell, Ghoul! I can fucking read him, I could tell there was something going on, I could tell it had something to do with you, and I could tell he was happy, if fucking terrified." Ghoul listened, embarrassed, aware now of how obvious they'd been when they'd thought they'd been so clever, careful. But the last thing Kid said, that made him look up again, a strange stab of some weird emotion hitting him in the chest. "He… You really think he was happy?"Kid snorted. "Yes. Trust me, I know his moods better than anyone. And I know he was happy then."

"And… And now…?" Ghoul asked, tentatively, scared for the answer, but wanting it badly all the same, a little hope stirring inside him.

Kobra Kid saw that hope, and he just didn't know how to deal with it. He sighed. "Ghoul, I… I don't know. He's been… I can't tell." Ghoul had to admit, he was disappointed, he'd thought that maybe, just maybe he was about to get an answer of some sort, that he was going to find out what was going on in Poison's head without actually having to ask him. But still he nodded in understanding.

Then Kobra Kid continued, and Ghoul found himself wishing he hadn't.

"What I do know is he was happy with Rave. That much is obvious to everyone. To you too, Ghoul, I know that. But he hasn't been like that with her lately, and I think he hates that. Tell me Ghoul… Is it because you've been sleeping with him again? I'm not angry with you for having feelings for him but if you're screwing with his relationship with Rave I think you should be kinda ashamed-""No!" Ghoul cut him off, suddenly annoyed, indignant, for both him and Poison. "We- Yes. Okay, something's been going on with me and Poison but I couldn't put a fucking name to it if I tried! And I never, never wanted to get in the way of him and Rave. I- You know how fucking close we are, why would I ever want to hurt her?" Kobra Kid nodded, agreeing with this, he knew how close Ghoul and Rave were, but it didn't stop him from asking, "So. You and Poison haven't… Nothing's actually physically happened, right? Is that what you're saying?"

"I-" Ghoul found he couldn't answer that, not honestly anyway. And he was sick of lying, so he stayed silent, he bowed his head.

"I see." Kid said, quietly. And Ghoul snapped his head up again, glaring at Kid now. "Don't. Don't fucking judge me like that! Don't pretend you know what's going on here, like it's all so simple, so black and white. It's not!"

Kobra Kid just shook his head. "You know... I'm starting to think it'd almost be better for him if he wasn't with anyone."

Fun Ghoul stared at him, wide eyed. Couldn't Kid see that was a terrible idea? "So you want him to be alone?" He asked, a small accusing tone to his voice.

"Well the rest of us manage! Jet does, I do, you… Well. You did, for a while. Admit it, Ghoul, you found it easier when you weren't dealing with your feelings for him. Would it really be so awful for Poison to get a little of that peace too?"

Ghoul continued to stare at him. "I can't… You're his brother. But the things you're saying… It's like you don't care, like you don't know him at all."

Kid glared at him, and it was enough to make Ghoul slightly nervous, but not enough to back down. "Watch it." Kid snapped. "Just because you've slept with him, do not, for one second think that means you know him better than I do. And do not accuse me of not caring, I care. Maybe I even care more than you. You have your own motives, I just… I just want him _happy_."

Ghoul had to admit, some of that stung. He didn't think he knew Poison better than Kid did, that was insane. He did think that maybe Kid was looking at this all a bit too simply, but, despite the words that'd run away from him, of course Ghoul knew Kid cared, of course he just wanted the best for his brother.

"I know." Ghoul nodded, eyes to the ground as he admitted his error. "I'm sorry, I know that. I just. I really don't think he'd be happy on his own, he needs someone. And I'm not even suggesting that someone should be me, as much as, and you probably don't want to hear this right now but… I would give anything to be the one he needs. So long as it doesn't hurt anyone else."

"I have no problem with you saying that. But the problem is, no matter what, someone is getting hurt. I just don't want it to be Poison."

"It's a lovely thought, baby brother." Saint Jimmy's voice startled both of the Killjoys, and they turned to the direction of it, finding the Saint standing in the doorway. He smiled knowingly when he saw their looks of surprise. Walking in he continued, "But I think you know your brother is screwed whichever way he turns." Then, focusing on Fun Ghoul. "I guess it just depends on who he chooses as to whether he gets physically fucked or not, huh, Ghoul?" Hands clenching painfully, Ghoul bit back his response to that, a quick glance at Kid that proved he was just as angry. Saint Jimmy laughed, pleased to provoke them both so easily. "Oh. Damn. I am _good_ at hitting those nerves, huh?" He said, gleefully. Then, his eyes darkening to something a little more serious, voice dropping in an equal way. "He's gone, by the way. Your great leader. Took the car. He's left you all stranded." Ghoul closed his eyes, sighed heavily, he'd feared that, as soon as Kid had mentioned he couldn't find Poison. He'd heard the car too, known all along it was Poison.

Known it was his fault Poison had gone.

"He'll come back. He wouldn't just leave us." Kobra Kid argued, no hint of doubt. Ghoul couldn't help a small smile. No matter what, Kid would never give up on Poison. Saint Jimmy raised an eyebrow. "You think so? Well. We can hope, I guess…" He trailed off, looking out the window, where the sun was slowly setting. "For his sake too."

Jimmy made a half move to leave, only a threat, but Kobra Kid pounced anyway. Across the room and hand tight on Jimmy's arm, spinning him round. "What's that supposed to mean?" He demanded. Jimmy stared at the gloved hand on him, studying it for a few seconds, then he shrugged the Killjoy off. Rolling his eyes then fixing Kid with yet another dark look. "Think about it, Killjoy. You know this fucking desert as well as anyone. Your stupid fuck of a brother has gone out there alone. Surely somewhere in that bottle-blonde head of yours you can figure out that's a _very bad thing_." Kobra Kid blinked, not even slightly showing the torrents of emotion that'd just crashed over him. Suddenly gripped with fear, he felt unbearably hot and oddly cold.

_They__'__ll get him. Again. For fucks sake Poison why-_

"Of course." Saint Jimmy continued. "That's not exactly all that's against the great and idiotic Party Poison. Not that he was able to figure it out of course, but then, neither did any of you, so it must be a Killjoy thing."

Kobra Kid frowned, part in confusion, part in continued anger, why couldn't Jimmy just spit it out? But, he knew already, he'd learnt just like everyone else how Jimmy loved toying with people, getting the perfect reaction from them.

Fun Ghoul, however, was suddenly, terribly sure he knew what Jimmy was talking about.

Saint Jimmy saw the look of dawning realisation on Ghoul's face and smiled, knowingly. "I think we may have a smart one, at last." He said, almost approvingly. Kobra Kid turned his attention to his friend. "What? What is it Ghoul? What-"

"Is it peaceful in there, Kiddie?" Saint Jimmy cut in, drawing Kid's attention again. He carried on before Kid could say anything. "It must be, without all that thinking going on. Fucking hell, it's starting to look like your brother got all the brains, and _that__'__s_ a truly terrifying thought!""Get to the fucking point, Saint." Ghoul snapped. Saint Jimmy grinned at him. "Well, if you insist on spoiling my fun…" He said, teasingly. "It may have escaped your attention, but dear leader is not exactly operating at his best."

"You think we don't know that?" Kobra Kid snapped. "Of course he's fucking not! Not after what he's been through, and we don't even know exactly what that is!"

Saint Jimmy's smile darkened. "Oh. But I do."

Fun Ghoul felt immediately cold, he looked at Kobra Kid, saw the clenched fists, the shocked expression on his face.

Saint Jimmy chuckled. "I take it you want to know how?"

"If you're not going to tell us how you know, at least tell us what we need to know. What don't we know about what happened to Poison? What did-"

Saint Jimmy cut Kid off, "Relax, Kiddie, I'll give you both sets of information, don't you worry." Then, reaching into a pocket inside his jacket, he produced a small, silver disc, encased in a plastic folder, held it up between his middle and forefinger. "It's amazing what you can find laying around the Better Living headquarters, isn't it?" Ghoul and Kid just stared, not quite understanding yet.

Saint Jimmy started twirling the disc round. "You'd think they'd be a little more careful, wouldn't you? But then, when up against an expert like me, I guess you can't blame them. While I was fetching my… Supplies. I happened to walk past a very interesting room." He paused, dramatically. "Very dark, only screens lighting the place, I happened to peek in and to my surprise… Darling Cherry Top is the main feature!" He beamed, throwing his arm out, pleased to see both the Killjoys eyes stayed fixed on the disc, they still didn't know what it was, but they got the idea it was important, at least. "Well. Alright. I wasn't that surprised. The whole damn company were fucking wet over him, after all. But oh my… I had not expected to have him displayed in so many ways all at once in front of me. Snapshots of all kinds of nasty things they did. Then, I see an interesting little device, one that said it was 'recording'."

Almost as one, Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul got it, their eyes widened slightly, moving briefly to Saint Jimmy, then back to the disc. "Uh huh. They'd recorded the whole thing, to make sure they didn't repeat themselves too much and become boring, I assume? Or possibly to see what made him scream the most." He took pleasure in the looks of anger and despair on the Killjoys faces, they were imagining what those things were, again.

Well. They weren't going to have to imagine for much longer.

Without warning, Saint Jimmy tossed the disc at Kobra Kid, who caught it, just, with both hands. "Take a look. I've watched it myself, fast forward through a couple of boring bits. Y'know. The standard beatings and all that. Some good stuff on there though. If you really want to know what's gone on with Cherry Top… After all, he's not going to tell you. And not because he doesn't remember."

Kobra Kid snapped his head up at Jimmy. "He _doesn__'__t_ remember." He argued. Saint Jimmy laughed. "Oh. He does, he definitely does, Kiddie. He just doesn't want you to know that." Then, "Don't feel bad. He thinks he's protecting you. Of course, he's just doing himself more damage."

Saint Jimmy turned, actually leaving this time. "Now, you two enjoy that. But I wouldn't take too long. You never know what trouble Cherry Top is getting himself into now."

Party Poison had lost track of how long he'd been driving for. He'd switched off mentally completely, just focused on driving. He didn't want to think. He knew if he started thinking any number of things would get in, get to him. Take him over. He'd be done for then.

Poison didn't want to think about Better Living. He didn't want to think about Saint Jimmy. He didn't want to think about Fun Ghoul. He didn't want to think about Rave. He didn't want to think about home. He didn't-

_Home. _Poison almost laughed. _What the fuck is home now anyway? An abandoned diner filled with weapons and scraps of old lives? A place that__'__d seen so much blood, heard so many raised voices. Great. Some home. Why the fuck would I want to go back anyway? I__'__ll just keep driving, thanks._

But he was ignoring another little voice, one that was trying, desperately, to be heard. He was only ignoring it because he knew what would happen if he listened.

##

"_Gee.__"__ Gerard looked up, startled out of his own little world, he__'__d been staring out the window of the tour bus, his mind whirring with constant ideas and memories and a whole mess of other stuff. _

_Now he gave his full attention to the person standing in front of him, Frank._

"_Sorry, I was-__""__Gee__…__ You might wanna check on Mikey, he seems__…__ I dunno. Maybe you should talk to him.__"_

_Gerard didn__'__t hesitate._

_Mikey was sat on his bunk, back against the wall and knees drawn up. He only looked up when Gerard climbed up to join him. _

"_Everything okay Mikes?__"__ Mikey shrugged. Then, glancing at his brother again, he shook his head. _

"_What__'__s up?__"_

_Mikey sighed, then asked. __"__Gee__…__ How long have we been on the road? This time I mean.__"__ Gerard frowned, thinking hard. Then he laughed, admitting, __"__I honestly have no idea. I think I__'__m getting bad with time. And places, some places anyway, do you know how many times I__'__ve nearly said the wrong name of the place we__'__re playing? I mean, I try my fucking best but sometimes it__'__s hard to keep up!__"__ Even Mikey laughed then. __"__Any idea where we__'__re heading now?__"__ Gerard shrugged, __"__I dunno. Somewhere in Europe?__"__ Mikey laughed harder, having to admit he wasn__'__t sure either. _

_Slowly the laughter stopped, and Mikey grew serious again. __"__Okay now Mikey, tell me what__'__s wrong.__"__Mikey fidgeted slightly, obviously nervous, but Gerard wasn__'__t going to let this go. _

"_I__…__ Gee. Don__'__t you ever__…__ Miss home? I mean, you know I love this band, I love the feeling of playing on stage and everything but-__""__I understand.__"__ Gerard interrupted. __"__And, sometimes, I feel the same, but how can I really miss home when__…__ I have you here?__"__Mikey frowned, not quite understanding. __"__You__'__re a piece of home, Mikey, you__…__ Keep me grounded in reality, while all this__"__ he waved his hand, gesturing the tour bus, and everything it included, represented __"__takes me away to this crazy world we__'__ve created, you__…__ Remind me of normality. Of home.__"__ Mikey didn__'__t say anything else, he just smiled, and pulled his brother into a tight hug._

_##_

Party Poison hadn't realised he'd stopped the car.

Images of Mikey, and of the Killjoy he'd become over the years filled his head.

_What the fuck are you doing? _

Was he really running away from his life because the going had got a little tough? Was he seriously thinking about running away from, and leaving behind his own brother?And now, now he'd let those thoughts in, now he'd let Mikey in, of course, naturally, the others all came flooding back too.

Ray, Frank…

Fuck.

He really was running away from home, because he was running away from them.

And as if that was going to solve anything.

He stopped, and thought. Really thought about it this time.

If he went back he'd have to face Fun Ghoul again, have to face Rave. He'd have to explain. And, most importantly he'd have to _listen_.

And, hardest of all, he'd have to make a choice.

That was, if the choice wasn't already made for him.

He'd also have to tell Kobra Kid, and Jet Star, what had been going on. He'd be honest, finally. Completely honest. It was the only way to start to fix things.

_Are you going to tell them about Saint Jimmy? _

Party Poison froze at the idea of explaining that to them.

So maybe some things he'd keep to himself.

Still, he'd made this decision, at least, and now was time to act on it.

Starting the car again, he made a wide turn, heading straight back the way he'd come.

Kobra Kid was staring at the disc in his hands, and Fun Ghoul was watching him, nervously. "Um. Kid."

It'd been at least five minutes since Saint Jimmy had left them, and Kid had barely moved in that time.

All either of them could think of was what was on that disc.

Kobra Kid didn't answer him, didn't even acknowledge that he'd spoken.

"Kid. I… Um. Maybe, maybe you should give me that disc, I think um… I think maybe I'll just watch it, you… You don't have to, I can-"And then Kid snapped his head up, looking straight at Ghoul, an almost terrifying look in his eyes. "You're gonna try and stop me from finding out what happened to my brother?" He accused.

Ghoul sighed, he'd guessed Kid might take it like that. "No. I just… Kid. This isn't going to be easy. Think about it, that thing will show us exactly what the company did to Poison. We are going to see every bit of suffering they put him through and… If you don't want to see that first hand… I understand."

Kobra Kid looked down again. "I know you've taken it upon yourself to protect Poison, as best you can. I know you have Ghoul, but… I don't need you to do the same for me." He voice was quiet, gentle now. Calm.

And most of all, determined.

Once Rave had got out of that room, out of that building, away from that place, away from (_the love of her life and her best friend_) the two men she was most angry at she just kept walking.

She thought she maybe saw Saint Jimmy at one point, but she ignored him, she really didn't have time for him right now.

Rave wasn't sure when it was that she'd started crying, but she didn't bother to stop herself. Not like anyone was there, not like anyone was coming after her.

_I don__'__t want either of them coming after me. Usually they__'__re the only ones I want to see, but now__…_

Her brain kept trying to process all of the information, trying to make it make sense, but she couldn't. It didn't help that at the same time she was trying not to think about it. Because, when she did, she just saw them. She saw Poison and Ghoul, smiling at each other. She thought about how, all this time, they'd always been so… Easy, relaxed around each other. How often had she seen Poison leaning up against Ghoul while they were simply sitting, talking? How often had she seen Ghoul nudge Poison out of the way with his hip, only to pull him back closer with and arm around his shoulders? How many times had she seen them look at each other, smile, nod, and have it be like they were communicating on a whole different level to everyone else?

All these could just be signs of the closest of friends, and they were, but… There'd always been something else to it all, hadn't there?

No. Rave didn't think Poison had been cheating on her all this time, she didn't think Ghoul had been lying to her all this time. She did think they'd been lying to themselves.

And she knew, from what Ghoul had said, that things had definitely been happening recently.

She knew, for certain that the two men had kissed, and that possibly more had happened.

And that was about the time her mind would spiral off, picture things she didn't want to see, imagine the two of them together.

She could see them, on the bed, Poison's bed. Kissing, fingers curling and clutching hair, glancing over each others faces, lips getting caught between teeth. Hands tugging off each others clothes, legs getting tangled up together, those hands again moving, gliding, stroking across exposed skin. Naked bodies moving together and-

She wished she wasn't able to picture it so easily. She tried to push them away again, get them out of her head, but as she did, she found other images come to her, memories this time, and the very reason she was able to picture Poison and Ghoul so perfectly.

Jimmy and Johnny.

Jimmy had never had any fucking shame, and Johnny was never good at 'no'. Not with Jimmy anyway. He would always apologise to Rave after, for what they'd done, for the fact she'd seen it, again. But they both knew it would just happen again.

That was why she'd told Poison he was just like Saint Jimmy. Told him he was worse, because, well, at least Jimmy had been honest about it.

Rave laughed, bitterly.

_What the fuck is it with the men I fall in love with? _

She was so wrapped up in her tormenting thoughts and memories, she didn't see them coming at all.

It was pretty much night now, only a little light left, and Party Poison sped up, again, pushing the car as much as it would go. He didn't really want to be out here, alone once night truly fell.

_What the fuck were you thinking anyway?_

Now really wasn't the time to get into that again. He just had to focus on getting home.

That word again. Home.

This time he completely knew what it meant. And Poison found himself smiling.

Then, just off the side of the road, something caught his eye.

Poison hesitated longer than he normally would, but still found himself slamming on the breaks.

There was a fight.

Scarecrows were out.

And, alone or not, he was a Killjoy. The Leader of the Killjoys, no less.

He wasn't about to just pass this by.

Rave had never been up against Scarecrows before, let alone one of them plus another three Dracs.

She was terrified.

But. She hadn't been running with the Killjoys for five years and not learnt anything.

Rave straightened up, raising her head high as she watched the Dracs circling her, the Scarecrow watching her, steadily.

_Damn I miss my mask right now. _She realised now she'd left it back at the base, that in itself had been stupid.

But she hadn't left her gun. Her hand immediately went to it, and the first Drac pounced just as she drew it.

Rave had learnt from the best, of course, and was quick. That Drac was dead before it got any closer.

But then the others all went for her at once.

She got another couple of shots off, causing injuries, but killing no more.

Rave found herself on her front, pinned to the ground, a gun pressed to her head.

"Stop!" A voice, emotionless but commanding, presumably the Scarecrows called out. "She is a Killjoy. Apparently she is the partner of their leader, Party Poison." Rave couldn't help but laugh to herself a little then. She was ignored. "She could be useful to us."

"Fuck you." Rave spat, trying to raise her head, but not getting far. "I'm not helping you! I don't fucking care what you-" A sharp kick to her side silenced her. "Why are you out here alone, Killjoy?" The Scarecrow demanded. And Rave saw her chance. "I'm not part of the Killjoys now. I'm a lone rebel. No good to you."

"Is that so? Well then…" The Scarecrow paused. "Dispose of her."Rave had known that was what was coming, but she'd rather take that than risk being taken to Better Living,

She wasn't as strong as Poison, she wouldn't be able to survive what they'd do. Best it was over now, quick like this.

Rave heard the shot.

Then, to her surprise, she heard shouts, more shots, and she felt the gun being lifted from the back of her head, the weight holding her down being removed.

Rave dared to raise her head, and felt like screaming for joy when she saw the sight in front of her.

She got up on her knees as she watched Party Poison neatly despatching the last Drac, watching it fall to the ground as he holstered his gun again.

Then he turned his attention back to Rave. His eyes widening as he realised who it was.

"What the fuck were you _thinking_?"

As grateful as she was, Rave found herself furious at Poison all over again as he yelled at her. "Sure! Because it was my fucking fault I got attacked out here, right?" She snapped, getting to her feet, dusting herself off as best she could.

"No, but it is your fault you're by yourself, what the hell are you doing all the way out here? With no fucking mask! Anyone could've seen you!" Rave rolled her eyes. "Fucking hell Poison, you're all about the fucking masks, aren't you? All about hiding. That's your fucking speciality, hiding things, keeping things secret."

Party Poison's hands clenched, his eyes narrowed, and his voice got tight. "Don't." He said.

"Don't what Poison?" Rave demanded. "Don't bring up the fact you've been lying to me? Guess what, that's the fucking reason I'm out here by myself! To get away from you, to get away from Ghoul, to get away from… All the fucking mess you made!"

"I didn't mean for it to happen!" Poison shouted back at her. Rave laughed. "But it did happen, Poison, it fucking did! And it fucking hurts, don't you get that? It hurts because you, _you_ betrayed me, and I- You were the one person I thought never would."

Rave stopped yelling, quiet by the end of the last of it. And then, once again, she was crying. She just forgot everything around her, and sobbed. The heels of her hands pressed painfully hard against her eyes.

It was a shock when she felt arms around her. She hadn't expected, hadn't wanted Poison to comfort her. But now he was here, she couldn't help it. She couldn't help feeling safe.

Rave leaned into him, pressed her face against his chest, felt his hands on her back, holding her steady.

"I'm sorry." His whispered words made Rave cry harder. Because she knew, she knew he meant it. "I'm sorry I lied, I thought I was protecting you, I thought, if I denied it… That would make it go away, make it not true. I'm sorry I did that. I'm sorry I hurt you."

Rave, the tears subsiding, looked up at him then. He'd pushed his mask up, to the top of his head, leaving his face, his eyes clear to see. "Who is it you want to be with, Poison?" She asked, amazed the words didn't stick in her throat, she was that terrified to say them. Party Poison closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "Poison! You can't- Please. If it's him, tell me it's him. If this is over, let me get on with getting over you." Again, Poison shook his head. "I- I don't know." He admitted. And Rave allowed herself to fall against him again, sighing heavily. "Thank you for saving my life. Again." She said. "Always." Poison told her, lightly kissing the top of her head.

Rave looked up at him then, sensing the honesty in that simple word.

He really would always be there, to save her.

Poison bent his head slightly, kissing her again, on the lips this time.

It suddenly felt like a very long time since they'd last kissed, and Rave found herself kissing back more ardently than might be considered ladylike. She didn't care. She'd missed him, missed feeling close to him.

Her arms slipped around Party Poison now, drawing him even closer, she felt his tongue glance across her lips, then disappear back into his own mouth again, almost chastely.

Then, and they knew this was a bad idea, but even so, Poison carefully guided them down, to the ground. Rave felt the sand sticking to her legs and arms, getting in her hair, but her focus was all on Party Poison, above her, kissing her, lovingly, his hands wandering just a little over her body.

Poison realised he'd honestly forgotten there was a difference between kissing a guy and kissing a girl. Everything felt so much… Softer, he felt like he had to be more careful, more loving, he had to go slower.

Just as he dipped his head, to kiss her neck, Poison got a shock.

It took a few seconds to properly register.

"Gerard." Poison stopped, feeling frozen, then, slowly, he lifted himself up on his elbows, staring down at Rave, wide eyed.

She just stared back, a little hope but a lot of fear in her eyes as she said, "Your turn."

And Party Poison suddenly understood what she was doing, what she was trying to do. She'd remembered what she'd heard, about Poison and Ghoul using their real names, and now she was trying to see if she could get the same thing.

Poison opened his mouth, tried once to get the name out. Then shook his head.

It just didn't feel right.

Rave closed her eyes as Poison sat up, got to his feet, she opened them again to see him holding out a hand, which she took, letting him help her up.

Party Poison pulled her into another tight hug, then, letting her go, they walked back to the car.

Saint Jimmy was bored.

Party Poison had gone, again, leaving him with only the other Killjoys to mess with, and while that was fun, it wasn't what he wanted.

Especially not after what Poison had done. Not after he'd let Jimmy get close, so fucking close…

But, despite what he said to get the Killjoys all panicked and tied up in knots, Jimmy knew full well that Poison was coming back. Of course he was coming back.

And Saint Jimmy grinned at the thought.

"Waiting for you, Cherry Top. Gonna get what I deserve." He couldn't help a small laugh.

"And so will you."


	29. The Last of All The Rides We'll Take

**A/N: Look guys! This one took me under a month! And that's with a chapter of Runaway in between too! I'm crazy busy with writing right now, and I'm loving it! :D**

**Thanks, as always for reading, and a big thank you to my reviewers, it means a lot, it really does.**

**AshtrayTragedyM.D - Thank you, just, thank you so much for that review. Really, I'm honestly so glad to hear that you think that about this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter too.**

**Gasoline Diamond - Yeah. I think she definately gets it, you'll see more of that this chapter, that much I can tell you. And as for Jimmy... Well. Somethings coming his way, for sure! **

**StellarZombie - Jimmy is very creepy, which you'll be discovering more of over the next couple of chapters... And as for Poison, well, he was never really going to leave the Killjoys behind, was he? Ghoul is absolutely lovely, and I mean it when I say he's one of my favourites to write, I'm afraid he has another hard time of it this chapter. And as for the whole Poison/Ghoul thing... That might be finally being addressed this chapter.  
Haha, thank you! Glad you liked it! **

**Right, well, last couple of chapters now, but believe me the best (or worst) is yet to come!**

**I also just want to take this time to say a huge thank you to Jo (Jomel10) for all the help this chapter, in particular, and this fic as a whole. Without you I'm pretty sure this would never have made it online. We're nearly at _that _chapter now!**

**The title of this chapter comes, of course, from the beautiful Danger Days track "The Kids From Yesterday"**

**Disclaimer: Still don't owe any of the boys, obviously**

**Chapter 29 - The Last Of All The Rides We'll Take**

The car was silent, and just a little bit awkward.

Alright. A lot.

Party Poison and Rave had barely exchanged a word since they'd got in the car. Only Poison had said, quietly, "Home?" And Rave had nodded.

Once or twice Poison had reached for the radio, but thought better of it.

It seemed like a very long time before the silence was broken again.

"Poison. Why… Why couldn't you say my name back there?" Party Poison sighed, he'd hoped they weren't going to have to have this conversation, though, in reality he'd known there was no escaping it. "Rave… I just… It… It didn't feel right. It's like… Do you remember what I said, back when we were first together? About, um, 'love'." Rave nodded, she remembered.

_They were sat outside, but still in the shade. Waiting for the other three to get back. They had some news. _

_Rave was sat, curled up comfortably on Party Poison__'__s lap, her arms loosely linked behind his neck. He kissed her, lightly, the smile obvious on his lips. _

"_Can I tell you something?__"__ Poison asked her, his voice gentle and quiet. Rave nodded, he could tell her anything he liked. __"__I__…__ Hope you won__'__t think this is strange, or, take it the wrong way but__…__ You know what I said earlier?__"__ Rave frowned a little, a lot of things had been said earlier. __"__I mean, when I told you__…__ I love you.__"__ Rave blushed, smiled. __"__Yeah. I kinda remember that.__"__ She said. __"__Well__…__ I__…__ Just, don__'__t be surprised if I don__'__t say it everyday. I__…__ It__'__s kinda a big deal for me to say it at all. And, um. I don__'__t like just throwing that kind of thing around.__"__ Rave thought about this, then nodded. __"__I understand. You only ever say things you mean.__"_

"_I don__'__t mean that when I don__'__t say it that I don__'__t, you know, feel it just-__""__Poison. Relax. I get it.__"__ She kissed him again. __"__I feel even luckier now.__"__ Rave leant to kiss him once more, but with a gentle push, Poison stopped her. _

"_They__'__re here.__"__ he whispered. Rave twisted around, and saw the car, having just come to a stop. She saw the front passenger door open first, saw Fun Ghoul get out. He caught sight of Rave and Party Poison, stared at them, wide eyed and hopeful. Poison nodded, and Ghoul beamed, nodding back, knowingly. _

"You only ever say things you mean." Rave said. "That's why you couldn't use my name." Party Poison didn't say anything, he didn't need to. What could he say anyway?

"But with him… You mean it." Rave continued. Poison wished she'd stop. This drive was turning out to be awkward enough as it was, why was she making it more difficult? He didn't want another argument. So instead he continued to keep quiet.

"Do you love him?" Now Rave posed an actual question, Poison had no choice. "Do I- Fuck. Rave. I don't know. I-""So you haven't said _that _to him then?" At least that question was easy. "No. I have never told him I love him.""But you do use his real name.""Only when- Yes. Look. Can we stop using 'he' 'him' 'his', okay? Fun Ghoul. Alright? Ghoul. Stop trying to make him some anonymous person. He's been you're best friend for years, he doesn't deserve that."

"He does when he's been screwing with my boyfriend." Rave winced as soon as the words were out of her mouth. "I'm sorry!" She apologised before Poison could say anything. "I'm- I didn't mean that. You're right, _Ghoul_ deserves better. I wasn't not saying his name on purpose it's just… Wow. This whole name thing has gotten kinda complicated, hasn't it?" "Most of the time, I call him Ghoul, just like everyone else, and he calls me Poison. That's the way it stands. Not so complicated." "It _is_ complicated, Poison!" Rave protested. "You and Ghoul made it complicated. And, now, I don't mind complications, I just want to know where _I _stand."

Party Poison resumed his stance of not talking. And the silence prevailed again. Though not for as long this time. Again, Rave was the one to break it.

"Poison. We're… We're over. Aren't we?"

Poison looked at her, briefly, eyes back on the road. "Rave I-""Poison. Stop it. I know what you're doing, it's what you always do, protecting. But this is hurting a hell of a lot more than you think it is. So here, here's your permission. Stop protecting me from this Poison."

Party Poison stopped the car.

He continued staring out the window for what seemed a very long time. Then, finally, turned to face Rave.

"I… Fuck. This does hurt, doesn't it?" Rave gave him a small smile. "It does. But I think we're finally on the same page, here, aren't we? One of us was always further ahead."

"Yeah. And you beat me to the ending." Poison said, with a small laugh. "This better not be the ending." Rave said, surprising Poison. "I'd like to think of it as more of… A new chapter." Rave continued, still with that smile. "So. You're staying with us? With the Killjoys, I mean?"

Rave shrugged. "Well. Someone's gotta take care of you losers. Figure you lost boys still need a mother." Poison smiled, dipped his head slightly. "We'd like that." He paused, for a very long time before adding. "Wendy." He grinned. It wasn't her real name, but right then, the nickname Poison had come up for her years ago was more than good enough. "I love you too." She said.

###

Kobra Kid had gone in search of something to watch the disk on, leaving Fun Ghoul standing in the main room, feeling awkward, jumpy.

He was starting to wonder if this was such a good idea.

Something told him, it really wasn't.

Finally Kid came back, carrying something flat and rectangular under his arm.

"Figure this is what Saint used to watch the recordings on, I found it set up in the corner of the supply closet.""When did he-?" Ghoul started to ask. "Fuck knows." Kobra Kid interrupted. I don't care. I just care about getting it set up here and running." Kobra Kid set the thing down on one of the tables, it was now obvious it was an old portable DVD player, something they'd accumulated along the way, but forgotten about.

Saint Jimmy had obviously found it and used it already.

Fun Ghoul felt slightly sick at the thought of Saint Jimmy sitting in that closet, probably with Poison only just outside, all the while watching him suffer on screen.

"Kid…" Ghoul said, carefully, knowing already what the answer was going to be. "I was kinda thinking… Maybe we should leave this until later. I mean, shouldn't we be out there, looking for Poison? And Rave? I mean, we don't know where she is either.""Rave's smart, she knows how to look after herself. And how the fuck are we supposed to find Poison when he has the car?"

"So we don't even _try_? What if he's in trouble?" At that Kobra Kid stopped, turned to face Fun Ghoul and said, calmly. "Have you noticed something, Ghoul? Poison's always in trouble lately. Now, I know, we all signed up to having to take a certain amount of shit when we decided to go against BL/I, and Poison has always taken the worst of it, but lately… Now, I know, I know this crap started long before Better Living took him, I know this started with Saint Jimmy. But you know what? No one's fucking talking about that. So, I guess I'm not allowed understand what's going on there. But this" Kid held up the disk "this will at least help me understand what happened to him in that place. Maybe if I know… He'll actually let me help him. Maybe, if I know, I'll be able to stop him getting into any more trouble."

Fun Ghoul closed his eyes, bowed his head, a part of him ashamed for keeping the truth about Saint Jimmy from Kobra Kid. But… How could he tell him?

"I just… I just don't think this is going to be as easy as you think it is." Ghoul told him. He looked up then, found Kid staring right at him, unflinching, unmoving. "I love my brother, Ghoul, and I want to help him. If you don't want to watch. Fine. Just stop trying to stop me."

Then he turned around, inserting the disk into the drive. He sat down on the bench, right on the end of it.

He was oddly relieved when he heard Ghoul dragging a chair, setting it next to him, then sitting.

Honestly, Kid hadn't wanted to do this alone.

The screen fuzzed slowly into life.

The Better Living smiley came up in white on black.

Then the screen fuzzed again, and when the picture finally cleared Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul were faced with the room they recognised. The camera focused straight ahead, at the frame.

It was silent.

Ghoul glanced beside him, to see Kid looking his way too. He looked about as nervous as Ghoul felt.

Then, sounds from the screen turned their attention back.

Sounds of scuffling, of feet skidding on over polished floors, of shouts.

A door banged open.

And that was the first time they heard him.

"_Get the __**fuck**__ off me! __I swear I will-__"_

Both Kid and Ghoul, watching, flinched. They couldn't see him yet, he wasn't in this camera's range, but they knew he'd just been struck.

Then he came into view.

_He was still struggling, still trying to get away. Two Dracs held him, dragging him to the frame, that Poison had yet to notice, and two Scarecrows were behind, batons in hand, ready to be used again. _

_Poison tried to twist his arm out from one of the Drac__'__s grip, only to have it pulled tight, and one of the Scarecrows lash the baton out, down on his arm. Poison cried out that time, and it distracted him for long enough for the Dracs to manhandle him towards the frame. Pushing him back, then each taking an arm, stretching it out, snapping the restraints on his wrists. _

_Poison immediately tried the restraints, trying to wriggle his wrists out, pushing against them._

_The Dracs stepped back, then walked out. The Scarecrows following. _

_Poison continued to struggle against the thick metal holding him back. Turning his head, franticly, staring at each wrist in turn, trying to figure out how they were fastened, how he could undo them. Then, he turned his attention to the rest of the room, taking in what little there was. _

_Then he looked up. _

_He spotted the camera__'__s._

_And he stopped struggling. _

"_Fuck.__"__ He breathed. _

Watching him like this was bad enough, seeing him tied, unable to move. But at least he was still clothed, his hair still long and red. It'd actually shocked them both to see it again. They'd already become so used to the short, bleached hair.

Suddenly Ghoul ached to see that red again.

_He was left like that, for a while. He didn__'__t struggle anymore, just stared straight at the cameras._

Kid and Ghoul knew what he'd been doing. He'd been showing them he wasn't afraid of them. He had to prove he wasn't scared.

_Party Poison turned his head in the direction of the door a second before it banged open again. _

_This time, there were more. _

Kid and Ghoul watched as they cut away Poison's t-shirt, and Ghoul caught the flinch where the knife went into Poison's skin.

_Others came in, carrying Poison__'__s jacket, his gun, his mask. Displaying them with strange care. _

_The Scarecrow, the one who had been directing all the others, grabbed Poison__'__s hair, demanding it had to go too. _

They were slowly taking Poison apart, taking away everything that made him 'Party Poison'.

Soon, though, they knew, things would get worse, harder to watch.

Soon the company would stop tearing apart 'Party Poison', the Killjoy Leader.

And they'd start tearing into the man beneath that name.

They'd start to tear at Gerard Way.

##

Party Poison had started the car again, and, with the things that needed to be said finally said, the tension had finally lifted.

Rave was staring out of the window, wondering why she didn't feel like crying. She'd just lost the one man she'd felt had ever loved her.

But. Truthfully. She hadn't lost him at all.

He was still here, wasn't he? Yes, their relationship had changed, but _he_ hadn't, not really. And that, she guessed, was why she was somehow able to take this so well.

An odd thought crossed her mind.

"Am I gonna sleep in Ghoul's bed now? I mean, will his bed become mine and he'll sleep with you? Or, will you go to his bed and I'll stay-""Jesus Christ Rave!" Poison exclaimed, sounding like he was trying not to choke, the car swerved slightly, but Poison quickly righted it again. "What?" Rave asked. "I'm just wondering, I mean-""I don't-" Poison stumbled over his words. "I don't know that yet Rave. I… Fuck. I haven't thought that far ahead." Then, giving her a quick sideways glance. "And… Are you sure you'd be okay with that? Me and Ghoul…" Rave shrugged. "I've seen you two share before, not like it's anything new, really.""It'd be different though, Rave. You know that. And… I don't want to make this harder on you."

Again, Rave shrugged, now unwilling to look up at Poison. "Well… You guys will probably… Be together now, right? So what's the point in me trying to avoid that?""I don't even know that." Poison admitted. "What?" Rave asked, almost laughing. "You're worried he won't want you? I don't think that's going to be a problem, Poison." Rave saw him try to hide a smile, but she saw it, she caught it. "We'll see." Poison said.

###

Kobra Kid already didn't like this, he didn't like seeing this, so plainly in front of him.

Yes, he'd wanted to know what had happened, but he'd wanted Poison to tell him, not to have it play out before his eyes.

But Poison wasn't talking, so this was his only choice.

_Party Poison had been left in the room again, alone. _

_The door banged open, Poison opened his eyes._

_Only two people came in this time. One Scarecrow._

_And Korse._

"_Hello Party Poison. It's truly an honour to meet you."_

They both remembered Korse, not just from the previous times they'd met the Exterminator out in the zones, but specifically the last time they'd seen him. When he'd nearly taken Poison again.

They remembered the way he'd spoken to Poison, the way he'd taunted him.

Ghoul saw Kids hands gripping the table, fingers going white. It was then that he realised he'd clenched his hands so tight what little nails he had were digging into his palms.

"_Of course… You're not quite Party Poison anymore, are you? This does leave me at a disadvantage, as I now have nothing to call you… Why don't you tell me your real name?"_Fun Ghouls eyes went wide as he heard this. No. No. Oh God no.

Then he flinched as he saw the first blow land. He hadn't seen it coming, so it shocked him even more.

Then there was the next. And the next. And the next.

_Party Poison closed his eyes, tight. He could deal with this. So long as it didn't get worse, he could deal with it. _

_Then he sensed Korse coming closer._

Kid forced himself to keep watching, though he couldn't stop himself flinching, even before anything happened, it was like he anticipated all of it before it happened, like he knew what Korse was going to do.

_He stared up at the cameras with eyes that just wanted to close. But he couldn__'__t. __**They**__ wouldn__'__t let him do it. _

"_Come on Party Poison, give it up__…__ Scream.__"_

_He obeyed._

Ghoul closed his eyes, but he couldn't block the sound.

So many things, they'd done so many things to Poison, things Ghoul had never- He'd never wanted to think about.

So far though, there'd been no sign of the one thing he was, if possible, most scared of.

His thoughts kept going to the night they'd saved Poison.

To the thing no one but he had seen.

The belt. The jeans.

He prayed he'd been wrong.

_He gasped for breath as he was finally given some sort of break. Korse was walking away, leaving him be for a while. But it wasn't a break at all, not really. Because it hurt. It all hurt. Just because there was nothing new, it didn't stop the pain that was already there. Bruises forming and tears in skin gently leaking blood. It felt like his head was pounding. _

_He wished he could hope for this to be it, for him to be left now. _

_He glanced at the cameras, knew this was only just beginning. _

"I don't know how he…" Kid didn't realise he'd spoken the words out loud until Ghoul answered, "He's your brother, you know exactly how he managed to survive this."

Kid guessed that was true.

_Korse was coming over again, nothing in hand this time, but the look on his face still terrified Poison. _

_He looked far too happy about something. _

They both watched, thinking Korse was going back to the original tactics, simple beating, no equipment required. And anyway, it wouldn't take much to hurt Poison now, would it? Korse didn't have to try so hard right now.

_Korse's hand didn't rise to strike him though._

_It lowered. _

_Poison cringed, then closed his eyes tight once more, trying to shut it out. _

Kid frowned, leaning forward slightly, trying to figure out what was going on.

Ghoul froze, he'd already figured it out, the realisation gripping him, holding him tight, forcing him to keep watching.

Oh God no…

Kobra Kid suddenly grabbed Ghoul's arm, eyes still locked on the screen, unable to fully process what he was seeing.

Kid sat up, hurriedly, his legs getting caught up, Ghoul having to get out of his chair and out of the way quickly as Kid backed away from the player and the images it was displaying.

Ghoul hit pause, wincing at the frame it froze on, quickly turning his back on it, going to Kobra Kid, who had staggered away, bent nearly double.

"Kid. Are you-""Holy- Holy shit. I- Fuck. I can't- Do you know how fucked up that is? What he- What they- Oh shit." He looked pale, ill. He was shaking. That much Ghoul could relate to, it'd started with just his hands, but now Ghoul was shaking all over.

But though he felt like he could be sick, Kobra Kid looked like he actually might.

"Kid. If you don't want to watch-""I told you to stop with that!" Kid snapped at him. "I have to know! I have to so I can help him. I- Oh shit…"

Then he fell to his knees, sobbing, unable to tolerate the pain he felt for his brother.

Ghoul was there, crouched beside him, hand on his back, and suddenly Kid grabbed him, pulled him close, needing the reassurance of someone else being there. "Holy shit Ghoul… They tore him apart." Ghoul nodded. "We knew it was bad… From the injuries, we knew-""We didn't know about _that_ though!" Ghoul could say nothing to that.

They didn't pick themselves up for a while. Kobra Kid was crying too hard, and Fun Ghoul… He couldn't. He felt like something had been torn out of him, watching those things happen to someone he loved so much. Eventually, he was the one who spoke. "We can't tell him. We can't tell him we saw this, we can't tell him we know." Kobra Kid shook his head, violently. He knew just as well as Fun Ghoul did what it would do to Poison if he discovered they not only knew what'd happened, but that they'd seen it too.

It would destroy him more than even what Better Living had done.

Eventually they picked themselves up, practically leaning on each other.

They watched the rest of the footage in silence, never quite getting over the sick feeling they felt, but never actually giving in to it either.

Ghoul was the one to offer his hand, and Kid took it, once again needing to know someone was there. Neither of them cared that the other squeezed a little tight. To be honest, a little pain was what they needed right now, something to keep them in the here and now, to remind them that what they were seeing was the past.

When the screen finally, suddenly went blank they both felt utterly drained, emotionally. They turned to look at each other, seeing tears streaming down each others faces.

"He can't know." Ghoul repeated. And Kobra Kid nodded, once. Then he practically ripped the disk out of the machine, and without hesitation, threw it to the ground.

He got to his feet again, and Ghoul watched as Kid took all the pain and anguish he felt over what he'd just seen out on the very thing that'd shown it to him, crushing the disk beneath his feet, until the shards were tiny. It reminded Ghoul of when Poison had destroyed Jimmy's drugs, in a vaguely similar way.

All he could do was watch, that empty feeling had only gotten worse.

He had a feeling the only way he was going to feel better, whole again, was seeing Poison again.

Fuck. He needed him badly.

When he was done, Kobra Kid just stared at the floor, at the remains of the thing that'd shown him the horrors his brother had faced.

He wished he could do the same thing to those who had inflicted that pain on Poison. He wished he could break them and crush them until they-

But he couldn't do that. Not only was that far too risky, he'd be putting everyone else in danger if he tried, but they were too far away.

He needed someone he could take this anger and despair he was feeling out on now.

As he continued to stare down at the broken pieces, the answer became obvious.

Kobra Kid had already started walking when he heard Fun Ghoul call out to him, "Kid. Where're you going?" Kobra Kid didn't answer, knowing Ghoul would only try to talk him out of it if he told him.

If he told him he was going to look for Saint Jimmy.

###

Jimmy had to admit, he hadn't thought they'd _actually_ watch it. But, when he'd snuck in the back into the bedroom, he could see in the next room that was exactly what they'd done.

It was fun watching them squirm.

Jimmy had half thought about getting that disk back, about keeping it to use again later… It could be a nice little bargaining tool, he thought.

But then he'd seen the thing reduced to nothing by the furious and devastated Kobra Kid and well… That was the end of that plan.

Of course, by watching that, they'd played into another little plan of Jimmy's. Now he could use _that_ against them.

And. Oh. Was that Kobra Kid coming looking for _him_?

Now. He'd kinda wanted to wait to play with the older brother… But. He supposed he could kill time this way too.

Kobra Kid marched into the bedroom, first place he looked, and found Saint Jimmy, perched on the end of his bed.

It was like he'd been waiting for Kid to find him.

"Hey Kiddie." Saint Jimmy sang. "Enjoy the show?" Kobra Kid slammed the door shut behind him, he didn't want Ghoul, or Jet coming this way and trying to stop him from what he was going to do. "Sick bastard." He snarled at Jimmy.

Jimmy chuckled. "Oh dear. You seem to be confused, _I _wasn't the ones doing those things to dear brother." He paused. "Not that I'm saying it didn't look like fun." He said, with a nasty gleam in his eyes.

Kid shook his head, furiously. "You might not have done it, Saint. But you watched it, you watched it and you fucking enjoyed it didn't you? You sick-""I'll stop you there, Kiddie. Before you repeat yourself." Saint Jimmy cut him off, standing now, walking slowly forward.

"Yes. I watched it, but so did you. I didn't force you to watch it, dear, you made that decision yourself. So, this gets me wondering… Was there maybe, _maybe _a teeny tiny part of you that wanted to watch it? Perhaps a little part of you that… Enjoyed it too?"

Kobra Kid's eyes went wide, he felt his skin get hot. He hadn't thought he could get angrier, but it turned out he could. It was white hot now. "You're- You're fucking sick! How could I-? How could I ever fucking enjoy that? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Saint Jimmy laughed, again, and Kobra Kid knew he was enjoying this, too, getting a kick out of the reaction he was getting. Well, Kid couldn't help that, he wasn't going to just let this slide, just let him say those things. "Well, I don't know, Kiddie. Perhaps you liked seeing him brought down a peg or two, I mean, being the younger brother…I'm sure it can't be easy, always being in his shadow, especially now you're all out here. I bet sometimes you think you'd make the better leader, huh? But, no, that's not the way of it, is it? He's older, so he's in charge, right? Did anyone even get a say in it, I wonder, or did he just decide that?" Kobra Kid shook his head, this was all wrong, Saint Jimmy was twisting it, twisting everything.

_Like he always does._

"No. NO! I have never been in his shadow, I have never felt like- He's always looked after me, always looked out for me, and I do the same for him! I never begrudged him any of it. And he'd step down in a heartbeat if I asked, but I know, _we all _know he's the best for us."

Saint Jimmy just smiled. "Okay. So you didn't enjoy it in that way…" He trailed off, the suggestion clear. "Don't be disgusting, Saint. I swear if you even suggest-""Fine, fine." Saint Jimmy said, waving his hand in the air, brushing the matter away. "I hear you loud and clear. But it makes you wonder about your comrade, doesn't it? I wonder how he felt… Especially… A certain something that _you_ couldn't quite handle. Ghoul was still watching, wasn't he? I wonder-""Stop it! Stop trying to make out any of us are as sick and fucking twisted as you, Saint! Ghoul fucking loves my brother and he hated what we saw as much as I did!" Kobra Kid paused then, jolted slightly by the words that'd left his mouth.

Ghoul… Loves Poison…

It was only now, only when he said it he realised how true it was.

"That's cute." Saint Jimmy said, like he thought very little of it. "But I bet there was still a little part of him that got excited when he saw Cherry Top's pants on the floor."Kobra Kid didn't rise to it that time, he just glared at Jimmy. "Just because you did, Saint, doesn't mean anyone else got any kind of pleasure from that." Saint Jimmy raised an eyebrow. "Oh. So you want my thoughts on it? Well, I have to say, I expected better from 'Better' Living. I expected them to go all the way, unlike what they did… Kinda tame, really. But. I'm sure Korse had fun, so good for him."

At that, Kobra Kid finally snapped, his gun was out, pointed straight at Saint Jimmy. "Tame?! Tame! They-""Humiliated him, for sure, yes. And I'm certain that was the idea, but really, I expected a little… More." Then, with a bored glance at the gun, Saint Jimmy rolled his eyes. "And do put that thing away Kiddie, now, really, that's just boring of you."

Kobra Kid shook his head. "No. No I won't. Not until you take that back, or…" Something came to mind then, something that made Kobra Kid feel sick, but maybe this was the only way he'd finally know.

Did he really want to know? "Or. Until you tell me what it is you did. I know you did something to my brother, Saint. But no one's fucking telling me. So. You tell me. And I'll put the gun down."

Saint Jimmy cocked his head slightly, studying him. "An interesting proposal, Kiddie." He said.

Then, before Kobra Kid could react, Saint Jimmy was across the room, he'd grabbed the hand that held the gun, twisting it out of Kobra Kid's grip, making him drop it. Then he slammed Kid against the wall. "But how about you drop the gun now. And I'll treat you to the knowledge of what I did to Cherry Top anyway."

Kobra Kid struggled, but he remembered, from last time, how difficult it was to shift Saint Jimmy.

It didn't stop him from trying.

Saint Jimmy leant it close, whispering in Kobra Kid's ear.

"You want to hear it, do you, Kiddie? I can tell you all about it."

###

As they pulled up to the safe house, home, the first person Party Poison and Rave saw was Jet Star.

He'd been waiting for them outside.

They got out of the car, smiling easily at one another, and walked towards their fellow Killjoy.

Jet Star grinned. "About time." He said. "You were both worrying the hell out of us.""We're okay." Poison said, with a quick glance at Rave, who nodded. "Well. That's good to hear. The others are inside. I think… Um. I think they might want to talk to you, Poison." Party Poison didn't catch the worried tone to Jet Star's voice, he just nodded, and said, "Yeah, I kinda need to talk to them too."

Rave held out her hand to Poison, who took it, glad for the little bit of reassurance she was offering.

He guessed she knew he was kinda nervous about this.

Fun Ghoul looked up as he heard the door open, got to his feet when he saw who it was.

He had to admit, his heart sank slightly when he saw Poison and Rave's hands linked. But then, there was a part of him that'd never expected to be the one Poison chose.

Ghoul looked up at Poison, smiled, nodded, telling him he understood. Poison smiled back, but shook his head.

Then he let go of Rave's hand, stayed behind as Poison walked towards Ghoul, who watched, not quite understanding.

Party Poison came right up close, then, almost shyly looked away. He took Ghoul's hand then, and leant in to whisper in his ear.

"I think… We need to talk."

Fun Ghoul's heart leapt. He didn't- Surely he couldn't mean-

He stared up at Poison, trying to understand, but Poison was just smiling.

Were they… Was this real?

Then Poison leant in again. This time to kiss Ghoul, gently, almost like he was being cautious.

And then Ghoul realised yes, this was very real.

He kissed back, perhaps with a little more force than needed, but he… God he was just so happy and relieved.

Then Party Poison broke away, laughing, lightly. "I guess we don't need to talk after all." He said. Then, "But we will. We… I think we'd better do it right this time, don't you?" Fun Ghoul nodded, he didn't care. He didn't care if Poison wanted to talk about this all night, just so long as he now knew this… _They _were happening.

Finally.

"But. Um. First." Poison said, a little awkwardly now, backing away slightly. "I need to see Kid, just gotta let him know I'm okay, and…"Fun Ghoul nodded. "I'm not sure where he is though, we were in here, um-" Ghoul didn't know what to say, what to tell him. He couldn't say what they'd been doing while Poison was gone, not after they'd sworn not to tell him. In the end Ghoul decided just not to mention anything at all. "But, uh, anyway, he disappeared." Poison nodded, "I'll find him." He slowly, obviously reluctantly, let go of Ghoul's hand, went off to find Kobra Kid.

And then Ghoul was left, suddenly remembering there was someone else in the room. The second he saw Rave, he felt guilty.

"Rave. I'm sorry. I-"Rave held up a hand, halting him. "Don't. What do you think me and Poison did for that long drive back here? We talked. We talked it all over and… I'm okay. And… I see you're happy. And he's happy so… I'm okay."

Fun Ghoul didn't quite believe her, but at the same time he knew he'd get no other answer from her, so he just nodded.

"Are… Are we okay?" Ghoul asked, tentatively. Rave nodded. "Yeah. We are."Fun Ghoul smiled, and opened his arms to her. "Then get over here, I was fucking worried about you." Rave laughed, then did as she was told, happy to be back in the embrace of her best friend.

###

Party Poison guessed he probably should've looked inside first, but, it was Kobra Kid, whenever he was anxious, or nervous it was more likely you'd find him outside, shooting stuff.

After he didn't find his brother there, Poison went back to looking inside.

He found it strange to see the bedroom door closed, it was never closed during the day, unless someone was in there.

Oh. It was so fucking obvious, wasn't it?

Party Poison pushed the door open.

His blood froze when he took in the scene inside.


	30. The One Left Standing

**A/N: Well holy shit, would you look at this... UNDER A WEEK!  
It's kinda crazy, I've been planning this chapter since... Well. Over a year now, and now it's done. I can't quite believe it.**

**Anyway! Thank you everyone who's read so far.  
Now, since I'm updating so quick, I'm guessing some people haven't had the chance to read and review the previous chapter, but, thank you, as always.**

**Gasoline Diamond - Can I just say a HUGE thank you to you? Your passion for my story, the fact you always review so... Well, violently (about Saint Jimmy, anyway) is just astounding. I love your reviews so much. Anyway. Don't worry too much about Kid, you'll see, Jimmy's only playing.  
Also, you miiiight finally get your wish. Maybe. Can't give something like that away!**

**Right. Brief warning before we get into this. This chapter is VERY graphic, for me anyway.**  
**And it might not be the end, but it certainly is the final battle...**  
**It's gonna be bloody.**

**I just need to take the time, once again to send out a big thank you to Jo (Jomel10) without your encouragement and advice, this chapter wouldn't have been even half as good as it is now.**

******(alright, enjoy! One more chapter after this. Crazy! I'll have a big gushy authors note then, I think... Sorry in advance!) **

**The title for this chapter comes from the gorgeous Danger Days track, 'Bulletproof Heart'**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the boys, just the girl and the storyline. **

**Chapter 30 - The One Left Standing**

Kobra Kid was shaking, again.

And he felt sick again.

And he was pretty sure that if Saint Jimmy wasn't pining him upright he'd probably have collapsed by now.

But Jimmy was pining him, and he was the reason Kid felt so ill.

He'd told him everything, everything he'd done to Party Poison, even going so far back as to tell him about what happened that very first day.

"Just a little kiss on the cheek, Kiddie. And it got him all tied up in knots. You remember how he was, right? And it was all over a simple little kiss. I was flattered."

He revelled in the details, clearly taking great pleasure in telling Kid how easy it'd all been.

"Oh. He put up a fight, but not much of one, really. And as for getting his name out of him? Far too easy."Kobra Kid was forcing himself to keep looking at Saint Jimmy, if he looked away he knew he'd seem scared, upset, which he was, but he couldn't show that. He was beginning to realise, more than ever, that you never show Saint Jimmy weakness. "Why? Why did you want his name anyway?"

Saint Jimmy smiled. "Because I like to know the name of the person I plan on having sex with." For the first time since Jimmy had started talking, Kid struggled, tried to get free, wanting to hurt him.

Jimmy just laughed, giving him a little leverage, only to slam him back harder. "Oh and of course, because you Killjoys just love your little secret identities. You're like a bunch of fucking kids, you know that? Masks and aliases that don't make any fucking sense! I'm all for fighting the fucking company, but if you've got any balls you do it bare faced and under your own damn name.""Is that right, Saint?" Kid replied, a tiny hint of a smile creeping onto his lips. Saint Jimmy smiled right back. "You're the ones who call me that, darling. I've gone by the name Saint Jimmy a hell of a lot longer than any of this mess. I didn't change it to hide. I wouldn't change it for anyone."

"What if Poison asked?" Kobra Kid challenged, his heart beating faster as he even considered going down this route. "What if… What if he wanted you to join us, but he said you had to change your name?" Saint Jimmy grinned, nastier, again, and leant back in close, whispering in Kobra Kid's ear. "I'd tell him to shut up and put that mouth to better use." Kobra Kid shook, violently, he should've seen something like that coming.

Then he realised Saint Jimmy hadn't moved away, his mouth was still by Kobra Kid's ear.

"But maybe I'll stop focusing on him for a little while. I mean, he's not here, and I'm getting impatient. But you are and… Well, Kiddie. Your brother might be the pretty one but… There's something about you too." Kobra Kid closed his eyes, tight as he felt Saint Jimmy's lips on his cheek.

"Maybe there's a little time for _us_ to have some fun."

Then the door banged open, and Kobra Kid's eyes flew open, staring at the door.

He could've cried with relief.

Kobra Kid stared past Saint Jimmy, who had jumped back slightly in surprise, to Party Poison.

Well. At least he'd come back, not that Kid had ever doubted he would, of course.

He looked, honestly, terrifying. Poison's eyes squarely on the back of Saint Jimmy's head, where his gun was pressed.

He briefly flicked his gaze in Kid's direction, quick once over, to see if he was hurt.

"You okay?" Poison's voice sounded tight, like he was holding something back. Kid knew he was. He was furious at Saint Jimmy.

Kobra Kid nodded, forced his voice, weakly, out. "Ye- Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." "Good." Poison said. "Get out of here." "What?!" Kid demanded, shocked.

"I _said_, get out of here. Me and Saint have some matters to settle." Saint Jimmy chuckled then. "Oh, boy do we." "Shut up." Poison snarled at him. Jimmy laughed again.

Kobra Kid shook his head. "No. No way, Poison. I'm not leaving you on your own, not again. No." "Kid. This doesn't involve you, and I don't want you involved, now, _please_-""This is about what he did to you, isn't it?" Party Poison closed his eyes briefly, summoning what little strength he could to once again tell his brother to go, when, in truth, he wanted to tell him to stay, to never leave his side, he didn't want to be left alone, especially not with Saint Jimmy. But he had to do this, and he had to do this alone.

"Kid. Please. Get the fuck out of here."

And, finally, reluctantly, Kobra Kid slipped away from Saint Jimmy, ran for the door. He paused, looked back at Poison once, who still had his back to the door.

He stepped out then. Doing the one thing that scared him most, leaving his brother. Worse, leaving his brother with _him_.

But, he decided, he was only leaving to get help.

Saint Jimmy was laughing again.

"You know something, Cherry Top? That was a very fucking stupid move." In one swift motion, Jimmy turned around, grabbing for and knocking the gun out of Poison's hand as he did. It went flying across the room, out of either of theirs reach. Poison looked shocked, but quickly recovered, deciding he didn't need it anyway. He made a move at Jimmy, tried to punch him, but Jimmy grabbed his arm first, twisted him around, arm twisting painfully behind Poison's back. "Still fucking predictable." Jimmy muttered. Then threw him down.

While Party Poison recovered, Jimmy dashed to the door. Shutting it, flicking the lock, then dragging a chair over, wedging it under the handle.

Poison was on his feet again, and heading for Jimmy, and the door. He knew exactly why Jimmy had done that.

So that Poison was trapped, and so the others couldn't get in.

He felt a sudden shot of fear, he knew what Jimmy had planned for him.

That time Poison got his hit in, and it made Saint Jimmy smile.

He merely stood, touched his finger to his lip, then stared at the slightly bloodied finger.

"Looks like you made me bleed, Cherry Top." He said. "I'll have to repay the favour."

He grinned, nastily. He looked almost demonic.

Saint Jimmy made his move, and Poison found himself with his back against the wall.

Saint Jimmy's body pressed too close, and his lips almost touching Poison's.

"Oh, Cherry Top, angel. That was too easy. It's almost like you don't want to fight me." Party Poison closed his eyes, so he wouldn't have to see how close Jimmy was, though being able to feel it was, ultimately, worse.

"I do want to fight you. I want to fight you. I want to hurt you for what you've done, to me, to Rave, to Ghoul, to Kid. I want to teach you not to fucking mess with us!" Saint Jimmy chuckled. "Want to teach me a lesson, hmm? Well. Unfortunately, there's only room for one dominant in this relationship, and that, angel, isn't you." Saint Jimmy's hand stroked over Poison's cheek, lovingly. Poison smacked it away, opening his eyes again. "There's no fucking relationship, Jimmy. You're fucking deluded if you think there is." A fiery glint passed through Saint Jimmy's eyes, something Poison couldn't quite read, but that he was certain wasn't a good thing.

"Oh. But there is." Saint Jimmy insisted. "You're just too fucking stubborn to admit it. But don't worry, I plan to see to that. Loosen you up a little."

Then Saint Jimmy kissed him.

Poison could taste the blood from Jimmy's lip, and it made him feel sick, but he couldn't stop it, pinned so well by Saint Jimmy, even the hand that'd smacked Jimmy away previously was now caught up in Jimmy's hand, restrained.

Poison was already aware this was different to the way Jimmy had kissed him last time. Even though he hadn't wanted it that time either, Jimmy had been gentler, a lot less forceful.

This was going to get very bad, very quick if Poison didn't think of something to stop it.

Saint Jimmy forced his tongue into Poison's mouth, nudging at Poison's tongue, wanting a response. Detaching himself briefly Jimmy hissed, "Kiss me back. You fucking managed it before." Poison shook his head, not even opening his mouth to answer, scared and certain Jimmy would take his chance.

Saint Jimmy narrowed his eyes, he looked angry. "Oh. Now the whore gets fucking picky. I was fucking good enough to kiss yesterday, huh? But now, oh no.""I never wanted that, I never wanted you in the first place! I was just-"Then Saint Jimmy was kissing him again, tongue shoved in his mouth again.

Poison, suddenly finding the strength to do it, pushed him away, hard, making Jimmy stagger back slightly. "Enough! Jimmy! Give the fuck up! I do not want you! I do not fucking want this! Give. Up." Saint Jimmy scowled at him, his eyes, as ever, focused on Party Poison.

In total contrast to Poison's yelling, Saint Jimmy spoke softly, dangerously. "Oh. But that's just what you think. You think that because you haven't-""Stop!" Poison snapped. "I told you, enough! Enough of your fucking games, enough of your taunts. Because you know what? You could've had me, you could've had your fucking way with me. I was right there, vulnerable, I couldn't fight you. But you didn't fucking do it! So. I don't think you ever will. I don't think you _can_."

Poison regretted those words instantly, as soon as he saw the look in Saint Jimmy's eyes, as soon as he saw the grin.

"Oh." Jimmy said, slowly. "I can, Cherry Top, sweetheart." He darted forward, grabbing Poison by the arm again, twisting it, again, revelling in the cry he produced from Poison. Pinned him again, and Saint Jimmy leant close to his ear, and whispered,

"And I fucking will." Then he laughed. "We're gonna have so much fun."

Saint Jimmy pulled him, roughly, over to the bed.

"See, now. I think it's important our first time is in a bed, don't you? I mean, up against the wall is hot and everything, but a first time? A first time should be in a bed, it just should."

Jimmy pushed Poison down onto his front, then climbed on top of him, preventing him from Poison was shaking, terrified. Jimmy sounded crazier than usual.

First time?

"Saint. Please. I-""Oh, don't worry angel, I'm experienced here, I know what I'm doing. I'll try not to hurt you too much, but, you see, you did fuck up. You did reject me so obviously… You need to be taught some manners. And, well, it's been a while, hasn't it, Cherry Top? Since you had sex with a man. I mean, really. If only your dear darling Ghoul had done what you'd asked and fucked you into the sand, this would've all been a little easier, wouldn't it?"

Party Poison closed his eyes, not bothering to reply, what was the point anyway?

He felt Saint Jimmy pull his hips up, reach around for his belt, then the button, the zip of his jeans, pulling them, along with underwear, down.

That's when Poison tried to get away again, he struggled out of Jimmy's loose grasp on his hips, tried to get on his hands and knees, to get up, to get off the bed, that would be a start, if nothing else. "Uh uh uh." Jimmy grabbed him tighter, his nails nearly digging into Poison's skin, while the other hand reached up, on his back, pushing him back down.

Then, completely without warning, he felt Saint Jimmy's finger pushed, roughly, inside him.

Poison screamed.

"And now." Jimmy said, leaning down over him, mouth at Poison's ear. "That is what we get when we do not behave." Poison felt tears on his cheeks, all he could focus on was the pain, he could barely hear Jimmy, but he knew he had to listen, he had no choice. He nodded, hoping that was what Jimmy wanted. "So long as we understand." Jimmy said, approvingly. "Now, baby, I'm gonna take this out of you, for now. If you promise not to try and get away again I won't be putting it back in so hard, okay?" "Can't you just… Not do it again at all?" Poison asked, weakly.

Jimmy laughed, then kissed Poison's cheek as he slowly pulled his finger back out. "Oh, sweetheart, I think you know the time for that has long gone."

Jimmy sat up, still straddling him, making it difficult to move, though once again Poison tried to, he tried to sit up, only to have Jimmy's hand on his back push him down again. "Oh dear dear… I had hoped the message had gone through. Still, never mind, not like I don't have my resources."

Party Poison couldn't see him, but he could feel Saint Jimmy moving slightly, but only slightly, possibly he was getting something out of his pocket? That couldn't be good.

"I knew this would come in handy." Saint Jimmy announced, happily. Then he shifted up slightly, reaching for Poison's hands.

He felt a familiar sting of wire start to circle his wrists, then he knew what Jimmy had done.

He'd kept the wire that Korse had used on Poison, and he was using it again now.

"See." Saint Jimmy said, proudly, his work done. "I'm nothing if not resourceful."

He sat up again, looking down at Poison, and he smiled at what he saw. "And, y'know… Tied up. That's kinda sexy, right?" Suddenly by Poison's ear again, his breath and words hot and humid. "Like at Better Living, huh? How's it feel to know that the entire company saw you all tied up like that? That they saw you… Being punished like that, dominated. I mean, from what I saw… You kinda enjoyed it, hmm? Just think… All those people saw you like that."Poison cringed, trying so desperately not to think about it, he didn't even question the fact Jimmy had seen it too. He didn't need to, Saint Jimmy told him anyway. "They saw you stripped and brought down to the very basics. And… So did I. I bet you didn't know they were recording you too, huh? Well, guess what, I got myself a copy. I gotta say… It was kinda hot, especially the noises you made. I wonder… If I can get some of those noises out of you myself." Poison whimpered as Jimmy's hand trailed down his side, over his hips, over his ass, then teasing ever so slightly inside.

"But!" Jimmy announced, taking his hand away. "We've got plenty of time for that, now, haven't we, Cherry Top? Or… Should I say… Gerard." He winced again as he heard his name, wishing, desperately, that he could take it back.

"I mean… That is what you and _Frank_ do when you're like this, fucking, I mean. You use each others real names. I think it's only right I get to do the same thing." He knew that Jimmy had emphasized Frank's name on purpose, making it clear that he had overheard that part of the conversation too. Proud that he had something else to use against them, him, specifically. "Jimmy. No, you can't, please, it-""I'm sorry, Gerard, I don't think I remember asking your permission." He flinched again, hearing his name. He realised he how much he hated Jimmy using it, it was like he was degrading it more every time he said it. Making it less… Special. It was special when Frank- (he tried to correct himself, but in the end didn't bother) when he used it. It always felt… Good. Like it made them closer.

Poison felt Jimmy moving above him, shifting about, heard the clink of a belt, a zip being undone.

This was happening. No last minute back outs from Saint Jimmy this time, Poison knew. No chances to save himself. There was only one thing Saint Jimmy wanted this time.

And, Poison knew all too well by now.

Saint Jimmy always got what he wanted. One way or another.

"He's seen it too, you know? The footage. I gave him and your brother a copy of the disk… They seemed… A little upset by what they saw."

Ghoul had seen…? _Kid_ had seen?!

Party Poison felt an added wave of despair crash over him.

They knew. Worse. They'd seen it.

How could he ever expect them to look at him the same?And after this… After Jimmy was done with him… He knew, he'd be lost, entirely.

Saint Jimmy felt in no rush, why should he? He had Poison exactly where he wanted, he wasn't going anywhere. And with the door secured like it was even if anyone came charging to the Killjoys rescue, they wouldn't be able to get in. Jimmy smiled at the thought of Fun Ghoul on the other side of the door, trying, vainly, to get through, to save his dear beloved. He thought it would almost be worth him getting in and seeing the state Saint Jimmy would have sweet Poison in by the time he got there.

Still, there was no chance of that, so Jimmy guessed he'd just have to remember every detail to go over with Fun Ghoul some other time.

He'd probably cry…

And wouldn't that just make Poison feel even worse?

There'd be plenty of time for that sort of thing though, right now, he wanted to focus on the task (the treat) at hand.

He slipped out of his jeans, his boxers, throwing them, carelessly, to the floor. The anticipation suddenly building, Jimmy found himself having to calm down considerably so he didn't just go straight for it, push right in.

Jimmy distracted himself with the task of pulling Poison's jeans, underwear off completely, wanting the easier access this would bring.

As he did, however, Party Poison saw a chance, rebelled again, kicked out, unable to see what he was attempting to kick, obviously, but trying for anything that might get him free.

Saint Jimmy just laughed, then grabbed Poison's ankles, slamming them together. "Now now. You could do some serious damage. I don't want to have to tie your feet too, but I will if you make me." Then, leaning down slightly, but not letting go of Poison, he continued. "And before you get any ideas that I'd tie them together like this, you're wrong, you and I both know that'd make our… Love making a little difficult. No. I will tie you so your feet are tied to either side of the bed stand, your legs spread nice and fucking wide for me. Now, that'll make my job a hell of a lot easier, but I'll dare say it'll make things very fucking uncomfortable for you." Party Poison stilled, trying to get across he understood, without actually having to say the words aloud.

Saint Jimmy got the message.

"Good boy." He said, approvingly, letting him go.

Poison felt Saint Jimmy's hands run up his back, pushing up his shirt, exposing as much skin as he could. Poison cringed at the touch, it all made worse by the knowledge this was only the beginning.

In fact, it'd barely even begun at all.

His legs were pushed, roughly, apart, and Jimmy slipped between them, already moving right up close. One hand stroked over Poison's hip, while the other glanced over his ass.

_Just get on with it. _Poison silently begged, he couldn't stand this anymore. This waiting waiting waiting waiting for Jimmy to-

Poison screamed again as Saint Jimmy once again shoved his finger deep inside him. "Ooh." Jimmy cooed. "I'm sorry, baby, did that hurt? Well, gonna have to work at loosening you up then. If a slim little finger made you scream like that I can't begin to imagine the kind of noise you'll make with my cock inside you." Jimmy leant down then, to whisper in his ear. "Actually, I've got an idea what you'll sound like. It'll go something like this, I think." He proceeded to make panting sounds, punctuated by moans.

Then he giggled. "I think you're going to beg for more." Poison didn't answer, he didn't dare. Anything he said, or did, Jimmy would use against him.

He felt the finger slide back out, thrust back in. He held back the scream that time.

"C'mon, angel, relax. Relax into this, it'll be so much better for you if you."

He didn't want to, he didn't want to give Jimmy that. If he did as Jimmy said, he'd be giving in, giving Jimmy exactly what he wanted. He still wanted to fight, to stop this, he felt like he was aching to fight back.

But he couldn't. He knew, he knew already, Jimmy had won. So what was even the point anymore? Hating himself even more than he hated Jimmy at that moment, Poison did the hardest, and yet easiest thing to do.

He relaxed. Stopped fighting.

"There we go." Jimmy purred.

Jimmy started picking up the pace, introduced another finger, and already Poison wanted to cry.

When Jimmy spread the fingers inside him, then Poison did cry out, though quietly. Fuck! Would it kill Jimmy to use some kind, any kind of lubricant? He wasn't adverse to spit, after all, just, anything to make this a little less painful.

Then the fingers were out completely, and Jimmy was edging even closer, lining himself up, getting ready.

"Oh, Gerard, baby, I have been waiting for this." One hand on his shoulder, one on his hip, pulling him up on his knees, giving Jimmy a better angle.

Poison bit down on his lip, hard, as Jimmy thrust into him with one, too fast, too hard motion. Not quite all the way in the first time, but not far off. Poison found himself gasping for breath, tears streaming, while Jimmy, above him, made an obscenely pleased sound. "Oh. Fucking God, angel." He moaned, sliding out a little, thrusting in, deeper, the next time. Poison clenched his jaw, determined not to make a sound, not to give Jimmy that, at least.

It seemed Jimmy didn't much care though.

"You know something, Gerard." Saint Jimmy said, going a little deeper again, he was going a little at a time now. "I never planned it to be like this. Our first time was meant to be… Special. Sweet. Slow. I would've treated you really nice. Nicer even than I bet your dear Ghoul did, I mean… The first time for you two can't have been all that fun, neither of you terribly experienced, he can't have known what would hurt and what wouldn't." Jimmy paused. "Don't bother asking how I know he fucked you first, darling. As if it would be any other way." Another thrust, harder, going in as far as he could now, and Jimmy paused, revelling in the feeling of being deep inside Poison. He dug his nails into the skin of Poison's hips a little, some extra claiming and marking on his part. "I would've treated you so fucking good… We would've made love." He sounded almost wistful, and the hand that'd previously been inflicting the pain was stroking, lovingly, over the sore spot now. Poison shivered, knowing this treatment would only last so long.

And, without fail, Saint Jimmy pulled out, almost completely, then thrust back in, so fast and forceful, Poison couldn't stop from crying out, his breath catching and choking him, cutting the cry off. Saint Jimmy grabbed him by the hair, yanked his head back, painfully, making Poison whimper, and he hissed in Poison's ear, "But you had to go and fuck things up. You rejected me, Gerard. You kissed me and teased me then you pushed me away. So now, our first time has to be like this. A punishment. So you know your place. So you learn that the only one who gets to play the games around here… Is me."

Then he let go of Poison's hair, throwing his head forward, roughly.

"Of course… That doesn't mean I'll be completely cruel." And Jimmy's hand snaked over Poison's hip, curling round, reaching down. His fingertips brushed lightly over Poison's cock, taking him in hand, stroking him once, then letting go.

Poison gasped, trying to hide the moan that'd escaped his lips. Fuck. He couldn't keep up with this, couldn't keep up with Jimmy's hot cold, fast slow, nasty and nice. It was messing with his head just as much as the act itself.

And that was certainly doing it's damage. Mentally, and physically.

Jimmy hadn't been careful, he hadn't tried to be careful, that wasn't the idea. He'd meant to hurt him, at least a little.

Fuck it hurt so much.

Jimmy was back to it now, thrusting steadily, but hard, making sure Poison felt it a little more every time.

He was bleeding, that he knew. It hurt so much there was no way there wasn't some tearing involved.

And… He could feel it. As Jimmy moved in and back out again, he could feel something sticky slick.

No point kidding himself what it was.

Saint Jimmy had shut up for a little while, apparently just enjoying his prize, running a hand over Poison's skin, occasionally digging his nails in, scratching him. He seemed to enjoy that too.

Then they heard something which made Saint Jimmy stop, briefly.

At first Poison was so wrapped up in the pain, when Jimmy had stopped, he'd been in deep, he was still, and Poison's mind was just filled with that.

But then he figured out what'd made Saint Jimmy stop.

His heart lurched, then quickly dropped.

"Poison!" "Poison, the door's fucking jammed!"Then, finally, loudest of all. "_Saint! I fucking swear to God if you've hurt him I will fucking tear you to fucking pieces, you hear me_?"

The others were outside.

And though he desperately wanted this all to stop, Poison wasn't sure he could handle having them see him like this.

Saint Jimmy chuckled. "Hear that, Gerard? I think your boyfriend is a little upset with me. Maybe we should let him in, hmm? Just him. Let him see what we're doing. Do you think he'll be upset with you too? I mean, you did go along with this, after all.""I didn't-!""Oh, But you did. You let me take you over to the bed, you let me undress you, and tie you up, in fact, in a way, that part was your idea. Then, of course, you complied enough to let me inside you. I mean. You _did_ relax when I asked, didn't you?" Now Jimmy put it like that…

He'd let this happen.

"It's our first time, so of course there's been a few… Issues along the way. But so long as we both end happy… What does it matter?"

Saint Jimmy leant down again, kissing at Poison's neck, his hand curling back down again.

He took Poison's cock firmly in hand, and Poison gasped, a pained kind of gasp.

"Uh huh. That's it angel, make as much noise as you want. We won't have to let them in then, they'll know exactly what's going on from the other side of the door." Poison could still hear them, banging, kicking the door, could hear them calling for him. Could hear Kid and Ghoul screaming threats at Jimmy.

Poison closed his eyes tight, trying not to hear them.

He could hear himself panting, the enjoyment of Saint Jimmy's hand unable to be denied, and he felt disgusted with himself for it.

If they got in the room now, they'd never believe it was rape, that he hadn't wanted this.

Jimmy was moaning and cursing happily, being unnecessarily loud.

Then he picked up the pace, and Poison knew Jimmy was getting close.

_Just hold out a little longer, it's nearly over._

The thought wasn't all that comforting, it turned out.

Jimmy's hand sped up too. "Gerard, baby, angel. I'm- Oh fuck-" He stopped talking, his face buried against Poison's neck, nipping him gently, making Poison whine slightly. "Dirty whore likes the rough stuff?" Jimmy panted, nipping him again.

Poison tried to shake his head, but before he could protest, Jimmy had pulled out, then thrust in hard, harder than before.

Poison cried out, his back arching slightly, as much as Jimmy would allow, then slipping down. His knees, which Jimmy had forced him up on, were barely able to support him anymore.

"A little too rough?" Jimmy asked, briefly stopping, only to shift him back up onto his knees again.

Poison groaned, no, he couldn't take anymore. He fell again, and Jimmy swore, frustrated.

"Fine!" Jimmy snapped. And a small, crazy part of Poison thought maybe Jimmy had given up, that this was it, that he was done.

He knew he'd been crazy to think that.

Jimmy pushed him onto his back, grabbed his legs, lifting them up, bringing himself close, lining himself up again. "I kinda wanted to see your face anyway." Jimmy said, before, once again, thrusting in.

Poison cried out again, and for the first time in a few minutes he heard the sounds from the other side of the door.

After he'd cried out he heard Ghoul scream, "Gerard!"Fuck.

He closed his eyes again.

"Frank." Saint Jimmy dug his nails into the skin of Poison's thighs. "Now. Gerard, darling. That's just rude." Then his hand slid down, taking Poison in hand again. "But I honestly don't care much. I'm ready to go… But not before I take you with me." Poison tried to deny it, but it felt good. Jimmy felt good. He knew exactly what he was doing, and, somehow, even the sex didn't seem to hurt so much now. He was aware of the pain but…

Then it all happened, so quick.

Poison was vaguely aware of the sounds escaping him as he came, but he couldn't silence them, though he wanted to. He wanted to deny this was happening at all.

By the time he was done, Jimmy was in mid-climax, cursing and moaning again, louder than before.

Telling Poison he was a whore.

Telling him he was beautiful.

Telling him he was his fucking bitch.

Telling him he loved him.

Then, finally, it was over.

Poison stared up at the ceiling, glassy eyed, as Jimmy moved out of him, got down off the bed.

He realised how quiet it was.

The shouts from outside had stopped.

They'd heard it. Heard it all.

And they were shocked into silence.

Poison closed his eyes, hoping that, maybe if he did that, this would all go away.

But it wasn't going away.

His wrists still hurt where they were restrained, the scratches on his legs and hips and stomach stung. He realised Jimmy had even gone so far as to scratch at some of the nearly healed wounds inflicted on him by Better Living, and they stung most.

He didn't want to think about the other pain he felt. Though he couldn't get away from it, it hurt the worst.

He could feel the blood smeared on his inner thighs, could feel more, trickling from him. He knew some of that trickling was also Jimmy's come, slowly seeping out of him.

Though he felt like he could barely move, Poison just about found it in him to roll over, burying his face in the pillow in shame.

Then, out of nowhere, he heard a massive thud against the door, like someone had kicked it.

"Poison!" Ghoul again.

He sounded like he was crying.

"Saint! You fucking let me in there or I swear I will fucking break this door down! I'm going to fucking kill you for this! I'm going to kill you, you sick bastard!"Saint Jimmy chuckled. "Feisty little thing, isn't he?"

Then he crouched down beside the bed, by Poison, who had his head turned the other way.

"He's mine too now, see? They all are. The Killjoys belong to me, just as surely as you do. They'll be grateful, I think, to have a stronger leader. Now. I'm going to tell them the news." Jimmy unwound the wire on Poison's wrists as he spoke, then he stroked Poison's hair, making him flinch.

"You come outside whenever you're ready, okay, darling."

Ghoul leant, heavily against the door, banging his fist, weakly against it again.

Shit.

He'd failed.

Kobra Kid, beside him, said, quietly. "Maybe… Maybe it's not what we think, right, Ghoul? I mean. Jimmy could just-""Stop it." Ghoul told him. "You know now as well as I do what Saint always had planned."

The recent memory of Saint Jimmy telling him exactly what he wanted from Party Poison flashed in Kobra Kid's mind. And the sounds they'd just heard that refused to leave his ears.

But still. He wanted to pretend, while he could, that it hadn't just happened.

That Poison hadn't just been raped, in their own home, with all of them just the other side of the door, powerless to help him.

As soon as Kobra Kid had got out of that room, he'd run off to look for the rest of them, he found Fun Ghoul first, told him, quickly what was going on.

Ghoul had just stared at him.

"You know what he's going to do?" Kobra Kid had nodded.

"Fucking hell Kid, why'd you leave him?!""Because Poison didn't give me a fucking choice! Now, do you want to keep yelling at me, or do you want to stop Saint?" Fun Ghoul had nodded, apologised, and they'd run back inside.

The door was already shut and jammed by the time they got there.

Jet Star and Rave had come running when they heard Kid and Ghoul shouting.

"What's going on?" Rave had demanded.

"Saint Jimmy's in there. With Poison."It hadn't taken Rave long to piece it together.

"No. No. Jimmy… Jimmy wouldn't. I-""What if I told you he tried before, Rave?" Ghoul said, as patiently as he could. "Why do you think Poison hated having Saint around so much?" Rave shook her head, like she didn't believe it.

But she did, she believed it entirely.

Right now Rave was crying, leaning into Jet Star, who seemed in a state of shock, he'd seen none of this coming. He'd known Saint Jimmy was no good but… This he couldn't have predicted.

They heard the scrape of a something being dragged, and Fun Ghoul backed away from the door just as it opened.

Saint Jimmy was standing in the doorway, holding the door a little open. He beamed at the Killjoys.

"Ah. Good. You're all here."

Both Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul lunged at him. All sense of hopelessness gone.

Now they just wanted to hurt Jimmy.

Badly.

Saint Jimmy blocked them with the door, hiding just behind it.

"Oh. No no. I'm sorry boys, no coming in here. Can't go disturbing dear Gerard, I'm afraid.""Then why don't you come out here?" Kobra Kid snarled.

Saint Jimmy laughed. "All in good time, Kiddie. But first… Me and Gerard have some… News."Then Saint Jimmy opened the door a little more, wide enough now that they could see inside.

They saw Party Poison, on one of the beds.

Their fears entirely confirmed.

"I'm sure it'll come as no shock now when I tell you all that I'll be in charge here from now on. And, also, I do hope you'll be supportive of mine and Gerard's new relationship." Saint Jimmy looked to Fun Ghoul. "Too bad. You two were so close to making it work, weren't you? Such a shame."Then he turned his attention to Kobra Kid, "And, Kiddie, now, I understand this may all take a little getting used to but-"Party Poison listened, though only barely able to concentrate, everything felt… Off. Far away.

They'd seen him now, hadn't they? And they knew… They knew, without doubt, what'd happened.

_Close the door, Jimmy. Please._

But then he heard what Saint Jimmy was saying… What he was telling them, taunting them.

The way he was talking to Ghoul.

To Kid.

Was he really going to let this guy take over? Let him take charge of the Killjoys?

So what, he'd been beaten, broken and sent through hell? That's the risk you take, being a Killjoy, it can fucking hurt sometimes. And being a Killjoy leader, you have to be even fucking tougher.

Suddenly, something Ghoul had said came to mind.

"_You are the fucking rebel leader. You are better and stronger than anyone who to stupid or vain enough to challenge you. You are Party Poison."_

Was he really going to fucking step down and let Saint fucking Jimmy take his place?

No.

He realised. He wasn't.

Kobra Kid noticed it first. While Jimmy was still talking, Kid was staring straight ahead, at his brother, trying to make any of this make sense.

Then he saw Poison move, finally, which was a relief, he'd been so still.

As Kid watched, he realised what Poison was doing, though he was doing it slowly, Kid could see every movement hurt, but he was doing it anyway.

He was getting up.

Sitting up first, then turning to place his feet on the floor. He looked up, and saw Kobra Kid looking at him, wide eyed.

Poison smiled, slightly, trying to assure him he was okay.

Kobra Kid made a mental note to tell him off for that later.

Then Poison pressed a finger to his lips. He wanted Kid to stay quiet.

Kid's heart lurched. He knew what this meant. Poison was getting up without Jimmy knowing.

He was going to fight back.

Kid nodded once, telling Poison he understood.

Then he grabbed Ghoul's arm, getting his attention.

Ghoul saw too, opened his mouth to say something, but Kid tightened his grip, and Ghoul got the message.

Poison was slipping back into his jeans as quickly and quietly as he could. When he looked to the door again, making sure Jimmy still hadn't noticed, he saw Ghoul looking at him this time.

Poison didn't know what to do.

All the things he wanted to communicate to Ghoul were far too complicated to be summed up into any simple and silent gesture.

As if reading his mind, Ghoul nodded, and looked away, focusing on Jimmy. Who, naturally, was still talking.

Poison got to his feet.

It was the second time that day that Kobra Kid thought his brother looked terrifying.

It all happened quickly after that.

Party Poison came up behind Saint Jimmy, grabbed him by the shoulder, and just as Jimmy turned, he punched Jimmy, the force and the surprise of the blow, making Jimmy stagger back.

And straight into Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul.

Saint Jimmy struggled, but the two Killjoys were quick to get their hands on him.

"Hold him still." Poison said, his eyes and voice hard, commanding.

They couldn't remember the last time they'd heard an actual order from Party Poison, but neither hesitated to comply.

Jimmy continued to struggle until Poison came right up close again. Then he stilled. Staring straight at Party Poison. Then he laughed.

"I see. Can't fight me alone? Need your baby brother and your fuck toy to help you, huh?" Fun Ghoul couldn't help it, he punched Saint Jimmy in the stomach.

Jimmy just laughed harder, though he choked slightly.

"Ghoul." Poison said, calmly. "Sorry."

Everyone knew he wasn't.

Then Poison said. "Let him go." "What?" Kobra Kid protested.

"I said, let him go. He's right. I need to fight him myself.""Poison. No." He turned his head, saw Rave, who'd just stepped slightly closer. She looked so scared, so worried. Poison tried not to think about the reasons behind that.

She knew Saint Jimmy best. That's why she was worried.

He smiled at her, attempting reassurance.

"Let him go." Poison repeated, focusing back on those in front of him.

Hesitantly, Kid and Ghoul looked at each other, then, doing exactly as asked, they let Saint Jimmy go, and stepped back.

"So… You want to make this all a little more public then, hmm, Gerard?" Jimmy asked, brushing himself off, he looked up at Poison and grinned.

"Oh. Shut up for once, would you, Saint?" Poison sighed.

"As you wish." Jimmy said.

He was on him in seconds.

But, unlike so many times before, this time Poison was ready for him, moved out of the way at the last second, also managing to strike Jimmy again as he did.

A couple of quick shots, always aiming for the face, then Jimmy got a good hit into Poison's stomach, sending him to his knees.

Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul nearly ran in then, but Jet Star stopped them. "Wait. He's got this."

They weren't so sure as Jimmy pushed Poison down further, onto his back again.

But, then, Poison twisted himself, and Jimmy, over.

Poison pulled his (earlier retrieved) gun out of it's holster just as he sat up, sitting on Jimmy, straddling him, gun held tight in both hands, aiming straight between Saint Jimmy's eyes.

It hadn't been a long fight, but both were bleeding. Jimmy's lip, once again, split. It never seemed to get the chance to heal. And blood was coming from his nose.

The same could be said for Poison, bloody nose which now was falling over his lips, he licked at it, grimacing slightly. Another cut above his eye was also steadily bleeding.

Saint Jimmy stared at the gun for a while, then glanced down, where Poison was sitting on him.

"Well. This is certainly an aggressive way to tell me you like to be on top.""Shut the fuck up, Saint!" Poison snapped. "It's fucking over! Don't you get it? You. Lose."

Even then, Saint Jimmy laughed. "Oh. Do I?"

"Yes." Kobra Kid said, coming up to the left of Party Poison.

"You do." Fun Ghoul continued, coming up on the right.

Rave and Jet Star moved forward too, Rave just behind Ghoul, Jet just behind Kid.

"Guess what, Saint? These guys don't like the idea of having you as a leader. You messed with the wrong people. If you wrong one of us, you have all of us to answer to."

Saint Jimmy glanced to each Killjoy in turn. And, for the first time they saw something other than amusement in his eyes.

He was scared.

"Now." Poison said, leaning down a little. "I just want to get one thing fucking straight." He paused, noticeably breathing harder, the others could tell Poison was starting to find this difficult. The fight had been fast paced, and they all knew, though they didn't want to think about it, he'd given himself no time to recover from the rape. He wasn't going to be able to hold up much longer.

Poison was trying to ignore the pain, but he'd done himself no favours with his choice of position. However, he had a point to make, and he was going to make it.

Looking down at Saint Jimmy, Poison lowered the gun slightly to ask, very clearly,

"What is my name?" The amusement was back. "Whatever I want it to be, Cherry Top." One hand leaving his gun, Poison punched him, making the blood from his nose flow faster.

"Try again." "Fine. Fine." Jimmy said, sounding bored. "If you want to do things properly, Gerard." That time Poison punched him then grabbed his hair, lifting his head, letting it fall back onto the floor. Then he hissed, "You will fucking forget that name, you hear me, Saint?"

Party Poison sat up again, gun perfectly trained again. "One last try. What. Is. My. Name." Saint Jimmy stayed silent, so Poison pushed the gun up under Jimmy's chin.

"Alight!" Jimmy snapped. "You- You're- Party Poison!"

Poison grinned, then, after moving the gun away, he said, mimicking the words Saint Jimmy had said on their first day of meeting, "And don't you fucking wear it out." Then, looking to the others, Poison said, casually, "Alright. He's all yours."

As Kobra Kid and Jet Star moved forward, Poison started to push himself up, winced, finding it hard to move.

The adrenaline had subsided, and now it just hurt.

He felt a hand on his arm, looked up, and saw Ghoul, beside him, offering help. He looked worried, but there was a small smile.

Poison managed to return the smile, as he let Fun Ghoul help him to his feet. He staggered, but Ghoul caught him. Steadied him. Poison tried, once again, to move on his own, but, his legs unsteady and unwilling to support him, Poison staggered again, and he finally collapsed, into Ghoul's arms, giving into the pain wracking his body.

Ghoul hadn't been expecting it, felt himself going down with Poison, but he managed to gain enough control so that though they ended up on their knees on the floor, they didn't fall hard.

Poison leaned into him, burying his face against Ghoul's chest, allowing himself to collapse in an entirely different way. Giving into the emotional anguish he'd buried deep.

Fun Ghoul put his arm around Party Poison, drawing him in, close. Wishing he could make this all go away for Poison. Knowing he could only comfort. And he would.

Fun Ghoul had to admit, he was just glad to have Poison back, and close. He'd been so scared that, after everything, he'd really lost Poison this time. Not just as the lover he'd been, as they'd planned to be again, but, Ghoul knew, if Saint Jimmy had truly won, they would've lost Poison. Not physically, but in every other way.

He felt so proud to call Party Poison his leader, his friend.

Fun Ghoul looked out, watching as Kobra Kid lay into Saint Jimmy.

He'd wanted a part of that, but Poison needed him, and that was more important.

Eventually, Kobra Kid picked Saint Jimmy up off the floor, and dragged him to the door, practically throwing him outside.

Saint Jimmy hurriedly got to his feet, came at Kobra Kid, who blocked him, easily.

"It's getting dark, Saint." Kid said, coldly. "It's not safe in the zones at night. I'd get a fucking move on if I were you." Then he slammed the door, locked it, and walked away.

He hadn't killed Saint Jimmy, though he'd so badly wanted to.

Instead, he'd sent Jimmy out, into the night of the desert.

It was as good as killing him. By shutting him out there, Kobra Kid had condemned him.

"It's over." Ghoul whispered to Poison, who still hadn't lifted his head. "He's gone, Poison. It's over."

Party Poison nodded, pressed closer. He was shaking, and Fun Ghoul was sure he was crying. Ghoul looked up, and saw the other three Killjoys, not far away, all eyes on Poison.

Silent tears from all, and Ghoul wasn't the least surprised to discover that included himself.

But. He was right.

It was over.

Finally. It was over.


	31. How The Story Ends

**A/N: Well, guys… This is it. The final chapter. **

**Holy shit. I've been writing this for… Going on two years now, I can't believe it's done.**

**I've got a lot of thank you's to say, but, as always, I shall start with my reviewers, you're all brilliant!**

**AshtrayTragedyM.D**** - Thank you. So much. You've been reviewing since almost the very beginning, so thank you for sticking with me. And thank you, I'm glad you think my characters and plot lines were good, it means a lot. Also, I have to agree, last chapter was very difficult to write, it wasn't fun imaging Gerard like that, let me assure you. But yes, much smirking from myself at the end also ;) **

**Stellar Zombie - Oh man… You realise you reviewed this just a few hours before I found out about MCR splitting up, right? Man… I was so happy with your review, really, you made me smile so much! I'm glad you thought it was a good chapter. Thank you for calling it perfection! And as for Poison and Ghoul… You'll get a bit of an answer to that in this chapter, but I think the question of if they're ever gonna have sex will take a little longer to be answered (hint- I totally just gave away my plans!) Thank you for all your reviews, they always seemed so well thought out, and they mean a lot.**

**Gasoline Diamond - Just… I fucking love you. Thank you, thank you thank you for all the enthusiasm. You're awesome. And see, Jimmy finally got what was coming to him! **

**Thank you to you all, and to everyone who has read this story, it means so much.**

**A big, big BIG thank you to Jo, again. Without you this story wouldn't even be online, and, honestly, it wouldn't have been anywhere near as good as it is. Thank you for all the encouragement and advice. **

**A huge thank you to my friend Hollie (who won't read this online, but I gotta send it out there anyway) You were the first person to read this, ever. So thank you for not laughing, and thank you for being so enthusiastic. Also thanks for saying you'd like to see this as a film. I have a feeling there's a few people who really wouldn't want that though! ;)**

**And, of course. My biggest thank you goes to the people I pray to God will never read this story (as I doubt they'd be impressed by a few things…!) **

**Ray Toro, Mikey Way, Frank Iero and especially Gerard Way… Thank you. I very clearly remember the day I was watching the video to Na Na Na (again) and I think somewhere between Frank's wink and Gerard taking off the Mousekat head I realised I had an idea for a story. **

**Thank you for keeping me inspired throughout, and thank you for so, so much more.**

**The band may not be a band anymore, but you're all still there, as is the music. I can't thank you enough for that, as I know you'll keep on inspiring me. **

**And, if you ever find this story, I'm very sorry Gerard, I love you immensely and I wouldn't actually wish you any harm in the world! **

**Now then… On with the final chapter… This is how the story ends… (hence the title, taken from 'Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back')**

**Thank you all, once again, now hold on tight, and don't look back… I think this'll be emotional. **

**Disclaimer: Surely it's clear by now. The boys do not belong to me. Just the girl and the storyline.**

**(p.s. there's gonna be a sequel)**

**Chapter 31 - How The Story Ends**

That night was hard. Everyone wanted to sleep, but no one could bring themselves to go into the bedroom. Not after what had happened.

In the end Rave went in, taking Jet Star with her, instructing him to help her gather up some of the bed sheets, the pillows, and take them through. Neither went near Party Poison's bed, didn't look at it.

They laid out the pillows and sheets on the benches, which were thankfully comfy enough.

Kobra Kid thanked Rave, and went to the nearest one immediately. Needing the sleep badly.

Then Rave went over to Fun Ghoul and Party Poison.

Ghoul looked up at her, but said nothing.

"I've got some beds set up, you'll both be more comfortable if-"She stopped short when she saw Poison shaking his head.

Ghoul glanced back down. "He doesn't want to move, Rave. I think… I think he can't." Rave simply nodded, went to fetch two pillows, two sheets, and brought them over.

"So you can at least be more comfortable where you are." She explained, then leaving them.

They left that safe house the next day. Leaving everything that'd happened there behind them, or at least, that was the idea. Jet Star drove, with Rave up front with him, while Ghoul and Kid watched over Poison, who slept more on the journey, leaning against Ghoul as he did.

The first day at the new safe house was a strange one, nothing felt settled, but things did feel a little better, a little easier.

There was more than one room again, and while the other three settled in, Poison and Ghoul took themselves to one of the other rooms.

"Ghoul."

Fun Ghoul started slightly. They'd been sitting in silence in this small, unfamiliar room for what seemed like forever. Poison had barely said anything since the night before. Hearing him now, so clear, was a shock.

"Thank you… For not leaving me."

Ghoul laughed, pulled Poison in closer. "As if I would."

Poison smiled, and it was the biggest relief to see it. But then it faltered. "Do you still… After what happened… Do you still want…?" Poison couldn't finish the sentence, but Ghoul knew anyway.

"What? Us?"Poison nodded.

"Well holy shit, Poison! I've only waited years you know?!" At that Party Poison laughed, nodded. "Okay." He said. "Good." But, again, he faltered. "I'm not… I'm not going to be great… Boyfriend material, for a while though. I can't- I can't-""Would you shut up your goddamn worrying?" Fun Ghoul interrupted. His hand on Poison's cheek, guiding him to face him. Ghoul looked at him, steadily. He saw fear and pain in Poison's eyes, but then he also saw something else, something he had a feeling he, and the other Killjoys had put there, just as much as Poison had dug it out himself.

He saw hope.

"Now. You listen to me, Gerard." Both hearts beating fast at the sound of the name. "I do not want a relationship where we just fuck, that's what ruined it last time. We concentrated on that and paid no attention to anything else. So. Fine. You tell me you don't want to have sex, fine by me. We'll work on the important stuff instead."

And that time, finally, Poison's smile stayed in place.

"I think…" He said, cautiously. "I think I can manage this though…" Then he leant forward, and tentatively placed his lips on Ghoul's. Finding it easy, and good, he pressed harder, grateful to feel the pressure reciprocated.

##~1 Month later~##

Rave had felt something was off for a while now, a nagging feeling she was finding hard to ignore.

Was some of it jealousy? Perhaps. But mostly it was just the notion that things had changed so drastically, she was unsure of her place.

She watched as Party Poison and Fun Ghoul got steadily closer. She smiled when she saw Poison reach for Ghoul's hand, hesitate, only to have Ghoul know what he wanted and take his hand first. Fingers entwining together perfectly.

They'd started sharing a bed at night, and Rave moved to Fun Ghoul's vacated one.

She knew they'd been uneasy about this at first, certain the others were watching them, how it must feel strange that it was alright to fall asleep together and not worry about who knew about it.

A few nights in, when it was her turn to keep watch, Rave stopped for a few seconds, looking at both of them, curled up close, Fun Ghoul's head tucked neatly under Party Poison's chin.

But it hadn't escaped the boys' attentions that Rave wasn't as happy as she was pretending.

Poison was too afraid to bring it up with her. Jet never liked interfering. And Kid didn't know what to say.

So, once again, it ended up being Ghoul who talked to her.

Rave was sat, outside, the sun was just setting and she was staring out. The car wasn't far away, but she wasn't looking at that. She wasn't looking at anything really, just the sun and the sand. Lost in memories.

Fun Ghoul sat next to her, and she didn't even notice him until he eventually spoke.

"You're not alright, are you?" Rave turned her head slightly, but didn't look at Ghoul. She didn't say anything for a while. Ghoul wondered if she was going to say anything at all. But then she sighed, shook her head.

"I'm not." She admitted.

"If… If it's because of me. And Poison I- We can…" Rave shook her head, vigorously. "It's not." She insisted, then frowned, thinking. "Not really anyway. I think…" Rave looked up then, looked right at Ghoul, who was, as always, watching her, listening, patiently. "I think. I need to leave." Her eyes were wide, like even she was shocked by what she was saying, like the revelation had only just come to her, which was entirely true. She realised the nagging feeling she had was the urge to leave, to go.

Without them this time.

Fun Ghoul stared at her, trying to figure it out. "You- Rave, why? I don't-""Ghoul. Think about it, I have spent almost half my life depending on other people. I shackled myself to Saint Jimmy, and almost destroyed myself when I was separated from him. Then, when Poison came along I… I've depended on him so much. And, I know it wasn't the same, Poison wasn't the same, he was better for me but… I think… I think it's about time I tried… Standing on my own, for once."

Ghoul laughed, disbelieving. "Rave I- No. No. You can't. You can't just-""Ghoul. I need to." Rave told him, steadily. "I can… You know that feeling you get, that pull, when you have to do something, when you have to act, because it hurts if you don't?" At that Ghoul nodded, yes, he knew that feeling well.

"It's that. That's why… I need to do this."

Fun Ghoul didn't like it, but he couldn't see any point in arguing, not now. The time to convince Rave otherwise had long gone, if there had ever been a time to do it at all.

"Okay." He said. "I guess… I'll go and find the others." Rave nodded. Ghoul had read the one thing she hadn't said out loud.

Now she'd made her decision, she wanted to leave as soon as possible.

So, while Rave went to gather her things, Ghoul found the others, telling them to head outside.

Fun Ghoul refused to tell them what this was all about, said Rave wanted to talk to them, but he was leaving it to her to say what.

"You talked to her, didn't you, Ghoul? You found out what's wrong? She- She's okay, right?" It was hardest not to say anything to Poison, he sounded so concerned, but all Ghoul did was nod. "Yeah, she's fine. Don't worry just… Come with me." When they were all gathered, Rave told them she was leaving.

Jet Star nodded. "I had a feeling you weren't as happy here anymore." "It's not that Jet. I promise it's just-""You're _leaving_?!" Kobra Kid looked furious. "Kid, I-""After all that? After all this shit we've all been through, all this… This… Fucking craziness to try and get us all back together, to _communicate _like we used to, you're just… You're just gonna _leave_?!"

"Kid! Please, let me explain, I-""I'm sorry." And with that all attention turned to Party Poison, whose head was down. He looked even sadder than he had for a while. Worse, he looked guilty. Rave shook her head, and went to him. "Don't you dare." She told him. "Don't you dare blame yourself. This is my decision, for myself."Poison looked up, looked at her now. "There's still a place for you here, Rave. Why- Why are you-"

And she explained it all again, to all of them now, why she was leaving, and in particular stressing to Party Poison it wasn't his fault she was leaving.

Eventually, they said they understood, but they didn't, not really.

They were shocked when she said she was leaving now. But none argued, they, like Ghoul, could tell there was no point.

Rave hugged them each in turn, found Jet Star hugged her tighter than she'd expected. "I'll miss you." He admitted. "You were always stronger than you thought you were… Maybe now you'll find that out for yourself." Rave smiled. "That's what I'm hoping."

When she went to Kobra Kid, he folded his arms over his chest, turned his head. "No. If I don't say goodbye, you won't go. I know you, Rave, you won't go without saying goodbye." She laughed. "Stop being a kid, Kid." He turned his head slightly, narrowed his eyes, and he was trying not to laugh. "Who you calling 'kid'?" Then, giving in, he opened his arms, hugged her tight. "I thought… I thought you'd never leave." Kid said, quietly, so the others wouldn't hear. "You always said you'd stay… With him." Rave squeezed Kobra Kid slightly, having to contain her emotions. "He'll be okay. He doesn't need me like he did.""Yeah… But I… We're family, Rave." She nodded, still not breaking away. "Exactly." She said.

Rave could barely look at Fun Ghoul. It'd been easy to talk to him, to tell him she was going, but now it came to goodbye… She found she could barely stand it.

Ghoul moved towards her, knowing she couldn't bring herself any closer, and pulled her in tight. "You'll be okay." He told her. She couldn't answer, her throat had become tight, and she closed her eyes that'd started stinging. "And we will always be here, alright? Whenever you want to come back, you can always find us and we will gladly welcome you back and-""Ghoul." Rave interrupted, her voice strained, but clear enough for him to understand. "Shut up a second, would you?" He laughed, knowing he'd been rambling, and just held her.

Then, finally, he kissed her forehead, let her go.

This was always going to be the most difficult.

After he'd let Rave go, Fun Ghoul turned to Jet Star and Kobra Kid, the latter of whom was angrily swiping at his eyes. "I think…" Ghoul looked nervously at Rave and Party Poison, both of them still stood apart, eyes still on the ground. "I think maybe we should go inside."

Jet Star nodded his agreement, and Kobra Kid practically ran inside.

Ghoul was last to go in, he paused at the door, took a final look at the Killjoy who was soon to leave them.

And then looked to the Killjoy who this was hurting the most.

Ghoul just felt glad that he knew that this was best for Rave, really. And that he would be able to be the one to help Poison accept that, eventually.

She still couldn't make herself go to him, she hadn't realised this was going to be so hard, though she should have, she knew she should have.

"I'm sorry." Poison repeated. And Rave shook her head. "Poison. No. I told you why, and it's not-""I'm still sorry." He insisted. "I still feel like… Like there's something I should've done… Is there something? Is there something I can still do?" Poison looked up now, slightly hopefully. But Rave shook her head. "Surely you, of all people, understand what it means to want to run." She said.

"So you're running from us?" Rave shook her head, God. Why wasn't he listening? "Or just from me?" "No!" She yelled. "No! I'm running… Running _to_ something, Poison. I- Isn't that what you always said?" Her turn to raise her head, glad this time to find Poison looking back at her. Gladder to, finally, see him nod. "I guess you did listen, huh? Good to know someone does.""They all listen, Poison. All of them, and all the Killjoys out there. They all listen." Poison laughed, lightly. "Sure, maybe they do now. But if that footage ever-""Screw the footage, Poison! Screw what Better Living did, screw what Jimmy did, because you know what? You're fucking better than all of it. You're still here, aren't you? They'll still listen, Poison, you keep talking, and they'll still listen." Party Poison laughed, again, this time actually sounding like he meant it. "You sound like Ghoul, you know that?" "Good. At least that means I can leave knowing there's someone who can keep telling you that, until eventually you believe it."

Poison nodded, he'd lowered his head again, now he looked up, and Rave saw he was crying. She hadn't realised until then that she was too. "You're really going, aren't you?" He said.

Rave didn't reply, she didn't have to.

"Then you'd better say goodbye to me." And with that, Rave suddenly found it easy to go to him.

The others had all hugged her tight, Ghoul most of all, but Poison… He held her in a way that was both tight and yet achingly gentle.

They said nothing more, stayed that way for what felt like hours, though really it was only a few minutes. Taking each other in, knowing this could easily be the last time they saw each other, though, when they finally broke away, Poison made her promise to come back, to find them sometime, even if not permanently.

Rave had promised, but they both knew the dangers and uncertainties of the zones.

Poison hesitated, then kissed her, very gently on the lips.

Rave left on foot, though Party Poison didn't worry, he knew she knew how to pick up a car or vehicle of some kind.

He went back inside, feeling drained. Found only Ghoul waiting for him inside, the other two had obviously made themselves scarce.

Ghoul looked at him, no questions made verbal, but plenty on his face. Poison shook his head, he didn't feel like talking.

"Can we just… I need to sleep." Ghoul nodded, pushing himself up off the table he'd perched on. He offered his hand to Poison, the question of whether or not he wanted Ghoul with him not needing to be asked.

##~2 Months Later~##

It finally felt like things were getting a little bit easier. Both Party Poison and Fun Ghoul felt like they could relax a little. They could look at each other and smile without feeling conscious of the others seeing. They could hold hands when they wanted, which they did, a few times. If they'd wanted to they could kiss without having to find some secret place to do it. Though that came with a brand new problem, one they should've expected. The one time they'd kissed when Kobra Kid happened to walk by he teased, "Get a room!" Thankfully, Fun Ghoul had been quick to respond, "We had one before you showed up!" Kobra Kid grinned, flipped him off, a gesture which Fun Ghoul returned, happily.

They hadn't pushed themselves any further than kissing though. Weirdly enough, though they'd done it all before, this was like starting over, and, wanted to do it right this time. No rushing into things.

There was the other reason too, of course.

Once, when Ghoul had tried to push things on just a little bit, though Poison had said he wanted to, he started shaking. Barely noticeable at first, but steadily it'd got worse.

They couldn't push things too far, too fast, and they knew it. Not unless they wanted to push Poison's mind at the same time. He couldn't cope with it, not yet anyway.

Poison had finally got to the point where he didn't feel like he was having a mini panic attack whenever Ghoul touched him. He could let Ghoul's hands touch his skin, though only above the waist. He'd still have brief flashes. Memories of his shirt being pushed up, of being exposed, hands grabbing and nails scratching and-

But he could shut that out a little quicker now. He could deal with that, mostly.

Anything else… He couldn't handle. Though he tried. And he wanted to.

They kept trying.

The others were all elsewhere, none due back for hours, and they decided to try things out, see how far they could go.

On their bed, just kissing, then Ghoul started playing with Poison's belt. A signal he'd used before, asking if it was okay. And as before, Poison pushed his hand away, a gentle but definite 'no'. Fun Ghoul opened his eyes, saw Party Poison's already open. "I'm sorry." Poison mumbled. Ghoul kissed him. "It's fine. I'm not going anywhere."

"I wouldn't blame you if-""Stop." Poison suddenly looked up as Ghoul cut him off, his eyes, face and voice all serious. Poison looked away again.

"Listen to me." Ghoul insisted, and Poison nodded, he was listening. "I've told you already, I do not mind waiting, I am not going to rush you." Then Ghoul sighed, reached his hand out, his fingers pushing through Poison's hair, brushing it back. Not for the first time Ghoul wished he could see that hair red again. It would be… A step to having things alright again. But it'd been brought up a couple of times, Poison didn't want to. And the more someone pressed him on the issue, or asked him why, the quieter he got, until finally he'd snap and just walk away. Ghoul knew it was a lot of things. That the subject of his hair reminded Poison of what had happened at Better Living,

"_But if you dyed it back you wouldn't have this constant reminder of it!" _Kobra Kid had argued one of the many times he'd tried to convince his brother.

Poison's argument was that he didn't have to see it, so he was only reminded when someone brought it up.

"_We have to see it though_." Kobra Kid had said, quieter, sadder.

That had been the point where Poison had walked away. Ghoul knew there was another reason though. The red was bold, bright, demanding attention. Everything the Killjoy leader was.

Had been.

He wasn't so bold anymore. And he didn't want the attention.

Not yet, anyway.

Ghoul had got sidetracked though. And he sighed, there was another issue completely going on right now.

He knew Poison felt like he was useless, that Ghoul was frustrated with him. Maybe he thought Ghoul would get bored waiting?

Ghoul shook his head, how could he get it through to him? "Fuck." Ghoul breathed, "You're so beautiful, you know that?" Poison closed his eyes, tight, shook his head. "You fucking are." Ghoul insisted. "And, I'm not going to lie to you. Yes. Of course I want to have sex with you." Poison flinched slightly, but Ghoul carried on. "But Gee… I fucking love you. And I don't want to hurt you, or rush you or do anything that'll upset you. Shit, what kind of heartless bastard would I be if I forced you into sleeping with me? I'd be no better than Jimmy if I did that." Poison shook slightly at the name, pressed himself closer to Ghoul. "I'm sorry." Ghoul said, quietly. "I shouldn't have brought him up. But he's there, isn't he? All the time? He's there in the back of your head… I hoped… I hoped, when you won, when you fought back and you won you… I hoped you'd got rid of him. I hoped you'd stop doubting yourself. Because you did win, you do see that, right?" Poison stayed silent. Ghoul sighed. "God. Gee. I love you so much. I wish I could fix this. I wish I could help you."

"You are helping." Finally, Poison raised his head. "I love you too. And I will… I will get better. I know you want a good boyfriend, I know the you all want a good leader.""You are all of those things." Ghoul interrupted. "And so much more. You're a great leader, and a perfect boyfriend. How many times, Gee? I don't _care_ about waiting, I just want _you_." Poison didn't reply.

"You'll see it eventually Gee." Ghoul promised. And at that, finally, Poison nodded.

Ghoul kissed him once more, glad to have Poison kiss back, not quite passionately, but lovingly.

Small steps… But they'd get there.

##~3 months later~##

Rave spun around, catching the Drac off guard, knocking it down. Gun to it's head and Rave finished it off quickly.

She looked around, checking for any more, checking to see if the others were okay.

As it always did, her heart skipped when she saw the flash of red hair.

She knew it wasn't him. Though she dreaded the day when that would finally drive home for her.

"Rave." The voice beside her jolted her out of her memories, bringing her squarely back to the present.

She turned her head and smiled at the Killjoy beside her. A tall, oddly pale boy, with bright blue eyes and hair dyed to match, who went by the name Lightning Trick. He was frowning at her, concerned. "You know you're gonna have to stop getting involved with the fights soon."

Rave rolled her eyes. "Yeah yeah Trick. I will.""I mean it!" Trick insisted. "You're being too careless as it is." Then, lowering his eyes, Trick reached out his hand, tentative, as always, and laid it on Rave's stomach. "Can't go risking the little one." Rave smiled. "I know. He's too precious.""He?" "I know it's a boy. I can just… Feel it." Rave explained, with a small smile. "Gonna be a survivor though, this one. Like his dad."

Then Trick let his hand drop. "Are you ever gonna tell us who the father is, Rave? I know the others are curious, and I know I sure as hell am." Rave just smiled. She didn't want to say, not yet. It was almost as if, though she wanted to tell people, she felt like if she told anyone, it would all just disappear, all be a dream.

Lightning Trick rolled his eyes, he was used to this answer by now, but it didn't stop him asking.

Later that night, when everyone else was asleep, Rave sat awake, hands once again resting on her stomach.

It'd been a miracle, without doubt. They had been sure she could never become pregnant, but, somehow, here it was. She guessed there was some explanation behind it, but it wasn't one she understood, or that she even really cared about.

Rave wished she'd known before she'd left _her _Killjoys, but then, would it really have changed her mind?

She did feel bad though, this baby was going to grow up without his father, but would it really have been any easier if she'd stayed with the others, the way things were now?

One thing Rave did hope though, was that one day he'd get to meet his father.

She had every intention for that to happen.

One day.

####

One thing that had certainly not become any easier, were the nightmares that plagued Party Poison.

He'd been bad before, but since Saint Jimmy… He'd got worse.

Often, when they got to a new safe house, Ghoul would check out the rooms first, and, if possible, find a room for just him and Poison, so as not to disrupt the other two.

Ghoul had pretty much got in the habit of sleeping lightly, so that when Poison needed him or woke him, he didn't have to drag himself out of a deep sleep.

And Poison needed him, a lot. He'd often wake up screaming or crying, or both.

Though of course it was worse when he was crying while still asleep, always sounding choked and panicked, like he was stuck. Sometimes Ghoul could hear him talking in his sleep. Not really talking clearly, but that kind of sleep talking. He had a feeling he should be grateful he couldn't understand.

As a result of all this, Poison tended to stay in bed late, he seemed to sleep more peacefully in the daytime.

He was only just coming to when he heard the knocking on the door. At first he thought it was the bedroom door, and was about to call out a sarcastic comment when he realised it wasn't his door that'd been knocked on. It was the main door.

That… Wasn't normal.

He dragged himself out of bed, retrieving his gun from under it.

He found Fun Ghoul hurrying down the corridor to him, he looked surprised to see Poison up, but relieved.

"Poison, there's-""Oh my fucking _God_!" Ghoul was interrupted by an overly excited exclamation coming from the doorway. Both Killjoys looked in that direction, seeing Jet Star holding the door open as a scrawny, fair haired Killjoy stepped inside. There was a huge smile on his face and his wide eyes were staring straight at Party Poison.

"Holy shit, it's really fucking you!" Then the boy frowned. "What happened to your hair?"Poison _still_ hadn't dyed his hair back to it's red, and it was currently growing out, dark roots showing. His hand went to it, pushing back the longish strands nervously.

The unfamiliar Killjoy didn't dwell on the point long though. He was now looking around at each of the other Killjoys, that smile back in place again, eyes still full of wonder.

"Well. Fuck. Looks like I finally came to the right place."

"Depends on what you were hoping to find." Poison said, darkly.

"The Killjoys, of course!" The boy said, grinning, apparently unaware of the looks he was getting from all of them. "Fuck, you guys are fucking hard to keep up with, you know?" He laughed.

"And just why were you trying to find us?" Fun Ghoul asked, he stepped closer to Poison, an automatic impulse, protective.

The boy shrugged. "What else is a lone Killjoy to do?" He said. Then, with the sign of faltering creeping in, he continued, "And… I heard. I heard someone hooked up with you guys… I might be wrong, but… I've been looking for him a long time and I hoped-""Who were you looking for?" Kobra Kid asked, though everyone knew already.

"Saint Jimmy." The tension in the room suddenly crept up a notch. Party Poison immediately backed away, his hands clenching, he could feel the colour drain from his face.

He felt a hand reach for one of his, felt his fingers being uncurled, letting the other persons fingers lace with his, a tight squeeze. Fun Ghoul pulled him forward again, leaned in slightly to whisper, "You're okay. It's okay." Poison nodded, though not convinced.

The boy had obviously noticed the tension go up too, as he looked around the room, taking in the reactions of each of the Killjoys. "Oh. Yeah." He said, nodding. "Jimmy's been here alright."

"Who the fuck are you?" Poison demanded.

At that the boy smiled again, and walked toward Party Poison. "Well. Some call me Idiot Son, some call me Suburban Jesus, but I kinda like to go by my real name these days so…" He stuck out this hand to Poison then, "My name's Johnny. Pleased to meet you."

####

The cells at Better Living weren't really that bad at all.

Yes, they were blank, white, sterile. But at least that meant they were clean. And also fairly comfortable. More often than not, these cells were used purely as holding bays while Better Living figured out what to do with the captives.

Most of those in there truly believed they were getting out at some point. Or perhaps they had to make themselves believe that.

There was, however, at the very end of the long, white corridor, a door unlike the others. The others had thick clear plastic, so the inmates could be seen, but this one at the end was just pure white. There was a slot in the door for food to be passed through, but it wasn't enough for someone to see in.

The other inmates weren't even sure anyone was there, except for the fact that everyday food _did _get pushed through.

There was someone in there.

He'd been brought in, in the middle of the night, while the lights were off and black replaced the usual white.

Korse had been true to his word.

"_You will die alone, in the dark, and no one will notice."_

Only problem was.

Saint Jimmy had no intention of dying.

He sat in the corner of the room, staring at the door. He wasn't really trying to think of a way to escape, not just now anyway, he knew he'd figure something out.

Right now he was a lot more lost in the thoughts of what he was going to do once he got out.

He twirled the beads in his hand, grinding them together just slightly, he didn't want to break them, they contained such memories.

Jimmy closed his eyes and thought back to the night he'd got them.

He thought of Party Poison, struggling beneath him.

Oh him complying, letting Jimmy have his way.

Jimmy drew in a harsh, but happy breath and he remembered how good he'd felt.

Then he thought of seeing the once great leader, still and silent, half naked, bloodied by the forcefulness (and, if he wanted to falter himself, which he did, size) of Saint Jimmy.

While unwinding the wire he'd used to bind the Killjoy, Jimmy hadn't been able to help himself from taking an extra prize. He'd slipped off the wooden beaded bracelet around Party Poison's wrist, and stuffed it in his pocket.

Then everything had gone so wrong.

He stopped then. Clutched the beads tightly, then slipped them back on his own wrist.

And, though no one was there to see it, Saint Jimmy grinned. And went back to thoughts of what he was going to do once he got out.

He had no intentions of dying.

He hoped the Killjoys didn't either.


End file.
